Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls (14 page)

But guess what's never actually disappeared from real life, no matter how much we try? Wrinkles. As Jade said to me, “We're erasing signs of having lived. These things just . . . say that we've had a massive experience called life!”

Our race toward thin often overlaps with our need for youth, and because of this, older bodies are purposefully hidden away while younger ones take their place. We try to escape the inevitable—outrun death—and in doing so we play right into the advertisers' dreams. I can hear them now:
What can't be stopped by anyone in the entire world even with all of our brilliant technology? I know! GETTING OLDER! Let
'
s tell them that they need to always stay young in order to be okay!

As Naomi Wolf notes, when there is speculation that Elizabeth Hurley was fired as Estee Lauder's spokesperson because supposedly “the world” believed that her thirty-six-year-old body was
too
old . . . well, you do have to wonder how fucked our standard for aging really is.
⁷

The issue with this is not only does it fuck with the minds of those grappling with aging, but it also diminishes the importance of those who have aged already. Where are our older women? Over 108 billion people have lived and aged on this earth, and every single person alive eventually fits into this category, yet we don't seem to see any of them represented in the media.
⁸
I used to think that the reason we didn't see older bodies was because they had already caught on to the bullshit we younger generations believe and had transcended body image issues. But I was wrong.

Here's the thing. A large percentage of older women are not only dissatisfied with their size (same as most of us), but they are also not okay with other effects of aging. They're having a hard time in general, goddamnit. And the women who ARE okay with their size (a measly 12 percent) still have aging to deal with.
⁹
Things don't get better in the body image world as we get older.

So here's what we need to do: We need to give visibility to older bodies. Period. We need to remove them from the shadows and give them a voice in this world where they are also struggling with being erased. Me, I want more wrinkles, damn it. More of every sign of aging. Weight is not a determinant of beauty, and neither is age.

Non-hourglass fat people.
I'm not sure if you've noticed (I'm pretty sure you've noticed), but ever since we as a culture have started to include plus models in our fashion spreads and pictures, they've only come in one shape: the sort of shape that has a waistline
considerably
smaller than the bust and hips. It's everywhere, and it's the
only representation
of a larger body that is deemed acceptable in our mainstream advertising. It's SO important, apparently, that models with not “enough” of an hourglass figure are padded underneath their clothes and then waists are nipped and tucked, rolls are eliminated, and all kinds of other digital voodoo happens to make sure we never see any other version than the “coke bottle figure.” ANY perpetuation of one universal body standard ain't good for us, this one included.

BUT, in the same breath, I'm also gonna acknowledge that including the hourglass figure in the media is much-needed progress. There was a time when showing
any
larger shape was unheard of. But I think it's time to be realistic about how
unrealistic
and fabricated this hourglass standard is and think about what it will take to normalize all fat body shapes.

I love what Charing Ball has to say in her article on
Madame Noire
, “More Than the Coke Bottle Look: Why Plus Size Isn't as Diverse as It Should Be”:

The term “plus size” [in fashion] doesn't seek to counteract the idealized waif image by showing beauty in all shapes and sizes, but rather, reinforces the notion that beauty has its limits.
And more often than not, it tends to create new ways in which women and girls can learn to feel bad about themselves. While
seeing bigger women is an improvement and empowering in itself, if all we are really seeing is bigger versions of the same image we've been force-fed since we were kids, all we are really doing is trading in one oppression for another.
¹⁰

A perfect example of this: In 2010,
V
Magazine published a spread called “One Size Fits ALL” showing two models—one straight-sized and one plus-sized—dressed in the exact same outfit. But the two models' hourglass proportions are identical: If you didn't give it a long hard look, you might think the magazine simply enlarged the first model's photo to take up more space. So while we're starting to see value in unconventional bodies, there is still one “right” way for those bodies to look. Our “junk” must appropriately bookend our midsections, or else it's wrong. More progress, plz.

When I participated in a consumer study for a fashion company recently, I and the other plus women—all advocates for inclusive body acceptance—at the table were handed “flash cards,” each of which featured an image of a large-bodied woman, and were asked to sort them in order of consumer acceptability. It turned out that, as a group, we rated as the most “acceptable” those women's bodies who were merely larger versions of the bodies of traditional models. The least “acceptable” types leaned toward the square- and apple-shaped silhouettes. Our ratings had nothing to do with style, hair color, tattoos, or confidence, but rather how much each body fit the ideal of the “perfect hourglass woman.” It just goes to show that even those of us who are working to change things have been trained to think this way.

It's unfortunate, not only because of the general perpetuation of unfair standards, but also because it creates a form of privilege among those who
do
have this body type. While I personally deal with an extraordinary amount of backlash due to my fat body, I am fully aware that I also receive more positive attention than those who may not have an hourglass figure do. I'm NOT padded and digitally cinched, but because I align (ever so slightly, mind you) with the industry standard,
I can't help but notice that other advocates who
don't
align have a disparaging following that is much, MUCH larger.

I mean, look at the cover of this book, for example. While she's an illustration, she has a hardcore hourglass shape and that image was chosen by the design team because they knew readers would feel more comfortable picking up a book with this type of silhouette on it. And YEAH! It's
really
important for people to pick up the book; I wouldn't have taken the time to write the damn thing if it wasn't! But let's just acknowledge that this is a perfect example of how we are still only comfortable with one version of fat.

I hope that soon we will be barraged with not just hourglass-shaped plus bodies, but also square-shaped plus bodies, and apple-shaped plus bodies, pizza-shaped plus bodies, Frisbee-shaped bodies, and Lumpy Space Princess–shaped plus bodies.

For the record, I think it's amazing that this book, title, and cover has even gone to print. And y'know what? This beautiful woman
does exist
somewhere and I'm honored she's gracing the front of this handbook you're holding. Things like this remind me that we're definitely seeing more body positive exploration in our media nowadays and this is fucking great. YAY WORLD! But the real talk is: The concept of embracing
all
body types (non-hourglass fat ones too!) is still in its infant stages.

It's my hope that our narrow-minded society quickly acclimates to seeing larger bodies, so that we are able to successfully integrate ALL shapes and sizes.

I hope that soon we will be barraged with not just hourglass-shaped plus bodies, but also square-shaped plus bodies, and apple-shaped plus bodies, pizza-shaped plus bodies, Frisbee-shaped bodies, and Lumpy Space Princess–shaped plus bodies and . . . I've forgotten where I was going with this.

I wanna see ALL the kinds of fat bodies represented sooner rather than later, please. Not just nipped, tucked, altered to be more “slender in the middle” fat bodies. THAT's where I was going with that!

Truth time: We don't see enough cellulite, stretch marks, wrinkles, racial diversity, or non-hourglass fat bodies represented . . . well, anywhere. They've been clone stamped, softened, and erased from our images, but there's good news. There's a place where it all stops, and that's with you. And me. And anyone else who's interested in filling the Internet with un-photoshopped images of themselves. If you have any (or all) of those five things (or anything else on the list that goes unrepresented), TAKE A SELFIE and create a space online where your body exists.
We can change the photoshop culture with our phones, y'all.
Just by taking images of real life and sharing them with the world. If you're not feeling publicly brazen yet, you can try taking selfies just for yourself as a way of exploring your own story and relationship with your body.

You
don't
necessarily need to start out by taking pictures of your dimply ass and posting them on Instagram (but if you do, make sure you tag #BootyRevolution so Meghan Tonjes and I can see your contribution to the beautiful online butt collection); you can start out by taking a traditional selfie. This first step could be the catalyst for many more self-portrait revelations in your future.

I've compiled six tips for taking selfies that have nothing to do with making you look “better,” but rather serve as starting points that will allow you to take whatever kind of image you desire.

Six Tips for Taking Selfies

1. Start gently.
Guyz. You don't need to jump straight into nude, full-body waters. If you're hesitant about capturing yourself in the first place, try using the mirror in a bathroom or somewhere else that feels private and safe.

Take selfies
however you want to take them.
From way up high, or down low . . . there is no wrong way to take a selfie. Whatever it takes to make you feel good! Do your duck lips, do your poses, do whatever makes you feel best.

When photographers take photos of people, they all know that
a moving subject can look different in every frame. But that doesn't make one image more “truthful” than others. Take pictures of yourself however you want. They're all you.

After becoming comfortable with this, Vivienne suggests attempting to show your hands or feet in the photo. Sounds too simplistic? Then go for broke and get your whole self in there. It's what works for Vivienne: “The most transformative kind of selfie, the one that feels transformative for me, is one where your entire body is in the photo. Because then we do get to see ourselves as a whole.”

My personal experience is that with every full-body shot I capture, I sink a teeny bit further into complete and total body love. It's gradual, but effective.

2. Tell a story.
Our photos give us the opportunity to tell the story of us. Photos can be a literal, visual representation of our body, sure, but they are also a way for us to share a little bit about who we are. Think about taking up physical space and how it can reveal something about yourself. Or choose something to wear that says something about you that others may not know. Notice how the moments when you break into laughter can bring intimacy to your photos. There's a lot your photos can say.