The Guide to Getting It On (19 page)

“I think that because the sexual response is so closely linked to emotions, the experience of pleasure, and in particular sexual pleasure, it is not going to be tied directly to anatomical structure, even during sexual arousal. For instance, why do women not feel sexual stimulation when those same areas that you describe are being examined during a gyn exam? The bottom line is: the entire genital area has nerves (as does the entire body), and in the context of sexual arousal, the processing of the messages is what makes the experience, not just the manual stimulation. I think the cortical processing of sexual stimulation by the female brain is extremely variable, and to pin down a particular area (or situation) that is universally arousing is not possible at this time. That is why the concept of the G-spot has not gained universal acceptance. That is why the pursuit of a female sexual-arousal drug has been elusive. That is why the female sexual response will remain a mystery for a little while longer.”

The writers at the major women’s magazines routinely call the author of The Guide to ask about this spot or that spot—the G-spot, the C-spot or the X-Y-Z-spot. It’s seldom enough if he says, “That might feel good for some women, but not so good for others. A woman should explore for herself and find what does and doesn’t work for her.”

As for actual G-Spot exploration, one of our readers sums it up well:

“When my partner is going down on me and inserts his finger, placing pressure upwards on the top wall of my vaginal canal, it feels really really good if I ignore that it also feels like I need to pee.”
female age 24

G-spot aficionados recommend the woman relaxes and stops worrying about peeing all over the place. Try it for yourself to see if it’s a good or bad thing for you. One way to find the G-spot area is to put a finger or two part way into the vagina and make a “come here” motion with it.

Variations in Wetness

When sexually aroused, some vaginas get so wet that the woman needs to wring out her underwear. Other women can be every bit as aroused, but their vaginas remain dry. And some women can be very wet, but not be sexually turned-on. Wetness also varies during certain phases of your cycle. (Our gyno consultant says that too many women think there’s something wrong with their pusses just because they are normally moist during the day.)

Men shouldn’t be so silly as to gauge a woman’s level of sexual arousal on vaginal wetness alone. And a woman shouldn’t feel there’s anything wrong with her if she puddles her pants during the day from thinking about sex, or needs to add lube before intercourse. There are great lubes including saliva and a number of vegetable oils for when a vagina is too dry, and towels for when it’s a fountain.

As for extra wetness during or just before orgasms, some women have a little, others have a lot. Collectively, his and her sex fluids have been known as the wet spot on the mattress. Its diameter can vary from couple to couple.

The biggest problem with expelling extra fluid at orgasm is that women who do it sometimes feel embarrassed and try to prevent it. As a result, they keep themselves from fully relaxing, and this can inhibit orgasms. Most guys are happy to have a partner who drenches them or the mattress, especially when they realize it means she may have had a really nice orgasm.

If you happen to be a gusher or a bed-drencher, please don’t think that any man in his right mind is going to have a problem with it. Why not have fun shopping together for sets of towels that are just for sex? And if you are worried about the mattress, take solace in knowing that they now make waterproof mattress-pad covers that feel and sound like normal mattress-pad covers. They are wonderful!

Female Ejaculation

It’s unfortunate how little real science there is on sexual pleasure. But this does not justify attempts to invent science in the name of sexuality.

Science knows next to nothing about the male prostate gland, yet it is large, and you can actually feel it. We haven’t found anything in the female body other than the bladder that would produce several ounces of female ejaculate, yet some writers are claiming that women have a prostate gland, and that it can do this and more. Since the male prostate gland produces less than a teaspoon of fluid for each male ejaculation—this female prostate must be a whopper!

Female ejaculation has been described in the literature for more than 2,000 years. Recently, researchers asked a woman who ejaculates during orgasm to masturbate in the lab. They found that upon orgasm she released two very distinct types of fluid, and both of these came from her urethra as opposed to her vagina. The first gush contained a half a cup of clear fluid that didn’t smell or look like urine, but upon analysis it turned out to be a very dilute form of urine.

The second round of fluid was only a quarter of a teaspoon in volume. It was milky white and somewhat like male semen in make up, minus the sperm.

While few women gush a half of a cup of fluid when they are making love, it’s important to know that releasing fluid is certainly possible and it’s nothing for a woman to be embarrassed about. Yet some women who release fluid at the height of sexual pleasure will intentionally try to hold back on their orgasm to keep things dry. As for the range of normal, assuming she’s in good gynecological health, it’s perfectly normal for one woman to have a wonderfully satisfying sexual experience while releasing little or no fluid at all, while another woman would do well to put towels on the bed before making love

NOTE:
If women readers do have a prostate gland, take some sound advice and keep quiet about it. Otherwise, surgeons will start cutting yours out as fast as they are trying to cut ours out. And if you don’t have a prostate gland, be glad. You won’t believe the problems a prostate gland can cause as you get older.

Menopause

Menopause is what naturally happens to a woman’s body when she is over 40 and stops having her monthly periods and no longer has to worry about getting pregnant. People have always believed that a woman’s sex drive goes down as she enters menopause. Yet researchers have discovered that when a menopausal woman gets into a new relationship, she can be as horny as her 20-something self. Seems that it’s the excitement in her relationship, rather than her gonads, that often determines how much she wants sex.

As for vaginal lubrication, some menopausal women find that they get less wet when sexually aroused. In some women, the skin in their vagina starts to feel less elastic or more sensitive during menopause. While there are certainly hormonal creams that can help, the women from Touch of a Woman strongly recommend that you or your partner massage your vulva and opening of your vagina every day with a moisturizer to help keep it more elastic. If you are approaching menopause, please give their totally free, drug free program a look. And keep in mind that the woman who has written this protocol is an MD and a very fine one. The title is “Still Juicy: Maintaining Sexual Health through and beyond Menopause.” Here’s a link for it:

http://www.a-womans-touch.com/documents/StillJuicy09.pdf

As for other concerns, stress can impact a menopausal woman more than before she was menopausal. This can be extra difficult if her own mom and dad are in declining health and she has to deal with their situation. On the plus side, her children might be starting to live on their own, so she and her partner can have more time to do as they please.

Reader Comments

What does it feel like in your genitals when you are sexually aroused?

“Tingling starts in my clitoris and spreads to my labia. My whole vulva starts to throb, literally. The throbbing is extremely pleasurable. Then my vulva gets swollen and almost hot. Once it is swollen, every slight touch sends lightning bolts of pleasure all around my whole body.”
female age 23

“Sometimes it’s an ache not unlike having a full bladder. Other times, a sensation of heat and congestion in my labia, clitoris and vagina. If I’m highly aroused, or if my clothing is tight, I’ll be able to feel my pulse between my legs. Sometimes I’ll feel my tendons and muscles twitching as well.”
female age 36

“My labia feel swollen and tight; my clitoris becomes hard. Sometimes my clitoris feels like it’s huge, and it sort of throbs. If I am extremely aroused, my whole vulva feels as though it’s pounding, with my clitoris as the center.”
female age 26

“You know the feeling you get right before your leg or arm falls asleep? I mean, before it’s annoying or hurts. It’s a really intense tingling feeling. It makes my whole body feel warm and excited. There are moments, however, right before my partner enters me, when my vagina actually aches.”
female age 27

When did you first make the connection between being sexually aroused and being wet?

“When I was around 10 or 11, while watching a sex scene in a film. My panties got wet, and I realized that was why. If I’m really turned on, I’ll drip down to my ankles.”
female age 25

“I first connected being wet with sexual arousal when I was 13. I was watching a silent, vintage erotic film with a friend. When I went to the bathroom, I was soaked!”
female age 26

“The first time I connected wetness with sex was when I was 9 or so and got all wet and throbby when I was watching a couple kissing at the beach. But I don’t always get wet when I feel aroused; it isn’t an indicator for me.”
female age 38

“When I first masturbated, I only touched myself on my clitoris, so I was very surprised when I eventually felt my vagina and it was dripping fluid.”
female age 23

About being wet...

“Being wet is hard to explain. I don’t know if I can offer insight because it just happens. The most annoying thing is that if you don’t wear panties and get wet, it tends to be very messy, but arousing!”
female age 36

“For me, the degree of my wetness varies greatly from time to time and seems to be largely affected by how mentally ‘into’ having sex I am at that given time.”
female age 34

“If my boyfriend just starts kissing me and wants to have sex, I am not automatically wet. I need to be turned on. This could be my way of slowing down and paying attention to my body, or it could be by talking sexy, reading, looking at, or listening to erotica.”
female age 26

“It does not work when my partner concentrates solely on doing mechanical things to get me wet. Yet a simple, very tender kiss can do it.”
female age 48

“I enjoy sex a great deal, but seldom get wet.”
female age 32

A Very Special Thanks
to the following for their generous help and advice: