The Well-Spoken Woman (7 page)

For some, the physical reaction is extreme because they actually perceive the speaking event as threatening. Since you shouldn't flee or pick a fight, you need other outlets for the excess nervous energy. While it can be channeled so it doesn't reach an extreme level, it shouldn't be completely alleviated. An initial surge of adrenalin provides the needed oomph to fire up the brain. If properly harnessed, nervous energy can provide momentum to power through to the end. Some speakers become so physically exhausted that they run out of gas before reaching the conclusion. Everyone gets the butterflies—the well-spoken woman trains them to fly in formation.

Simple relaxation exercises can abate the physical trauma of the fight-or-flight response. These exercises can be performed beforehand to calm nerves and focus the mind. Some can be done onstage if you go blank during the presentation. They all have a tranquilizing effect and are recommended over the use of any mood-altering substances. Liquid courage may be tempting, but it can result in a sense of false courage, impaired articulation, and scrambled ideas. A more reliable approach is having a routine that will allow you to take control before and exercise control throughout.

Beforehand: Offstage Exercises

• Deep breathing:
  Rapid, shallow breathing focused in the upper chest accelerates a racing heartbeat. More effective breathing starts with the diaphragm. Take a deep breath in through the nose, using the diaphragm to raise and lift the chest. Hold the breath for two or three seconds and then audibly exhale. Deep breath in, hold it, and audibly exhale. Repeat slowly as many times as needed. A yoga class or exercise tape will help internalize the breathing so it feels like second nature.
  
• Walk it off:
  If your hands and legs feel jittery, release some of the excess energy by walking. Purposefully walk down a hallway while slowly swinging your arms back and forth across your chest. Take long, even strides.
  
• Neck and shoulder rolls:
  An enormous amount of stress can center in the neck and shoulders. Release it with loose, relaxed rolls. Drop your chin to your chest and slowly roll your head from shoulder to shoulder. Avoid rolling your head in a circle because this movement may strain the neck. Roll the head—slowly—back and forth 180 degrees. Then roll your shoulders back slowly. This movement will open and expand the chest while also releasing tension in the neck and shoulders. Repeat the rolls several times.
  
• Face squeeze:
  The face squeeze looks strange, so do this one in the restroom or in your office with the door closed. Scrunch up the muscles in your face, squeezing them into the middle around your nose. Hold for second and then slowly relax. Open your eyes wide, hold, and release. Work the muscles in your jaw: slowly open your mouth wide, hold, and relax and then move the lower jaw side to side. This exercise also helps warm up the vocal cords and improve the sound of your voice.
  

Prior to Talking: Onstage Exercises

Often you are seated onstage prior to a presentation or panel discussion. While you are waiting in front of the audience, tension can build up in your body, even though you did the above-mentioned exercises. With some moderation, it is possible to do some of the same exercises without anyone noticing.

 

• Deep breathing:
  Use a slightly less exaggerated form of the breathing exercise. Take the breath in and release it slowly. Just be careful not to exhale into a microphone.
  
• Body movement:
  While seated in a chair, it is possible to relax nearly every muscle in your body. Push your chair back from the table a couple of inches. Lean forward from the waist slightly to stretch your back. Slowly cross and uncross your legs. While you are uncrossing your legs, shift all your body weight from one side to another. When you have finished crossing your legs, you can release more tension with simple ankle turns. Slowly, deliberately turn your ankle five times in one direction and then five times in the other direction. Then you can cross and uncross your legs again. This movement will ensure that your body stays loose.
  
• Neck and shoulders:
  Don't rest your elbows on the chair's armrest because the position causes shoulders to crunch up. Rather, allow both arms to hang loose from the shoulders at your sides. This will prevent the buildup of tension. When you drop your arms, sit up slightly and pull the shoulders down and back for more of a stretch.
  

Exercises during the Presentation

It happens to all of us. The mind goes blank while you are talking. The best remedy is to take a deep breath. It only takes three to four seconds to take a breath in, hold it, and exhale. A couple of seconds may seem like a life-time, but it is nothing to the audience. They will think you are pausing to collect your thoughts. When you take the breath in, pause and lower your head so you can look at your notes. Find your place in the notes, then exhale, look up, and begin. Voilà—it works like magic!

Here's a secret no one tells you. “All audiences are stupid.” No, I'm not referring to the average intelligence of the group but rather to the fact that they do not know the order of your presentation or what you were planning to say next. They do not know that you have skipped the most important part or that you have lost your place—unless you telegraph it by freaking out. So take that breath, glance at your notes, let the breath out, and then continue. If you realize you have forgotten something important, don't panic. You can circle back to it during the conclusion or the question-and-answer period.

Step 3: Practice with Purpose

It is imperative that you rehearse by practicing aloud. It is not enough to have a speech written on paper, nor is it sufficient to run through it in your head. Often you will discover that what looks right on paper sounds very different when you try to articulate it. However, the goal of rehearsal is not to memorize the entire speech word for word. Memorization is not a good way to prep because you risk coming across as robotic and overly scripted. Instead, rehearse to become familiar with the flow and order of the presentation so you can anticipate what is coming next.

Practice Positivity

Positive visualization is a form of positive thinking that combines productive mental imagery with constructive affirmations. It will build prespeech confidence by helping you focus on core strengths. World-class athletes use the technique to enhance their mental toughness by repeatedly visualizing themselves overcoming obstacles and competing successfully. Runners envision themselves executing the strides that put them at the head of the pack. A figure skater completes the perfect doubleaxel jump in her mind. A softball player experiences the thrill of hitting a home run and rounding the bases.

Visualization works by giving you a process to negate worry by refocusing it. Worry is negative visualization that reinforces fears about profuse sweating, a technical glitch, or a challenging audience. If you allow worry to take over, it can lead to a constant swirl of negative self-talk in your head. If you constantly picture bad outcomes, you are going to experience corresponding bad feelings. Positive visualization helps you develop a mental blueprint of how you want the experience to play out. The technique will be most effective if you invest the time needed to foster the good habit.

For a high level of anxiety, begin several weeks before the scheduled presentation. If you are less anxious, a few days in advance or the night before may be soon enough. A good time to use the technique is at night before you fall asleep. While lying in bed, envision yourself in front of the audience. Look around the room and notice how everything is in place because you arrived early and the equipment is set up just as you need it to be. Think about the outfit you have on and how good it looks. Take a deep breath and exhale. Practice the opening aloud. Work your way through your main points, saying this here, telling that there, and sharing a funny story that gets a chuckle. As you conclude, pause and smile to acknowledge the audience's applause. With all visualizations, it is important to end on a high note. Bask in the glow you feel from the ovation.

Practice the visualization again, this time from the perspective of an audience member. From a chair in the audience, watch yourself calmly and confidently approach the lectern. Take in the smile on your face and laugh at the humor in the opener. Nod in agreement on the key points. Make a mental note about a question you would like to ask later. Clap your hands to demonstrate your appreciation for a job well done. The more you practice the internal and external visualizations, the more effective the technique will be. Reinforcing the positive experience by repeating the exercise strengthens its benefit.

Game-Day Routine

Most top-level athletes develop a set routine they follow religiously prior to walking out on the court or field. They eat the same pregame meals. Wear the same lucky socks. Run through the same warm-up drills. The consistency of the ritual helps to eliminate last-minute distractions and allows them to focus on their game-day strategy.

Develop a routine of your own. Before facing the audience, arrange to be in a room or another space that is separated from the noise of the crowd where you can be alone with your thoughts. Close your eyes and play out the positive visualization. As you think through what you will say and how you will say it, warm up your voice and body with the relaxation and breathing exercises. If you are not able to find a quiet space, try listening
to music to block out noise and interruptions. Alternatively, record a motivational tape with inspirational quotes, simple meditations, and reminders about what you want to do.

After an event, athletes watch game tapes to further refine technique and identify weak spots. Be sure to include a post-speech review in your visualization routine. Watch a tape of your appearance and give yourself at least three positive comments about what worked and what the audience responded to. Limit yourself to two corrective comments on areas that need to be strengthened. Make a note to work on these areas during your next rehearsal session. This constructive analysis will speed your rate of improvement.

HOLISTIC APPROACH

When Nooyi told her mother she had been promoted to CEO at PepsiCo, her mother asked two questions: “Are you sure you can do it?” and “Why do you need more publicity?” Nooyi says she has inherited her mother's tendency to worry and finds herself feeling anxious about how her decisions impact her children and the PepsiCo family. Few CEOs share candid stories about how they manage the juggling act of trying to find that elusive balance between home and the office. Half jokingly, Nooyi says part of the solution was to make sure her daughters never saw her in the role of a “good stay-at-home mom” but only as a “career mom.” When one daughter complained that she never attended the Wednesday morning coffee with all the other moms of her classmates, Nooyi's reaction was to ask: “Wednesday, 9 a.m. coffee—what is this? A plot against working women?”
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Well-Spoken Myth Busters

Nooyi has put a new face on corporate leadership, and her story illustrates that you can be accepted and admired for who you are. Further, her corporate leadership demonstrates that a woman's style with all its differences can be rewarded. Meet other well-spoken women like Nooyi and Deborah Sampson who have defied norms and laughed at conventions. These myth
busters shattered stereotypes and blazed trails by refusing to back down or be intimidated. When faced with abuse, discrimination, sexism, or token-ism, these women unleashed their inner warrior princess. Nothing kept them from their calling.

Myth 1: Only Founding Fathers Rocked the Vote

Lucy Stone is another brave American you may never have heard of. Stone was the rock star of her generation who could fill lecture halls with fans and curious onlookers who wanted to catch a glimpse of the girl speaker. If alive today, she would host a cable talk show and have millions of Facebook® fans. Stone was the first woman to travel the country advocating for a woman's right to vote. At the height of her career in the mid-1850s, she was raking in as much as $1,000 per week—quite an accomplishment, given admission tickets were priced at just 12
cents.

Some of those ticket buyers showed up to see a woman they considered an oddity. Stone's parents worried for her soul because she was violating the biblical injunction against women preaching. She braved audience insults and became adept at dodging the rotten apples and frying pans hurled her way. Those who came to listen said she “possessed a great personal magnetism and a remarkable speaking voice.”
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With her intellect, calm demeanor, and sense of humor, she turned hostile mobs into receptive crowds. She was said to have the “voice of angel.”