The Way We Were (28 page)

Ben walked Jools back to her bedroom, then went downstairs, made himself a cup of coffee and took out the old photo albums. It was when he was looking for a pen in Alice’s bag that he found it. He felt a hard square box and pulled it out. What the hell?

He stared at the Cartier box. Christ, it looked like Alice and Dan were more serious than she was admitting. With a sinking heart, Ben flipped open the box and stared at the enormous diamond sparkling in the moonlight. He shook his head, and then a slow smile spread across his face.

He put the box carefully back into the bag, found a pen and sat down. Ben pulled out the photos he needed, making notes for each one. He knew what he had to do.

Daddy decided to cook Christmas dinner. He said he wanted to give Mummy a break. Jools and I helped him. It was fun. We all went shopping together and bought everything we needed.

We spent ages chopping and preparing everything. Daddy seemed happier, less quiet. He was more fun too. It was just in little things, like he did silly dances with us in the kitchen. Before, he’d always worked up until Christmas Eve and Mummy had always decorated the house and cooked the turkey and everything.

It was so nice to see Daddy messing about and laughing. Mummy was usually the one who made a big fuss about Christmas, but this year she was so busy with work she wasn’t home much, so Daddy did it all. He came home with big bags full of new decorations and we hung them everywhere.

Daddy asked me to help him make a trifle – it’s Mummy’s favourite dessert. We did it together and it was nice, just him and me making something for Mummy. It felt less awkward when we were doing something than just sitting around trying to make conversation. I felt more relaxed with Daddy like that. The first trifle was a disaster but Daddy just laughed and threw it into the bin and we started again. But it was a real laugh, not a forced fake one, like he’s been doing since he came home.

Kevin called in on Christmas morning with presents.
When he saw all the decorations he said it was like ‘Santa’s grotto’. He asked where Mummy was and Daddy said she was upstairs having a shower.

Jools asked Kevin what Axel had given him for Christmas and Kevin said ‘a pain in my arse’. Daddy said he was dying to meet Axel, that we’d told him all about him. Kevin said, ‘I wouldn’t hold your breath. His other “gift” to me was chlamydia. I think our relationship is about to end.’

I didn’t know what chlamydia was, but Daddy had that face where he looks shocked but wants to laugh too.

‘What’s chlamydia?’ Jools asked.

‘It’s an STD,’ Kevin said.

‘Oh!’ Jools was shocked. ‘Gross.’

I didn’t know what STD was either. I decided to ask. Daddy coughed, and Kevin said, ‘It’s what you get when your boyfriend has been with other guys.’

‘Can girls get it too?’ I was worried Mummy might have got one from Dan.

‘Yes,’ Kevin said.

‘Does it hurt?’

‘Yes.’

‘Are you going to break up with Axel?’

‘Probably.’

Oh, my God, what if Mummy gives Daddy chlamydia and they break up?

Daddy said he thought that was enough about STDs and asked Kevin to taste the trifle as it was his favourite dessert too. Kevin said it was nice but needed way more sherry, so I poured in a few more drops, but Kevin tipped my elbow and lots went in. It looked a bit soggy, but he said it tasted perfect and that the whole point of trifle was to drown the sponge in booze.

Daddy poured Kevin a glass of wine and made a toast. He
said that he wanted to thank Kevin for being so brilliant with us and that he was ‘for ever indebted to him’.

Kevin blushed and said it had been a pleasure. It was nice to see Daddy and Kevin getting on so well. Daddy used to be a bit impatient with him but now they’re like real friends.

Kevin asked Daddy what he’d got Mummy for Christmas and Daddy said that he’d bought her a diamond ring and that he was working on another present, but it wouldn’t be ready for a while.

Daddy showed us the ring. Jools looked at me and I looked at the floor. Kevin took a gulp of wine.

‘You see, there are three diamonds – the bigger one is Alice and the two smaller ones on either side are you girls.’

We told him it was beautiful and he seemed pleased.

‘I know it’s not an enormous diamond, but even if I had six hundred million quid, this is the ring I’d buy Alice.’ Daddy winked.

It’s such a relief that Daddy knows about Dan and that he didn’t go crazy about it. Well, he knows almost everything. Jools told me that Mummy didn’t tell Daddy about the engagement but that he knows she and Dan were in a serious relationship and he’s not cross with us but he is determined to win Mummy back.

‘This ring is perfect, Dad,’ Jools said.

‘Mummy will love it,’ I agreed.

‘You’ve got great taste,’ Kevin said, holding the box up so that the ring caught the light. ‘It’s the perfect ring for Alice.’

Daddy took it back, put it into his trouser pocket and smiled at us.

He gave Mummy the ring before dinner. She gasped.

‘Isn’t it stunning?’ Jools said. ‘Isn’t it the most beautiful ring you’ve ever seen?’

‘It’s … it’s lovely. Wow, Ben, I really didn’t expect you to
buy me something so big. I feel bad now – I just got you clothes and some books.’ Mummy was flustered.

‘It’s about new beginnings,’ Daddy said, watching her closely. ‘You’re the larger diamond in the middle and the girls are the two smaller ones. It represents my family. I thought it was very you. Not flashy or ostentatious, just elegant. It goes well with your wedding ring. I got it in the same jeweller’s. You remember the eccentric guy in Hatton Court who kept telling us about his gout?’

Mummy smiled at the memory. ‘Yes, of course I do. When he found out we were medics, he took off his shoe and sock to show us his foot, then gave us a discount on the ring because you were so nice to him.’ She kissed Daddy’s cheek and then put the ring on. It looked lovely on her hand.

‘It’s gorgeous,’ Jools said.

‘It really suits you,’ I added.

‘It really is you,’ Kevin agreed.

Mummy looked at it and nodded. ‘It’s exactly what I would have chosen myself. Thank you, Ben.’

Mummy tried to help with dinner but Daddy told her she wasn’t allowed to move from her chair for the whole day. ‘I want you to relax. You’ve always done Christmas dinner. It’s time I did one.’

He had tried really hard so we all ate everything even though it wasn’t very nice.

‘Gosh, the sprouts are rock hard,’ Daddy said.

‘They’re just a bit crunchy.’ Kevin tried to chew one.

‘Very crunchy.’ Jools giggled.

‘Exceedingly crunchy.’ I snorted and we all laughed.

‘I reckon you could play ping-pong with them,’ Kevin said.

‘And the turkey’s bone dry.’ Daddy looked at the shrivelled meat.

‘It just needs a lot of gravy,’ Jools said.

‘God, I forgot all about the gravy. Sorry, everyone.’ Dad looked sheepish.

‘It’s fine. I like my turkey cremated,’ Kevin said.

‘I love the way it sticks to the top of my mouth,’ Jools cackled.

Daddy was laughing so hard, he had to hold his stomach.

‘Don’t mind them, Ben. It’s lovely. The first time is always tricky,’ Mummy said, laughing too.

‘It was a heroic effort but I’m recommending that you stick to surgery and leave the cooking to Alice,’ Kevin suggested.

‘Can we please move on to dessert now?’ Jools asked.

‘Good idea.’ Daddy got up and went into the kitchen.

When Daddy came back in with the trifle, Mummy clapped. ‘My favourite!’

‘And the good news is that I’ve tasted it and it’s edible,’ Kevin said.

‘You’ve gone to so much trouble, it’s … I’m … Thank you, Ben.’ Mummy got up and hugged Daddy. He held her and kissed her hair. I felt all warm inside. Jools nudged my foot under the table and grinned.

A ring! She couldn’t believe it. She put it on. It was beautiful. Smaller than Dan’s but much more her, if she was honest. It was exactly the kind of ring Alice would have chosen for herself. But it felt as if it was burning her finger. She felt like a fraud. The guilt of not having broken up with Dan yet was eating her up.

She would tell herself, ‘I’ll do it’, but once she rang or texted him, she lost her conviction and wanted him all over again. That day when she had met him in the hotel had been so wonderful. She’d felt her problems melting away as she lay in his arms. She just wanted to be with him, blocking out all of her worries. He felt like an addiction. He was her safe place, her haven from the madness around her. And it didn’t help that Dan knew that. Each time they talked, he managed to talk over and around her reasons for giving him back the ring, telling her not to draw a line under it yet. Not yet. He painted pictures that swirled around her head like confetti – images of a perfect life with him, of travel, beautiful houses, comfort and great sex. It was a seduction, a temptation, and she seemed powerless against it.

Alice was trying very hard to block Dan out and stay in the present. Ben had gone to so much trouble. She could see how hard he was trying and she was grateful, very grateful, but it didn’t change the way she felt about him. She just didn’t feel the same any more. She loved him, really loved him, but
the spark was gone. He was like a really good friend she adored, but the physical side was dead.

Maybe if she gave up Dan she could try to get it back, but she dreaded sex with Ben. It was so intimate that all their problems seemed to be heightened when they were alone and naked together. She felt completely exposed. It was as if someone was screaming, ‘You two don’t work any more.’

But she had promised herself and the girls that she would try harder. She had to: she owed it to them. Seeing Jools so angry the other day had been a real eye-opener. This whole situation could devastate the people she loved most, maybe even split them apart. There was no way she could let that happen.

Alice went over and hugged Ben. ‘Thank you for making this Christmas so special. It’s wonderful to have you home.’

Alice saw Jools and Holly beaming, and her heart sank. Much as she wanted her marriage to work, she wasn’t sure she could stay with Ben in the long term, and her daughters’ hearts would be broken again.

Alice pushed down the fears and forced herself to stay in the present. One day at a time, she told herself.

They were playing a lively game of charades – Kevin, Holly and Alice against Ben and Jools – when there was a knock on the door. Ben went to open it and walked back into the lounge with Harold and Helen. They had brought wine and flowers for Alice and Ben, selection boxes for the girls.

‘We thought we’d pop in with some gifts.’ Harold was full of fake bonhomie.

‘I’m not eight,’ Jools muttered, when she saw the selection box.

Alice gave her a warning look. She wanted to tell Harold where to shove his presents, but it was Christmas, he was
Ben’s father and she didn’t want to upset anyone. She stood up, shook her father-in-law’s hand and was air-kissed by Helen.

Harold barely acknowledged Kevin, which infuriated Alice. ‘Will you have a drink?’ she asked, planning to do some deep breathing exercises in the kitchen to keep her temper in hand.

‘A cup of tea would be lovely, thank you, dear,’ Helen said.

‘Yes, tea,’ Harold agreed.

‘I’ll make it.’ Holly got up and went into the kitchen before Alice could say anything. She sat down again and prepared to be civil. She could hear her mother’s voice in her head saying, ‘Bite your tongue, Alice’, which made her smile.

‘So how are you, Dad?’ Ben asked.

‘Fine. I must say, this is a very happy Christmas with you home safely. The last two were a bit on the grim side.’

‘They certainly were,’ Alice agreed.

‘I imagine it wasn’t much fun in Eritrea either.’ Kevin tried to make a joke.

‘No, Santa Claus couldn’t find us.’ Ben smiled.

‘Yes, well, you’re here now and all is well.’ Harold’s tone was firm.

‘I don’t even remember the first Christmas. It’s a complete blur,’ Jools said.

‘You were still in shock, poor things,’ Kevin said.

‘Thank God for Kevin or we wouldn’t have had anything to eat. You bought everything and cooked for us that year. You were great,’ Alice said.

‘David and Pippa were really nice too. Remember, Mum? They came round with loads of presents and food to put in the freezer so we wouldn’t have to cook for the whole Christmas holidays,’ Jools said.

Alice smiled. ‘Yes, they did. They were so thoughtful.’

‘Where were you, Dad?’ Ben asked.

Alice looked at her husband. His jaw was set. Uh-oh.

Harold coughed. ‘I wasn’t feeling well. We just went to Helen’s daughter nearby for a bite to eat and straight home.’

‘Yes, he had a bad cold and we didn’t think it was wise to pass it on to the children.’ Helen backed up her husband.

‘So you didn’t call in to see my wife and children on Christmas Day when they were alone and broken-hearted.’

‘I phoned, of course, but I felt it was wiser to stay away. Alice was very emotional and I thought it best to leave her alone.’

Ben walked over to his father. ‘So you thought it was a good idea to leave my widowed wife and two young daughters alone on Christmas Day and not even call in to check up on them?’

Alice was cheering inside, Go, Ben!

Harold stood up. ‘I don’t like your tone. I came the following Christmas and ended up being asked to leave.’

‘That’s because you were mean to Mummy.’ No one had seen Holly coming into the room carrying a tray of cups and saucers and the teapot.

‘Now, Holly, that’s not true.’ Harold was angry now.

‘Yes, it is,’ Jools said quietly.

‘I merely pointed out that Alice should have discouraged you from going to Eritrea.’

The muscle on the side of Ben’s cheek was throbbing. Alice only ever saw that when Ben was incredibly angry.

‘Alice did discourage me. In fact, she begged me not to go. She pleaded with me, but I didn’t listen because I’m pig-headed, like you, Dad. I went because I wanted to have an adventure. Well, I certainly got one, didn’t I? So do not blame my wife for any of this. It was entirely my fault.’

‘Men who are content at home don’t go looking for adventure,’ Harold snapped.

Alice watched as Ben’s fury rose to the surface and exploded out of his mouth. ‘How dare you say that? My wife is wonderful and I was very happy at home. But I’m greedy, I wanted more. I wanted the perfect home
and
adventure. I didn’t think about Alice and the girls, I only thought of myself when I agreed to go to Eritrea. And those two years in captivity were my punishment for being such a selfish git. And never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that you could let me down and not look after your own daughter-in-law and grandchildren. You let me down badly and I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive you.’

Alice was in shock – she didn’t know whether to step in and stop Ben, or jump up and down and cheer. It was amazing to hear Ben defending her, making it clear to Harold that it was all his own idea to go away.

Harold’s face was puce. ‘How dare you? I have always supported you. I worked long and hard to send you to the best schools. I’ve been there every step of the way. I knew that Alice and the girls weren’t alone –
he
was here. He moved in the minute you were gone.’ Harold pointed at Kevin.

Ben moved over to where Kevin was standing. Putting his arm around his brother-in-law, he said, ‘I know Kevin was here and I will always be grateful to him for looking after my family while I was gone. Kevin kept them going. Kevin helped them get back on their feet. I will spend the rest of my life trying to pay him back for all he did. I’m so disappointed in you, Dad. I expected more of you.’

Alice was thrilled to see Ben stick up for Kevin and for really understanding how much Kevin had done.

Harold grabbed his coat and gloves. ‘I did not come here to be insulted. They weren’t the only ones who were
suffering. I believed my only child was dead. There is no worse agony to befall a man.’ Harold’s eyes were wet, and although Alice really didn’t like him, she felt sorry for him. He adored Ben and to have Ben berate him must really hurt.

Alice tried to stop him leaving. ‘Don’t go, Harold. Sit down and have a cup of tea. Don’t leave angry.’

Harold moved away from her towards the door. ‘Helen, we’re leaving.’

Ben stepped forward. ‘Don’t go, Dad. I apologize for shouting. It’s Christmas, come on, sit down.’

‘I will not stay a minute longer in this house. I’ll talk to you when you find your manners and your respect.’

With that, Harold stormed out of the house, Helen following in his wake.

‘Way to go, Dad!’ Jools high-fived Ben. ‘It was about time you told Granddad the truth. He’s always so rude to Mum. And Kevin.’

Ben grinned. ‘That was what you call pent-up anger coming out.’

‘You were on fire.’ Alice smiled warmly at him.

‘Anger is always better out than in,’ Kevin said. ‘I thought it was very chivalrous of you to defend your wife. Well done, and thank you for what you said about me.’ Kevin raised his glass in a toast.

‘I felt a bit sorry for Granddad,’ Holly said. ‘He’s just a person who doesn’t know how to deal with feelings. He looked really upset.’

Ben put his arm around her. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll let him cool down and I’ll let myself cool down, and then I’ll call him and apologize again for shouting, but not for what I said.’

‘I’m glad you’re not cold like Granddad,’ Holly said, hugging Ben. ‘Mummy always said you got your mother’s genes, which is lucky for us.’

‘I doubt you’d be here if Dad was like Harold.’ Alice laughed. ‘Cold and aloof is definitely not my type. Thankfully, your dad is nothing like that. In fact, he’s the opposite, lovely and warm and kind.’

Ben grinned as Alice leant in and kissed him on the lips.