The No Cry Discipline Solution (56 page)

from can help, also.

• Coach them through problems.
Children can get frustrated

or angry with a friend, but they don’t have the self-control or wis-

dom to handle their frustrations in the proper way. You’ll need to

teach the kids how to negotiate and compromise when they have

a problem. Ask each one in turn to explain what happened. Then

guide them through solving the problem.

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Specifi

c Solutions for Everyday Problems

• Listen and watch.
You don’t have to mediate every argu-

ment. Often children will work through a disagreement on their

own. Step in only if the argument continues with no sense of

resolution in sight, or if they begin to push or hit each other.

• Praise and encourage.
When your child has had a good play

session, don’t be shy about giving out compliments. Let your child

know that you’re proud of him or her.

What Not to Do

• Don’t make play dates too long.
Children’s social skills tend

to deteriorate over time. Watch your child for signs that it’s time

to end the event. One to three hours is usually plenty for young

children. As they get more familiar and comfortable in the friend-

ship, you can experiment with longer playtimes.

• Don’t force friendships on children who don’t mesh.
Just

like adults, some children click and play well together. Others seem

to clash whenever they are together. Try to choose playmates that

bring out the best in your child.

• Don’t leave the children alone while the adults socialize.

When children are older you’ll be able to leave them alone to play.

Younger children, though, require more monitoring and supervi-

sion to keep things running smoothly.

• Don’t have too large a group.
If you are having behavior

problems, see what happens if you pare down to only two or three

children at a time. The more little personalities in the room, the

more likely problems will arise. Once you notice that things are

consistently going well in the small group, then you can move on

to a bigger play group.

Restaurant Behavior

See also: Interrupting; Manners; Mealtime Behavior

We like to go out to eat with our children, but even a

meal at a fast-food restaurant is exhausting. Every time

we go out, we end up wishing we’d stayed home and

ordered pizza.

Think About It

Children can be both excited and bored at a restaurant. Also, they

can fi nd it diffi cult to sit in one place for the length of time neces-

sary to order, wait, eat, and pay for the meal. This problem is one

that improves with age, development, and practice. With a good

game plan, you can help your children learn how to behave appro-

priately in a restaurant so that you can all enjoy the experience.

What to Do

• Pick the right restaurant.
Choose a restaurant based on

its level of child-friendliness. Consider the availability of a chil-

dren’s menu that includes food your children will actually eat, the

absence of a long wait for a table, and booster seats or high chairs.

Private booths or eating nooks as opposed to one large open room

can make dining out more fun. And a noisier, family-friendly

atmosphere can help.

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250

Specifi

c Solutions for Everyday Problems

• Teach restaurant manners at home.
If you are casual about

mealtime manners at home, don’t expect your children to miracu-

lously develop table manners because you happen to be sitting in

a restaurant. Practice good manners at home for every meal, and

your children will be prepared when you eat out.

• Have longer sit-down meals at home.
Typically, at home

we call our children to the table when the food is ready and then

excuse them as soon as they are fi nished eating. If you want to

practice for restaurant visits, it’s a good idea to have them come

to the table a few minutes earlier. Then sit and chat for a bit after

you are fi nished with the meal. Make it fun by telling stories or

jokes or talking about upcoming plans. Not only will this be great

practice for eating out, it’s a wonderful ritual to introduce into your

home.

• Dine out at your regular mealtime.
When possible, stick

close to your routine. Plan to dine at a reasonable time, before your

children become famished and tired. If you must go out later than

your usual time, provide your children with a snack at the normal

time and allow them to have a smaller meal at the restaurant, or

to eat half the restaurant meal and bring the rest home.

• Review your restaurant rules before you go.
Be very spe-

cifi c, and leave no stone unturned. A sample list of “restaurant

rules” might be: Sit in your seat. Use a quiet inside voice. Use your

silverware, not your fi ngers. Have nice conversation; no bickering.

If you don’t like something, keep your comments to yourself and

fi ll up on something else. If you have to use the restroom, ask me

privately and I’ll take you.

• Ask for an immediate appetizer.
Many restaurants automat-

ically bring bread or chips to the table as soon as you are seated.

If this isn’t the case, ask for something to be brought out for the

children to nibble on.

• Prevent boredom.
Bring along a few simple toys such as a

deck of cards, plastic animals, or small quiet toys that can keep

children occupied while they wait.

Restaurant Behavior

251

Mother-Speak

“ We ask for to-go boxes and the check at the same time we

order our food. This way, if we have to leave because of a

tired or whiny child, we can make a fast getaway.”

—Reagan, mother to Hailey, age 2

What Not to Do

• Don’t imagine that eating out
with
children is the same as
dining
without
them.
When you take children to a restaurant, the focus is not the cuisine or the atmosphere. It’s all about controlling

the excitement and boredom, teaching your children formal man-

ners, and having quality family time.

• Don’t stay too long after eating.
Keep your post-meal con-

versation short. The longer you stay, the more likely your children

will run out of patience and act up.

• Don’t make them eat what they don’t like.
Stick with famil-

iar foods when possible. If the grilled cheese sandwich your child

ordered turns out to be Swiss cheese on sourdough, allow your

child to eat the French fries and pack up the sandwich. A restau-