The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (40 page)

I remember one time staying at a hotel in Aspen, and there was a powerful foot massager in the room. I used it on my dick and balls at the same time and had a memorably intense orgasm.

People with disabilities have also discovered the sexual appeal of vibrators. If you’re experiencing reduced sensitivity, you may find that the intense stimulation offered by a vibrator can be felt when the stimulation offered by a hand cannot. If your mobility is impaired, you may enjoy lying on top of some of the larger vibrators, or wearing styles that don’t require the use of your hands. If you have difficulty grasping smaller toys, slip the battery vibrator inside a cloth mitt or insert the base into a Nerf ball with a hole cut out of the center to give you a greater surface area to grasp. Velcro, adhesive tape, and certain types of everyday hardware can assist you in modifying your toys. See our resource listings for referrals to retailers and websites that offer more tips.

During the later stages of pregnancy you may find that vibrators help alleviate soreness or pain and provide convenient genital stimulation if your mobility is reduced. In
Susie Bright’s Sexual Reality,
Susie describes using her vibrator as her focus object during labor: “I have a great photograph of me, dilated to six centimeters, with a blissful look on my face and my vibrator nestled against my pubic bone. I had no thought of climaxing, but the pleasure of the sweet rhythm on my clit was like sweet icing on the deep, thick contractions in my womb.”

In
Good Vibrations,
Joani Blank offers this additional tip for new parents: “Keep a battery vibrator handy for the first few months of your baby’s life. Parents report that some fussy babies can be calmed with a gentle back massage à la vibrator, or by placing the vibrator, wrapped, in the crib.” And more than a few nursing moms have found that applying a small vibrator to a painfully clogged milk duct in their breasts will loosen it right up.

Finally, for those of you who eschew vibrators because you’re completely satisfied with your orgasms, we’d like to remind you that variety is the spice of life! Just as your taste in food can change, so can your experience of orgasm. Many women report vibrators make them come more quickly as well as make their orgasms feel more intense. Others find vibrator orgasms less intense. Some men claim vibrators allow them to orgasm quickly, while others find the stimulation too overwhelming. Some use vibrators to create a powerful buildup for an orgasm that they then finish by some other method.

Vibrators Can Enhance Partner Sex

The belief that masturbation and vibrators are merely temporary substitutes until a real live body comes along is a prevalent one. As you read through this book we hope you’re struck by the number of both men and women who reject this notion by happily incorporating masturbation and sex toys into their partner sex play. Remember Mom telling you to share your toys? Take her advice—sharing your sex toys can add an exciting new dimension to your sex life. Chances are, if your partner discovers that an erotic accessory is bringing you pleasure, she or he will want in on the action.

Seize the opportunity to expand your sexual repertoire, rather than confine it. Instead of assuming that your partner will be threatened or disinterested, take the time to find out how she or he feels. Vibrators may be just the thing to help you break out of a dull routine. You can enjoy the added visual charge, the new sensations, and the undeniable fantasy component that come with playing with all kinds of toys. We hope to both pique your curiosity and spur you into action with our suggestions, later in this chapter, for how to introduce toys into partner sex.

Vibrators Come in All Sizes and Shapes

The penis-shaped, plastic vibrator is probably the most well-known model, yet it is also the source of endless confusion and frustration for women hoping to use one to vibrate to orgasm. The dildo shape suggests insertion, but most women orgasm from pressing a vibrator against the clitoris, not thrusting it in and out of the vagina. We could weep for the scores of misled women who have pumped and thrusted in vain—searching for that elusive orgasm they heard came so easily with a vibrator. By learning about various vibrator sizes, shapes, and uses, as well as experimenting to find out what kind of stimulation you personally like, you’re bound to find a vibrator (or several) with your name on it.

Vibrators Are Natural Pleasers

Many people feel sex should only involve the body parts we were born with, but
why?
We could make the argument that humans were put on this earth naked, therefore we should have no need for clothing. But none would disagree that we have adapted to our environment, donning clothes in the process. We maintain that we’ve also evolved sexually, earning the right to play with toys.

Vibrators complement our natural sexual impulses by allowing us to explore a variety of sensations. If vibrators are too artificial to incorporate into “natural” sex, what sensual pleasers aren’t? What about lingerie, satin sheets, massage oils, furry mitts, and feathers? The enjoyment of tactile stimulation is as natural as it gets, and we object to anyone’s drawing an arbitrary line in the sand over vibrators simply because they’re powered by electricity.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who has an ingrained aversion to the artificial aspect of sex toys, you can try offering some of the arguments we just proposed. Be flexible—you may work out a compromise where you both agree to use the vibrator some of the time. Perhaps in time, after watching it bring you so much pleasure, your partner will grant your toy a place in his or her heart (or between his or her sheets!).

Playing with Vibrators

How To

Both women and men can enjoy vibrators in a number of ways. Although vibrators are most commonly associated with women seeking vaginal and clitoral stimulation, many men rhapsodize over the penile or testicular stimulation they afford, and both sexes can use vibrators to tap into anal eroticism. Whatever your preference, take a tip from the many people who employ more than one toy, and try out several different models, either singly or in unison. You never know what pleasures await you behind door number three! Here are some basic tips for anyone interested in playing with a vibrator:

• Get yourself in the mood. Read a dirty book, walk around the house naked, explore a favorite fantasy.

• Monitor your arousal level and experiment with deep breathing to see how this affects your sexual response.

• Try different positions. Lie on top of the vibrator, lie on your back with the vibrator on top of you, grasp it between your thighs. Run the vibrator over different parts of your body.

• Try moving the vibrator around to touch different parts of your genitals. If you’re a woman, you can press it against your clitoris, the clitoral hood, the mons, labia, vaginal opening, and anus, or you can insert it into your vagina or anus. If you’re a man, you can run the vibrator along the shaft of your penis, or press it against the base, the scrotum, the perineum, and around or into your anus. Try pressing below the glans on the bottom side of your penis. You can also press your penis against your abdomen with the vibrator to disseminate the vibrations through your pelvis.

• Vary the pressure and speed. Experiment with a steady, direct pressure; alternate between a hard and light pressure; or try stopping and starting. Many vibrators come with more than one speed or a variable-speed control, so that you can switch gears any time.

• If the vibration is too intense, don’t place the vibrator directly against your genitals, but move it slightly, diffusing the vibration. Or place your hand, clothing, or a towel between the vibrator and your genitals to absorb some of the vibration.

• Enhance your vibrator play by teasing yourself. Pay attention to your arousal level and turn your vibrator off intermittently.

• Incorporate other types of stimulation—touch other parts of your body, use some other toys, watch a porn movie, or talk nasty to yourself.

• If the vibrator doesn’t make you come, don’t worry—for now, just play with it for fun. It might make you come too fast, or it might numb you out so that you’re unable to come. Only by experimenting can you figure out how to maximize your own pleasure.

First Timers

If You’ve Never Had an Orgasm…
For the woman who has never had an orgasm, a vibrator can literally be the key to the kingdom. Because vibrators provide consistent, reliable clitoral stimulation, many therapists recommend them to preorgasmic clients; masturbating with a vibrator can be an excellent way to explore your own patterns of arousal. As you read through this chapter you’ll find descriptions of many different styles of vibrators along with advice on how to choose between them. If you find the sheer number of options overwhelming, it might help to know that the Wahl Coil and the Hitachi Wand, both of which offer strong, steady vibration, are among the most common vibrators recommended to preorgasmic women.

If You’ve Never Played with a Vibrator…
You might be surprised by the results. Many people claim to orgasm more quickly, and sometimes more intensely, from vibrators. Even if you’re perfectly content with your masturbation habits, you might be inspired to incorporate vibrators into your repertoire for the sheer novelty—and thrill—of it:

The first time I used a vibrator, I had no idea, absolutely none, about how stimulating it was compared to my fingers or how quickly I would come. I think I lasted maybe ten seconds. After that, I experimented and learned to control myself better.

The very first time I used a vibrator just blew me away. I came within seconds and it lasted forever! After that experience I figured that life without a partner might not be so bad!

The first time I used a vibrator was when I was 45. I thought it was sinful how much ecstasy one of those things can bring!

And once you discover the possibilities, you’ll probably be back for more:

I will not forget my first experience using a vibrator. The feeling on my body and the sound was different. Then I felt my clitoris respond…oh my! I thought I was going to fly off the bed. My body would not stop having orgasms. I wanted to shut off the vibrator, but turned it on the higher speed! The vibrator flew across the bed and I curled up enjoying the experience.

One day when I was 15 and my parents were out, I found a vibrator under their bed. I knew immediately that I needed to try it. I started to masturbate using my hand, just rubbing and getting wet, and then when I knew I was getting to the point of coming, I turned on the vibrator and held it on the top of my vaginal opening by my clit. I came and let loose with a cry that probably echoed ’round the neighborhood. It was a rolling orgasm and I couldn’t stop using the vibrator. I kept coming, my clit throbbing, and I think I came five times.

We hope that if you have a less than satisfying experience your first time playing with a vibrator you won’t give up. You may just need to experiment in the ways described in the How To section above, or you may need to try a different style. There really is no one perfect vibrator—we’ve heard from just as many women disappointed that a toy was too weak as from those who thought it too strong. Only you can decide what pleases you sexually, and this will be an ongoing process of self-discovery. Good resources are Betty Dodson’s book
Sex for One
and her video
Selfloving; For Yourself
by Lonnie Barbach; and
Good Vibrations: The Complete Guide to Vibrators
by Joani Blank.

Minimize Disappointment

Anybody who plays with sex toys regularly has at least one disappointing experience to relate, and some people have more than their fair share. As one survey respondent reminds us:

One problem with sex toys is that you generally can’t take them for a test drive before purchase!

True enough, but unlike with a car, there aren’t too many people who’d want to take a vibrator out for a spin once another customer’s done with it! If you’re dubious about the orgasmic payoff, you’ll think twice about plunking down a bunch of cash for a toy you can’t necessarily return (many sex toy retailers accept returns only on unused or defective toys).

It’s truly unfortunate to anticipate a great erotic adventure, only to be let down. For those new to vibrators, this can be enough to discourage further use. Because the adult industry has traditionally exploited consumer fears and embarrassment around sex toys, many have gotten away with selling low-quality merchandise at inflated prices. We’ve heard from more than one person who bought a fifty-dollar toy only to have it break down in three days. By contrast, we’ve heard from countless others who described their most disappointing toy experience as having their batteries die. Yes, that’s unpleasant, particularly if it happens at a crucial moment, but—duh!—there is a simple remedy: Keep a supply of batteries on hand! We can’t spare all of you the pain of a poorly made toy, but we can give you some tips that will help you keep your expectations in check and minimize disappointment:

• Keep spare batteries on hand.

• If you have a favorite toy, consider stocking a backup, in case your beloved dies.

• Take care of the toy—check the Vibrator Care and Cleaning sidebar for details.

• Think about what you want the toy to do before you buy it: Refer to the Vibrator Shopping Checklist sidebar for advice.

• Wear a skeptic’s hat: If the sales hype on a toy sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

• Shop at places you trust or look for brand-name toys reputed to be higher quality.

• Get advice from others. Shop at webites that post customer product reviews, ask friends about their favorites, look for bestsellers.