The Strip Club Dating Survival Guide

The Strip Club Dating Survival Guide

By Jason Keeler

Published by RawkMode Entertainment

http://www.RawkMode.com

 
Copyright © 2012 Jason Keeler. All Rights Reserved. No content may be reproduced without the express written permission of the author.

 First Edition

ISBN 978-1-62018-052-5

This e-book edition was created at
FoliumBookStudio.com

Introduction

I don't believe it!

-
L
UKE
S
KYWALKER: EXCLAIMING AS
Y
ODA LEVITATES A 15 TON
X
-WING FIGHTER OUT OF A SWAMP USING ONLY THE POWER OF HIS MIND.

   That is why you fail.

-
M
ASTER
Y
ODA: EXPLAINING TO
L
UKE WHY HE IS A PUSSY AND DESERVES TO GET HIS ASS KICKED BY HIS OWN DAD.

It is estimated that there are well over a quarter of a million women working in nearly 3,000 strip clubs, nude theaters, and bikini bars in the United States. That means that more than one in every thousand people, in this country, gets naked for money on a regular basis. Nearly half of all Americans are men, and, therefore, are rather unlikely to be working as dancers in a titty bar, unless you live somewhere
unusual.
If you ignore the male population entirely, then your actual chances of encountering a woman in this country who is a stripper increase dramatically to nearly one in five hundred. 1 in 500 odds seem reasonable enough as such things tend to go, certainly a hell of a lot better than your average chance of winning the lottery.

This is especially true when you stop to think that exotic dancers tend to be concentrated within commuting distance of thousands of adult cabarets that open up for business each day all across the country. In other words, there is a pretty significantly large population of exciting, sexually-forward, and 
theoretically
 single women in the business of getting naked for your entertainment concentrated in relatively predictable and fixed locations somewhere close by where you live, much to the annoyance of your wife, girlfriend or mom. The simple fact that dancers need to be where the clubs are makes dating a stripper a straightforward matter of personal choice, taste, priorities and resourcefulness. I suspect that may seem as obvious to you as it certainly is to me, but maybe it begs the question; 
why does this matter at all?

Are exotic dancers actually the type of women that you could date? If so, would you like to? Would they want to date you? Isn’t banging strippers just something that other guys say they do when they’re drunk and trying to one-up each other? Does anyone actually succeed at it? Do you personally know anyone who 
does? 
What value is there in learning how to approach and attract exotic dancers anyway? Aren’t these girls nothing more than fantasies that exist always just beyond reach, well protected by bouncers in the club, constantly watched over by jealous boyfriends everywhere else?

Don’t strippers have their own expert defenses, learned in the process of deflecting scores of horny males every night? Are strippers all hookers? Do they do porn? Will they cheat on you, or just play you for your money? Do you have to worry that your dancer girlfriend is lying to you about what she’s up to every time she leaves the house? If you can’t actually have them, then what would be the point? Why even talk about it when it’s not something you can have unless you’re in a band or some other shit like that? Why does learning how to do it right 
even matter?

It matters because strippers are fun to hang out with in a bar, night club, your bed, her bed, someone else’s bed, the back of a car, a dark alley behind the bar you were in earlier, and sometimes even in relationships, or marriage. It matters because strippers are physically fit, sexually desirable, and have flexible schedules, standards, and relationship boundaries.

It matters because strippers perform in a sexually charged, party environment, often wearing little or nothing, and seem to embrace the idea that walking around in giant platform heels with their asses hanging out somehow constitutes normal behavior. It matters because strippers shave everything, go tanning regularly, work out, and insist on sensible, work-related investments like breast enhancements.

It matters because strippers enjoy things like sex, drugs, good times, and playing dress up. It matters because strippers are skilled at entertaining, love to party, and aren’t afraid to bring their girlfriends home so that you can have a new toy to play with. It matters because almost every dancer out there is, in some way or another, a lonely girl at heart.

It totally matters.

Strippers have the ability to make more money than they know what to do with, can often be found behind the wheel of cars they have no business owning, and don’t mind running off to Vegas for an impromptu weekend of gambling, drinking, dancing, room service and Ecstasy fueled sex. Your stripper girlfriend will almost certainly take pleasure in helping cross out a thing or two on your 
bucket list
,
 so long as you do her right. The right dancer can totally captivate you, body and soul, changing how, why and what you think about almost everything. When she is pressing her body against you in the dubious privacy of some seedy strip joint VIP room, you may powerfully remember better days gone by, brighter futures and dreams long past their prime. She can drink you and your friends under the table while telling you where, and from whom, to get the best drugs.

An exotic dancer can be the principal object not only of your desire, but that of every other guy who lays eyes on her. Having a woman of this kind; this sex fantasy made tough, defensive, and unobtainable by the daily requirements of career, and lifestyle, possessing her sexually and romantically when no other man can, is the ultimate thrill in the hunt for love, sex, and partnership. The envy of your friends, as obvious as your breath on a cold winter morning, is ample reward in itself. If that isn’t enough, successfully dating just a single dancer has the effect of making you safe, approachable, and desirable to the other strippers in the club, the female staff members such as bartenders, waitresses, door and coat check girls, not to mention the attractive females at other clubs, vendors or related events.

Despite whatever vague, negative ideas that we as a society may entertain toward the idea of the adult stage performers, other females recognize the value inherent in a man that can attract and retain a woman who has a vast pool of ever changing suitors that she has rejected in his favor. Other guys see this too, and in the end, the social significance of such a person is increased, regardless of whether we accept his girlfriend, or reject her as a whore.

As far as a stripper’s physical boundaries, social mores, and behavioral modalities are concerned, the inhibitions that most women take for granted seem almost entirely, conspicuously absent. Whether by some quirk of a personal nature, a byproduct of lifestyle choices and personal style, or simply as the projection of a public persona designed to attract financial prosperity, an exotic dancer’s sexuality is generally open enough that almost anything pleasurable is fair game, or close enough that it makes no practical difference.

Behaviors, requests, and the expression of fetishes in the bedroom that serve to alienate you from any other woman, or even those that can end “normal” relationships altogether are typically tolerated, if not explicitly appreciated, and encouraged. Whether you find yourself in bed with your stripper girlfriend and her best friend at some point or not, there is always the perfect, present awareness that surprise
menage-a-trois
 
might go down at any moment. And sometimes, it’s actually just the possibility that counts, 
doesn’t it?

Of course, as good as that may sound, it may be little more than an illusion, like the idea that diet Coke tastes the same as the real thing, or that the Chrysler 300 surely is every bit as enjoyable to drive as a real Bentley would be. The truth may be something a little less real than what appears on the surface, and, like the aspartame in a diet soda, leaves an aftertaste that you’ll need to get used to, learn to love or to abandon altogether.

In reality, for every stripper who will never leave the house without first dressing like a supermodel, there are others who seem to possess no wardrobe beyond sweats or pajama bottoms. For each dancer who pulls up to the club in a new convertible, many more are driving cars that should not be allowed on the road in the interest of general public safety.

A dancer’s permanent address is more speculative than real, residing primarily as a general idea or life expectation represented mainly by the so-called
dancer bags
 they haul to the club every day, and the collection of shit stuffed into the trunk of their car. If a stripper does have a permanent place to live, it will almost always look like a bomb went off filled with dirty clothing, glitter and old food. Staples of modern life, such as primary health insurance, bank accounts, college degrees, and dads can often be things that other people have.

Many strippers are being dropped off at the club by boyfriends with whom they will spend most of the shift fighting via text message. They may be screwing the managers they work with, the bouncers that watch over them in exchange for tips or the DJs that play their music when they go on stage. Most likely, they have a child that you haven’t met yet. They use the word 
friend
 
in a way that means: 
the guy I’m fucking
. They spend half their lives in the bathroom, only partially because that’s usually where the 
cocaine
 
tends to be. Even when a dancer turns out to be legitimately single, you will, almost certainly, still get to meet their ex-boyfriend under unpleasant circumstances. 

Like everyone else, strippers eventually age, become less attractive, and the demand for their company fades along with the color of their hair. Sensing that the self-centered lifestyle that defined their adulthood is rapidly drawing to a close, many dancers begin seeking validation of their youth, appeal and sexual power by sleeping with anyone and sometimes, 
everyone. 
Despite all of the horrific, mind-bending torture that the average dancer is casually capable of, it may be worth remembering that the average stripper isn’t some kind of soulless, shameless, immoral whore as I know it may seem, or as I may be making it sound. At least, it’s 
mostly 
not that.

The truth is that once you’ve spent most of your working days trading your sexuality for rent money, jewelry from 
Tiffany
 and free cell phone plans, you finally just forget how to act right, even when acting right is exactly what you’ve wanted all along. You see, at some point, those old habits that once provided so much in the way of money, drugs, sex, and fun times no longer make sense anymore, because they no longer apply, and so now work against you 
until the day you die.

This might just be nature’s way of keeping the scales of universal order in some kind of neat balance, proving the theory that every sin contains its own set of unique consequences, thus requires no external punishments, leaving the natural process of ecological balance and evolution to provide its own. Stripper girlfriends and all that they bring with them are pretty strong proof of that particular viewpoint on 
Life, The Universe and Everything.

It should be said, however, that these, in truth, are just the highs and the lows, the extreme consequence of an odd life, an unusual job and a social niche that places the average exotic dancer in the margin of an already dysfunctional American culture. Most of the strippers you’ll actually meet are going to turn out to be relatively normal people, somewhat surprisingly. They have families, bills, and life goals, education of some kind, hobbies, and responsibilities that are mostly taken seriously. Most of them, despite any individual challenges or personal baggage, honestly just want to live and be loved, find fulfillment, happiness, and in the end, a life worth living.