The Guide to Getting It On (18 page)

For instance, you might get weak in the knees at the sight of a certain woman, but after having intercourse with her your penis complains that jerking off in the shower feels better. At the same time, a woman who seems plain on the surface may be the one whose vagina you remember most throughout life.

For a fascinating look at how different communities of bacteria keep the vagina healthy, be sure to read Chapter 50: “
Inside Amber’s Vagina
.”

A Tipped Uterus

Women with a tipped uterus sometimes feel uncomfortable discussing the ins and outs of intercourse with their gynecologist. So if you have a tipped uterus, this section was written for you.

The uterus is an upside-down pear-shaped organ that is located between a woman’s bladder and her rectum. It is where human infants spend their first 40 weeks. Many people consider it to be the strongest muscle in the body.Up to 30% of women have a uterus that is tipped, retroverted or tilted. These terms more or less mean the same thing—that the uterus points backwards and sits on the assward side of your vagina instead of on the belly-button side.

Think of the standard, factory-equipped female pelvis as having a vagina and uterus that more or less make a “p.” The vagina is the straight part of the P, and the uterus sits above it like the round part of the P, pointing toward the woman’s belly button. If the uterus is tipped, the arrangement becomes more like a “q”, where the uterus points the opposite way.

This might be why some women with a tipped uterus experience period pain more as a back ache than a pain in their abdomen, and why they tend to have more back pain and diarrhea when they are menstruating. In fact, some women with a tipped uterus know when their period is coming because they start having loose stools that might be caused by a release of prostaglandins.

Given how the penis slides up the straight part of your “p” or “q”, intercourse positions that work well for a woman with a “p” alignment might not work as well for a woman with a “q” alignment. What you are trying to maximize is a smooth sliding path where the penis can make it all the way in without banging into your cervix, uterus or ovary. Significant factors will include the size of your boy’s piston, the way it points when erect, and the position you are in. Another factor will be if your uterus shifts when you are sexually aroused.

If you have a tipped uterus and experience pain during rear entry intercourse, it might be due to the penis banging into your uterus or your ovaries. The pain might also come from extra air that can accumulate during intercourse in the vagina of a woman with a tipped uterus. So your lover needs to realize that while his former partner might have been the Reverse Cowgirl Queen, this position might cause you a lot of pain.

Here’s what three women who took our sex survey say, but what works for you may be very different than this.

“My uterus is tilted. It makes doggy-style intercourse painful. I prefer to be on top of my boyfriend.”

“I have a very tipped uterus. Unless I’m pregnant they can’t pick it up on a regular ultrasound because it leans so far backwards. Intercourse feels best with me on top or missionary. I’ve found that doggie style isn’t very comfortable for me, nor is me being on top while facing his feet. As long as we are close to each other, belly touching belly, deep thrusting is fine. If we are separate, like if I’m laying down and he is in an upright position, deep thrusting can be uncomfortable. Where I’m at in my cycle also plays a role in how comfortable or uncomfortable things are.”

“I have a tipped uterus, and this may be why it hurts when my partner thrusts too deep. It may also be why I don’t like to be penetrated from the rear. Being on top is the most comfortable position for me and the one that provides the highest likelihood of orgasm.”

As for birth control and conception, there is a popular myth that women with tipped uteruses can’t conceive as easily as other women. Don’t believe it. Also, some women with a tipped or tilted uterus refer to it as an “inverted uterus.” However, an inverted uterus is a rare event that happens when your uterus turns inside out right after you’ve given birth. Also, the uterus can sometimes become tipped due to a problem such as endometriosis, so if you start having discomfort with intercourse, be sure to tell your doctor. As with all questions regarding matters of health, the information in a book can never take the place of an exam from a gynecologist.

The Cervix

The cervix is a small, fleshy dome in the rear of the vagina near the top. Nature put it there as a valve or gatekeeper that joins the uterus and the vagina. The cervix can be as small as a cherry in a woman who has not delivered a baby through her vagina, or it can be much bigger. It has a dimple in the center that menstrual fluids flow down and male ejaculate flows up.

The cervix sometimes feels softer during ovulation, when mucus passes through it and bathes the vagina. This keeps it clean and more acidic, conditions which encourage conception. At the point when conception is most likely to occur, the mucus becomes clear and slippery, like raw egg-whites.

The cervix has a space around it that is called the fornix. This is a delightful area to explore with a finger. It is also a good space to know about when the woman’s vagina isn’t particularly deep or her lover has a long penis. Couples in this situation might want to find intercourse positions that encourage the penis to slither under the cervix and into the rear fornix. This will add an extra inch or two of runway space. Some women find stimulation of the space around the fornix to be pleasing; others don’t.

From a sex therapist:
Women often report feeling pain during sex that is deep in their vagina. In many cases it is because they are not aroused so their vagina is not fully tilted. What they feel is the pain of their partner’s penis hitting the cervix. They should slow down and get aroused or change position, then continue with intercourse. You have no idea how many women are surprised about this and don’t realize that what they feel is their cervix!

There are at least two ways to see a cervix. The first is by using a speculum. This is a metal or plastic device that physicians insert into a woman’s vagina to help push the walls apart. It allows the physician to see parts of a woman that most boyfriends and husbands never do. If you have a healthy curiosity, get a speculum from your physician or medical-supply store. Lube it with KY jelly, gently insert it into the vagina and add the krypton beam of your favorite flashlight. This will give your partner a bird’s eye view of the cervix. You’ll need to incorporate a hand-held mirror to see it yourself.

Another way of seeing inside a vagina is to get an acrylic dildo with a view port that is optically designed to give you 5X magnification. These aren’t cheap. Once you insert it, the cervix should be in there somewhere.

Science doesn’t yet understand the role of the cervix in sexual response. While it seems that the cervix should be a player, there are women who have had their cervixes surgically removed who have a robust sexual experience.

Ovaries

A man’s testicles announce themselves wherever he goes. Not so with a woman’s ovaries. It’s possible to have a long-term relationship with a woman and not even know her ovaries are there, except indirectly through events like pregnancy or menstruation.

Assuming you want to, the best time to feel a woman’s ovaries is when she is lying on her back and is in an “It’s OK if you feel my ovaries” mood. Otherwise, don’t even try. Rest one hand on her lower abdomen below her belly button. Place a lubricated finger or two from your other hand deep into her vagina. When you encounter the rear wall of her vagina, veer to the left or right and push up gently while pushing down with the hand that’s on her abdomen. You will need to rely on her instructions. If a woman doesn’t know where her ovaries are, she might ask her gynecologist to show her.

Sponges Around the Urethra?

There is a spongy area above the walls of the vagina called the urethral sponge. The urethral sponge is tissue that surrounds the entire length of the urethra, which is the tube that takes urine from the bladder to the blowhole. It runs along the roof of the vagina. The sponge is a little like the foam insulation that protects hot-water pipes. If you put your finger in a vagina and make a “come here” motion, you are pushing into the urethral sponge. Some women find that this feels very, very good. Others find it to be annoying.

The tissue of the urethral sponge contains tiny periurethral glands that have an embryological and histological similarity to the prostate. However, there is no prostate gland in the female pelvis.

G-Spot Area

Over the past ten years, the G-spot has become a major industry, complete with G-spot books, G-spot vibrators, G-spot toys, and G-spot videos.

While researchers don’t question the fine orgasms that some women have with G-spot stimulation, there isn’t any special wiring or trigger-tissue in the G-spot area that would make its stimulation universally wonderful for all women. So what is it about stimulating that area that give some women some of their finest orgasms?

One of the problems is that until recently, we’ve mainly been limited to doing research on cadavers. And while some of these dead women might be orgasming through the cosmos or having some righteously good sex in the afterlife, you can’t see how different parts of a person’s sexual anatomy interact when they’re dead.

With newer technology, we’ll find more answers regarding the G-Spot area. However, the debate about its existence continues to rage on. Just a few months before this book went to press, there was a major furor over a study whose author alleged that he had found the G-Spot. While the media went haywire in echoing his findings, it forgot to read the actual study. The author had dissected the body of one woman who was in her eighties. He had no idea if she’d ever had “a G-Spot orgasm, yet he claimed he had found an anatomical structure that was the G-Spot. The study was even proclaimed bogus by strong advocates of the G-Spot! There seems to be at least one or two G-Spot studies every year, none providing conclusive evidence one way or another.

Another explanation of the G-Spot has been proposed by one of our gynecology consultants. She says, “I always felt that the G-spot was actually a stimulation of the area that corresponded to the trigone of the bladder and that was why many women felt even greater sensations when their bladders were slightly full during sex. I have some patients who intentionally drink fluids to fill their bladder prior to sexual play because it ‘feels better’. When they do this, I think the trigone presses down more on the anterior vaginal wall and is more easily stimulated.” This corresponds with the experience of many women who find that G-spot area stimulation causes a feeling of bladder fullness.

One of the top researchers in the world on women’s sexual anatomy and sexual response was kind enough to weigh in the G-Spot controversy, for readers of
The Guide.
His take on the G-Spot area is that when you are stimulating the anterior wall of the vagina you are stimulating arousal inputs from the urethra, the urethrovaginal ‘space,’ the clitoris via the ligaments connecting to it, the vaginal wall, and possibly Kobelt’s plexus. He believes that all of these participate in arousing the brain. Still, he acknowledges that where and how you fit the G-Spot into an ‘anterior vaginal wall complex‘ is a challenge.

The G-Spot Bottom Line

With all of the media hype and sex-store attention about G-spot stimulation, some readers will be thinking, “Why waste so much time with her clit when I could be stimulating her G-spot?” The answer should depend totally on what it is your partner wants rather than what someone else tells you. Mercifully, Claire Yang, M.D., a neurophysiologist and researcher in the Department of Urology at the University of Washington, has the following to say: