The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (36 page)

[The prodigal son] returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way of his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. LUKE 15:20

HOW DO YOU STIMULATE GROWTH when you are married to an irresponsible spouse? You can have a positive influence on your spouse if you take the right approach.

We've talked about locating the source of your spouse's behavior. Ask questions to try to determine why he or she is irresponsible. Next I talked about opening the door to change by admitting your own failures and asking for forgiveness. Today, I want to encourage you to seek to meet your spouse's need for emotional love. You maybe thinking, Wait a minute. I'm the one who doesn't feel loved. I understand, but you are also the more responsible one. You're the one who wants to see change.

If you speak the primary love language of your spouse, you are taking a positive step in stimulating change. Why? Because a person who feels loved and secure is much more open to change. Didn't Jesus love us when we were unlovely? He died for us while we were still mired in our sin (see Romans 5:8). Doesn't the Bible say that we love him because he first loved us (see 1 John 4:19)? A beautiful example of this comes in the Prodigal Son's story found in Luke 15. When the son returned home after squandering all of his money, the father ran toward him and embraced him even before he knew the status of the son's heart. In the same way, loving your spouse before seeing any change is one of the most powerful steps you can take in stimulating transformation.

Lord, thank you for the example of the father of the Prodigal Son. He embraced his son literally and figuratively even before he knew whether or not his son was going to change. Please help me to respond that way to my spouse. Mayl express love without expecting anything else first.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal's death on a cross. PHILIPPIANS 2:5 -8

HOW DOES MY RELATIONSHIP with God affect my marriage? Profoundly! By nature, I'm self-centered. I carry that attitude into my marriage. So when I don't get my way, I argue or sulk. That doesn't lead to a growing marriage. My attitude must change, and that's where God comes into the picture. He is in the business of changing attitudes.

The apostle Paul says, "You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had:"What was his attitude? He was willing to step from heaven to earth to identify with us-something that one translation describes as "becoming nothing" Once he became a man, he was willing to step down even further and die for us. Jesus' attitude is first and foremost an attitude of sacrificial love and service. If that attitude is in me, I will have a growing marriage.

My research has shown that not a single wife in the history of this nation has ever murdered her husband while he was washing the dishes. Not one! That's a bit tongue-in-cheek, but it ought to tell us something.

Developing this attitude of service may seem impossible, but it's not. Never underestimate God's power to transform a willing individual.

Lord Jesus, l am amazed at your attitude of humble servanthood. I can't even understand what it must have been like for you to set aside so much to become a limited human-and to die for us. Thank you, Lord. I need your transformation to have this same attitude. Please give me a willing heart.

Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden Igive you is light." MATTHEW 11:28-30

DOES GOD MAKE A DIFFERENCE in marriage? Thousands of couples will testify that he made a difference in theirs. How does this transformation happen? First of all, we must establish a relationship with God. This means that we must come to him and acknowledge that we have walked our own way and broken his laws. We tell him that we need forgiveness and we want to turn from our sins.

He stands with open arms and says, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." That's a beautiful and astounding invitation. If we are willing to come to him, he will not only forgive us but also send his Spirit to live inside us.

The Holy Spirit is the one who changes our attitudes. When he is in control of our lives, we begin to look at things differently. He shows us that people are more important than things and that serving others is more important than being served. He works within us to produce wonderful character qualities such as love, patience, kindness, and gentleness (see Galatians 5:22-23). He alone can effect such substantial change in the way we think and act.

Do you see how these new attitudes would transform your relationship? Nothing holds greater potential for changing your marriage than asking God to come into your life, forgive your sins, and let you see the world the way he sees it.

Father God, thank you for inviting us to come to you. lam so grateful for your forgiveness, your teaching, and your Holy Spirit, which lives in me and directs me. 1 need your transformation. Please help me to allow you to change me.

If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. JOHN 8:31-32 (NKJv)

THE WAY YOU PERCEIVE yourself greatly affects your marriage. Some people grew up thinking of themselves as failures. The message they heard from their parents was, "You're not good enough" This perception keeps them in bondage. Their attitude is, Why try? I'll fail anyway. When these people fall in love and get married, they bring this distorted self-perception into the marriage.

I can tell you that such a person's spouse will be greatly frustrated. Often, someone who thinks of himself as a failure will expect his spouse to build him up, but it doesn't take long for the spouse to discover that such efforts are futile.

If you recognize yourself as having a distorted self-perception, please realize that your spouse cannot change the way you see yourself. Only you can do that.

So where do you start? In John 8, Jesus said that the truth will make you free-free from sin, and free from wrong patterns of thinking. What is the truth about you, according to God's Word? You are made in God's image (see Genesis 1:27), highly valued by him (see Matthew 10:31, among many other references), and especially gifted to serve in his Kingdom (see 1 Corinthians 12; Hebrews 13:20-21).

Believe the truth about yourself. Discover your abilities, and give them to God. He will make you a success. When you do this, you will free your spouse from having to battle the way you view yourself-and you will free yourself from negative thinking.

Lord God, l often see myself as a failure or worthless. I cling to my spouse for affirmation, but then 1 don't believe his or her words. I realize how destructive this is. Please help me to see myself as you see me. Your love gives me great value. Please set me free from the lies /have believed.