The No Cry Discipline Solution (29 page)

118

No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools

the child any further. (Pleading or discussing will only increase

the whining.)

• Be funny.
Young children can have major meltdowns over

the most trivial issues, such as toast cut in the wrong shape or

a broken crayon. There is no reason that
you
need to take such

matters seriously, though. Of course, you should understand that at

that moment your child does truly feel the issue is the most impor-

tant thing in the world. But here’s the good news—it’s only the

most important thing until the next most important thing comes

up. And a funny parent is easily the next most important thing.

So lighten up, and try distracting your child with a funny face, silly

song, or goofy action. Instead of spiraling down that unpleasant

road of whining and tantrums, you’ll both feel joy and gladness in

its place.

Mother-Speak

“ I use the ‘Be Funny’ approach quite often to stop my daugh-

ter’s whining and fussing. I found that this tip works wonders

for my attitude as well as hers. I use silly voices, tickles, funny

faces, and talking stuffed animals to help her calm down. I

truly fi nd the laughter helps ease both of our frustrations,

and it helps us to transition to a new activity with a refresh-

ing new attitude.”

—Renee, mother to Kaylie, age 2, and Alyssa, newborn

• Allow the fussing!
There are times when your child is fuss-

ing because he is unhappy with something you’ve told him to do or

stop doing. If that’s the case, it’s only fair to let him be sad. After

all, you can’t truly expect him to be happy that you won’t let him

have an ice-cream cone, climb on the table, or spend another hour

playing at the park!

Tantrums, Fussing, and Whining: The Big Three

119

If your child carries the fussing on long after the issue should be

done with, then tell your child that you’re going to set the timer for

three minutes. She can fuss or whine for three minutes and then

she must stop. Some children will complain, “That’s not enough

time!” If they do, ask, “How much is enough, four or fi ve minutes?”

Typically, of course, fi ve will be chosen. Make a big production of

setting the timer for fi ve minutes, and announce that she must

stop when the timer rings. Most children will stop before the timer

rings. If your child doesn’t stop after fi ve minutes, you can fall back

on one of the other ideas.

Mother-Speak

“ I’ve been so set on never letting my children cry that I have

sometimes taken it too far and given in to the fussing so

I didn’t have to hear them cry. That sometimes just makes

things worse. I have learned that sometimes it’s okay if they

have to cry for a moment if they are unhappy and just trying

to get it all out.”

—Christine, mother to Lauren, age 6, and AJ, age 2

• Teach.
Often children aren’t really aware they are whining,

or they don’t know exactly what you mean by a tantrum. Have a

discussion and demonstrate what this behavior sounds like. (Put

on a good show!) Also demonstrate what it sounds like when you

use a normal voice. Tell your child you want to help her remember

not to whine or have a tantrum, so every time she does this you

are going to give her a signal. When she sees the signal she should

take a deep breath and fi nd her regular voice. If your signal is somewhat lighthearted it may prevent things from escalating. You

might put your fi ngers in your ears, close your eyes, make a funny

face, or take a deep, exaggerated breath yourself to cue her as to