The Strip Club Dating Survival Guide (21 page)

EXPERT
TIPS

These are some notes to help guide you while you’re engaged in comfort-building during VIP:

• Don’t pepper her with questions, it’s annoying and can cause defensiveness
  
• Ask strategic questions simply to stimulate her talking, she’ll take it from there
  
• Listen genuinely, and watch her non-verbal cues as she speaks
  
• Rely on active listening to move the conversation forward
  
• Sit in the seat so that you can face her
  
• Use casual touch; brush her hair off her shoulder, fix a costume strap, anything
  
• When she seems comfortable, sit again side-by-side, leaning slightly into her
  
• Once you have made full-torso touch by leaning into her, lean slightly away
  
• When you shift away, do it slowly, and allow her to come with you
  
• Put an arm around her without groping
  
• Don’t hesitate or ask permission
  
• But always act with class
  

THE
ACTIVE
LISTENER

You may have noticed that I made mention of something called
active listening
 there in the VIP notes. Active listening is that people do with their bodies and voices when they are listening to your crap and want you to know they’re participating. You probably see women and all kind of mental health professionals use this method liberally.

You know, people shake their heads, nod, move their hands and arms, and make a lot of expressive nonsense sounds. You’ll be talking to somebody and they’ll nod their head vigorously to signal you to continue, or suddenly exclaim with some kind of non-relevant nonsense like,
“Ah! Oh, no! What? She didn’t do that? No!” 
Meanwhile, you’re thinking to yourself,

“WTF are you talking about? You don’t even know the person I’m referring to in this story, don’t make stupid disapproval sounds about something you know nothing about, you fucking idiot.”

Despite how ridiculous active listening can be at times, it is the preferred method of communication for most women. If your dancer is telling you something and you just sit there staring at her, she’ll get pretty uncomfortable. On the other hand, if you were to nod your head at the appropriate moments, make subtle gestures with your hands, laugh when she hits a comic punch line or occasionally look slightly away as if really thinking about that deep shit she just said, you’ll most likely reap dividends in terms of an improved relationship. 

Plus, women really like a guy they can talk with; he seems more supportive and trustworthy. Remember, you and a female talking is really her talking while you listen; so learn how to listen and you’ll win her over.

PRACTICE
MAKES
PERFECT

Once you get your girl to the point where she will lean into you easily, you should take the opportunity to practice moving her around, changing her position, and accepting direct instruction from you through the simple mechanism of your light touch. Keeping her talking while maintaining a
tactile connection
, gently guiding her through changes in body position, physical orientation, and location within the VIP area, with nothing more than an easy, light touch, will increase comfort values while maintaining a certain level of sexual tension.

It will also serve as a sort of dress rehearsal for the eventual transition into a fully realized physical relationship. In this way, when your relationship does become overtly sexual in a real sense, it will happen naturally, as the next logical step in a positively evolving relationship.

When you, rehearse with someone,

Role-play with someone, visualize with someone,

Practice with someone, enough times,

As if that someone were, yours already,

Then your practice will eventually become

YOUR REALITY.

In case any of this sounds hard to you, try to keep in mind that most women want a man to lead off, so long as she feels reasonably comfortable with him physically and is relatively confident in his intentions, and capability. In other words, she wants someone to do this with her, and she is biologically programmed to respond appropriately, given the correct
trigger
.
You just have to take it a step at a time, and be that trigger.

After all, this is what she wants, and what kind of gentleman would you be if you won’t help a lady get what she wants, huh? That’s right; you’d be no kind at all. So be a stand-up guy, be a gentleman and
show her the way
. It’s what she’s waiting for. Seriously though, if this kind of thing were actually all that difficult, the human race would have probably declined into extinction tens of thousands of years ago.

We didn’t, and that, therefore, is proof positive that it’s fucking easy…mostly in a literal sense. Even with strippers. Hell,
maybe even easier with them actually
, since all you’re actually overcoming with dancers is their deeply rooted suspicion that you’re trying to pull some shit on them. Which you
are
in a way, so just get on with it and stop stressing about the whole thing.

The occasional trip to the VIP justifies higher pay outs from you without creating a negative sense of entitlement in your girl. It isolates her from her social support structure, creating opportunities for intimacy, and privacy. Your dancer gets the chance to drop the stripper force-field she carries around all day long, and you get the chance to make an actual, direct connection. It provides the perfect environment for escalated physical contact and gives you both the chance to practice being together.

And what about that private dance I already told you not to get? Whether she dances for you in the VIP will be the basic indicator of your success. Simply put, if you do this VIP thing a time or two, and your paramour is satisfied not dancing for you, then either she is the wrong girl, or you are just fucking it all up. When you get it right, she’ll insist on dancing. It will seem spontaneous. It won’t be rough. Her face will be close to you.

She’ll probably take your hands to show you where it’s alright to cross the line. Afterward she may become shy or act embarrassed,
which is exactly what you want
. It’s imperative that you capitalize on any situation in the VIP that leads to an expression of sudden modesty by your dancer.

When things get physically heated in some way during VIP, a female who wants that behavior to continue or progress will seek permission. That does not mean that she is going to ask you if it’s ok, it’s not that kind of permission. What she needs is consensus with you that none of this is her fault and that nobody could blame her for what’s happening. It’s a social permission that she’s seeking here.

Just take the fall for everything. Don’t get crazy and overdo it, but make sure she knows that whatever just happened was totally your fault, that you’re sorry if things got out of hand and that you’ll be a good boy in the future. If you can pull off the correct level of contrition, it will grant her
immunity
 from later prosecution as some freaky slut.

Don't be dumb when it comes to giving a girl the go-ahead; grant her the immunity she wants, when she wants it.

Chapter 14. There's No Time For Time

What happens to us in the future? Do we become assholes or something?

-
C
ARL
S
AGAN, ASTRONOMER, ASTROPHYSICIST, COSMOLOGIST, AUTHOR OF THE MOST POPULAR BOOK EVER WRITTEN IN THE
E
NGLISH LANGUAGE, CO-FOUNDER OF THE
P
LANETARY
S
OCIETY, HELPED WRITE THE
A
RECIBO
M
ESSAGE BEAMED INTO SPACE AS A GREETING TO
E
XTRA-
T
ERRESTRIAL CIVILIZATIONS ON BEHALF OF ALL HUMANITY; SUCCEEDED IN MAKING SCIENCE FUN AND ENGAGING FOR BILLIONS AND BILLIONS OF PEOPLE; BLAMED FOR MOST OF US NOW BEING LESS STUPID.

How fast do you need to make things happen with the stripper you’re hoping to win over? Fucking
fast
, and make no mistake about that, brother. The more you and fantasy-girl are exposed to each other in the club, the more secure and comfortable she will become. And, just like any of the other
boy meets girl and then fucking blows it
social situations that afflict guys all over the world with permanent cases of life in the
friend zone
, if you wait too long, she will get
too
comfortable.

Once a girl gets too comfortable, she will start genuinely valuing the easy comfort of your non intimate relationship, and not want to ruin it with sex and intimacy. Also, giving her too much time to get comfortable also gives you more than enough time to say or do something that blows her perception of your social value outright. 

Crossing into friend territory with a dancer in a strip club has another effect as well, something I’m convinced must be unique to the strip club industry. It gets
weird
. Doing simple shit like sitting next to her while she’s in her underwear; carrying on conversation while her bare tits are just a few inches from your face, getting a dance, pretty much anything.

The fun in a strip club derives from the blatant sexual tension that the environment deliberately creates, and that tension relies powerfully on a certain
suspension of disbelief
 that is fragile as a little kid’s soap bubble floating past a thorn bush; the tiniest prick (no pun intended) and…
Pop!
…it’s gone like it never was. If you get too friends-y with a stripper, it gets increasingly hard to maintain the sex thing, and once that’s gone it’s as if you both suddenly realize where you are, and what you’re doing. Seriously, it’s awkward, and well worth avoiding.

If you take too long to hook your favorite stripper-girl and turn her into your girlfriend with the crazy job, you’ll lose the chance altogether. You need to act fast, and decisively to
generate distraction
 with your future girlfriend, achieve a level of comfort that can lower her defenses, and finally, make your move. How long is too long, and how fast is fast? 

Well, while the exact definition of too long and fast may vary somewhat in this context, the general consensus is that you need
about ten hours
 or so to get to a point where the relationship can change venues and maybe twice that much time for attraction to turn into friendship.

The guidelines on time here are referring to a dancer’s total exposure to you, broken up over several instances. A good rule of thumb is to visit her club about two hours at a time. Visit for much shorter than that, and you’ll have little of the time that you need with her. If you spend much more than that at any given time you can end up broke, over intoxicated, in a physical bar fight that will ruin everything even if you win, or simply find yourself becoming over exposed to your girl.

Hanging out too long in the club also has the effect of making you into a creep that spends all his time
lurking around in strip clubs
, or can turn you into a Sucker, always waiting around for your stripper like some pathetic loser. Neither of these conditions is likely to enhance your image as someone a dancer will want to make breakfast for in the morning. Avoid with extreme prejudice whenever possible.

Let’s say that you visit the club twice a week, for about two hours per visit. You tend to come in on slower evenings where the demands on a stripper’s time are less strenuous, and the overall pace is less hectic. Because the customer traffic is slower, it can be comparatively more difficult to make money on these shifts for the girls. 

Not only will this ensure that your dancer has more time to spend on you without hassle, but she will be more focused and attentive to your interaction than if you were to drop in during the busy time. Additionally, because money is scarce on a slow shift, the
relative value
 of what you spend on her will increase dramatically.

This means that, in
no more than five weeks or less
, you should be positioned to cross over with your new stripper girlfriend (meeting up for your first legitimate date at the very least) or be prepared to cut bait and move on. If you were to change input variables such as how often you visit her and for how long each time, then you can adjust the overall time accordingly. In my opinion, anything longer than two months is too long, and trying to put in ten solid hours in less than two weeks will force you to become overexposed.

I’m aware that there is some genuinely good, and relatively proven advice out there regarding dating and seduction that says that you can get a girl into bed within 7–10 hours (with which I happen to agree) but that spreading it out over the course of 3–6 weeks is simply an invitation to the competition, or might even be considered outright failure. True enough, when you are talking about normal girls in typical social situations…except that we’re not talking about normal girls here.

Strippers are a whole other kind of girl than the one you run into down at the local sports bar, or on Internet dating sites. While they’re fundamentally the same in perhaps 80% of the fundamental things that tend to add up to that weird concoction that we call women. It’s that other twenty percent that makes them different. It’s almost as if somebody went in and ripped out a sizeable chunk of the standard
socialization mechanics
 that we all learn as we grow up.