The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (36 page)

CHAPTER 9

Oral Sex

When we asked our questionnaire respondents to describe their favorite sexual activities, oral sex topped the list. Oral sexperts are upbeat, enthusiastic cheerleaders for this art form.

Oral sex is the sine qua non of sexual play for me. Any sex date that doesn’t include oral sex is a missed opportunity as far as I’m concerned. My fantasies and my porn almost all concentrate on fellatio and cunnilingus. Oh! I can’t get enough.

I love giving blow jobs! It’s like an extremely intimate kiss that I’m in total control of. Feeling his whole body tremble as I take him in my mouth is an immense turn-on—a totally sensuous experience.

I feel much more coordinated with my mouth than with my hands.

There is nothing so intimate, so erotic, so mind-blowingly in your face as stroking a sweet thing’s labia with your tongue.

I love cunnilingus, especially receiving. I could do it all day (well, I wish I could, anyway). It’s so warm.

Oral-genital sex is legally defined as “sodomy” in many parts of the United States. Some states prohibit unmarried consenting adults from engaging in oral sex, while others prohibit consensual oral sex between married people, even in the privacy of their homes. In this country, nonprocreative sex acts tend to get classified as “crimes against nature.” Is it any wonder that Americans—even presidents—find it hard to shake the notion that oral sex somehow doesn’t qualify as “real” or “normal” sex?

I actually enjoy oral sex more than normal sex. It seems more personal, like a gift from the lady involved.

Although the majority of sexually active adults engage in oral sex, many people are embarrassed, uncomfortable, or downright repulsed by the idea of mouth-to-genital contact. What makes oral sex so simultaneously arousing and unnerving? Perhaps it’s that oral sex, by definition, brings you face to face with your partner’s genitals and the sights, smells, and sounds of his or her sexual arousal. The arms-length detachment of manual stimulation or the lights-out decorum of intercourse can’t be maintained when you’ve got your nose, lips, and tongue soaked in your partner’s juices. There’s a unique intimacy and vulnerability involved, whether you’re exposing yourself to your partner’s tongue or savoring your partner’s genitals. Since sucking is a powerfully infantile pleasure with an unavoidably primal appeal, with oral sex you’ve got a potent blend of physiological, emotional, and mental stimulants.

I could suck cock twenty-four hours a day. I love the feeling of it in my mouth, the smell, the taste. And I love to make men writhe in ecstasy.

I go down on my wife every chance I can get. I enjoy observing her enjoyment and the intensity and volume of her response to my pleasuring her.

Many people build a versatile and satisfying sex life around oral sex. Oral sex is a gratifying technique for women and men, old and young, disabled and able-bodied alike. It’s a time-honored activity for adolescents who want to be sexual without grappling with the risks and complications of intercourse. Both women who find that the physiological changes of menopause make penetration less appealing, and men who find that their erections are less predictable with age, often rediscover the joys of oral sex. People with spinal-cord injuries that limit physical mobility or sensation frequently develop a rich sexuality based on oral play:

I’m spinal-cord injured and have limited sensation below my nipples. I can still get erections, but I get a lot more pleasure from my hands and tongue than from my penis.

I’m in my late seventies and still active sexually, especially orally, which is beautiful.

Inhibitors

Body Odor

Probably the most common factor inhibiting people from experimenting with oral sex is the fear that their own or their partner’s genitals will smell or taste bad. After all, in our culture, an entire industry exists to mask, erase, or transmute natural body odors into scented wonderlands of “spring rain” or “pine forest.” Yet, there’s nothing inherently “dirty” or unpleasant about genital odors and secretions (except in the case of certain vaginal infections, which can result in an unpleasant smell). Plenty of people find natural body odors much more arousing than the smells of soaps and deodorants.

I’ve always delighted in female scents, especially when a woman is aroused.

It’s exciting to kiss someone who tastes like my pussy.

I like immersing my face in someone’s cunt, getting her juice all over my mouth and face and her scent up my nose.

I love the way penises taste and feel in my mouth. I like to masturbate while taking a man in my mouth.

However, if you feel that a little body odor goes a long way, you might be more comfortable bathing or showering with your partner before sex. When it comes to oral sex, cleanliness is next to confidence for a lot of people.

I love performing oral sex on my partner…especially in the shower. With the water running over his body it is almost like my own personal water fountain.

Another option is to experiment with flavored latex and lubricants. You may consider a penis clad in a mint condom irresistible, or enjoy tonguing your partner’s labia through a berry-flavored dam.

We don’t want to drop the topic of hygiene without encouraging everyone who hasn’t already done so to try tasting and smelling their own sexual secretions. To enjoy sex, you have to enjoy your sex organs—this means appreciating everything about them. Take the time while masturbating to raise your fingers from your genitals to your lips and nose. Women can compare how the odor and consistency of their vaginal secretions change with different phases of their cycle or with different levels of arousal. Men can compare the taste of pre-ejaculate with that of ejaculate. The natural salty, musky tastes and smells of sexual secretions are biochemically designed to arouse, delight, and inspire us to sex. Why not take conscious pleasure in them?

I let a little cum drip into my hand and lick a little bit, just enough for a powerful taste. Believe me, this is an aphrodisiac, even for a heterosexual. I don’t do this all the time, but when I do it’s a real turn-on.

The Gag Reflex

The fear of gagging or choking during oral sex is generally more an issue for those performing oral sex on men than on women. The gag reflex is a natural one, and it takes a bit of practice to get to the point where the sensation of a penis at the back of your throat won’t make you gag a bit. Your best recourse is to wrap your hand around your partner’s penis while you suck—not only will this enhance sensation for your partner, but also it will let you control the depth of his thrusting. We’ve read that the military once claimed it was easy to identify gay recruits by applying a “Gay Reflex Test.” Any man who didn’t gag when a large tongue depressor was inserted in his mouth was considered unfit for military service. If, by some chance, you’re worried about gagging or choking while performing oral sex on a woman, just remember to breathe through your nose, and you’ll be fine.

Sexual Fluids

Sexually transmitted diseases can certainly be transmitted through oral sex, and we’ll discuss safer oral sex and risk management in depth below. However, there’s nothing inherently harmful in semen, female ejaculate, or vaginal secretions, and if your partners are not carrying sexually transmissible diseases, there’s no reason to feel you shouldn’t swallow their sexual fluids. Swallowing semen cannot make you pregnant, nor is it fattening. According to the Kinsey Institute, the average amount of semen a man ejaculates contains about five calories. Not surprisingly, no one seems to have calculated the calories in female ejaculate or vaginal secretions.

By the same token, there’s no reason to feel you should swallow your partner’s fluids if you don’t want to. Plenty of sincerely enthusiastic lovers simply may not find the taste or texture of male ejaculate pleasing enough to go that extra mile. If you don’t want to swallow semen, you can ask your partner to let you know when he’s about to come. At this point you can remove your mouth from his penis and continue stimulating him by hand. Or your partner can wear a condom during oral sex, in which case his ejaculate will be contained and swallowing won’t be an issue.

I don’t much like swallowing sperm, so I reserve it as a treat. More often I’ll ask my husband to withdraw or we’ll use a flavored condom (strawberry and mint are my favorites). When he does come in my mouth, I use my tongue so he spurts onto the roof of my mouth—that way I don’t choke.

If your partner is an ejaculating female and you don’t particularly want to be flooded by her fluids, you can arrange some sort of signal for when you should move your mouth away and continue stimulating her by hand.

Boundaries

The same intimacy and sense of vulnerability that make oral sex so arousing to some make it frightening to others. Respect your partner’s feelings, and let her or him set the pace of your explorations.

I like fellatio, but I’ve never felt comfortable with cunnilingus. I was sexually abused for ten years, and that seems to be one lingering aftereffect. I’ve not had the opportunity to surmount that fear with a partner yet, but I look forward to it.

Oral sex may offer a kind of physical stimulation not to everyone’s taste. Some men find that fellatio doesn’t provide sufficiently intense stimulation to reach orgasm, while some women find cunnilingus more irritating than pleasurable.

The truth is, I don’t really care for blow jobs. I believe I give good ones, but I rarely ever come close to ejaculating when I’m being blown.

Cunnilingus doesn’t arouse me as much as I’d like it to. It makes me tense. Sometimes a lover puts too much pressure on my clit that way (I’m sensitive).

If oral sex makes you anxious or uncomfortable, you can certainly enjoy a satisfying sex life without it. But if you’ve never explored this simple sexual technique, we do hope you’ll give it a chance—many people find oral sex a uniquely pleasurable and fulfilling activity.

Cunnilingus

Cunnilingus

Techniques

The word “cunnilingus” comes from the Latin
cunnus
meaning “vulva” and
lingere
meaning “to lick.” But licking is only one of the many delights involved in cunnilingus. Your moist lips and mouth are capable of creating a uniquely subtle range of sensations. Sucking your partner’s clitoris, nuzzling her labia, and penetrating her vagina with your tongue or fingers can all enhance the experience of oral sex. As with any sexual activity, the same strokes won’t work for all folks, and the same woman might prefer different types of stimulation depending on how aroused she is. Start by finding out what kind of clitoral stimulation your partner prefers: She might like you to lick or suck directly on the tip of her clitoris, to approach it from the underside, or to concentrate on the less-sensitive hooded side. She might favor a slow, gentle tonguing, or she might crave a ferocious licking. She might prefer feeling the tip of your tongue, the flat of your tongue, a circular motion, a lapping motion, even a slight scraping of teeth.

Tongues are usually soft enough and slick enough to feel good directly on my clit.

I found that I simply needed the courage to grind into him, to get a more forceful touch from his tongue, in order to come completely. I overcame my shyness and really got off!

The softness and delicacy of a tongue on my clitoris is heavenly. I love an indirect approach with lots of teasing—coming close, backing off, returning, etc.

If I’m being eaten-out, it’s a total turn-on to have him pull me against him by wrapping his arms around my thighs and holding me tight as he licks me hard and fast.

Many women enjoy having the whole vulva licked, from pubic bone to perineum. Pay attention to the sensitive area around the urethra. You can insert your tongue in your partner’s vagina, though obviously the average tongue will only go so deep. Most women would much rather have their external genitalia tongued. Generally, it’s easier to use a finger or a dildo for penetration during oral sex.

I enjoy the combined effect of sitting on my girlfriend’s face while she has her finger inside me stimulating my G-spot and is licking my clit.