The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (28 page)

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Authors: Athol Kay

BOOK: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
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Or put more crudely,
"I'm bored" = "I need a dominant male fix.”
You should take this phrase as a clear warning sign that you need to take some immediate action, or risk bad things happening.

 

The first and most common way to get that need met is by trying to force the issue by creating a Fitness Test for you to bump back on her. She’s being not so much a “bitch”, just under-stimulated and is trying to create stimulation. When you pass the test and act dominantly towards her, she's getting her submissive itch scratched which is what she wants.

 

It's very rare that a woman knows herself well enough, to realize on a conscious level that she’s feeling the need to be submissive. It’s also an additional step to be able to express that verbally and still be pleased when her husband dominates her on cue. Most women find that having to say they need to be dominated
just ruins it
when he complies;
he's just supposed to know and do it
. The phrase
"I'm bored"
is about as far as women go with hinting before they start feeling like they are the one running the game, rather than the game being run on them.

 

The other way a wife can get her dominant male fix is pretty simple; she can find another man to excite her. Most wives will still love their husbands, they’re simply... well, boring. She probably didn’t even mean to go looking for another guy, but one thing can lead to another quickly as soon as the dopamine pathways are getting all lit up inside her head. It’s so exciting. Pretty soon she’s addicted to the flirty texts, emails and phone calls. You sure as hell want to interrupt that before she decides meet him and do something physical.

 

You can probably say to yourself,
"Oh really? But we have this, and that, and I give her everything she could ever want and we don't fight or anything. Things are great."
No they aren't great; she's bored. I'll finish with a line that isn't exactly 100% guaranteed to happen, but it rhymes so it will stick in your head and you’ll remember it better when you hear her say
"I'm bored"
 to you....

 

If you’re boring, she’s whoring.

 

As an aside, if your wife knows that you know about this section of the book, if she say’s
“I’m bored,”
she’s usually doing it quite purposely to instigate gaining your attention and/or seeking to initiate sex. But she can do it without directly saying that is what she wants to happen. Once you realize it’s a big playful submissive hint, it can be quite fun to take your cue and un-bore her.
(14.9) Be Unpredictable With Sex

 

Never have sex in the same position more than twice in a row. This is a rule.

 

It's boring to keep doing the same thing night after night, which means in time she will think you are boring. And while there is not a “three doggy-styles and you're out” rule, you're digging yourself a hole. Years might roll by and she'll be just as faithful as can be, but women are sexy creatures and if you serve up the same wilted salad, eventually she may take an interest in another chef’s celery sticks for a little variety. Heck, the goldfish probably has more toys in his bowl than most wives see in their bedroom. Mating in captivity equals sad pandas.

 

Here's the deal…stop asking her for sex.
"Are we having sex tonight?" "Do you want sex tonight?" "Are you in the mood for something?"
  These are yes/no questions. If she says
"No",
you’ll get nothing…
…
again. Now your job is to lie there with a rock hard throbbing cock and not touch her. Die quietly.

 

If she says
"Yes",
she's either mentally agreeing to the same old stuff (which is boring), or is having a flashback about the time some high school chump asked her on date and when she asked him
"A date where?"
he just said,
"I don't know, just a date
.” Which is to say a date to nowhere.

 

What you should do is go to bed with a plan. Set your own mental agenda for how sex will play out tonight. It doesn't have to be anything over the top. Maybe tonight is missionary. Tomorrow is doggy. The next night is her on top. After that she's on top again, but this time when she wants you to come, she has to pull herself off you, lie on her back and ask for it rough and fast.

 

A man without a plan is not a man. So instead of asking for sex, just announce your plan to her.
“Tonight I want to go down on you first, then kiss my way up your body and slowly grind in you until you tell me to come
.” See how much stronger, how Alpha that is compared to,
"Are we doing it?” (Oh please say yes, please, please, please.... awwwwwwwww).

 

You should announce your plan before you go to bed. Say it as you nuzzle her from behind in the bathroom as she brushes her teeth before bed. Lay a deep kiss on her in the hallway in passing between dinner and the kids’ homework and whisper it in her ear. Text her the plan at lunchtime. As you lay together slick and cuddling in the afterglow, casually mention your plans for the next night. If you do that last one, make sure it's with a playful cheeky smile.

 

If she has a plan of her own, then no problem, you can roll with it. Maybe she's so turned on she just breaks your plan halfway through and heads towards orgasm #2. Dude, roll with that. The point of your having a plan is to trigger her sex drive by getting her excited about what is going to happen.

 

If she says “No”, then so be it, but at least she’s got a clear idea of how good “Yes” is going to be. It helps to make the idea of having sex the default setting in the bedtime routine. Instead of deciding to have sex, she has to make a decision not to have sex. It’s a subtle but important difference.
(14.10) Try a Rough Sex Experiment

 

If you haven't tried having rough/very firm/hard sex with your wife, try a little experiment.

 

The next time you have sex, without particularly asking permission or announcing your intention, just pound her harder than usual. You can get her off first by fingers or tongue as the curtain raiser, but once it's P in V time, climb on top of her and go hard at it. Don't worry about whether or not she’ll like it or if she’ll orgasm, don't worry about how perfect your orgasm will be this time either. All you're testing out is how she responds to getting vigorously screwed. You can work on the finer points later.
If you're worried about really injuring her, relax a little. Vaginas are pretty solid things as they are designed to have eight pound babies get pushed out of there. Unless you have some sort of porn stunt-cock, it's very unlikely that you could really injure her if you have enough lubrication and wetness. Your cock would break before her vagina does, so give going rough a trial.
If she likes it, a good sign is her being unusually cuddly after sex. Another thing to look for is
what is she like the next day?
Happier? Doting on you? Smiling at you more? She cooked you a favorite meal? She may not even realize she liked it as much as she did.
Several years back I started trying rough sex on Jennifer. The first few times I tried really pounding Jennifer hard, I was nervous about it and honestly expected a negative reaction. I was a Nice Guy and she was a good girl and it all just seemed out of character for us both. I only starting thinking about doing it based on reading things saying women liked it. So as awkward as that first attempt felt, I tried it anyway. To my surprise, my sweet, shy, naïve, polite, quiet wife lapped it up like the head cheerleader. Plus instead of our usual post coital routine of me snuggling into her, she snuggled into me every time I tried it. Not once or twice... every time. The next day she would be all giggly and a little silly with me. Huh... who knew?
So even though I was surprised by her reaction and I felt uncomfortable doing it, I’m not stupid. I quickly learned she did in fact like it and added it to the regular sexual menu. Over time I grew less worried by it and started really enjoying her reaction to it. Eventually it grew into becoming something I actively enjoy as well. It's not the whole menu by any means, but it's a reasonably frequent choice for us.
Give rough sex a trial run if you haven't already. Your wife may just like it. And if you haven't talked about a safeword, consider "Ow!" to be the safeword for now.
(14.11) Breaking Down the Sexually Shy Wife

 

Some wives are just sexually shy; I know because I married one. With a really slutty girl you can simply Alpha up and demand something sexual and you’ll get it. But taking that same approach with a sexually shy wife will probably backfire on you. If you become too assertive too fast, it may become too stimulating and simply drive her deeper into her anxiety. Ironically, the behavior that can unpick her locks is actually adding Beta comfort building. The comfort building decreases her anxiety so she can fully relax enough to start enjoying it more easily.
Here's an example... I've had some recent email from a blog reader with a very shy wife when it comes to sex. My advice to him was to try the Sexy Move in the shower routine (described later in the book); when she’s showering he climbs in with her and playfully washes her back, asks her to wash his back, some playful little sexual teasing and then he asks her to step out of the shower so he could finish his shower. This is intended as a playful Alpha invasion of her space in the shower as enjoyable attention. In fact the entire point of the routine is that you turn her on a bit, but then you don't have sex with her, it’s all a little bit of a tease toying with her. To which he replied:
"Very good stuff. I loved the
shower pass post.
She locks the door to shower, so I think I'm going to get a stick at the ready to pick the lock...probably in a couple weeks when she's ovulating."
To which I said,
“Oh hang on a moment, she’s more anxious than I thought!”
If very shy wife has the door locked to the shower and it’s likely she does it on purpose to keep her husband out. So if he pops the lock and marches into the bathroom with a hard on, she will probably experience this like a normal wife would experience a SWAT team entering the bathroom. She's going to scream in terror, try and cover herself with a hand bra and fall over in the shower crying. Not as sexy as intended.
A better approach is to let her know the overall plan and get her to agree to it. Yes this takes away the element of surprise, but that's the point. Then you break down the process into a number of smaller steps. The first step would be to have her shower with the door unlocked. That's it. Maybe do that for a week or so. Then the next step is to have him come into the bathroom while she showers. They can have a conversation in there…he can brush his teeth or something. Do that for maybe a week. Then the next step is opening the shower door while he's in the bathroom, a week of that. Then maybe he can get in with her and wash her back.
Is this long and tedious? It sure is. But it also might work a lot better than popping the lock and rocking the cock at her. It does take a slow steady pressure to continue to advance through the steps. Each step comes with a degree of discomfort that needs to be passed through. The Alpha doesn't let her off the hook for developing her sexual confidence and stretching her limits, while the Beta praises and soothes. You must have both tools in the toolbox.

 

As each step is made she needs praise and positive attention. As long as progress is being made in the direction you want, you just stick with the process. You're not going to go from a very shy wife to a well trained slutty wife in a single day, or a week, or maybe even a year. But you can make constant progress toward that goal. It's all vastly easier to have her consent and understanding to purposely stretch her limits together, but you can make some progress with rewarding the behavior you wish to see - it's just going to be much slower.
At the beginning of our relationship, Jennifer was extremely shy and sexually naïve from her sheltered upbringing. By “naïve”, I mean utterly clueless, as in the first time I fingered her to orgasm before we were married, she didn’t even know what had happened to her. I had to explain what an orgasm was and how it happened. Talk about finding a way to Display High Value.

 

We've always had a lot of sex, but early on it was fairly bad sex compared to now… though I was so excited to be getting laid I thought it was awesome. The first month of vaginal sex together she lay there stiff as a board and soundless. I considered adding a strobe light to the bedroom to make it look like she was moving. Each time did get a little better though and I gently pushed back her boundaries. I didn't force her, just wore her down with expressions of enjoyment, pleasure for her, praise and thanking.

 

Getting Jennifer to give me a blowjob took months of work. It started off with one little kiss on the tip of my penis as a starting point for a handjob. I let her know I liked it. She kissed me a little longer the next time. I let her know I liked that. Then she took the tip – just the tip –into her mouth… and so on and so on. Eventually, blowjobs were on the menu as something she tolerated and could do. Now giving them makes her wet and horny; I can
gently
push her head down on me further and tug on her hair when she gives them and that turns her on even more.

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