Take it All (Blinded by Love) (47 page)

She didn’t remember the dream until she was on the highway heading to Caleb’s. A song had played on the radio that triggered something inside her head and the dream came back to her crystal clear and stirred up her own feelings and thoughts, making her wonder if he was back to using. When she first started dating Caleb and found out about his drug of choice she researched it to see what she needed to know in case something were to happen to him and one thing that bounced around in her head was how a hit of coke could last anywhere between fifteen minutes to hours per hit and that some people experienced flu like symptoms when it came to using. She knew she hadn’t seen that in him before, but if he had been off it for a little bit then started again, it could be possible. She knew her own signs to look for, his dime sized pupils, the way his head would bobble about, and the consistency of his hand rubbing under his nose. She didn’t want to be there with him, watching him show any of the signs but she knew deep down there was no way she was going to be around him and not pay close attention.

Walking into the living room, Caleb was sitting in the middle of the couch in a pair of jeans and fitted white tee with a black hat on backwards. He looked good sitting there with a hat on, it was a look she rarely saw on him but when she did she found it hard not to jump into his arms and have her way with him. There was something else that looked different with him, and when he turned his head in her direction with his lips curled into a half smile, she saw what the change in him was.

“You shaved.” It rushed out along with the air in her lungs. In all the time she had been with him, he had his stubble that she absolutely loved on him, so much so that she made him promise to not shave it off, and now it was gone and he was completely clean shaven. It made him look younger but she wasn’t sure if she liked it and therefore she couldn’t stop the tears that rushed to her eyes.

“Baby,” Caleb said, tossing the remote next to him on the couch and jumped to his feet pulling her into his arms, her arms circling his neck instantly. “It’s okay, it’ll grow back,” he chuckled softly into her ear.

She shook her head in the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying,” she sniffled, “just surprised me.”

He kissed her head, “Oh, baby, it’s okay,” he said into her hair, his words muffled.

“I missed you.” She tightened her arms around him and placed her lips gently along his collarbone.

“Me too, Lox,” he said as he backed up to the couch and pulled her down with him. He lifted and rested his feet on top of his coffee table then grabbed the remote he tossed beside him and went back to flipping through the stations, finally settling on a show about cars.

Lennox sat next to him with her head on his shoulder and his arm resting around her shoulders. She kicked her flip flops off then pulled her feet up and curled her legs at her side. She looked up from his shoulder to his face and ran her hand over the bareness of his face, feeling smooth and soft under her touch. It was going to be something to get used to. “What made you shave?” she inquired curiously.

He gazed down at her from the corner of his eye with a smirk, “I really don’t know, just felt like time I guess.” His eyes went back to the television as she continued watching him for a few seconds longer, taking him and his movement’s in. “What?” he asked keeping his eyes straight ahead, not looking directly at her.

“Nothing,” she said quickly, looking away to the show on the television as she tried to look as if it was interesting to her when she saw him, from the corner of her eye, look at her with a quizzical glance. Pretending to not notice him looking, she asked, “Where’s Emerson?”

“Out.”

“Okay.” Her eyes didn’t move to him as his didn’t move from her and she wished she could make herself look at him, to see his eyes, to see if they were the azure she loved so much or the glassy and tired dimes that were going to suffocate her like a dark sea at night, unable to catch a breath before being pulled under.

“Lennox,” he called, wanting her attention on him as he flipped the television off.

“Hmm?”

His head tipped to the side with a puzzled expression, “Look at me.” His voice sounded like he was challenging her, as if he knew what she was thinking and he wanted to prove her thoughts wrong.

“Why?” she asked, her stomach turning with nerves knowing she was going to have to take a deep breath and just look at him because she couldn’t get away with not.

His arm jerked and his body reeled back a bit as his brows rose up then quickly snapped together as his mouth went rigid. “Why?” he repeated, sounding annoyed, “I don’t know, maybe so I can look at my girlfriend who I haven’t seen in days, so I can tell her how much I love her and how much I hated being away from her this weekend,” he paused, waiting for her to look at him, only she didn’t so he continued on, “and so I can steal every kiss possible from her until she’s quivering with her toes curled tight, unable to take much more, as I take her to my room, undress her then make love to her all fucking day.”

She turned to look at him, her eyes burning with tears, as her eyes finally met his, and the words left her mouth, “Are you using again?”

His brows smoothed apart as he looked at her, his pupil only looking a little bit big; nowhere near what she had seen before. She watched his face switch between softness to stone, and she couldn’t read it. It was one of those moments where the softness could be because he felt guilty because he was or that he was hurt that she thought he was. His stony look could be because he got caught and didn’t know his way out or because she asked; either way she was at a loss and had to wait for his answer.

“Lennox.”

“I’m sorry Caleb, I just... I just needed to ask, you can tell me if you are– I won’t be mad– I promise,” Lennox pleaded shamelessly, she just wanted to know straight up before she could move an inch .

“No,” he said, sounding disappointed that she was questioning him and her belief in his sobriety, “Why?”

The breath she didn’t know she was holding rushed from her lungs and out of her body, her hands grabbing the tee he was wearing as her head softly fell into his chest, “I don’t want to explain it, I only asked because I worry and I love you,” she said into his chest, her hands releasing his tee, feeling the warmth radiating under them, as they moved up to his shoulders. She lifted her head, inching closer to him, her lips aching to feel his. “Promise me,” she whispered, her mouth only inches from his as she could feel his warm breath rolling over her lips. “Promise me you’re not using and I’m just being an over protective, paranoid girlfriend who’s crazy stupid in love with her boyfriend and worries too damn much.”

She thought she felt his body still for an instant under her touch but the thought vanished when he said, “Promise.” The words were scarcely out before her lips crashed to his, taking the breath away from him. Not breaking their kiss, she lifted herself up and swung her leg over so she was straddling him. His arms curved around her waist as the kiss deepened and their lips weren’t just dancing together, but moving together in perfect sync before their tongues met and tangled together like it was the end of the world and there was no tomorrow. His hands slid around the hem of her shirt and lifted it swiftly over her head and tossed it aside. His hand found the clasp on her bra and undid it with a quick flick, both hands taking a strap and gently pulling them down as far as it would go until she let go of him and she pulled her arms from them; Caleb pulling the bra between them and tossing it like he tossed her shirt.

Lennox’s hands slid between them, down his shirt, her fingers feeling the ripples of his muscles as they traveled down until her fingers wrapped around the bottom of his shirt and she pulled it up and over his head, tossing it behind her then pushing her bare chest into his, a soft moan vibrating through her throat and over his lips. She could feel him, throbbing between her legs and through her jeans, aching for her as much as she was aching for him. Her arms circled his neck again as her lips tore away from his and kissed lightly over his jaw and towards his ear, where her raspy voice begged, “Bedroom.”

Caleb pushed up from the couch and held Lennox in his arms tightly. Her legs wrapped around him instantly, hooking at the ankles as she buried her head into the crook of his neck and started kissing and sucking her way up the side of his neck. She could hear the growl in his chest as he quickened his pace down the hall, “Need you inside me, Caleb,” she mumbled into his neck.

“Fuck, I know, baby, me too,” he said, with a roughness to his voice that she had never heard before and it excited her. “Lips,” he demanded, claiming them as he pushed open his door then kick it closed as he walked over to his bed. He placed Lennox in the middle, where he stayed true to his promise, first getting her naked, and then stealing every kiss possible until her toes curled and she couldn’t take it anymore. Caleb then made good with his final promise when he slid inside her, no barriers between them, and made love to her.

Like Caleb had promised, they spent the day in bed making love; Caleb leaving only to answer the door when the pizza guy arrived. When they weren’t making love they were curled up next to one another watching whatever they could find on television until they had enough energy to go again.

It was almost eleven when, in the dead of the night, Caleb softly said, “Lox, you awake?”

Her arm squeezed his waist as her head shifted an inch to look up at him, “Mmm, surprisingly yeah,” she answered, her soft laughter vibrating against his warm chest. “After today, surprised I’m not passed out and dead to the world,” she mumbled as she looked up at him.

He smirked then kissed her head. “Listen, I wanna talk to you about something,” he said, his voice sounding serious as he shuffled his way up so his back was resting against the wall. Lennox, holding the sheet against her naked flesh, sat up and looked at him unsure whether to feel nervous or not.

“Okay, what is it?” she asked softly, her legs curled under her.

“I need to apologize for the past few days and how I acted towards you when you stopped by. I was an asshole and I should have never acted so cold, especially towards you.” His voice was sincere and full of defeat that she didn’t have to ask herself if he was being true and if he meant it because she could hear it in his voice and feel it in his gaze.

A soft, forgiving smile danced over her lips as she nodded, telling him it was okay. “Can I ask you something?” she asked her voice low and timid, as she pulled the corner of her lip up and between her teeth.

“Babe, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

Her teeth released her lip and she asked, “Why do people, in
that
part of your life, call you King?”

She saw the muscle in his jaw twitch as his teeth gritted together tightly, but only for an instant before his face smoothed out and his eyes met her waiting, apprehensive ones. “‘Cause I get things done quickly, I get people what they want, whatever they ask me to do, I do it and I do it quick–never disappoint.”

“What kind of things?” she asked hesitant, unsure she really wanted or needed to know.

The moonlight hit his eyes and she saw a quick flash of resentment in them when he said, “I’d rather not say, Lox.”

“Is it bad?”

He thought about it a second then nodded, “Yeah.”

“Caleb…”

“Lox, before you came along... my life had no color, none. It was dark and charcoal, cold and had no meaning whatsoever. I came to a point in my life where, at one time, I thought about ending it.” He took a breath before he went on, “I was driving home from– fuck I don’t know– and there was oncoming traffic. I thought about cranking the wheel over into the other lane as a semi approached, knowing I didn’t have a chance,” he paused and cleared his throat, unable to break eye contact with Lennox who was watching him closely with an unreadable face. “Then I thought a telephone pole would be better, gun it and go for it at top speed. I almost did but swerved at the last second, the
very
last second.”

“I had no idea,” she whispered out loud.

“No one does, I never told anyone; until now.”

Lennox moved, lifting her leg over him so she straddled his lap and his hands instantly gripping her hips, their eyes not wavering for a second. “Thank you for telling me,” she said in a hushed voice.

He shook his head slowly, “No, thank you for showing me life does have color; you just have to be patient and wait for the right person to come along and unknowingly paint it for you.”

Lennox’s eyes filled with tears as Caleb pulled himself away from the wall and secured his arms around her, pulling her body in with his. Her left arm curved around his neck as her right hand smoothed over his face, lingering against his cheek and feeling him move into it. She then smoothed it over his forehead and through his dark, messy hair as she dipped her head down and brushed her lips over his nose then over his lips before she said, “As long as I’m around, your world will only know color, Caleb.”

“Fuck, I love you.” Caleb’s lips claimed hers again as he flipped her on to her back then slammed inside her, unable to wait another second. Their night was filled with stars exploding behind their eyes before falling over their edge of ecstasy, holding onto one another for dear life. It wasn’t long after they made love that Lennox finally succumbed to sleep and did so next to Caleb with her arm slung over his stomach. She slept through the night, not waking when the bed shifted under her with Caleb climbing out, kissing her cheek before grabbing his things off the nightstand. He left a blissfully sleeping Lennox naked and in his bed where she later woke and dressed then headed home feeling on top of the world and not letting anything take it away from her.