Take it All (Blinded by Love) (44 page)

Finally, after giving up on waiting for Caleb to return, she finally started to surrender to sleep and began to doze off just as Caleb came through the door with a bag rustling in the silent room.

“Lox?” he called out as he tossed his keys and wallet down on the nightstand and started to kick off his black chucks.

“Hmm?” she mumbled, not moving from her position on her side, facing away from him.

The sound of his jeans and belt hitting the floor filled the room before the bed moved under her as he sat on the edge and pulled off his shirt then tossed it on the floor somewhere. “Were you sleeping?”

She sighed as she brought the corner of the blanket up, under her chin, and mumbled, “Almost, yeah.”

“Mind if I put a movie on?” He pushed his pillows up behind him then settled under the blanket before flipping on the television.

“Go for it,” she said, rolling onto her other side and moving in closer to Caleb, resting her head on his chest as her arm hung across his stomach. “Night, love you.”

“Night, love you too Dove,” he said into her hair after he dipped his head down to kiss the top of her nose.

As Lennox began to fall into a deep sleep, a familiar smell gently lingered around her nose. It wasn’t the smell of Caleb’s pop, or the smell of cheddar cheese chips; it was something else, something smoky. It was the smell of smoke on Caleb’s breath that lingered in her mind, her mind that wouldn’t let her wake up and ask him if he started smoking again or if it was just her mind playing tricks on her. Whatever it was, it was the last thing she thought before sleep finally took over to the sound of Caleb’s heart racing in his chest.

“Hey it’s me, just calling to say hi and that I’ll be by in a little while, love you.” Lennox ended the call and tossed her cell phone down on the couch she was sitting on.

“No answer?” Raine asked as he walked into the living room with a coffee mug in each hand, then placing both down on the coffee table in front.

She sighed and ran her hands through her hair, shaking her head. “No, that was like the third message I’ve left him since Monday,” she said, her shoulders slumping.

“And he hasn’t returned any?”

“No, he texts me later on when he’s going to bed, apologizing for not calling saying he was busy at work.” She reached for the mug Raine had set down in front of her. “I left Monday morning, he was already gone for work, so technically I haven’t talked to him since Sunday night.”

“Okay well it’s only Wednesday; he did start a new job so maybe he’s swamped with that?” Raine sat back on the couch with his arm along the back.

Lennox sipped her tea a few times, hoping it would help settle her stomach as she pondered Raines suggestion but didn’t find it comforting whatsoever. “I don’t know, Raine, we’ve never not talked like this. Something just feels... I don’t know– off?”

“How so?”

“Well, we usually have you know,” she wiggled her eyebrows, “every weekend and–”

Unconvinced, Raine cut in, “Every weekend?”

“Well yeah, we go all week without seeing one another so the weekends we make up for it,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

“All the power to ya, Cupcake,” Raine chuckled. “So because he didn’t wanna do the nasty this past weekend, you think...?”

She raised her cup to her lips and said, “I don’t know, I just have this gut feeling, ya know?”

“You sure it’s not you being paranoid?”

Lennox sipped her tea, “Paranoid?” she asked into her cup, puzzled.

“Yeah, paranoid, you know being unreasonably suspicious of people and their motives,” he grabbed his cup and held it between his hands, “like him using again or cheating–”

“Cheating! I never thought he was cheating, why would you say that?” she cried, almost choking on her mouthful of tea.

“I didn’t mean that he was. I meant it as an example. Sorry, probably not a good one,” he took a drink from his cup, “but anyways, you know what I mean, are you paranoid he’s using again?”

“Well,” she began, pausing and pulling her hair over her shoulder, “I don’t know, I know he’s smoking again and trying to hide it, but using, that I’m not sure about. I hope not.”

“Have you thought about if he is, and what you’d do this time?” he asked, carefully looking at her as she sat next to him and pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

“What do you mean, what I’d do this time, nothing would change– I mean don’t get me wrong it would be hard to go through that again but I couldn’t walk away from him,” she said strongly.

“Lennox, I know you love him and all but have you thought that maybe...” he trailed off, looking away from her narrowed icy stare.

“Maybe what, Raine, I should end things with him and move on with my life?” her voice snapped sharply.

“Cupcake, I’m just trying–”

“Have you listened to anything I’ve told you?” she asked frustrated. “How can I walk away from someone who’s everything to me, when the thought of doing so just... pummels me to no end. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling to you, Raine.”

“Lennox, I get what you’re saying– I do– it’s just that I worry about your well being and with everything you’ve already been through for him, have you looked at yourself in the mirror?” he expressed, his eyes searching her face for any kind of realization.

“What’re you getting at exactly?” she challenged.

“You don’t look like you– stressed and pale– clearly you don’t sleep well either,” he shot back.

She reeled back, her defensive side coming to light, “I’ve been sick, Raine. I had food poisoning last week and it’s still trying to work its way out.” She grabbed her cell phone that was next to her and saw that it was almost five. Caleb would be off in a few and if she left she would make it there after he got home. “Maybe I should just go.”

She went to rise from the couch when Raine reached over and wrapped his hand around her arm, “Lennox, wait,” he began, waiting for her to sit before he went on, “Listen I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about your relationship to be ragging on you, it’s just, that night you came here needing my help you didn’t look okay, there was a terror inside you I’d never seen in anyone before and if I’m being honest, there’s still a bit there.”

Lennox absorbed his words before she looked at him, a lump forming in her throat, “It’s because I am– I am terrified– all the time. I thought with Caleb getting clean and staying away from drugs it would help, but... it hasn’t, for the first couple days I thought so but then it slowly crept up on me and now... the terror is suffocating me, Raine.”

Raine moved over closer to her and pulled her into his side, “Cupcake, you sure are stubborn you know that,” his chest shook lightly, “you know whatever happens I’ll be here for you though, with the super glue and all.”

Lennox pulled away slightly and looked at him quizzically, her brows creasing together, as she asked, “Super glue?”

“Yeah, you know to glue you back together. You wouldn’t be the same and it could get messy but it would be interesting and I would do it if I had to.”

She shook her head in amazement. “You really are something– you know that,” she chuckled.

He grinned down at her, “I do, and that something would be awesome by the way.”

“You have such an ego,” she laughed

“I know, I bought ego pills at the store the other day, guess I don’t have to return them after all,” he winked.

“You are so strange.”

“Yeah, well you love it,” he said confidently as he stood and gathered their cups and started towards the kitchen.

“I do,” she agreed, then swiped her cell phone into her hand and grabbed her purse from beside the couch. “I’m gonna head out though,” she called out as she stood to her feet, stretching her body out, feeling the cracking roll up her spine.

“You sure you don’t wanna stay for a bit, I’m about to make dinner,” he offered with an astute grin spread across his face.

“You mean you’re going to pick up the phone and call the pizza place?” she laughed as she walked to the front door.

“Hey,” he pointed at her, “shut up. I’m a man, what do you expect?” he said, meeting her at the front door.

She looked him up and down, smirking, and teased, “You sure about that, bro.”

His grin widened as he crossed his arms over his chest and his eyes pointed at her, “Believe me Cupcake, I know girls who can confirm that for you.”

“I’m good, and now I’m going to see my guy,” she turned the door handle and pulled it open. The sun was sitting high in the sky, shining, as she stepped out on the front step. “You enjoy your pizza and your seven o’clock bed time,” she laughed as she dug her sunglasses out of her purse.

Holding onto the door frame, his red fitted shirt pulled up, and showed his defined stomach, “Jokes on you, Cupcake, I’m off for two weeks,” he grinned, “holiday’s baby.”

“Well, aren’t you a lucky duck,” she smirked over her shoulder. “Talk to ya later, bro,” she called back as she walked down his driveway to where her jeep was parked on the street.

As she climbed in and started it, she dug her cell phone out of her purse to see if Caleb had called or texted but her screen showed no missed calls or texts. As she pulled away from the curb and made her way to his place she hoped he was okay and that he had got her message so she wasn’t showing up unexpected. She didn’t know what it was or what caused the feeling, it was just as if something in the atmosphere changed, that someone had flipped a switch to a different setting because that was the only thing that made any kind of sense as to why she felt overwhelmingly apprehensive all of a sudden.

She couldn’t stop thinking of what Raine said about Caleb cheating. She knew he would never in a million years cheat on her but she also never in a million years thought she would become involved with a drug addict who also dealt as well. But if detoxing and staying off cocaine was starting to affect him, maybe it was also changing the way he felt about her. Maybe everything with them really only happened because he was blinded by drugs. It was possible, she knew and could admit she let everything slide with him because she was in fact blinded by love, so it wasn’t far off to think he could be blinded as well. She didn’t want to think that way but she was. The whole way there she thought about it and it started to settle deep in her, burrowing the idea more in her mind that she didn’t even realize she was at Caleb’s when she came to a stop and parked in front.

Looking around dazed, she didn’t see his car and the house looked to be locked up tight with no one home. As she hopped out and locked up her jeep, she looked around not seeing his car parked anywhere. She made her way up to the front door and pulled out her key and let herself in. The place was in darkness; the living room blinds were closed up tight and only a small faint ray of light came shining through and she could see small swirls of dust floating in the rays. She set her purse on the couch and walked down to Caleb’s room to see it as it always was, clothes tossed on the floor, with a pile of clean ones in the corner. His night stand covered in Kleenex wrappers and a nasal spray box lying open on top of a few CD’s.

His side of the bed was messy while hers was still made– that was a good sign. She wasn’t exactly sure what she was supposed to be looking for as she continued to move slowly through his room and look around, but she looked regardless in case something caught her eye.

“What’re you doing here, Lennox?” Caleb’s voice snapped from behind, making her gasp and spin around to face him.

“Caleb,” she said, surprised as her heart slammed in her chest, “sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.” She took him in and he didn’t look right. He looked exhausted, like he hadn’t slept in days; his eyes were dark and domineering as they looked back at her, and his body looked taut, more than she had ever seen before.

“Yeah, I see that.” He walked into his room and around her to the side of his bed where he tossed his cell phone and wallet down. “You gonna tell me what you’re doing here?” he asked aggravated.

“I was in the neighbourhood, thought I’d pop by and say hi,” she lied as she crossed her arms over her chest feeling, for the first time around him, uncomfortable, like she was the last person he wanted to see. “I left you a voicemail.”

“Phone died,” he said dully.

“Oh,” she said, pulling her lip between her teeth and holding it there for a minute before she released it, “you okay, you look... different.”

“Fine, not feeling well,” he said quickly, “haven’t been feeling good all week actually, think it’s the flu or something.”

“Want me to make you some soup or something?” she offered sounding too hopeful it made her feel pathetic.

“No, I was just going to shower then go to bed, rough week at work so far.”

“You sure, I can stick around and make–”

“No, I’m good Lennox,” he cut her off, not letting her finish, “you should probably head, don’t want you sick.”

“Oh, okay,” she said trying to hide the disappointment in her voice and cover her fallen face with a small smile, “I’ll see you Friday night.”