The Well-Spoken Woman (28 page)

Troublemakers fall into two general categories: aggressive and passive. The aggressive ones disrupt proceedings with outbursts, banners, and other visual or noise distractions. These tactics are often deployed at open hearings, town hall meetings, and rallies. Passive troublemakers can show up anywhere, and some may work in your office. They are not as demonstrative as the aggressive ones, but their tactics can get under your skin, so they must be handled with care.

Aggressive Troublemakers

Let's discuss the aggressive troublemakers first.

The Challenger

This individual attempts to control the room and pointedly disagrees by saying, “Yes, but”…. Challengers love to put on a display of verbal tug-of war by engaging the presenter in a public debate. If you anticipate challengers in the group, head them off at the pass. Start by explaining that new information will be introduced and ask everyone to listen with an open mind, holding comments until the end. Another tactic to defuse the challenger is to agree with the emotion she expresses but not necessarily with the point she is trying to make.

Mask any frustration or resentment with a neutral facial expression. Hear out the challenger by allowing him to share his wisdom or grievance. Don't engage in a power struggle. As you listen, maintain steady eye contact and, once he has finished, say, “It looks like we have a different opinion on this. Why don't we discuss it in more detail after the meeting? Now let's move on to the other items on the agenda.” Usually, the challenger will not take the time to meet. If he does, it is easier to deal with him one-on-one.

Interrupter

A subspecies of the challenger is the interrupter who cuts off the presenter and others. She may not intend to be rude but may lack basic manners or be overly excited about sharing an idea. With the interrupter, immediately call her out on her behavior by saying, “Mary, let's allow John to finish his point.” Once you've done this a few times, she usually gets the message. Other polite ways to tell an interrupter to shut up: “Please, just a moment, I haven't finished my thought,” “Kindly hold your comments until the end of the presentation, and I'll be happy to take questions then,” and “These interruptions are distracting us from the subject at hand.”

The Heckler

At a campaign rally, Hillary Clinton encountered two hecklers with signs who taunted, “Iron my shirt.” Clinton was quick with a response that received supportive applause: “Ah, the remnants of sexism—alive and well.” But the young men persisted until another woman in the audience yelled, “Go iron your own shirt!” At that point, the crowd's reaction reached a crescendo, and the troublemakers were escorted away. A sexist heckler's sole aim may be to embarrass you, so keep your anger in check. If you overreact, you risk alienating the audience. With a lone heckler, try ignoring the outburst and allowing group dynamics to take over. As with the Clinton rally, others were offended and rose to her defense. When the heckler realizes he is outnumbered, he will usually pipe down.

Nearly all women have faced slights and degrading public comments, sometimes lobbed from unseen assailants. How to react can be an agonizing decision when you are on display. Should you get angry, ignore it, or good-naturedly brush it off? Usually your gut instinct is the best barometer of whether or not you should let it slide. Roxanne Rivera runs the Associated Builders and Contractors of New Mexico, and she says trial and error taught her how to be a successful woman in the construction business. Joking is part of what happens with a work crew, but she doesn't indulge crude behavior and nips it in the bud with “That is unacceptable.”
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When she was chief of staff to a US senator, EMILY'S List president
Stephanie Schriock says every week, she would enter staff meetings that felt more like locker rooms. The guys would go on about how they liked women in high heels and their preference for blondes or brunettes. Ever the pragmatist, Schriock made a decision about whether to join in as one of the guys or get offended based on what she needed to get done.
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Planned Demonstration

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was invited to appear before what should have been a friendly gathering. But the San Francisco lawmaker was just a couple of minutes into her remarks at a Campaign for America's Future event when disability activists in wheelchairs started to scream: “Our homes, not nursing homes.” On cue, others in the crowd unfurled banners, and bodyguards had to circle the podium from which Pelosi was speaking. Organizers of the event tried to shepherd Pelosi offstage until they could quiet the crowd, but she was determined to finish. For the next half hour, while the demonstrators yelled themselves hoarse, Pelosi kept on talking, seemingly unfazed by the ruckus. She even joked: “Listen, I'm used to noise. I speak to the Democratic caucus every single day.”
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While the experience was excruciating, Pelosi didn't have much of an alternative. If she had stopped, then the protesters would have won a small victory. When outnumbered, you still have the microphone and likely can talk over the hecklers. In a large room with a large crowd, keep going, as many people may not be aware that a disturbance is taking place because they may not see or hear it. At large-scale events, security must be planned in advance and carried out in conjunction with the event organizers.

Passive Troublemakers

Passive troublemakers exhibit many of the symptoms of the passive/ aggressive personality type. They appear to be part of the group and seem to be going along, but in reality they are passively resisting. The behavior often comes off as childish but must be managed so they are not allowed to sabotage the presentation. Passive troublemakers talk too much or not at all, speak too loudly and out of turn, blame others, and criticize suggestions.

The Silent Type

Silent troublemakers sit in the back of the room. They may fiddle with papers or electronics. Their body language can be disquieting, as they may appear to be ignoring the presenter or silently disagreeing by shaking their head, rolling their eyes, crossing and uncrossing arms, and so on. It is unclear how they are processing the information being presented. Some may be shy, unassertive, and easily intimidated. They may have difficulty interacting with someone in power and may be trying to avoid being called upon. Others may be preoccupied with something else in their life.

Unfortunately, not much can be done about silent types, and it is usually best to ignore the behavior since it doesn't have much impact on others. Don't waste too much energy on these people, but you can try calling on them by name in a friendly manner. Ask an open-ended question and offer encouragement. You may want to engage them one-on-one during a break or once the talk is completed.

Chatty Cathys

Chatty Cathys don't know when to stop talking. They talk too much, too loudly, and often ask off-point questions. Try to cope by changing the physical dynamic. Move closer to them when they are chatting and maintain eye contact. The speaker's physical presence will often make them aware of their behavior, and they will stop. If they persist, continue to hold eye contact and say, “I appreciate your comments, but we would like to hear from others.” Then turn away and continue your presentation. Another strategy is to give them a task so they will be busy and distracted. During a break, ask them to take notes or list questions.

Cathy's cousins are the whisperers who sit off to the side or in the back of the room and share running commentary. Try the technique of moving closer to them. If that doesn't work, stop talking and allow them to be embarrassed when their noise fills the dead silence. Another approach is to call them out on their behavior by asking them a question: “Do you have something you would like to share with the group?”

The Know-It-All

The know-it-all will often start with a phase like “In my twenty-five years of experience…” or “I have a PhD in economics, and” The unstated assumption is that this individual is right and therefore the speaker is wrong. The key to dealing with the know-it-all is to stick to the facts. Don't theorize or speculate. You can also share personal experience, as it is very difficult for anyone to question someone else's personal experience. Another technique is to use a quotation from an expert whose credentials are greater than those of the know-it-all. The know-it-alls are well practiced at asking a question that isn't really a question but an excuse to deliver a monologue.

Time Abusers

Latecomers, early leavers, and constantly moving troublemakers are a variation of the silent type. These individuals seemingly have no respect for other people's time. The constantly moving individuals are ducking in and out to receive messages and take calls. If this person is the senior person, her behavior can bring the presentation to a standstill as you wait for her to rejoin the group. Try to nip this conduct in the bud by announcing in advance the time and duration of breaks and when the program will end.

For the latecomer, pick a start time such as 9:17. The unusual time should get his attention and is a tip-off that the meeting is really going to start at 9:17. If someone still shows up late, make a casual remark, such as “I'm sorry. I must have started early.” Be sure to smile and keep talking about the subject matter at hand. Or try announcing to the latecomer that he has been volunteered to do some follow-up staff work.

It can also be disconcerting to have someone stand up and walk out in the middle of your presentation. Stop the early leavers by getting an agreement in advance about the end time and announcing it to the group. This is nearly impossible when speaking to a large crowd in a conference setting, however. Don't be overly concerned, as people often have planes to catch and kids to pick up.

HANDLING LIVE-AUDIENCE Q&A

The question-and-answer session following a presentation is an opportunity for direct interaction with the audience. It provides a chance to reinforce key message points, raising the audience's retention level. If you unintentionally left something out of the talk, you can work it into an answer. And this is a final chance to clarify any misconceptions or misunderstandings.

Audiences know no bounds when it comes to what they will ask. Whoever said there is no such thing as a bad question hasn't spent much time fielding questions. North Dakota attorney general Heidi Heitkamp was repeatedly asked about the age of her children while running for governor. She considered this a sneaky way to imply she was an unfit mother. Heitkamp's response was to explain that her kids were the same age as the children of her male opponents. Questions based on stereotypes tell you more than you may want to know about the questioner. Manage the Q&A session by setting ground rules at the start. The rules help you handle off-the-wall and hostile questions so the presentation is not pulled astray.

Emotional Outbursts

The perturbed questioner may combine the tactics of the challenger, heckler, and know-it-all. Senator Kay Hagan bungled an exchange with a constituent who appeared to be upset about the cost of healthcare for her chronically ill children. The senator interrupted the woman as she was describing her children's medication regimen. Rather than listening patiently, Hagan tried to move on with what sounded like a canned response. The brusque dismissal caused the mother to shout: “We want the benefits you have!” referring to the taxpayer-funded healthcare provided to all members of Congress. The audience's sympathies were with the mother, and they responded with a loud “Amen!”
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