The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (32 page)
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Authors: Athol Kay
BOOK: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
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Okay… maybe that’s just my childhood trauma talking, but the principle holds. All those kisses that amount to a peck in passing do nothing to light the fires, for either of you.
If the routine is new to her, just walk up to her and say…
“It’s being so long since we kissed. I mean really, really kissed. I want to kiss for ten seconds, but I do have one rule…”
“It’s being so long since we kissed. I mean really, really kissed. I want to kiss for ten seconds, but I do have one rule…”
She’s pretty much forced to ask,
“What’s that?”
“What’s that?”
Then you say, and it’s very important you do this with a cocky smile, keeping it light and fun as possible,
“You have to pretend to like it.”
“You have to pretend to like it.”
She should laugh and say
"Okay"
or something similar. Then you hold her and lean in for the kiss. When you go in for the kiss, only go 90% of the way in and hold position, making her come the final 10% of the distance to you. This forces her to actively engage with you (she is kissing you), rather that it being something she is passively allowing to happen to her (you are kissing her). We're creating emotional engagement here. It's also a highly confident approach, which most women find very sexy. It means you aren't scared of her not responding to you. This is a fairly Alpha Male move as the underlying message is
"I know you will respond to me.”
"Okay"
or something similar. Then you hold her and lean in for the kiss. When you go in for the kiss, only go 90% of the way in and hold position, making her come the final 10% of the distance to you. This forces her to actively engage with you (she is kissing you), rather that it being something she is passively allowing to happen to her (you are kissing her). We're creating emotional engagement here. It's also a highly confident approach, which most women find very sexy. It means you aren't scared of her not responding to you. This is a fairly Alpha Male move as the underlying message is
"I know you will respond to me.”
Then hold the kiss, for all ten seconds. If she breaks it off early, lightly tell her off,
“That wasn’t ten seconds, come back here and do it right.
” Then repeat it until you get a full ten seconds. This again is Alpha Male goodness in that you are asserting yourself and not letting her evade you. Don’t go in trying to cop a feel either,
you’re kissing her
. If you're hard for her, press against her, letting her know that she is affecting you. You're not trying to convert this kiss into sex right now. If you try and do that she may try and defend against it because she may not want sex just that second. By just kissing, there's nothing she needs to defend against, so her guard will come down and she will let you "in" emotionally.
“That wasn’t ten seconds, come back here and do it right.
” Then repeat it until you get a full ten seconds. This again is Alpha Male goodness in that you are asserting yourself and not letting her evade you. Don’t go in trying to cop a feel either,
you’re kissing her
. If you're hard for her, press against her, letting her know that she is affecting you. You're not trying to convert this kiss into sex right now. If you try and do that she may try and defend against it because she may not want sex just that second. By just kissing, there's nothing she needs to defend against, so her guard will come down and she will let you "in" emotionally.
What you will find is that somewhere around the six second mark, her shields come down and she will become quite passionate about the interaction. All those 0.1 second “peck” kisses are simply social in nature. The romantic biological hormonal kick-in from kissing doesn’t happen until at least five seconds, so that’s why you’ve got to hold the kiss. Feel free to keep the kiss going on as long as you both want. Also, you will find the long deep kiss will not only trigger passionate interest in her, but also in you. It is very difficult to stay emotionally neutral about a member of the opposite sex when you kiss like this.
The beauty of the Ten Second Kiss is that it works every time. You can do this once a day and it will connect you both again. Don’t automatically try and turn this into an attempt to close for sex. Kiss her like this, make some small talk, and move on with your day. The goal is to connect you both emotionally. Once she’s emotionally connected to you, your wife will be far more interested in sex.
(17.3) Locking-In Her Kiss
After you have the Ten Second Kiss down pat, here’s an additional step to make things more interesting.
When you kiss, if she has jeans with front pockets, simply slide a finger or two into them and gently pull her into you as you kiss. It kind of locks her into you and is controlling and dominant, but with a minimum of force. Plus you’re literally starting to get your hands in her pants.
When the kiss breaks, let her breathe for a second and then pull her back to you and kiss a few seconds more. Just say
“I’m not done with you”
in a light playful tone as you pull her in and kiss her some more.
“I’m not done with you”
in a light playful tone as you pull her in and kiss her some more.
If she’s recently lost a little weight, you can mix this up a tad and just slide your hand down the back of her pants (which will be fitting a little looser) and under the panties and cup her ass. Then you compliment her… eyes.
Another kissing move is to tell her to put her arms around your neck or even placing them there yourself. It's telling her what to do (Alpha) and makes her breasts lift up and rub against your chest better. Personally, I like that feeling.
(17.4) How to Make Her Stop Talking
Sometimes women need to talk about their day. It usually pays to listen and let her decompress. Don't try to problem solve her day for her unless she explicitly asks for help with something. Just listen, pay attention, nod and smile at the good bits. Usually what she wants most is your attention, so treat it like a small stage production and clap for the good bits and boo the villains. Once she's decompressed a little, she is usually far more receptive to you for the rest of the evening.
Of course, sometimes she does just go on and on and on, and having started listening properly, it can become difficult to get yourself out of the conversation without looking like you're flaking on her. Faking a seizure usually gets you out of a couple conversations a month, but beyond that you start looking more and more like a liability to her.
The solution is simple. You simply close the distance between you, pull her into you, and then kiss her intensely until she loses her entire train of thought. If she wanted your attention... well she’s getting it.
(17.5) The Cleavage Pull to Kiss Move
Need something else to try? When you go in for a kiss, rather than your diving in towards her, smile playfully and reach out to her and gently hook a finger or two into the front of her shirt/cleavage. Gently pull her towards you for the kiss. Don't rip the front of her shirt open or anything silly, just reel her in for the smooch.
(17.6) Kiss Her Neck
One of the weak spots on the human body is the neck. If someone has you by the throat it's immediately bad, likewise a blow to the back of your exposed neck is life-threatening.
Dozens of cultures have some combination of bowing and hats off (think "armored helmets off" as the early ancestor of “hats off") by the social inferior to the social superior. It's a social submission signal to expose yourself to physical weakness. Likewise in the animal kingdom there are readily observable submission signals where the weaker literally bows their head to the stronger. The message is clear:
"Okay I get it, you're in charge here and I'm better off aligning myself to you rather than trying to compete with you".
Humans are much the same. In a stand-off building towards a potential fist fight between two guys, the first guy that drops his head to the other loses the stand-off. The social signal of submission avoids the physical fight happening.
"Okay I get it, you're in charge here and I'm better off aligning myself to you rather than trying to compete with you".
Humans are much the same. In a stand-off building towards a potential fist fight between two guys, the first guy that drops his head to the other loses the stand-off. The social signal of submission avoids the physical fight happening.
So actually reaching out and touching someone else’s neck is a potent statement. Touching the
front
of the neck crosses the line into naked hostility and most people will automatically physically fight to defend their airway by any means necessary. I'm more talking about touching the
back
of the neck. Anyone who touches the back of your neck is announcing very clearly that they are expecting your submission to them.
front
of the neck crosses the line into naked hostility and most people will automatically physically fight to defend their airway by any means necessary. I'm more talking about touching the
back
of the neck. Anyone who touches the back of your neck is announcing very clearly that they are expecting your submission to them.
All of which is why women love their necks being kissed. Especially those
sneak up behind them and wrap your arms around them and gently nuzzle on their neck
moves. You get bonus points for doing this when you kind of trap them up against the kitchen counter when they are making you a sandwich. Kissing the back of her neck is a powerful statement of physical dominance and sexual intent; she is wired to respond to that with attraction.
sneak up behind them and wrap your arms around them and gently nuzzle on their neck
moves. You get bonus points for doing this when you kind of trap them up against the kitchen counter when they are making you a sandwich. Kissing the back of her neck is a powerful statement of physical dominance and sexual intent; she is wired to respond to that with attraction.
Another move to do is a very light hold on the back of her neck when you are kissing or making love. Note I said
very light hold
and not
crush her windpipe
or
shake her by the neck like a rag doll.
The entire point is that you’re signaling dominance with a social signal, rather than having to go through the violence of an actual physical confrontation.
very light hold
and not
crush her windpipe
or
shake her by the neck like a rag doll.
The entire point is that you’re signaling dominance with a social signal, rather than having to go through the violence of an actual physical confrontation.
Anyway... neck kissing... maybe some ladies out there just discovered they are more wired for submission than they first thought....
(17.7) The Other Place You Can Kiss
I mentioned at the start of the chapter that male saliva contains testosterone. So when you kiss her, you actually give her testosterone and that turns her on.
So if you give her oral sex… all that testosterone from your saliva can be just as easily absorbed through the walls of her vagina.
Something to think about perhaps?
Chapter 18
Just Bust a Move
(18.1) Ask for Nothing and You Shall Receive it in Abundance…
Upon occasion guys are just incredibly clueless about a woman being interested in them. I'm not really a dating writer but I got this email from a guy trapped in the Friendzone:
"Hi! I have a problem regarding the friend zone. I have this girl who I am really falling in love with… we’ve known each other for about a year, and have had the same best friends whom we hang out with a lot for the last 6 months. She and I have many little things only we joke about, flirting etc... And especially the last month. But I cannot figure out if she is interested, or just being a friend. And because we are so close, and have the same friends, it would be embarrassing to ask her out or something if she wouldn’t go.
We never do anything alone though, it is just with our friends. The last time we were out, we danced kind of sexy, and if this had been any other girl, we would have been making out a long time ago. But since I’m falling in love with her, I don’t dare to go for the kiss, in case I blow it. I even slept in her bed that night. (There were 5 other friends sleeping in the living room next door though). Nothing happened.”
“
Should I ask her out, try to get her alone? How? For dinner, for a drink? What?"
Should I ask her out, try to get her alone? How? For dinner, for a drink? What?"
Dude… everybody knows that you’re totally into this girl. You know. Your friends know. She knows. It's no secret to
anyone.
She’s just waiting for you to make your move. Your friends all cleared out and slept in the living room and left you and her alone in the same bed and nothing happened????
anyone.
She’s just waiting for you to make your move. Your friends all cleared out and slept in the living room and left you and her alone in the same bed and nothing happened????
All you have to do is bust a move and do something. If she’s into you she’ll jump at the chance to do something with you. Just decide on a place to have a date, call her up and tell her when and where the date will be. But tell her she should only come if she’s willing to make out on the date. Then tell her that she has a choice for the first date as to whether or not she wears her good underwear or her bad underwear, but that any future dates would require the good underwear. This would mean that is clearly in everyone's best interest that the make out session be quite in depth to see if the chemistry you think she has for you is really there. Then get off the phone.
You can just as easily stumble into a Friendzone relationship with your wife by a simple lack of activity. The solution is to become more active and just bust a move or two on her. Most women respond to the advances of men, so ultimately the person that traps you in the Friendzone is you.
(18.2) Play With Women All the Time
You may only be trying to sleep with your wife, but all women can enjoy a playful interaction with you. You don’t have to get into heavy flirting and secret lunches to do this, just keep it playful with the women you meet. Most men learning Game say that not only does their wife react better to them, so do all the women they meet and work with.
There’s a marked difference to walk through your front door knowing that you had four or five women earlier that day laughing and smiling at you. Somehow that is all internalized and your wife will pick up on your being confident and happy. She’ll like it.
(18.3) Practice Asking Women Out
One of the skills you can learn is asking women out to lunch or coffee. It’s fairly harmless and good practice; just don’t let yourself be hooked into someone emotionally. The trick is to avoid getting locked into thinking about what they think about you, because then you turn into a creepy guy because you have a mental delay in trying to process the simple task of saying,
“Hey I’m going to lunch, want to come?”
Considering that most women do in fact like to eat lunch, I'm pretty much assuming the creepiness factor is the issue here.
“Hey I’m going to lunch, want to come?”
Considering that most women do in fact like to eat lunch, I'm pretty much assuming the creepiness factor is the issue here.
In talking to women and getting to them to go for lunch or coffee there are three basic elements to your verbal interaction:
The False Time Constraint –
"I can't stay for long though, I have a meeting/report due/call/thing I have to do in 30 minutes".
That means you aren't going to stay locked in laser beam focus on them for an unknown length of time. Plus it means that you are an active guy and busy, which means you have value.
"I can't stay for long though, I have a meeting/report due/call/thing I have to do in 30 minutes".
That means you aren't going to stay locked in laser beam focus on them for an unknown length of time. Plus it means that you are an active guy and busy, which means you have value.
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