The Well-Spoken Woman (3 page)

My heart goes out to younger generations who are bombarded with pop culture images pushing sexy and provocative attire. The fashion industry focuses on glam and seasonal trends, which can result in disastrous consequences. Young women often end up dressed inappropriately for professional settings. A vice president for corporate communications says she has assistants who show up looking like an unmade bed. They can't sit without clutching at a skirt hem that is too short and too tight. They can't walk in four-inch heels. And they can't reach for a glass of water without exposing cleavage. Some women in some settings have the attitude to pull that look off—and more power to them. But they are the exception, as most of us want attention focused on our abilities.

Dr. Dorothy Height, godmother of the civil rights movement, was always impeccably turned out and never left the house without a signature hat. Height said she would not be seen without the appropriate headwear, and for her that meant a piece spectacularly adorned with feathers, bows, and flowers. Height's attention to her public image sent a deeper message: “Too many people in my generation fought for the right for us to be dressed up and not put down.”
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Dr. Height put her appearance on the agenda in such a way that she controlled it and could have pride in it.

Step 2: Take Charge of Your Look

It is not possible to change our culture's obsession with the external, but you can take control of how you want to be perceived. There are at least two ways to take charge of your appearance. One option is to neutralize it so that it becomes a nonissue. This would be the anti–Dolly Parton approach. Another tack is to purposefully accent a distinguishing feature a la Parton. The country-western singer has said her look is a country girl's idea of glamour: “It takes a whole lot of money to look this cheap.”
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Don't let the self-deprecating humor fool you. Dolly presents her style with a conspiratorial wink. As she has said: “I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I am not dumb. And, I know I am not blonde.”
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The point is to be purposeful, whether you prefer a neutral look or one that will guarantee that you are noticed. Establishing that look can be especially tricky terrain for women who are considered either very attractive or very plain. For them, the focus on appearance by others can be all-consuming and a serious distraction. When an audience gets stuck on the exterior, they seem blind to the individual. The person inside disappears or is discounted.

Former Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm is a Phi Beta Kappa scholar with a degree from Harvard Law School and movie-star good looks. Talk with her, and you discover she is a down-to-earth person with a hearty laugh. It took a while, but the governor, with the help of advisers, strategically adopted a look that was authentic to her and ensured her beauty didn't sabotage the agenda. The blonde hair was cut short, and she wore tailored business suits with feminine touches and a simple cross necklace. Although tall, she kept her three-inch pumps because she liked to wear them. Because Granholm downplayed her packaging, the pundits had to pass judgment on her record, not on what she wore to a ground-breaking ceremony. In a state rocked by the near collapse of the auto industry, voters gave Granholm a vote of confidence, twice.

Singing sensation Susan Boyle with her never-been-kissed image entered our psyche with an incredible debut on a TV competition. Emerging from nowheresville, Scotland, Boyle was besieged by paparazzi and a public that openly snickered about her frumpy dress and heavy
brows. The onslaught of unflattering photos and snarky comments nearly prevented her from being able to perform. With a modest makeover, Boyle was able to put the attention back on her rich, angelic voice. The point is that minor steps and small changes can ensure that appearance becomes a secondary consideration.

If you haven't purchased a suit in years or have gotten feedback about your waist-length hair, you need help figuring out how to get back in style. On the TLC program
What Not to Wear
, the hosts surreptitiously videotape the poorly dressed who are in desperate need of a style intervention. It is a humbling tactic, but the video does the trick. The pictures provide a blunt assessment of the unsuspecting subjects' inability to present themselves well on sales calls and at meetings. Some of the fashion victims lack an interest in shopping or self-awareness of body type. If a day at the mall sounds like spending time in a torture chamber, enlist a stylish friend or personal shopper so you can invest in the right clothes. The adage about dressing for the job you want applies. You want to meet the audience's expectations by looking as though you have something to say that is worth hearing.

Step 3: Dress to Impress Strategically

Ann Richards was never seeking to blend in with the crowd. Everything about her persona made a statement, and she used her silver hair and silver tongue to her advantage. The Texas-sized, dairy-whip hairdo defied nature and flouted the stereotypical image of leadership. Men with gray hair are “distinguished,” whereas women with white hair are “old.” Barbara Bush, the formidable wife of President George H. W. Bush, was often mistaken for his mother because her hair had turned white prematurely. What could have been a huge liability for Richards was turned into an asset. To paraphrase Emerson, strength often grows out of a perceived weakness. Richards's bouffant do became a prop when she mailed postcards with photos of it being styled in a beauty shop, and as governor she declared an official Texas Big Hair Day in 1993. She often quipped: “I get a lot of cracks about my hair, mostly from men who don't have any.”
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The hair wasn't the only feature of Richards's appearance that was tactically
and deliberately deployed. Dressed to impress could mean black leather and hunting camouflage. The tough imagery burnished her good ol' boy bona fides in a state where macho rules. At the age of sixty, the governor posed in biker regalia astride a Harley-Davidson® to promote road safety. In the fall, she would suit up in camo to lead excursions for game birds. The hunting trips weren't stunts orchestrated for the press cameras. Richards's father had taught her how to shoot straight and cast a fishing line. By defying conventional stereotyping, Richards purposefully molded her image to avoid the traps that often limit women seeking executive positions in government and business.

A unique accessory can set you apart, but it need not be on the scale of Lady Gaga's raw meat dress. Gaga said she wore the slabs of meat draped around her otherwise nude self to signify that she is not a piece of meat.
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Draw a distinction between a costume that opens you up to ridicule and an accessory that can set you apart. A forerunner of designer Donna Karan, Amelia Bloomer attempted to fashion a look for the busy woman on the go. In the 1850s, the rage in women's fashion was multiple layers of floor-length petticoats, which became mud-encrusted from walking on unpaved roads. Long before Spandex, women wore painfully confining corsets that made breathing difficult. Bloomer's practical idea, an outfit of shorter skirts with long pants underneath, was considered outrageous. The “bloomers” were a bit goofy, but women could breathe and move in them. Fans of the new style eventually abandoned the pants when they felt the outfit was distracting from the fight for the right to vote.

A statement piece can be something simple. Women's rights activist Bella Abzug had her own collection of hats, although they were more conservative in style than those worn by Dr. Height. As a young attorney, Abzug wore a hat so she would be taken more seriously by her predominately male counterparts. Sarah Palin looks smart in her rimless eyeglasses, a style that is an update of Gloria Steinem's thick hair and aviator glasses from the 1970s. Congressional powerhouse Nancy Pelosi doesn't leave the house without a strand of oversized pearls or chunky beads. The necklaces frame her face in much the way a tie frames a man's.

Step 4: Package the Entire Package

Projecting a well-groomed persona isn't limited to the clothes on your back. The audience is also observing your physical movements, gestures, and vocal expressions. They are taking in the whole package. TV cook and talk show host Rachael Ray dresses like the girl next door and projects a friendly sensibility. Ray unleashes a jovial laugh whenever she burns the toast or adds extra dollops of whipped cream. In her signature crisp white shirt, Diane Sawyer speaks in a husky voice that is authoritative and reassuring as she delivers the daily digest of calamity and recovery. An arched eyebrow was all it took for Amanda Priestly to instigate a frantic scramble among her underlings as they tried to satisfy her every command in the movie
The Devil Wears Prada.
The conversation on the power of dressing was summed up in a cartoon that appeared in the
New Yorker
magazine. A shopper and sales clerk are standing in front of a dressing room mirror. The sales clerk says in a reassuring manner: “Madeleine Albright kicked butt in that suit.”

A signature style encompasses how you look, sound, and move. Develop your own style with the body language, voice enhancement, and
appearance suggestions outlined in
chapters 3
and
4
. The fundamentals of effective delivery technique provide a platform on which you can develop a distinctive style. Once you know the essentials of voice and body language, you will be able to showcase your personality. With thoughtful attention to appearance and attire, you need not worry about fashion faux pas and wardrobe malfunctions.
Chapter 8
provides guidelines on what looks best on television and discusses special delivery techniques and wardrobe suggestions for the on-camera appearance.

POWER PERSONA PRINCIPLE:
SYNCHRONIZED MESSAGE

Music is what guides the underwater choreography performed by a team of synchronized swimmers. With each swimmer following the rhythm, the team is able to execute a routine in seamless unison. Just as the swimmers coordinate their movements with the beat, an audience is looking to the presenter to set the pace. Audiences will follow the tempo of the speaker, who takes the lead with an interactive style that creates a bond. This bond is one that Bette Midler's character in the movie
Beaches
didn't comprehend. In conversation with her best friend after a long absence, she says: “Enough about me, let's talk about you. What do you think about me?” No one wants to listen to a diva unless she can really sing. If the speech is all about you and not about them, it will likely fail. As the presenter, it is your job to find the point where your topic intersects with what the audience cares about. Accomplish that, and they will be eager to follow your lead.

Shoveling out reams of data or delivering a stream-of-consciousness monologue will not engage them. If you don't purposefully connect with the audience, it doesn't matter if you have something to say and can say it well. At a popular, independent bookstore in Washington, DC, two broad-cast journalists were discussing their book about the financial leverage women should exercise in the workplace. The broadcasters were articulate and the topic was provoking, yet when they finished, there were few questions. The pros fell into the trap of relying on the one-way style of broad-casting; that is, let us read the news to you. They talked at the audience for thirty minutes when a two-way dialogue would have been better suited to the setting. The broadcasters hadn't thought about how to engage the live audience and, as a result, came across as somewhat self-absorbed.

Step 1: Connection Is the Goal

Successful engagement is a balancing act. It is a three-legged stool with the speaker, the audience, and the topic each representing one leg. Together, all three legs keep the stool balanced. If one of the legs is shorter or missing, the stool will wobble or topple over. Don't give short shrift to any of the three legs. They all require attention as you prepare for an event and draft what you will say.

Presenters caught up in “What am I going to say?” neglect to consider the topic from the audience's perspective. Instead, ask yourself, “What do they need to hear?” This is an area where an aim-to-please mentality can serve you well. If you tend to put others first, this habit will serve you well in public speaking. It will prevent you from being a disconnected speaker who alienates the audience by not establishing rapport. Soviet leader Nikita Kruschev, who famously pounded a table with his shoe, was a pontificator. Fidel Castro once delivered a four-hour-and-twenty-nine-minute harangue at the United Nations. But US president William Henry Harrison earned the distinction of “death by public speaking.” Oblivious to the weather, Harrison gave a two-hour inaugural address as planned in the pouring rain. The president caught a cold and died a month later. The connectors listed below are qualities that draw the audience in. The qualities in the disconnected column turn off the audience.