The Strip Club Dating Survival Guide (16 page)

As your stripper suddenly realizes that you have been taking care of business while she was off in dancer
La-La Land
, she may experience an internal monologue that looks something like this:

“Could it be that Prince Charming did actually just walk in, sit at my stage, and I didn’t notice because I was too busy staring at myself in the wall mirror?”

Of course, she will probably express what she is thinking as an emotional word-vomit that flashes into existence as a weird amalgam of imaginary zero-calorie cupcakes, Hello Kitty schwag, and cute, doodled hearts and stars and crap like that, filled with subtle interjections like,
OMG, or LOL
. No matter how she frames the moment in her mind though, the central point will remain the same,

“Wait, did I just lose money? Fuck!”

You can be sure that she will now be paying attention now while chastising herself for not doing so in the first place. If this thought should hit her just as you get up from the tip rail, turn away, and return to your seat, all the better.

Your turned back retreating into the darkness represents a missed opportunity that only can be rectified if she sees you again, and curiosity regarding what other things about you that she hasn’t yet noticed. When your girl walks her post-stage floor circuit, she will meet you again, this time with
enhanced interest and a degree of uncertainty
.

Handling your stage tipping as I have described will leave you in control and put her into a reactive mode, unsure what you are going to do next. Seizing the initiative in any way possible is an essential part of setting yourself apart from the rank and file, thus increasing your value in a dancer’s assessment. The stripper subject to this sort of attention from you will be pushed back from the attack and placed on the defense. She will be forced to invest time and attention in you in order to get what she wants money, and an easy time getting it.

Forcing an exotic dancer to stop focusing on herself and start investing in you is a master key to moving the relationship outside the club.

One last thing about tipping a dancer on stage: it’s either going to be used to interrupt her pattern (she is in control and you are forced to respond by trying to get her attention) or as a means to introduce yourself. While your stage tipping could be either disruptive, or introductory, it is more often both simultaneously. Meaning, she has not been paying attention to you, therefore, you must disrupt her pattern of neglect on your own terms, and doing so affords you the opportunity to be truly seen for the first time.

Just as in any other social or business setting, it is vitally necessary that you make a favorable first impression. Always be aware of how you look, operate and behave during the times when you are tipping your girl’s stage; these first meetings have the potential to set the tone for the romance to come.

TIPPING
TO
FOCUS
ATTENTION
ON
YOU

Sometimes guys will walk over to the stage and throw a giant stack of dollar bills into the air so that it showers down onto the dancer, the stage, the tip rail, and other customers sitting nearby. As you probably already know, this tipping technique is known as
making it rain
.

First of all, if you are planning to make it rain, you should ensure that there is enough money in the stack you’re planning to drop in order to generate the desired effect. There is nothing more embarrassing than watching some clueless loser try to make out like a baller as his ten or fifteen singles flutter down to the stage ineffectually. The best way to handle this is to ask a waitress, or whoever is providing your service, to bring a fresh stack of singles in exchange for a 
bill
 ($100) at a minimum. Otherwise, you are going to look like a
complete ass
up there.

It’s smart to remember that one of the purposes of making it rain is to prove you have too much money to give a shit. Trying to make it rain with the wrinkled, left over change from your last drink order will only make you look like an idiot. If you do get a fresh stack, it will be bound by a paper strap; if the money was sorted by the club it will be typically bound with rubber bands or paper clips. Whether it comes with the original paper band, rubber bands or paper clips doesn’t matter all that much; just don’t forget to remove that stuff.

Otherwise, you might throw your stack at the stage, only to watch in a kind of slow motion horror as it stays together in a single…
very solid
…money block that clocks the stripper you were trying to impress in the face as she hangs upside down from the pole. If the money actually is
treasury-fresh
, it will stay together even once the paper band is removed. Taking a couple of minutes to sort of fluff it up and split the bills will make sure nobody gets hurt, and you get the money shower effect you wanted.

Guys who make it rain typically go for one of two basic moves when they try to make the throw at stage side. One of these is to walk up, wait for the girl to come over, then send the money over her head, letting it rain down in a cloud over and around her. Most guys that do it this way will usually post there for a minute, enjoying the immediate attention that has been garnered from both the dancer on stage, and the people, dancers and customers alike, who witnessed the show from their seats around the room or at the stage.

The other way to get this done is to walk up to the stage, and throw the money while simultaneously turning on one heel and heading off in the opposite direction. The point of this seems to be that it somehow proves that not only do you not care about the money but that the process of tipping is somehow beneath you and that the girl who just received the tip will need to chase you from now on since you won’t be waiting around for her ass. Of course, this is fucking retarded.

While I urge you not to go engaging in this kind of base class behavior, you should know what making it rain does accomplish:

• Covers up anxiety over money, success or self-image
  
• Boosts self-esteem by suggesting you have a bigger dick
  
• Turns public tipping into an aggressive action that demonstrates strength
  
• Permits the enjoyment of public degradation of others
  
• Screens dancers for their willingness to accept degradation and abuse
  
• Asserts sexual dominance over other males
  

I am pretty sure that this tipping trick is useful to some people. I am equally sure that there is a kind of dancer who responds in a tremendously positive way to this type of customer interaction. It would not at all be hard for you to find dancers who will tell you how much they love it when a customer makes it rain for them. 

Despite how harshly I am treating this behavior, I will concede that in some places, at some times, with some people, making it rain can be a positive thing, and perhaps, for the right customer, it can be the key that will unlock the right stripper’s heart.

This book and my advice, information and strategies, are not designed for that place, that time, those people, that customer, or that stripper, however.
sexual dominance
 behavior, often learned in correctional facilities, and propagated by pop cultural stereotyping, will not result in positive, successful relationships with adult entertainers. 

I have seen dancers develop relationships with guys who routinely engage in making it rain, and other related behaviors, but I have never seen those relationships be anything other than something trivial based solely on money. Superficial attraction based on dominance behavior and the exploitation of the inner crisis within most exotic entertainers is unhealthy and generally
un-fucking-cool
.

Further, it is clearly not what we are going for with all this. Tipping to focus attention on you, and to establish dominance is not a winning strategy. At best, it is an indication of an immature,
insecure make psyche
 that can offer little of real value to a woman, and does little to advance your cause. Plus, all women want a man who will focus on them, and their needs. How can you do that for someone else when your primary goal is to get people to pay attention to you?

MAKING
IT
RAIN
:
THE
REVERSE

There is one reversal to my advice here that is worth going over. There may be times when you unconditionally want to show your financial commitment to the stripper you are pursuing. Making it rain could be a powerful way to do that in an unexpected, spontaneous fashion but how to get around the selfish intent normally associated with tipping like that?

How do you somehow remove yourself from any negativity related to your dancer needing to crawl around picking up a bunch of dollar bills scattered all over the stage? Easy,
don’t do it yourself
. Call a waitress over, explain that you would like her to make it rain on your behalf, give her money, and tip her in consideration of her assistance. Tip well to ensure that things get handled correctly. Ask the server to bring the dancer a bucket for the money when the stage set ends, and to help her get the money off the stage and safely into the bucket so it doesn’t end up being a stressful event, or hold up the introduction of the next dancer on stage.

If handled in this way, all of the negativity associated with making it rain just simply disappears. In its place, you have the stage dancer reacting with pleasant surprise, more excitement in the room as the money rains down, the sight of one attractive woman throwing fistfuls of money at another, followed by a rapid clean-up and transition to the next stage set. Your stripper girl doesn’t need to feel self-conscious about picking the money up, since there is a friendly staff member up there lending a helping hand. Even the waitress will feel valued, since she made quick money doing something fun and exciting.

The best part of doing it this way is that you can accomplish all this without ever getting up, drawing attention to yourself, or acting like a
self-centered asshole
. Your dancer will still undoubtedly know who gave her money, and your modesty will score you additional points. This is something that I would not do every day, of course, but
sometimes a moment of excess can pave the way for lasting success
.
I would reserve this for birthdays, specific instances where you know your girl needs to feel special, or because you hit the lottery and care to share.

In the beginning of this chapter, I mentioned three reasons for tipping out a dancer. So far we have discussed two of them: getting her attention and getting attention focused on you. The final reason for tipping out is to reward or reinforce positive behavior on the part of the stripper-girl you are dealing with. 

This kind of tipping will generally occur on a private or semiprivate basis, and how much, for what, when and in what way you pay her will form an association between her prosperity and success, and what kind of guy you are, for better or for worse, fair or not. This topic deserves its own separate treatment and attention, so we’ll handle it in the next chapter.

Chapter 11. Rewards For Good Behavior

I aim to misbehave.

-
M
ALCOLM
R
EYNOLDS: FROM THE FILM, “
S
ERENITY.”

In the last chapter, we spent time discussing tipping opportunities, situations and methods. We covered the concepts of tipping out a dancer in order to attract her attention, something you would do while she has the stage. We also went over the idea of tipping to focus attention on you, attracting strippers, staff and other customers in order to generate an aura of false dominance. 

The final stripper-tipping fundamental is the intention to reward and reinforce positive behavior on the part of dancers with whom you are interacting. This method of compensation is the strategic tool that allows an entertainer to become
habituated, secure and aligned 
with you. It is something you must do correctly in order to be successful in your endeavor to cross over from club fantasy to personal reality.

The funny thing is that getting this part straight is not, strictly speaking, all that difficult. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase,
“It’s not rocket science,”
haven’t you? Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s not…
you know
…rocket science, dammit. Yet, somehow dumb-ass dudes sitting in strip joints manage to get this wrong time and time again. Taking care of the financial needs of exotic dancers is such a fundamental, base-level task that fucking it up screws over every other part of your
customer game
.

If you are the best looking, most snappily dressed guy in the club, yet dancers avoid you like the plague, I can almost guarantee you have some totally wrong and downright dipshit idea about providing for your girl that is blowing everything. Tipping out dancers is straightforward, easy, and satisfying in its way. Let’s handle that now.

TIPPING
TO
REWARD
OR
REINFORCE
BEHAVIOR