The No Cry Discipline Solution (59 page)

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Specifi

c Solutions for Everyday Problems

Mother-Speak

“ When we’re shopping I let my boys choose one treat, but

they often ask for more after that. I very nicely say, ‘Sure,

you can have fruit roll-ups instead of the cookies you chose

earlier—let’s go put the cookies back.’ Suddenly, there’s no

more clamoring for the fruit roll-ups.”

—Judith, mother to Robbie, age 11; Harry, age 6;

and Elizabeth, age 9 months

• Create a written or an imaginary wish list.
Whenever your

child says, “I want this,” tell him that you will remember that he

likes it. You can even jot it down on paper and call it his wish

list.

• Prevent the constant gimmees.
Let your child know in

advance what you will or will not be buying that day before you

enter the store. If you can allow him to choose one treat to put

in the basket each time you shop, he will know not to ask for an

endless list of things. Having to decide on his one thing also gives

him a purpose for the trip.

• Have consistent rules.
If you shop frequently, it will help to write on a note card the top fi ve or six shopping rules and put the

note card in the car. Each time before you shop, review the rules

with your children.

What Not to Do

• Don’t take a hungry child grocery shopping.
You might not

intentionally plan this, but it happens. If it has been an hour or

two since your child last ate, the fi rst item on your list should be a

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snack your child can eat as you shop. A box of crackers, a bag of

pretzels, or a corn dog can work wonders to take the edge off. (Just

remember to pay for it when checking out.)

• Don’t take a tired child shopping.
Avoid scheduling shop-

ping trips too close to nap time. Tired children are absolutely more

fussy and impatient.

• Don’t shop at the store’s busiest hours.
When possible

schedule your shopping times to avoid the largest crowds. More

people in the store mean longer lines and more complications. A

quiet, less-populated store will also help you feel less stressed. A

cashier or manager can recommend good shopping times.

Sibling Fights

See also: Biting Other Children; Bossiness; Hitting,

Kicking, and Hair Pulling; Playtime Behavior

It really bothers me when my children fi ght with each

other. I want them to be friends!

Think About It

When our children fi ght, it not only grates on our nerves, it tugs

on our hearts. We want them to love each other, and we want

them to build lifelong friendships. When they quarrel it seems this

will never happen. In reality, all siblings fi ght with each other and

it is not a measure of their love or their friendship—it’s the normal

development of social and relationship skills. The vast majority of

sibling battles are not destructive to the relationship between the

children. All this considered, there
are
ways to reduce the number of fi ghts and the severity of them, as well.

What to Do

• Identify and solve the problems.
Try to determine if there

is a pattern to your children’s fi ghts.
Do they typically fi ght over
one thing, such as sharing toys?
If so, make rules about sharing.
Do
they always fi ght while you’re making dinner?
You could enlist their help in preparing the meal, feed them a healthy snack, or have an

activity planned during that time, such as coloring or playing with

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clay.
Do they fi ght while they are getting ready for bed in the evening?

Create and follow a peaceful bedtime routine that occurs earlier in

the evening before the nighttime meltdown occurs. The idea here

is to identify the “hot spots” between your children and create a

plan to prevent the problem from continually causing arguments.