Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation (8 page)

Female Sexual Energy is Raised in the Breasts

The big question is now how to knock on heaven’s door. The true way to expand female sexual energy is to initially shift the emphasis away from the vagina and clitoris toward the breasts, which signifies
a shift from negative pole to positive pole in woman.
The breasts are the positive, dynamic pole from which energy is awakened, the key to accessing the female body. Energy can only be raised from a positive, dynamic pole and not from a passive, receptive pole. First the breasts need to become energized and filled with awareness (and this takes time), and then as a result the vagina will respond and become an invitation. Through merging with her breasts a woman is capable of experiencing the most profound orgasmic states. The vagina/clitoris, which is the usual starting point in conventional sex, is—energetically speaking—the passive, receptive pole in the female body. In truth, the vagina can only become fully alive and energized via the positive and dynamic pole of the breasts.

When man knows that the breasts are the doorway, the access to woman, his approach can be simpler and more informed, with less guessing or fiddling around to find the clitoris and get it just right. Instead, loving attention can be given to the breasts, which doesn’t even require much effort on man’s part. It is more a matter of “being” in your hands, without any intention or agenda lying behind the touch. A warm hand that gently embraces and lovingly molds to the breasts is absolutely perfect. There is no need to stimulate the nipples directly, but only indirectly through simple hand contact or a feather-light brush once or twice. Some women have hypersensitive nipples, so it’s best to find out what suits your woman. (See more on breasts and foreplay in chapter 7.)

Ancient tantric wisdom makes it possible to initiate a thrilling journey of self-discovery, the outcome of which is the true experience of masculinity. This requires a revolutionary reevaluation of sex and the discovery that the “how” of sex plays a profound role in maintaining an active sex life and a loving, joyful relationship. The key is to treat woman as complementary and not the same. Any limitation in the sexual experience of woman inevitably limits the sexual experience of man. If woman is adversely affected through a lack of orgasmic experiences, then so is man, even if he is not aware of this.

SHIFT FROM SENSATION TO SENSITIVITY

There is a general requirement to shift away from sensation and excitement toward sensitivity and nature’s subtle energetic connection. Lovemaking must be reconceived as an interplay of dynamic and receptive forces that give rise to extraordinary energetic experiences. A shift away from sensation toward sensitivity imbues man with true male attributes and the ability to be present to his penis. To give value to, and opportunity for, the male-female connection within the vagina, where the vagina becomes an embracing sheath that elicits the essential qualities imbued in the penis, supporting man’s experience of himself as authentic man. A natural biological ecstasy is possible, an exchange that satisfies every cell in the body and lies beyond the pleasure of ejaculation and fantasy.

The penis has a definite intelligence and innate sensitivity. When the female environment is open, warm, and loving, the penis responds positively to the intrinsic force-flow. When the female environment is closed, tight, or unwelcoming, the penis can easily shrink and withdraw as it loses cellular interest. For a man it is a profoundly moving and touching experience to feel deeply welcomed into the vagina by a woman.

Awakening Polarity

You and your partner can make yourselves more aware of your complementary polarities before you start lovemaking—as a kind of foreplay. Or at any other time.

Sit opposite each other on the floor on cushions situated a little distance apart so that your knees or hands aren’t touching. Close your eyes and tune into your positive poles: for you that would be at the root of your penis (the perineum), and for your partner, her breasts and nipples. Take a few minutes for this. After a while when you feel you have managed to pull your attention into your penis and testicles, imagine the penis radiating energy, light, and warmth toward your woman’s vagina. She should imagine herself receiving the love and light into her vagina and at the same time radiating warmth, light, and love out through her breasts to you. Imagine receiving all this beautiful energy and absorb it into your chest and heart.

You can use the breath to support the experience if you wish (but should you feel more relaxed without any special attention on the breath, this choice is fine too). As you breathe out, radiate love and light from the penis. As you breathe in, absorb the love and light coming from her breasts. Breathe in together and then out together for a while. Or as one breathes out, the other breathes in, then vice versa. When you feel ready, open your eyes in a gentle, receptive way, and sustain an inviting, gentle eye contact.

If you feel a physical attraction arising between you, woman can move across the space, and you can assist her to wrap her legs around your waist while sitting in your lap (yab yum position); cushions can be used to support her if necessary. This position brings the genitals into closer proximity and the breasts and chest into correspondence. This means the inner magnets are meeting at opposite ends. Embrace lightly and feel the inner sensations, or use the imagination to circle the energies.

If you wish, you can also change the breathing pattern—as you breathe in, woman breathes out; as woman breathes in, you breathe out. This practice will intensify the feeling of the energy and aliveness circling between your bodies. After a time you probably will begin to feel subtle sensations of the energy circulating. If yab-yum is not comfortable to sustain, you can move into a standing position, or you can do the entire exercise standing. Experiencing this circling energy may lead to a mutual desire for union, but if not, slowly separate your bodies so that you don’t suddenly break the energetic connection. Sit with closed eyes and settle your attention inside your own body for few minutes.

Tantric Inspiration

And this merger should not become unconscious, otherwise you miss the point. Then it is a beautiful sex act, but not transformation. It is beautiful, nothing is wrong in it, but it is not transformation. And if it is unconscious then you will always be moving in a rut. Again and again you will want to have this experience. The experience is beautiful as far as it goes, but it will become a routine. And each time you have it, again more desire is created. The more you have it, the more you desire it, and you move in a vicious circle. You don’t grow, you just rotate.

Rotation is bad because then growth is not happening. The energy is simply wasted. Even if the experience is good, the energy is wasted, because much more was possible. And it was just at the corner, just a turn, and much more was possible. With the same energy the divine could have been achieved. With the same energy the ultimate ecstasy is possible, and you are wasting that energy in momentary experiences. And by and by those experiences will become boring, because repeated again and again, everything becomes boring. When the newness is lost, boredom is created.

If you remain alert you will see: first, changes of energy in the body; second, dropping of thoughts from the mind; and third, dropping of the ego from the heart. And when this third thing has happened, that energy, your sex energy, has transformed into meditative energy.

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
MY WAY: THE WAY OF THE WHITE CLOUDS

5

THE PENIS—A POTENT ELECTROMAGNETIC INSTRUMENT

A man who experiences his penis as a divine instrument of love and ecstasy develops a profound trust in his manhood, which rests easily and gently at the center of his being. He has the capacity to listen to his body, loves and respects his penis, and knows how to be male in relation to female. He understands the source of his erection and is in control of his ejaculation, and not vice versa. He becomes able to prolong the sex act at will and capable of holding a relaxed, timeless space that supports woman (and thereby himself) as an equal and opposite force in experiencing orgasmic fulfillment.

When man and woman are rooted in nature—man as dynamic force, woman as receptive force—there is an intrinsic movement as a by-product of the meeting of opposite polarities. Spontaneous, inherent circles of giving and receiving come into play. Man gives to woman, she receives from man; woman gives to man, he receives from woman. Many men have probably experienced, however briefly, no greater blessing than being the recipient of woman’s love; there is nothing more gratifying or significant in the life of a man. When he receives a shower of female essence, divine feminine nectar, the pure sweetness of it is a magically empowering experience for a man. It is the love that is awakened in her through the power of a loving penis. Such enchanting experiences are the true outcome of sexual union, but happen much too seldom. Normally at the outset of a relationship, when the situation is fresh and new, magical experiences naturally occur. The knack is to keep re-creating the newness and not fall into habit or take each other for granted.

SEXUAL CONDITIONING INFLUENCES SEXUAL BEHAVIOR

Very few men have conscious control over themselves or their penises in sex, which puts them at a disadvantage in creating love. Lack of control exists because there is a complete absence of constructive information. Instead, unconscious impressions about sex from earliest childhood accumulate and shape the individual, gradually forming a sexual conditioning that distorts the individual’s natural sexual responses or expression.

Although clarification about sex, or useful sex education, is virtually nonexistent in our culture, sex continues to be a driving and distracting force. But at the same time this powerful force is kept under wraps, like a secret. Most people are involved in sex in some way, but nobody acknowledges it, shares information, or even talks about it. Sex shifts away from the body and becomes an aspect of the mind as expressed in thoughts, fantasies, dreams, and voyeurism, and this is true even in self-pleasuring. Sex leaves the realm of the humanly sensitive flesh to become something you think about a zillion times more than you actually do.

When a man finally gets together with a woman, he operates on his accumulated past experiences and guesswork, and hopes for the best. Beneath multiple layers of bravado and performance frequently lies a sexual insecurity that gnaws away at the depths of his being. Such tension will exacerbate any other presexual tension, causing the man to perhaps feel out of control, especially concerning ejaculation.

Correspondence between the Penis and the Vagina

To shift to a higher realm of sexual experience a man has to reevaluate his penis and the way he uses it inside the vagina. He must use his penis with intelligence, maturity, and vision.

Nature intended the penis to operate as a highly sensitive, perceptive magnetic instrument. Although the penis and vagina are physical organs, they are designed to communicate on a refined energy level. The entire penis is a channel, a conduit through which life force moves from man into woman. Woman receives this force and draws it into herself. The response or communication between the genitals can first be felt as a vibrant sensation of aliveness on a fine cellular level. When we are caught up in sexual doing, there is no opportunity to relax and simply be in the body and experience this subtle vitality. When mechanical movements cease, we can begin to tune in to a finer level of sensitivity and delicate sensation.

The vagina and penis as equal and opposite forces are designed by nature for a “happening.” When one fits into the other, man can begin to experience emanations from his penis, like electromagnetic streamings, that become increasingly ecstatic as they spread throughout the body. By developing an inner listening to—and with—his penis and genital region, his overall approach to making love will become more sensitive and conscious.

DEVELOPING SENSITIVITY THROUGH BEING CONSCIOUS

When a man begins to make love with awareness and experiment with stillness, he may be surprised to notice a relative absence of sensitivity in his penis. Without the familiar stimulation and intensity, it’s not so easy for him to find a real inner connection to his genital area. Such lack of sensitivity is to be expected after many years of tense, goal-oriented sex. The good news is that sensitivity will quickly return to the penis through a relaxed style of lovemaking.

On the eighth and final day of our workshops we usually ask the men, “Does your penis now feel more sensitive?” Virtually all raise their hands to confirm a dramatic increase in sensitivity. By reducing the friction movements—the doing—they are able to redirect their attention to an inner awareness of the penis and its vitality. Even men who have used the penis in another way for forty or fifty years notice a change in sensitivity and aliveness within just a few days. The body’s regenerative power under conducive conditions is extraordinary. There exists an intrinsic drive toward purity and wholeness when the intelligence of the body is embraced.