The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (35 page)

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

PROVERBS 3:5-6

CAN WE DEVELOP a method of decision making that doesn't include arguing? I think the answer is yes, but this doesn't imply dictatorship. The husband who rules with a "rod of iron" or the wife who insists on having the last word might get compliance, but they will not attain unity. Unity requires that we treat each other with respect. We understand that we will not always agree, but when we disagree, we will respect each other's ideas, even if we don't fully understand them.

"Two people are better off than one;'the Bible says (Ecclesiastes 4:9), but how can that be apparent if one person acts alone? Most of the poor decisions made in marriages are made in isolation. If I make a decision without consulting my wife, I am limited to my own wisdom. How tragic. God instituted marriage as a partnership where two people work together as a team. When we pool our wisdom, we are far more likely to make a wise decision.

The Bible clearly instructs us not to depend, or"lean;' on our own limited understanding, as we see in Proverbs 3. Certainly as a couple, above all, we need to ask God for wisdom as we make decisions. As we do that, both partners' insights are necessary and valuable.

Life is hard. Why go it alone? Treat your spouse as a valued partner. Recognize that God gave you a wealth of wisdom when he gave you a spouse.

Father, thank you for the gift of my spouse and for the wisdom he or she represents. When we make decisions, please keep me from either taking over or abdicating all responsibility. Help us to talk together, reason well, and make wise decisions.

May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus.

ROMANS 15:5

WHAT SHOULD WE DO when we don't agree on a decision? I believe we should wait. If the decision can wait, why would you want to go ahead with something on which the two of you do not agree? And most decisions can wait until tomorrow, next week, or maybe even next month. While you are waiting, both of you should be praying for God's direction. You might ask the advice of a friend. Perhaps tomorrow you will be able to reach an agreement. If not, continue to wait. I believe you should wait as long as you can. Being in agreement is more important than the decision itself.

The apostle Paul prayed that God would help believers live in unity and harmony. That's important for a church and even more important for a marriage. When one spouse makes a decision without the other's agreement, disharmony mars the relationship.

Here is one example: I know some guys who have bought motorcycles that their wives never agreed to. And do you know what they find out about five weeks down the road? It's hard to sleep with a motorcycle. Being in agreement is more important than the decision. Wouldn't it be better to wait and pray to find unity? Once you've reached an understanding, you can ride the motorcycle together. Or, you can agree that life lived in unity is more important than speeding down the road on a motorcycle. Agreement is worth the wait.

Lord Jesus, l pray for harmony in our marriage. As we need to make decisions, l want to commit to waiting until we reach agreement rather than going ahead with what I want. Please give us wisdom and unity.

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct. GALATIANS 6:4-5

WHY ARE SOME HUSBANDS and wives irresponsible? When we get married, we expect that our spouse will carry his or her part of the load. But if your spouse won't work, shows no interest in parenting, and ignores you, you have a problem. The Bible makes it clear that each of us should be responsible for our own behavior and our own work, as we see in the above passage. Marriage partners are on the same team, but if one half of the team isn't contributing, the team doesn't function. If that's your situation and you want to help your spouse, you must first understand the source of the behavior. Let me suggest some possibilities:

1. An irresponsible spouse may be following the model of a parent.

2. An irresponsible spouse may be rebelling against the model of a parent. Perhaps he watched his mother control his father's every move, and he vows that won't happen to him.

3. An irresponsible spouse may have developed a self-centered attitude. The world revolves around her.

4. An irresponsible spouse's behavior may be an expression of resentment toward her mate. His words or actions have stimulated hurt and anger. She can't verbalize it, but it shows up in her behavior.

How do you discover the source of your spouse's behavior? You ask questions. Not direct questions such as,"Why are you so irresponsible?" but probing questions such as, "What kind of relationship did you have with your father?" Or, "In what ways have my words or actions hurt you most?" When you begin that dialogue and receive honest responses, you are on the road to understanding your spouse. That's the first step to dealing with irresponsibility.

Father God, you know that when 1 see irresponsibility in my spouse, it frustrates me, and 1 don't always respond well. Please help me to take a step back and do my best to understand the root cause of this behavior. Show me the right questions to ask, and give me ears to hear the answers.

Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 CORINTHIANS 5:17

LIVING WITH AN IRRESPONSIBLE spouse is not fun. However, watching an irresponsible spouse change and grow can be great fun. In yesterday's devotion, I suggested that the first step to helping is to find out why your spouse is irresponsible. Today, I want to suggest that the next step is to acknowledge your own failures in the past.

If you want to see change in your spouse, it is always best to begin by changing yourself. You know, and your spouse knows, that you have not been perfect. When you confess your own failures to yourself, to God, and then to your spouse, you are paving the road to growth for both of you. The apostle Paul makes clear in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that those who belong to Christ are beginning new lives. Never forget that God has the power to transform your own heart as well as your spouse's. When you begin with what you can control-yourself-and ask God to change you, changes in your spouse will not be far behind.

Consider saying this to your spouse: "I know I've been critical of you. I've realized that in many ways I have failed to be the Christian spouse I should have been. I know I haven't always given you the encouragement you needed. I hope that you will forgive me. I want the future to be different." With that communication, you have immediately changed the climate between the two of you. You have opened the door to growth.

Lord, lam grateful that you are in the business of changing lives. Though its tempting to think that only my spouse needs to change, l know that's not true. Please help me to be willing to change as well. Show me how to be a better husband or wife, and grant me the humility to confess my wrongs to my spouse without first demanding change from him or her.