Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation (9 page)

Using the Imagination

If you lack sensitivity in the penis when there is no movement or stimulation, your creative imagination can help your body to cooperate with your inner reality. Imagination can be a powerful tool for awakening an inner, cellular experience. You can take your attention into the penis and visualize it as a channel for potency, warmth, love, light, gold, or whatever encourages an inner perception and flow. Energy follows imagination, so by leading the way with visualization, you can actually begin to experience vitality and sensation.

We know how well the imagination works in sexual fantasy, but in that situation we are imagining something that doesn’t exist, so we are completely absent and disconnected from what is happening in the here and now. When imagination is directed toward something that actually exists in the energetic realm, it has the power to elevate the experience and gradually open man to the inner experience of his radiant penis.

Bringing Attention from the Head to the Perineum

Generally speaking a man will tend to have most of his attention on the head of the penis, naturally, because this is where he experiences the most intense pleasure. To begin to shift attention away from the head of the penis, visualize your penis as a channel for potency, warmth, and love. Imagine that it is a fountain of light and liquid gold energy, circulating its dynamic force back into your body. Envision your penis as a channel or conduit, and refocus your attention on the base of your penis, in the area of the perineum. The perineum, a small, coin-sized area of knotty muscle lying directly in front of the anus, is virtually the root of the penis and is its energetic source. It is where the muscles and tissues that form the penis initially emerge from the floor of your pelvis.

When you begin to make love and feel the sexual heat rising, bring your attention to the perineum. Consciously relax the entire pelvic floor area, including the anus and testicles. When you notice your attention start to drift—there are, after all, abundant distractions—you may notice that in your absence the pelvic floor area once again contracts and tightens. Relaxing the anus frequently and maintaining awareness of the base of the penis will give you an inner feeling of your penis as a complete unit, rather than a disembodied tool for thrusting. It becomes a divine instrument capable of channeling subtle energies that flow or stream from the root upward to the radiant head, and beyond into your receptive partner. Be aware of your breathing and of the subtle sensations deep within your physical core as your inner rod of magnetism awakens. Notice how the life force rises to caress your heart into vibrant aliveness. (See the appendix at the back of the book for specific ways to increase sensitivity.)

A HIGHLY SENSITIVE MAGNET

The silky, slippery, smooth, sensitive head of the penis bears testament to its powerful magnetic properties. The head radiates life force, energy, and potency, which correspond directly with the receptive, relaxed, inviting vaginal environment. The head of the penis also acts as a catalyst with profoundly healing properties (see chapter 8 on sexual healing and male authority). When the head of the penis corresponds to its equal and opposite pole, the connection is able to generate states of ecstasy. Tantra master Barry Long, from Australia, says that a man should attempt to “become” his penis while making love. Through awareness and presence a man can gradually learn to merge with his penis, and be his penis.

There is a ruthless emphasis in our culture on the size of a man’s penis when erect, and even when it is flaccid. Sometimes the two don’t even correlate, since it’s impossible to estimate the erect size of a penis based on its flaccid state. Convention insists that bigger is better, so a man may have feelings of shame or insecurity because of his size, which affects his capacity to trust, love, and value his own penis.

In the tantric approach, sensitivity and capacity of presence are more important than size and performance. It is true that a bigger penis is able to cause more friction in the vagina, but a penis that is big and hard can also be numb and insensitive in itself, as well as cause discomfort to a woman. However, when there is a shift in our thinking about sex, we can begin to give value to our subtle energy exchanges, which means that any size is perfect. Many men discover that their optimally perceptive sensitive state is when the penis is only half erect. How you do something is much more meaningful than what you do, or the size or rigidity of your sex organ. The penis is innately intelligent, and if man is able to relax back into himself, nature will express itself through him.

PERSONAL SHARING

Focusing on the Inner Body

During the lovemaking retreat we repeated one exercise several times, which involved closing my eyes and focusing just on the inner body (the home in my body) in order to feel a connection with my pelvis. It was always a beautiful experience for me.

When I felt connected with myself, I slowly opened my eyes, still focusing on the inside, and slowly turned to my partner, who had just done the same exercise. While slowly coming together in this manner, I was full of joy and love. I realized that my penis stiffened and I wanted to share this pleasant feeling with my partner and rub my penis against her, as I used to in the past.

However, this time I tried something new. I stayed with my feeling, sensed my penis from inside, and experienced a strange energy filling my body and rising to my heart. This wonderful connection, this streaming of energy from my penis to my heart, was very fulfilling for me and left a deep impression. All this happened just because I was alert and contained my feeling, and did not automatically project my feeling out of my own body.

PERSONAL SHARING

Swaying in a Tantric Dance

One sensation that came up again and again was of a kind of dance happening between penis and vagina. When I was inside my wife, I perceived a soft motion between us—like leaves swaying gently in a warm breeze, or as if my penis were surrounded by soft, warm liquid. Although seen from an outside perspective our bodies did not move, my motions were, in fact, in harmony with her motions, and I felt deeply connected to my beloved in what felt like a dance between the female and the male. As I remember this event, I wonder again about the untapped potential of our sexual organs. Tantra is a true adventure to me. My perceptions during lovemaking have become more refined, diversified, and intense. This makes lovemaking more touching, colorful, and deeply conscious for me, both physically and energetically.

I have a beautiful experience to share: One morning when we were making love and were inside of each other, I felt as if my penis were surrounded by warm liquid honey. My wife’s vagina was soft and receptive, I was very present and focused, and a common space formed between us, a healing space in which my masculinity encountered the femininity of my beloved. Energetically there was just this one space, within which we could love each other in total freedom. After some time we changed position, and my wife suddenly got aroused and had an orgasm. After that her vagina felt tense and tight, and the space between us had disappeared.

PERSONAL SHARING

One with Myself and with My Lover

I’ve begun to notice the ability of my penis to stay erect without my being aroused. Previously erectness was inextricably connected with arousal. I happen to see a sexy woman, and poing—my penis gets stiff. My wife touches my penis—poing. But now the poing happens without any arousal, but only if we are inside of each other and I am present, focused, and relaxed. There are two factors that make it extra easy: If my lover is also present and if I am deeply in her vagina. Most of those times I feel a strong energy flow within myself and between us. Everything around us becomes unimportant, and I am one with myself and my lover. I feel held, loved, and simply at home in myself and in everything that is.

Tantric Inspiration

Remain with the beginning; do not move to the end. How to remain in the beginning? Many things are to be remembered. First, don’t take the sex act as a way of going anywhere. Don’t take it as a means: it is the end in itself. There is no end to it; it is not a means. Secondly, do not think of the future; remain with the present. And if you cannot remain in the present in the beginning part of the sex act, then you can never remain in the present—because the very nature of the act is such that you are thrown into the present.

Remain in the present. Enjoy the meeting of two bodies, two souls, and merge into each other, melt into each other. Forget that you are going anywhere. Remain in the moment going nowhere, and melt. Warmth, love, should be made a situation for two persons to melt into each other. That is why, if there is no love, the sex act is a hurried act. You are using the other; the other is just a means. And the other is using you. You are exploiting each other, not merging into each other. With love you can merge. This merging in the beginning will give you many new insights.

If you are not in a hurry to finish the act, the act, by and by, becomes less and less sexual and more and more spiritual. Sex organs also melt into each other. A deep silent communion happens between two body energies, and then you can remain for hours together. This togetherness moves deeper and deeper as time passes. But don’t think. Remain with the moment deeply merged. It becomes an ecstasy, a
samadhi,
cosmic consciousness. And if you can know this, if you can feel and realize this, your sexual mind will become nonsexual.

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA

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AWARENESS, MOVEMENT, PENETRATION, AND ERECTION