The Guide to Getting It On (17 page)

No one quite knows why the clitoris seems to sometimes disappear at the height of sexual arousal. The mystery could be due to pelvic muscle contractions that cause the shaft and glans to straighten out. If you are stimulating the clitoris with your finger or tongue, it might feel like it suddenly starts to hide or retract. If whatever you were doing managed to get it to throb or spasm, don’t change now unless the lady requests. Let it play its game of cat and mouse.

The Size of the Clitoris

Guys aren’t the only ones who worry about genital size. Some women worry that the tip or glans of their clitoris is too big, others wish theirs was more easy to find.

The size of the tip or glans of the clitoris can range greatly. In some women, it nearly pops out to shake your hand; in others it can hardly be seen. It is usually a little smaller than a pencil eraser, but it can range from being barely noticeable to being the size of a toe or a small penis. When the glans is really large, it can look like a mini penis, complete with a head and shaft. The clitoris also becomes larger when a woman is sexually aroused.

It’s unfortunate anyone worries about the size of a clitoris, because there’s no relationship between its size and the sensations it is capable of producing. So there is no limit to the enjoyment a woman can have with her clitoris regardless of how big or small it is. Also, there is no relationship between a woman’s height or weight and the size of her clitoris, although childbirth probably makes it larger.

The size of clitoris is impacted by hormones which rev up during puberty. As a result, by the time a woman is in her early thirties, the tip of her clitoris will be up to four times larger than it was when she began puberty.

The Crura of the Clitoris

The clitoris proper has three different parts: the glans or tip, the shaft, and the crura or legs. The crura look like the legs of a wishbone. They run beneath the labia. The shaft and crura contain bodies of erectile tissue that are called the corpus cavernosum, just like the cylinders that are in the penis.

The Bulbs of the Clitoris aka “Vestibular Bulbs”—Clitoris Adjacent

Mother Nature planted a pair of bulbs inside her favorite garden. They are called the bulbs of the clitoris, and they swell and blossom each time a woman is sexually aroused. They are close to the clitoris and communicate with it through blood vessels, but they are made of slightly different tissue.

The bulbs of the clitoris are more elastic than the clitoris glans or tip. Since they don’t have a tough skin encasing them like the chambers of the penis do, the bulbs can expand proportionally more than the clitoris or penis when a woman is sexually aroused. (It’s the chambers pushing against the tough outer casing that helps the penis get hard as opposed to just bigger.) The bulbs of clitoris also have larger spaces that blood can rush into.

There is debate about whether the bulbs are actually part of the clitoris and if they should be called the bulbs of the clitoris or simply the vestibular bulbs. Whatever the case, they appear to be sexually reactive.

The Axis of Arousal—Clitoris, Clitoral Bulbs & Labia Minora

When a woman becomes sexually aroused, her clitoris, clitoral bulbs and inner lips become engorged with blood. This is similar to what happens to a penis when a man becomes aroused. These structures seem to communicate with each other when a woman is becoming sexually excited. It’s not like they text-message each other, but all three are highly involved when sexual excitement is in the air. (Researcher Helen O’Connell might suggest that we include the urethra, making the axis of arousal a quartet of pleasure.)

Suggestion:
take a moment and look at the diagrams of the clitoris in this chapter. See the placement of the crura and the bulbs? Some women enjoy it when a partner does a deep fingertip massage of the tissue that’s beneath their labia. It may seem like it would be painful since you are reaching almost to the pelvic bone, but what you are really doing is stimulating the rich vascular beds in the hidden parts of the clitoris. (See Chapter 15:
The Zen of Finger Fucking
.) With plenty of feedback, you’ll learn what feels good and what doesn’t.

The Clitoris during Intercourse

“I rub the heck out of my clitoris during intercourse. I do it to reach an orgasm when my partner is almost there.”
female age 25

“I almost always rub on my clit during intercourse. I usually make small circular motions, which is not how I move my finger when I masturbate. I love when he does it too, although sometimes I have to move his hand into the correct spot.”
female age 24

“I have tried rubbing my clit once or twice, but prefer to focus my attention on his dick inside of me.”
female age 20

The glans of the clitoris is seldom positioned to rub noses with an incoming penis. Some women enjoy the added stimulation of a finger or vibrator during intercourse, or they sometimes push the clitoris against the shaft of a sweetheart’s thrusting penis or grind it against his pubic bone. Other women do just fine with thrusting alone.

A Final Note on the Clitoris — How Do You Pronounce It?

One day, the author of this book had to address a classroom of students and he needed to say “clitoris.” There he was, with almost thirteen years of college under his belt, not knowing how to pronounce the word “clitoris.” To prepare, he wrote “clitoris” on one card and “penis” on another. He then asked friends of both sexes to say the two words out loud.

No one had any hesitation in pronouncing penis, but almost everyone approached clitoris with a perplexed look and said, “Well, here’s how I have always pronounced it.” Some said cli-TOR-is, others said CLIT-or-is. As he was exploring his own usage of the word, he realized that the only time he had referred to it was in bed with a woman, and then he called it “it.” Either pronunciation is correct.

Urinary Meatus, More Fun Than It Sounds

There is a small circle of firm tissue around the end of the urethra. It is between the inner lips (east and west) and the tip of the clitoris and the mouth of the vagina (north and south). It is sensitive enough that some women rub it when they are masturbating. It is called the “urethral meatus,” which is Greek for “pee and play.”

The Vagina

The human body is made up of many different tubes. The favorite tube of many straight males and lesbians is the vagina, a hollow canal with walls that contain four layers of tissue, nerves and blood vessels. When not aroused, the walls of the vagina lie flat against each other like a firehose without water. When aroused, a vagina straightens out and puffs up a bit.

When sexually aroused, the first third of the vagina becomes narrower while the back part expands and sometimes balloons open, a little like the bottom half of an hour glass. Some women particularly enjoy stimulation at the opening of their vagina. That’s because the opening of the vagina has touch receptors which makes it sensitive to touch.

“The main request I ask of my partner is to tease me with his cock. That’s because most of the sensitivity in my vagina is at the opening.”
female age 25

While the first third of the vagina is often sensitive to touch, the back two-thirds are more sensitive to pressure. This is why having a thicker object such as a penis or dildo can feel good in the back of the vagina when a woman is sexually aroused.

Vaginal Ruggae

Before puberty and after menopause, the surface of the vagina is mostly smooth. But the rest of the time, the surface of the vagina has tiny folds or ridges that make it seem corrugated. These are called the vaginal ruggae. They help the vagina to expand during intercourse and childbirth, not that one should ever feel like the other.

Vaginal Tenting

As a woman becomes more aroused, the back of her vagina will often expand balloon open, and her cervix will raise up. This is called vaginal tenting and you can feel it with your fingers if you have them extended into the back part of a woman’s vagina when she’s highly aroused. This might cause a longing to have something inside a vagina which the rear walls can grasp.

Vaginal Farts

“My boyfriend was performing oral sex on me and fingering my vagina. When I sat up, all of the air in my vagina came rushing out and made a huge fartlike noise. I was totally embarrassed; it was completely unexpected. I looked at my boyfriend with shock on my face, and then we both started laughing.”
female age 25

Air gets trapped inside a vagina and makes a fartlike noise when it comes out. This happens all the time. Both of you created the situation and probably had a fine time doing so. It’s just normal room air that is seeping out, nothing that’s going to corrode the finish on the door hinges.

Vaginal farts are more likely to happen after you have had an orgasm and the rear part of your vagina ballooned open. The noise can happen when it is returning to its normal resting state. The Irish utilized this principle to create the foghorn.

Papa Freud & The Viennese Vagina

Not too long ago, Freudian psychiatrists proclaimed that women had defective egos if their orgasms didn’t originate from deep inside the vagina. Sex researchers in the 1960s did society a huge service in showing that the majority of women’s orgasms involve the clitoris rather than the vagina. But this wasn’t meant to discount the vagina as a source of pleasure.

Some women find that having something in the vagina when they come helps their orgasm feel more like “full-body.” For other women, orgasms from clitoral stimulation alone light up their bodies from head to toe.

Sex has its variations and its possibilities. One woman might prefer oral sex to intercourse, another might enjoy masturbating while her partner holds her or masturbates with her. A third woman might not feel satisfied unless her lover’s penis is deep inside her vagina. A fourth woman might prefer oral sex with John, but intercourse with Bill.

Different Women, Different Vaginas

If you have had the good fortune to experience sex with a number of women and were of a clear mind when doing so, you may have noticed that not all vaginas are created equal. Not all penises are created equal, either.