Take it All (Blinded by Love) (45 page)

“Yeah, I’ll call you and let you know,” he said, turning from her as he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the side where it landed in a pile of already dirty clothes.

She nodded, confused by what he said but chose not to say anything about it and said, “Okay, sure.” She turned and made her way towards the door only to stop in the doorway and look at him over her shoulder to see him quickly look away from her and move towards the bathroom. Unsure, she thought she saw a pained look on his face but he moved too quickly for her to be sure. “Love you,” she said, the bathroom door closing, as the words sounded into the room. He didn’t acknowledge what she said; the last thing she heard before she left his room and grabbed her purse from his couch was the clicking of the lock on the door.

Lennox sat in her jeep up the street from Caleb’s house feeling as if she had the air kicked out of her lungs. She had never seen Caleb that way, so distant and so cold, not coming near her or touching her in the slightest way. She wasn’t use to that side of him and she couldn’t help but feel hurt by his actions and the icy chill he created in that room. She gripped the steering wheel with both hands as she lowered her head, resting her forehead against the top of it, and lightly banging her head against it three times, as she muttered to herself, “He’s detoxing, Lennox, going through withdrawals, it’s not you,” she took a deep breath and sighed, “everything will be fine, he’s just sick.”

Saying the words didn’t make it anymore true or easier to believe. There was a nagging, worried feeling telling her he was using again, but she didn’t want to jump to that conclusion and not believe him when he said he was sick. “Which could be it,” she mumbled the thought out loud to herself, “mom always said men took being sick as if it was the end of the world and acted almost worse than a woman pmsing.” Sighing, she sat up and cranked her stereo up before she put her jeep in drive and headed home.

The next day Lennox walked through the front door of her house and heard her mom call out, “Lennox, honey, is that you?”

“Yeah,” she said, with no emotion to her voice as she put her purse on the stairs and walked into the kitchen, where her mom was standing at the stove cooking up chicken, “you called.”

“How was your day?” Kelli asked, twisting her neck, the smile spread across her face falling when she saw Lennox. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” Lennox said, defensively as she walked over to the fridge and pulled it open, grabbing a pop. “I’m going to lay down for a bit, call me when dinner’s ready.”

“Lennox, you don’t look like nothing’s wrong,” Kelli said, “Now what’s going on?”

“Mom, I’m just not feeling well okay. I’m tired and I have a headache, that’s all,” she said annoyance clear in her voice as she began to walk out of the kitchen.

“You sure it’s not Caleb?” her mom asked, making Lennox stop dead in her tracks, not turning around to face her. “That’s what I thought; how’s his detoxing going?”

“Fine,” she muttered, as she turned to face her mom with a scowl on her face, “I guess, haven’t talked to him much this week because he’s not feeling well.”

Her mom looked at her carefully then her eyes dropped to the ground then back at her as she said, “I know this must be hard for you, honey, you love him and don’t like seeing him go through this, it will get better and when it does it’ll be worth it.”

“Yep,” she said, her lips making a popping noise at the end, “call me when dinner’s ready.” She turned and walked out of the kitchen and grabbed her bag as she hurried up the stairs before her mom could call her back.

As she entered her room she slammed her door behind her and walked over to her stereo then flipped her music on. Setting her purse down, she took her cell phone out then kicked off her purple chucks as she set her cell phone and pop on her night stand before she crawled into bed. Laying on her back, looking at the ceiling her mind was on nothing but Caleb. She hadn’t phoned or texted him since she left his place yesterday and he hadn’t contacted her either, which she was secretly hoping for because she didn’t want to come off as needy or annoying by calling him every day; plus with him being sick she didn’t want to bother him while he rested.

Her mind was also on whether or not she was going to see him over the weekend because when she had said she would see him Friday night, he told her he’d call and let her know. Since they had started dating, there hadn’t been a weekend that came where they hadn’t seen one another and even if he called her and said not to come over Friday, as much as she’d want to understand it was because he was sick, she wouldn’t be able to help feeling suspicious and she hated thinking that. She had to constantly push her thoughts of him relapsing out her head and tell herself continuously he was only sick and that was it, no more. But no matter how many times she told herself that, there was that voice in her head that nagged at her and watered the seed of paranoia by telling her it was more than what he was saying and she knew it was true.

Grabbing one of her four pillows by her head, she pulled it down and hugged it as she rolled over, her head hurting from thinking too much, her stomach feeling icky from not eating all day, and her eyes heavy from not sleeping much. As she got comfortable, and burrowed into her bed and pillow, her eyes fluttered shut as she finally decided to give into sleep.

Her eyes flew open at what felt like five minutes later to the sound of her cell phone ringing loudly and vibrating across her table. Her arm reached over and grabbed it off her nightstand and answered it without looking to see who was calling, “‘ello,” she mumbled, her voice thick with sleep as she looked at the red flashing numbers on her clock next to her bed that flashed nine thirty.

“Did I wake you?” Caleb asked sounding surprised.

“Yeah, kinda,” she said flatly.

“Sorry, was just calling to say hey and that I miss you.” There was nothing to his voice when he spoke, not like before. She could hear faint sounds in the background that she assumed belonged to the television as she heard him make a sighing sound.

“Miss you too– I thought you quit?” she asked sharper then she meant too, referring to him smoking.

“I did.”

Neither of them said anything else and the line went silent; the only thing she could hear was the faint sound of his television and him as he finished his smoke. She wasn’t sure what it was or why she woke up that way, but she felt extremely irritable talking to him when he sounded off and unlike himself. “Okay well, awesome,” she said wryly, “I will let you go then, I guess.”

She could hear the soft laugher in his voice and it made her even more irate as he asked, “What’s the matter with you?” as he then began coughing over the line.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” she lied, biting her lip only to keep from saying anything else. “What’s the matter with you?”

“I have the flu.”

“Oh,” she hesitated, already knowing the answer but asked anyways, “I take it I am to stay away this weekend?”

“Yeah baby, I think that’s best,” he said sounding unhappy about it, which gave Lennox a small pang of guilt in her stomach and made her think maybe he really was sick and nothing else, “but I’ll call you if I feel better and then you can come by if you want.”

“Okay,” she told him, baffled how he could go from sounding so flat to sounding like himself again in the snap of a finger. It was mind boggling the way his moods changed. “Feel better.”

“Thanks baby, I’ll talk to you soon,” he said, his voice sounding quiet as he told her, “I love you.”

She smiled softly to herself, “Love you too.”

They disconnected and Lennox put her cell phone back on her nightstand. She rolled over and went back to sleep before she started picking their conversation apart and driving herself crazy over every single piece that didn’t sound right. If she did that it would keep her up until all hours of the night. Within five minutes she was back into the darkness with thoughts of Caleb invading her dreams all night.

Before she knew it, the weekend had arrived and she was, for the first time in what felt like forever, at home on a Friday night doing nothing except lying in bed and reading a book that she was paying no attention to whatsoever. She had reread the same paragraph over four times before finally giving up on it and putting it off to the side. She had tried to make plans, calling the girls and Raine but Londyn had plans with Jeremy and Raine was going to some party in the city and Tatum was, well it was Friday so she could be anywhere with anyone. So she stayed in alone as her parents headed out for a dinner date then to a movie, a weekly Friday tradition they had started years ago. They had told her she could join them but she politely declined not wanting to intrude on their date and let them go off on their own; leaving her home to order Chinese food for one and read a book she was having difficulties focusing on. By the end of the night Lennox wound up in a hot bubble bath then found a movie on television only to crash ten minutes later; well before eleven without a word from Caleb.

It was Saturday and Lennox woke feeling like she had been hit by a truck. She didn’t know what was wrong with her other than feeling stressed and still tired. She pushed it aside and ignored the tiny midget inside her head that sat at the back and pounded away with a hammer, sending an ache over the entirety of her head and face. She had no doubt she was getting sick, catching what Caleb had. She spent the day cleaning her room from one side to the other and doing every piece of laundry she could find in her room. She tried keeping her mind off Caleb and her paranoid thoughts at bay; was he really at home, in bed sick or was he somewhere else doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing.

Her day went by slowly with nothing to do. All her friends were busy with prior plans and her parents were working then heading to a friend’s birthday dinner. She was bringing her laundry up when she heard her cell phone blasting from her room. She hurried up the stairs and ran into her room, dropping her basket of clothes to the side and lunging across her bed, grabbing her phone off her nightstand and looking at the screen, hoping it was Caleb.

Disappointment hit her as she rolled over and answered, “Oh, it’s only you,” she laughed.

“Ouch, that hurt, Cupcake, you’re supposed to answer the phone full of excitement when I call, because hello, it’s me calling, duh.”

“I see your ego is still as big as a house,” she said flatly, rolling her eyes.

“Damn rights it is,” he laughed, “anyways, what’re you up too?”

“Laying here looking at my ceiling, just finished getting my laundry.”

“Oh man, hold the phone, Lennox is getting outta hand crazy,” she could hear the smile in his voice, “might wanna cool it there Cupcake, get too crazy you’ll never be able to stop,” he teased.

Her arm laid across her eyes as she sarcastically said, “You’re so funny, you should quit your day job and become a stand up comedian.”

“Nah, I’m not good with an audience, I only give you my best stuff,” he said casually.

“Really,” she mumbled, “that’s your best stuff, you sure about that?”

His laugh mocked her, “Do I detect a hint of attitude going on with you tonight?”

She sighed, “Sorry.”

“Am I correct if I guess Caleb?”

“Mmm,” she mumbled.

“Things still… strange or something?” he asked intrigued.

She pulled herself up to a sitting position in the middle of her bed and played with a piece of loose thread as she said, sounding down, “Yeah, something like that, I don’t know.”

“Okay you need cheering up, get dressed and I’ll be there in five–”

“I thought you had plans?” she cut in.

“Pfft, I had a feeling my lil sista needed me yo.”

Lennox smiled at hearing him call her his little sister. She always wished she had a sibling, whether they were older or younger, it didn’t matter, “Hey,” she laughed, “how come I didn’t get the gangsta memo?”

“Sucks don’t it, now get dressed,” he demanded, and she heard the sound of a door slamming, “I’ll be there in five and we are going to get a pizza and going to chillax at–”

“Nobody says chillax anymore.”

“Well this– yes I’m pointing to myself– guy does, now hurry up, I’ll be there in four minutes now.”

“Okay, okay,” she huffed, “man, I’ll see you in a few,” she laughed and hung up on him. She grabbed a hoodie out of her closet then her purse off the floor and tossed her cell phone in as she headed down the stairs.

“Chuck, where you off too?” her dad asked coming around the corner from the living room.

“Going to hang out with Raine.”

Her hand was about to turn the knob when her dad said, “Who’s Raine?”

“Oh, just a friend I met back in February,” the sound of a horn echoed from outside and she smiled at her dad, “Gotta go, you and mom have fun tonight, love ya both,” she said as she opened the door and stepped outside, closing it behind her as Jason said bye.

Lennox walked down her driveway, laughing and shaking her head at Raine as he had his windows down with the stereo blasting and bass pulsating and vibrating. He sat behind the wheel with a black baseball cap on backwards trying to rap along with the song, having no luck with any of the lyrics.