Read The No Cry Discipline Solution Online
Authors: Elizabeth Pantley
Swearing, Bad Language, and Bathroom Jokes
273
Mother-Speak
“ Abby and I had a very interesting conversation about swear
words yesterday. It went like this:
Abby: Mommy, we can’t say ‘sh*t’?
Mommy: Well, it’s not a nice word.
Abby: It hurts people’s feelings?
Mommy: It can hurt people’s feelings, yes.
Abby: But you say ‘sh*t.’
Mommy (gulping): Well, ummm, yes, I have. But I only say
it when I am really angry or when I’m hurt, like when I
burned my thumb.
Abby (thoughtfully): Mama, if I burn my thumb, may I
say ‘sh*t’?
These days Abby is so into linguistics that she was clearly
just asking for information. It’s not like I could get angry with
her for that!”
—Jenn, mother to Abigail, age 3
See also: Playtime Behavior; Sibling Fights
My children frequently tease each other and their
friends. Sometimes they call each other names.
Think About It
Child-sized teasing is a normal way of experimenting with social
interaction and part of the process of fi guring out how relation-
ships work. It is sometimes a misguided attempt at gaining power
or covering emotional hurt. It can also be a sign of nervousness,
shyness, or confusion. Just like anything else that children must
learn, it takes time for them to understand the power of their words and how to properly use that power.
What to Do
• Allow children to work it through.
If the child being teased
doesn’t seem bothered and there are no inappropriate or foul words
being used, then it’s okay to consider this harmless childishness.
Avoid getting involved. Listen in to see if the children can work
through the problem on their own before you step in.
• Teach.
Explain what teasing is and why it’s not right. Focus
your children’s attention away from the actual words used, empha-
sizing teasing in general and its inappropriateness. Discuss the fact
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Teasing and Name Calling
275
that a person who teases is being unkind, even if they don’t mean
to be unkind.
• Redirect.
Interrupt the teasing and change the subject. Redi-
rect the children’s attention to a group activity that promotes coop-
eration, such as building with blocks or playing a board game.
• Make it a family rule.
“We do not tease others.” Post the
rule on poster board, along with three or four other main family
rules, in a central location in your home. (See Family Rules: A Key
to Peace, on page 87.)
• Teach the child who is being teased how to protect herself.
Privately discuss several options that she can use to discourage
the teaser. For example, suggest that she laugh at the comment,
ignore the teaser, or express her unhappiness in a confi dent state-
ment. Let her know that she can come to you if she feels unable
to handle it herself.
What Not to Do
• Don’t ignore adult teasing.
Make sure none of the adults in
the family are teasing the children. Often adults think it’s funny to
tease and assume that the children think it’s funny, too. Children
may even laugh and act as if they enjoy the teasing, when in reality
it hurts their feelings. The children in the family will model the
parents’ actions and tease each other in the same way they have
been teased.
• Don’t assume a child who teases is being bad.
There may
be underlying emotions such as embarrassment or nervousness
that are causing the teasing. See if you can determine what’s really
happening before you jump in to correct the behavior. Once you
understand the origin of the teasing, you can address that fi rst and
teach better ways to handle these emotions.
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Specifi
c Solutions for Everyday Problems
• Don’t embarrass the teaser with a public reprimand.
Inter-
rupt the children when you hear teasing. Take the child aside for
a private discussion. Firmly state your position on teasing. Request
that she apologize and send her back out to play.
• Don’t forget to monitor media infl uences.
Keep an eye on
the TV shows your child is watching. Sources of humor in some
shows are sarcasm and putting people down—which are followed
by big laughs. Your child may be picking up on this and adapting
the technique to her own repertoire.
See also: Bath, Not Behaving In; Bath, Not Wanting One
I have to fi ght to get my child to brush his teeth! It’s a
major disruption every morning and every night.
Think About It
Daily tooth care is vital to your child’s health. Having your child
brush every day is an important part of that care. And, there are
ways to make the task less stressful—maybe even pleasant.
What to Do
• Make brushing teeth a part of your routine.
Do it as part
of your morning routine, such as right after your child gets dressed,
and at the same time every night, such as right after putting on
pajamas. If you don’t miss a day, it will soon become a natural habit.
• Model good tooth care.
Children watch their older siblings,
parents, and others for cues to how they should behave. Let your
child observe other people brushing their teeth, including yourself.
Brush together and take advantage of your little one’s desire to
imitate your actions.
• Choose the right brush.
Use a brush designed for chil-
dren. While using a bigger brush may seem more effi cient, it’s the
equivalent of sticking a hairbrush in your mouth—overwhelming.
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278
Specifi
c Solutions for Everyday Problems
Kyleigh, age 2
Instead, opt for the special brushes made especially for children’s
smaller mouths. Choose a soft-bristled brush to make brushing
more pleasant and to prevent hurting your child’s gums.
• Experiment with different types of toothbrushes and
toothpastes.
Search out colorful, musical toothbrushes or those
with playful designs. Try an electric or battery-powered brush made
especially for children. These do a great job of cleaning teeth, and
your little one may enjoy the buzzing sound and tingly feeling. If
you have several brushes, let your little one choose which brush to
use each time he brushes.
• Use only a small swipe of toothpaste.
Too much can be
unpleasant (and unhealthy) for your child, and a tiny bit does the