The Guide to Getting It On (16 page)

As I mention in Chapter 48:
Vulva Care:–Keeping Your Kitty Happy,
a number of young women won’t use OB tampons or the NuvaRing because they find it disgusting to put their fingers inside their own vagina. What are we doing when we raise intelligent young women to think it’s “icky” to stick their fingers inside their vaginas?

I recently received a video showing one of Betty Dodson’s workshops where women check out each other’s equipment. One of the women here at the Goofy Foot Press, who prides herself on her independence and liberation, felt uncomfortable when she first saw the tape. Then she remembered that she is just fine with porn tapes where men’s penises are wagging all over the place, so she made a serious effort to relax and watch the tape. She had never realized her own discomfort with women’s genitals.

How can you help your girlfriend be more positive about her genitals? First, begin by realizing this is part of a cultural disease. Then, perhaps with patient and creative encouragement on your part, maybe her own eyes will start to reflect the delight that’s in yours when you look between her legs.

Busy Little Beavers

People refer to everything between a woman’s legs as her vagina. Yet this is far from true. What sits between a naked woman’s legs is her vulva.

You might ask, “What difference does it make if you call it a vulva or vagina?” One female educator answered this question by asking: “What if parents taught their children that they had no eyes, ears, nose or mouth, but instead gave them one word for their entire face and called it ‘tongue’?” This would be confusing. It might suggest that parents are afraid of faces and all the wonderful things they can do.

Some men see no need to learn about the different structures that are between a woman’s legs. They figure, “My penis goes in there just fine. She likes it, I like it, what’s more to learn?” And some women are more concerned with how to wax the outside of their genitals than in knowing what’s inside of them. Hopefully, you’ll want to know what’s inside a girl’s genitals. It really can made a difference in the pleasure you are able to give and receive.

The Mons: Love-Making Ally Due To The Ligaments Within

The mons pubis is a fleshy mound of fat that sits on top of the pubic bone. It is usually covered by pubic hair, unless a woman shaves. The tissue inside the mons is sensitive to estrogen. So when a woman goes through puberty, the added estrogen turns the mons into a mound. The mons pushes the upper part of the larger labia out, and forms the pudendal cleft, which is the top part of the camel toe.

The suspensory ligament of the clitoris has its base in the mons pubis.

Some women enjoy it if a partner pushes his fingers against the mons and rubs the fleshy mound in a circle, or if he pulls it upward. This kind of movement might apply pressure to the deeper parts of the clitoris. Other women enjoy having the pubic hair tugged that grows from their mons.

Lips, Lips, Lips

Even the ancient Romans got it wrong. They named the outer lips “labia majora” (big lips) and the inner lips “labia minora” (small lips). They should have called them “inner” and “outer,” given how the inner lips are often more major than the outer lips.

The outer lips are made from the same embryological tissue as the scrotum. This is why their skin is so similar to that of the scrotum. Both have the same sweat glands, nerve endings and hair follicles, and both produce the same nice sensations when they are kissed and caressed by a lover.

If a baby is going to be a boy, nature fuses the labia to make the sack that eventually covers the testicles. The seam down the middle of the scrotum is where the larger labia fused together. If the baby is going to be female, the opening between them remains and two lips fill with fatty tissue. The labia majora can vary greatly in size, shape and color.

The labia minora or inner lips often give vulvas their unique personalities. They start just beneath the clitoris and can run all the way to the bottom of the vagina. They fan out in different ways and shapes, and when a woman is aroused, they perk up and deepen in color.

The inner labia are sexually reactive, which means the tissue becomes engorged and can double or triple in thickness when a woman is sexually aroused. The skin on the inner labia is more like the skin on the penis. It has no hair, and the edges of the labia minora are packed with nerves. As a result, touching and caressing the inner labia can signal the brain to make woman’s genitals ready for sexual intercourse.

The inner lips can be from three-quarters of an inch long to four inches long, and they can be from one-quarter of an inch to two inches wide. They can stretch a bit when tugged. Just like breasts, they can be asymmetrical and it’s normal for one to be double the width of the other. In some parts of Africa the labia minora can be as large as eight inches because the women intentionally stretch them. Here in the States, women worry their inner labia are too big and some even consider having them surgically downsized with an operation called labiaplasty.

The inner lips attach to the glans of the clitoris. Some women play with them or stroke them when they are masturbating. Caressing the inner lips or gently tugging on them can provide a neat way of stimulating the clitoris.

During intercourse, the inner lips are pushed and pulled with each stroke of the penis, which can tug and stimulate the glans of the clitoris.

The Perfect Puss?—Porn Is No Friend of the Inner Labia

Porn loves small inner labia. Some porn actresses have inner labia that are naturally petite, while others had theirs trimmed through a surgical process known as labiaplasy. As for perspective on what labia or real women really look like, one of the best people on the planet to ask would be a lesbian photographer and pornographer:

“Lesbians are at an advantage in the vaginal knowledge department because we see our lovers’ pussies all the time. We get up close and personal with real cunts in all of their real imperfection. But most straight women don’t have the kind of access to vaginas that you get from licking box all the time. Many of my straight female friends have told me that the majority of up-close-and-personal views they’ve had of various vulvas have come from porn. And worse than that, some women feel insecure about their own coochies when they don’t look like the ones in Playboy. Well, let me just set the record straight: Cunts don’t really look like that. Trust me. I’m a pornographer.” –From Diana Cage’s
Box Lunch: The Layperson’s Guide To Cunnilingus

Perfection is no more common between a woman’s legs than it is between a man’s. A lack of symmetry is one of the wonderful things about being human.

Clitoris: Point Guard for Women’s Genitals

Most people think a clitoris is the little knob you see when a woman spreads her legs. But as you can see in the illustrations that follow, it is much bigger and more involved than that.

The glans or tip is a small but potent part of the entire clitoris. The hood-like structure that drapes over it is just that—the hood. It’s like the foreskin on a penis. When women masturbate, they often press a fingertip against the hood and rub it in a small circle or back and forth. The glans and shaft beneath the hood seldom complain.

The hood of the clitoris can usually glide back and forth over the glans without it feeling abrasive. However, some hoods are bonded to the clitoris. This is perfectly okay and the sexual sensation usually feels fine. Surgery to separate the hood from the glans is seldom necessary or wise.

Some women find their clitoris changes sensitivity with the time of the month, in others it keeps an even keel.

As a woman approaches orgasm, it can seem like the tip of her clitoris disappears or retracts. This can be confusing for the man who is trying to stimulate the clitoris by hand or mouth. Should he play Hercule Poirot and give chase, or wait until the clitoris returns?