The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (36 page)

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Authors: Athol Kay

BOOK: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
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Bonus points if you can bang the headboard against the wall. That's like hotel sex. Women love hotel sex. Half the reason women have affairs is just to be in a hotel I think. They will say it's because it's romantic...  "romantic" being the girl-talk word for "costs money".
Pro Tip –
Some beds can be made squeakier by the use of a screwdriver and the loosening of a few screws. No one ever got divorced because they broke the bed by having sex. However, I am not buying you a new bed.
Warning –
Make sure the banging sound is not her head against the headboard. Women detest that.
(20.9) Cum On Her Breasts

 

I've not been a huge fan of sex during menstruation. I'm not particularly grossed out by it, just that I find blood to be somewhat irritating on my penis during sex and Jennifer isn't usually all that excited by it either. So by mutual agreement we tend heavily to avoid intercourse during her menses.

 

Which just opens the door to different fun...
One of my favorite things is Jennifer lying on her back giving me a handjob while I'm on all fours over of her. That way I cum all over her breasts. It's a physically intense way to orgasm for me, more so than my orgasm from regular intercourse, it’s just that I usually prefer being inside her. However for nights when Jennifer isn't up for a regular pounding this is a fabulous Plan B.
At first I just liked the strength of my orgasm and physical sensation, but over time I've started getting increasing enjoyment just from the position of dominance and her enjoyment at me cuming hard on her. She quite likes this position as well…both for its own sake and because it's an easy five minutes of fun to get a contented husband.
(20.10) The Jedi Mind Trick: Make Having Sex the Default Assumption

 

You want to influence your wife towards a mindset where instead of deciding
for
an unknown sexual romp, she has to think about deciding
against
a known sexual romp.

 

That’s a complicated concept, so let me expand that a little – we are all creatures of habit and overwhelmed with choices in our daily life. Nine times out of ten when faced with a decision, most people will just go with the flow and do what everyone else is doing, or revert back to a pre-planned default choice so they don’t have to think.

 

When most people go into a McDonalds or Starbucks they order the same exact thing every time. They don’t think for more than a tenth of a second, just front up to the counter and order their default choice. Sometimes your default choice is so well known, the counter staff doesn’t even let you have a choice anymore, they just see you come through the door and they start making your default choice for you. Here's your medium low-fat cappuccino with a dusting of cinnamon and a swizzle stick ma'am... just the way you like it.

 

So when you’re asking her for sex, if she’s deciding whether or not to say
“Yes,”
then the default choice is more of a
“No.”
When you’re telling her what the intended sex is going to be, she’s deciding whether or not to say
“No”
and
the default choice is more of a
“Yes.”
Most times she’ll just go along with the default choice of having what you said the intended sex was going to be.

 

Putting this another way – imagine how she is going to react differently to you asking,
“What’s for dinner?”
and you saying,
“I’m in the mood for pasta tonight, can we have pasta for dinner?”
The first question is going to annoy her because it’s forcing her into having to think about
yet one more thing
today and come to a decision about it. The second question is going to relax her, because you just held out the big red easy button to her about dinner. There’s a very good chance that she will just go along with your idea of pasta for dinner, because you made it the default choice. The frame of having pasta for dinner might be so strong, that if she discovers there’s no pasta to cook, she might just nip out and buy some to cook for dinner. The default choice is that powerful sometimes.

 

For Jennifer and myself, our normal bedtime routine involves closing our bedroom door almost all the way and propping it with a pillow. We have a very friendly cat that would endlessly scratch at the door if we closed it fully and that might wake the children. Also Jennifer has that Mom radar thing, where she needs to hear the children not making any noise, or she can’t relax enough to orgasm. Jennifer doesn’t want us to wake the children, so the door needs to be almost shut. But the cat would just push the door all the way open, so the pillow propping the door stops the cat doing that. Okay that sounds horribly complicated…

 

…
the point is most nights I don’t even ask for sex anymore. I just come out of the bathroom from brushing my teeth and Jennifer has the door already propped semi-closed with a pillow. So I know I’m getting some sort of sex, simply because having sex is the default setting. Usually on nights she really doesn’t want anything she tells me “
Not tonight, I’m using PTO”
(Pussy Time Off) and she does so early in the evening. We don’t have a firm calling out sick policy in place; we try to keep things informal between us.

 

If you work this angle long enough, you can make having some sort of sex every night the permanent default choice. What? You think we’re better than Pavlov’s dogs? Ding ding time for food = drool… night night time for bed = vagina tingle… Damn straight it’s a Jedi Mind Trick.
(20.11) Sweeten the Deal

 

So… assuming you made a clear statement of intent…
“Tonight I want to go down on you first, then kiss my way up your body and slow fuck you until you beg me to come”
… and she declines your offer. What next?

 

You sweeten the deal.

 

You dispense with her initial
“No”
and simply restate the initial offer and add something more to it.
“Ok… well how about before I go down on you, kiss up your body and slow fuck you, I put you on your hands and knees and spank you for a little while
?” It’s really important to keep this both light and playful in tone, with a naughty boy devilish smile as you do this, and hold eye contact. Absolutely do not mumble and look down on the word “
spanking.”

 

If she is not used to such negotiations from you this should really get her attention. She should become emotionally engaged by this. Usually this will be some version of enjoyment/delight, or annoyance/anger. Both work just fine for the moment. You’re getting a rise out of her.

 

If she agrees to the sex, she agrees, just close the deal and do exactly what you got her to agree to. Don’t skimp on what sweetened the deal. If she says
“no”
a second time, sweeten the deal again.

 

“
I’m willing to do some hair pulling and French kissing as well. Plus all the oral, kissing up your body, slow fucking and spanking like we agreed before.”
And again – you absolutely have to stay playful and fun in tone when you do this. You have to make it clear that you’re enjoying playing the role of salesman here. Also do not offer anything additional that isn’t sexual. Don’t offer to do household chores, work overtime, drop off the kids to school etc, that will kill it instantly.
You are not offering anything for sex; you’re offering sex, more sex and even more sex.
The implication you are creating is that she is fact wants to be laid, but is holding out for more pleasure.

 

If she still is saying
“No,”
but is in any way showing you a positive response – smiling, hair flipping, laughing, giggling, touching you, giving you lots of eye contact, touching herself across any part of her body – that means she is enjoying the interaction and wants you to continue and overwhelm her sales resistance. Just keep the routine up and play the game with her.

 

If she is not showing positive interest by this point, just bail out of the routine, and cheerfully, and yes I said cheerfully, wish her a good night, and do the go to sleep thing. You aren’t trying to make her hate you. Importantly be as unaffected by the
“No”
as possible. No drama. It’s okay to try and overcome a
“No”
with play, but she should be allowed to decline sex without you being negative or turning into a stalker.

 

So anyway… overcome the sales resistance…

 

“
So what part of the big package I’ve offered is the problem? I see I’ve suggested slow sensual sex, would you like something a little rougher?”
“
What can I do to get you into a fabulous orgasm tonight?”
“
Would you like to test-drive an orgasm?”
“
When I spank you, would you rather be kneeling, or across my lap?”
“
I don’t usually do this, but *name* I like you… I can do handcuffs, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. It’s kind of against the rules.”

 

Just keep laying it on until she folds. Talk talk talk, play play play. Don’t forget to touch her and hold/kiss her if you can as well during this routine.
You’re playing with her
, smile at her with your naughty boy smile. Once she folds, you’ve got her.

 

If she’s still verbally holding out after all that and she’s still giving you a positive body language response, you can make one final “desperate offer”. And again, I cannot emphasize enough that you have to keep this as light and fun as possible. You pull exactly seventeen cents from your pocket, gaze at the money in your hand with fake sadness for a second, then hold it out to her to take and say…

 

“
Can I just put the tip of my dick in?”

 

If you do it right she should erupt with laughter, but agree. Importantly, seventeen cents is in no way enough to “buy sex” so it’s not really an insult (whereas fifty bucks might very well be an insult – be advised) and that once the tip of your dick is inside her, you both know that the rest of your cock is going to follow and you are in fact a 100% full-of-shit-liar just trying to get into her pants. But she might really like that once in a while.

 

If you go to the “tip of my dick” gambit, do mess about with just the tip in for a bit, then just groan and fill her up. That will make her feel desired by you, which is a turn on. Also she will always call you on it after you go balls deep.
“I thought you said you were only going to put the tip in.”
Correct response…

 

“
I lied.”
Chapter 21
Words of Seduction

 

 

(21.1) Saying I Love You

 

At some point in a LTR and definitely in a marriage you are going to have to say the “L word” and make some sort of declaration of love. You really should be saying this frequently anyway, especially if she clearly responds to it.

 

However, the first time you say
“I love you”
it can accelerate things or turn her off. Plus every relationship can do with an
“I love you”
that leaves her reeling and giddy once in a while to shake things up a little.

 

The key is to establish that you are saying something from an emotional state, rather than a rational one. If you’re communicating from a rational/logical state, you’re actually unwittingly communicating that you don’t in fact love her, but that it’s just a good idea to love her. If she’s a math professor, a CPA, a lawyer or otherwise inflicted with a male typed brain it’s ok to give her an Excel spreadsheet of why you love her, but not otherwise. Women want to feel that you feel in love with them emotionally.

 

So here we go…

 

Step 1 – Call her over to you and say,
“We need to talk a moment.”
It’s an Alpha move and it helps with everything that follows.

 

Step 2 – Run off a short list of some of her very best and most lovable qualities and say that you could say you love her because of these things, but these are in fact just a list of her good qualities.

 

“
I’ve been trying to decide why I love you.   (pause!)    I could tell you I love you because you’re smart. I could tell you that I love you because you’re so caring and kind. I could tell you I love you because you’re such a genuine person and so grounded. But these are all simply a list of your good qualities and not why I love you.”
See how that compliments logically, but you disarm it emotionally?

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