The Well-Spoken Woman (8 page)

Stone road-tripped across the country, often on horseback or in a horse-drawn buggy through snow and mud, to encounter skeptical crowds and sketchy lodgings. With her unrelenting will and remarkable talents, she broadened the public discourse in this country. Stone never lived to cast a ballot, but she ensured that her daughter, Alice, and succeeding generations of women would enjoy the rights of citizenship.

Myth 2: All Amazons Are Tall

If César Chávez was the hero of the farm workers' movement, then Dolores Huerta is its “unheralded heroine.” Together, Huerta and Chávez founded the National Farm Workers Association (now the United Farm
Workers of America) to fight on behalf of migrant workers. Huerta's five-foot-two-inch frame packs a powerful punch. Known as
la Pasionaria
, “the passionate one,” for her toughness and outspoken personality, she has won major victories on behalf of thousands of poor working families. Over six decades, this woman warrior has brought hope with the enduring social justice refrain “Si, se puede!” or “Yes, it can be done!”

In 1988, Huerta, the mother of eleven, suffered a vicious beating at the hands of San Francisco police officers while leading a peaceful protest. Huerta was hospitalized after sustaining life-threatening injuries, and doctors operated to remove her spleen. Speaking about the dangerous nature of her organizing efforts, Huerta said: “When you choose the path of the warrior, you can get beaten or shot at or even killed—that comes with the work.”
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Myth 3: Just Another Pretty Face

What would you do if someone surreptitiously taped you through a peephole while you dressed in your hotel room and then uploaded the video to the Internet? How would you handle the mortification of such an extreme invasion of privacy? Would you show your face in public? ESPN-TV sportscaster Erin Andrews was one of the victims of a creepy voyeur who was jailed for his crimes. Determined not to let a slimebag silence her, within months Andrews was back on the job, covering college football games and speaking out about the assault.

Andrews shared the difficulties she encountered as she worked to get her life back. “I need to find my smile again…. I had the wind knocked out of my sails. I didn't get a choice about it at all.” Andrews knows her appearance is a double-edged sword. “I'm a person that kind of overprepares just because I know the stereotypes out there for someone like me; I know the stereotypes for women.”
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For every woman who has been judged on looks alone, Andrews's fighting spirit is a testament to never let them get you down. She refused to allow her TV career to be derailed by a malicious act that was beyond her control. Her willingness to talk about the incident is helping people understand the seriousness of a crime that affects primarily women.

Myth 4: She's Just a Girl

The declaration by an American president that the Soviet Union was an “evil empire” caused a schoolgirl in Maine to worry that a nuclear war would “wreck the Earth and destroy the atmosphere.” Another war seemed “so dumb” to Samantha Smith that she decided to send this letter to Soviet president Yuri Andropov.

Dear Mr. Andropov,

My name is Samantha Smith. I am ten years old. Congratulations on your new job. I have been worrying about Russia and the United States getting into a nuclear war. Are you going to vote to have a war or not? If you aren't please tell me how you are going to help to not have a war. This question you do not have to answer, but I would like to know why you want to conquer the world or at least our country. God made the world for us to live together in peace and not to fight.

Sincerely,

Samantha Smith
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President Andropov responded personally with an invitation for Smith and her family to visit Moscow. When the press arrived, Smith, a girl who was too shy to try out for a school play, demonstrated poise beyond her years. Soon she was known as “America's youngest ambassador,” and she made many public appearances, including giving a speech at a children's symposium in Japan. At the event she proposed an “international grand-daughter exchange” so the children of world leaders could spend time with the families of leaders in other countries.

Today a bronze statue of Smith honors her as an international symbol for peace near the Maine State Museum in Augusta. In 1985, three years after she wrote the letter, Smith and her father were killed in an airplane crash. They were returning home after filming a television program.

Myth 5: A Woman's Voice Should Be Soft and Low

Shirley Chisholm declared herself to be “unbought and unbossed” when she became the first African American woman elected to the US Congress.
During the turbulent 1960s, Chisholm never, ever hesitated to speak her mind. She opposed the Vietnam War; fought for women, minorities, and the poor; and ruffled the political establishment's feathers. With deep, heartfelt conviction, she entered the presidential campaign in 1972 confident in her ability to lead the country in a new direction. Her entry into the race was again history in the making. A revolutionary spirit and true patriot, Chisholm was the first African American to compete in a presidential primary, forty years before Barack Obama.

This excerpt from her announcement speech reflects her lifelong crusade on behalf of others:

I stand before you today as a candidate for the Democratic nomination for the presidency of the United States. I am not the candidate of Black America, although I am Black and proud. I am not the candidate of the women's movement of this country, although I am a woman, and I am equally proud of that. I am not the candidate of any political bosses or special interests. I am the candidate of the people.
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Myth 6: A Woman's Place Is in the House

The above statement is true when she holds the title Speaker of the House. In 2007, Representative Nancy Pelosi became one of the most powerful women in the world when she was elected the first woman Speaker of the US House of Representatives. The Speaker is second in the line of presidential succession after the vice president. Not too shabby for a mother of five and grandmother of six.

Three years after picking up the speaker's gavel, Pelosi delivered on a promise that was forty years in the making. Her steady hand guided the passage of historic healthcare legislation. According to the
Washington Post
, Pelosi transformed herself from someone who was known as a millionaire, West Coast liberal in Armani suits into a towering figure who rules the House with an iron fist. Pelosi says there is a lot at stake: “You're in the arena. And, when you're in the arena, you know that someone's going to throw a punch. And, if you decide to throw a punch, you'd better be ready to take one, too.”
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Myth 7: Tokenism Ensures Silence

Brooksley Born had something to say to the financial bigwigs in charge of US monetary policy, but none of them would listen. In 1996, Born was running the Commodity Futures Trading Commission when she proposed regulating the derivative markets that would contribute to upheaval in the markets a decade later. As the only senior woman in the room, she was isolated and ignored by Federal Reserve chair Alan Greenspan, Securities and Exchange commissioner Arthur Levitt, Treasury secretary Robert Rubin, and his deputy Larry Summers (the same Summers who was ousted from the presidency at Harvard University in part for declaring that women can't compete with men in math and science). The
Wall Street Journal
summed up the situation: “The nation's top financial regulators wish Brooksley Born would just shut up.”
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In 2009, the John F. Kennedy Profile in Courage award was presented to Born for her attempts to sound the alarm that could have helped fore-stall economic crisis. If action had been taken on her accurate predictions, thousands may have well been spared monetary ruin. Accepting the honor, Born spoke out again against what Warren Buffett has dubbed “financial weapons of mass destruction.”
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Though vindicated, she is far from satisfied and refuses to remain silent as long as the problems remain unfixed.

STANDING OVATION POINT: WELL-SPOKEN
WOMEN SHOW THEIR TRUE COLORS

Indra Nooyi says she dutifully attempts to follow her mother's advice “to be an Indian woman first.” By being herself, taking risks, and learning from mistakes, Nooyi has earned respect and admiration as the leader of a successful multinational corporation. One gets the sense from Nooyi that she enjoys brandishing her dragon-slaying sword. When she hears complaints that her agenda sounds “so woman,” her response is “That's me running the company so live with it.”
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Allow your inner warrior princess to shine, and the dread of speaking in public speaking can be turned into anticipation for an opportunity. Getting
a handle on anxiety with proactive practices and habits allows you to quash feelings of inadequacy. With practice, the scary nervousness will become a fun nervousness—the kind of nervousness that gives you the energy to deliver your best self, the energy that drives a well-spoken woman's Power Persona.

 

You know, I think, really, um, this is sort of a unique moment, both in our, you know, in our country's history and in, you know, my own life, and, um, you know, we are facing, you know, unbelievable challenges.

—Senate candidate Caroline Kennedy, December 2008

 

 

D
id a vocal tic hinder Caroline Kennedy's efforts to become a US senator? Is it possible that the repeated use of the phrase “you know”contributed to the derailment of her bid to fill the seat that was once held by her uncle Robert F. Kennedy? Did the sloppiness of her sound drown out her ability to communicate the passion she would have brought to the job? At a minimum, the “you knows” were vocal chatter that inhibited her ability to express her desire to serve and caused her to appear uncertain. This chapter is a wake-up call about the enormous impact your voice has on the overall impression you make. Did you ever wonder if some aspect of how you sound is holding you back from the job, promotion, or recognition you seek?

The genesis of Kennedy's saga was an interview conducted by the New
York Times
. The entire interview transcript was released verbatim online, and that's when the “you know” count began to pile up. Subsequently, Kennedy made appearances where she seemed unable to articulate a complete thought without saying “you know.” Soon, the “you knows” went viral, becoming fodder for late-night comedians and mocking videos.

Months later, Kennedy referenced what she called her “adventures in public speaking”
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at the memorial service for her uncle, Senator Ted Kennedy. Caroline said it was Uncle Teddy who had often called with his
notion of a great idea: “How would she like to introduce him at a political event?” She said those introductions were kind of a part-time job that was “unbelievably stressful.” Given the stress she experienced, Caroline would have been well advised to have assessed her speaking style before seeking a high-profile position. Had the campaign team taken the time to rehearse and review practice tapes, the vocal tic would surely have been identified. Who knows what the outcome would have been had she been better prepared?

Kennedy is not the first woman to have the quality of her voice be judged so harshly. The female voice has long been deemed inferior to that of a male's. A high pitch can grate. And, outspoken women have been ridiculed or silenced for stepping out of traditional roles. In colonial America, women were publicly punished for talking too much and talking too loudly. Scolds and nags were bound to a dunking stool and submerged in tanks of water in the village square. A loquacious woman could choose between silence and drowning: “If she repentantly promised to control her speech, the dunkings would cease.”
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In 1847, Lucy Stone was one of the first women to earn a bachelor's degree and the near-unanimous choice of her classmates to give the commencement address. But the administration at Oberlin College would not permit her to deliver it “as it was deemed a breach of propriety to have young men and women together on the speakers' platform.”
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As a compromise, college officials said she could write the speech but not give it. Stone refused.

Even women in positions of authority cannot be certain that they will be allowed to be heard. Senator Kirsten Gillibrand was cut off before she had finished introducing Sonia Sotomayer at the Supreme Court nominee's confirmation hearings.
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The New York senator was extolling the virtues of her sister New Yorker and ran long, as had some of her male colleagues. Yet she was the only senator to get the gavel from the committee chair. Gillibrand, who had been appointed to the seat Caroline Kennedy had sought, has also been criticized for how she sounds. Early in her tenure, critics tried to dismiss her as a blonde with a “baby doll voice” and a “tendency to ramble.”
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As you rise up the ladder, expect that every aspect of your speaking persona will face more intense scrutiny.

BUILDING VOCAL GRAVITAS

Many presenters who agonize over what they are going to say and how they look don't pay enough attention to the quality of their voice. They will endlessly futz with PowerPoint® slides and worry about their outfit without giving a thought to how they sound. Speakers who don't maximize their vocal potential will not realize their full effectiveness. The size of your voice can add more to your stature than any pair of high-heeled designer shoes. There is no need for the Jimmy Choos once you know how to use your voice to heighten your presence. Of all the delivery techniques, the voice is the most underused and overlooked tool. Let's repeat: “The voice is the most underused and overlooked tool.”

What does your voice project? Is the tone warm and confident? Or could it etch glass? Julia Child was as well-known for her distinctive trill as for her French cooking. The voice is more likely to be a weak link for women than it is for men, but not because we have a genetic tendency to mumble or say “you know.” Female vocal cords are generally shorter than male cords. As a result, a woman's voice tends to be thinner, higher pitched, or more breathy. Traditionally, the deep, low tones of a baritone are preferred over the soprano. It was Shakespeare who wrote of King Lear's daughter Cordelia: “Her voice was ever soft, gentle and low; an excellent thing in woman.”

ELIMINATE THE HOWLS, HOOTS, AND HISSES

Maximizing your vocal potential starts with the recognition that the voice is an instrument that can be misused. “Howls, hoots, and hisses” limit effectiveness because the audience tunes the speaker out. These gaffes detract from vocal power because they put attention on how the speaker sounds instead of on what is being said. The “you knows” lead the list of worst vocal meltdowns.

• Filler noise:
  Phrases like “you know” and words like “um” and “ahh” are extraneous noise filling what should be silence. Conjunctions like “so” and “and” can also be mindlessly repeated. Listeners will tolerate the filler sounds up to a point. One or two per minute will likely go unnoticed, but more than six or seven will distract the audience. Pausing is the corrective measure. Record yourself practicing aloud, then play back and listen for if, and when, you use superfluous words or sounds. Is it at the beginning of a sentence, the end, or midsentence? Identifying when you add unneeded noise will help you stop.
  
• “One-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three, and so on”:
  A repetitive dance pattern can help you learn a new dance step. A repetitive speech pattern means you are stuck in a vocal rut. Does your voice lose volume at the end of sentences? Are all your sentences the same length—either too choppy or too long? Do you drone on at one monotonous pace? Audiences soon notice these patterns and begin to anticipate the next tic rather than focusing on content.
  
• “I pledge allegiance to the flag…”:
  Memorization is a recipe for disaster. Memorizing an entire presentation word for word increases the likelihood that you will project like a second grader reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. Rote memorization sucks the life blood out of subject matter, leaving the delivery robotic and indifferent. If you focus too much energy on getting the right words in the right order, the words will lose their meaning.
  
• The girly-girl:
  A grown woman who speaks with the voice of an eight-year-old is communicating “Don't expect too much from me” or “Don't hurt me.” Princess Diana's high, thin voice contributed to the mystique surrounding her fairy-tale royal wedding. Later, when she served as an international ambassador for the anti-landmine campaign, the girlishness was gone. It had been replaced with a voice that sounded steady and was reassuring to those who had been affected by the deadly weapons of war.
  
• “Please pass a tissue”:
  A nasal voice makes the speaker sound as though she is suffering from a permanent head cold. Nasality is due to a lack of resonance in the chest. When breathing is centered in the nose, the air resonates in the nasal cavity. The nasal quality is often exacerbated by nervous tension, especially in the jaw and tongue. Unclench the jaw and avoid pushing your tongue against the roof of your mouth. Instead, open up the voice by yawning and feel your throat muscles widen and relax.
  
• “Fu-gge-tt about it”:
  A regional accent can spice up a presentation style and reveal something about the speaker. Most people enjoy the distinctive flavorings of Boston, Brooklyn, New Delhi, or Paris. However, some regional sounds may be disconcerting if they over-power your style by conjuring up negative stereotypes, such as all New Yorkers are rude, Southerners slow, and Brits pompous. A strong accent may also be more difficult to understand. If your accent is pronounced, consult a professional voice coach to gain tips on diction, pronunciation, and pacing.
  
• Inappropriate giggles and titters:
  Lisa Loopner and her geeky friend Todd of
  Saturday Night Live
  fame were two social misfits with a plethora of grating habits. The character Lisa, played by the brilliant comedian Gilda Radner, would emit a snorting laugh anytime she was embarrassed. Todd's junior-high antics, particularly his “noogies,” were certain to set it off. Lisa's laugh was a hilarious reminder of how awkward it was to be a geeky teen, but laughter can be too much of a good thing when a speaker repeatedly uses it as punctuation at the end of sentences. A repetitive giggle for no reason signals discomfort and anxiety. It is another variation of extraneous noise used to fill what should be a pause.
  

THE THREE Vs OF COMMUNICATION

The voice is one of three components that enable a presenter to connect with an audience. Well-spoken women use all of the three Vs of communication: vocal, visual, and verbal.
Vocal
refers to the quality of sound.
Visual
includes what the audience sees: eye contact, body language, visual aids, and appearance and attire.
Verbal
is the content of the message, that is, what is said.

Most people believe the verbal component is the one audiences
remember best. That is not the case. More impact is created with the vocal and visual elements. Psychologist Albert Mehrabian studied the way in which audiences zero in on how something is said. His classic research is known as the 7-38-55 percent rule. According to Mehrabian, the audience's initial impression of the speaker is drawn most prominently from what they hear and see rather than from the words used. Just 7 percent of the initial impact comes from the content. The voice is much more powerful, accounting for 38 percent of the audience's reaction. Visual information is strongest at 55 percent.
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Audience members listen to the timbre of the voice and watch body language to form an impression. In fact, the audience can be so preoccupied with nonverbal messages that, while they do “hear” the words, they rely on tone and actions to interpret what is being said. Mehrabian wrote: “Our silent messages may contradict what we say in words; in either event, they are more potent in communication than the words we speak,” and “others weigh our actions more than our words as they try to understand what we feel.”
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Enunciate Your Intention

Audiences interpret what is said according to how it is said and how it sounds. The voice is capable of providing many clues regarding a presenter's feelings about a topic. The way you choose to stress words or inflect your voice can change the meaning of a sentence. Raising your pitch at the end of a sentence makes it sound like a question. Increasing volume and slowing the pace can communicate anger. Here is a simple
exercise to illustrate the point. Try this yourself: it's easy and just takes a minute. Read the following sentence out loud:

“I didn't say she stole my purse.”

Good, now repeat the sentence seven times out loud. Each time, emphasize a different word in the sentence. So, read it again and stress the word “I.” Then read it stressing the word “didn't.”

“I
didn't say she stole my purse.”

“I
didn't
say she stole my purse.”

Do you notice how the meaning of the sentence changes depending on which word is emphasized? When “I” is stressed, you communicate that you didn't accuse her, but someone else may have. When “didn't” is stressed, you convey the point that you never raised the allegation.