Take it All (Blinded by Love) (41 page)

“Okay,” she said, smiling and nodding, “I’ll see you at my place.” She motioned then opened her door and climbed out, closing the door. She started towards her jeep, digging through her purse for her keys when she stilled and briskly walked back to Caleb’s car and stood next to his door as he rolled his window down.

“I almost forgot something.” She leaned in through the window and kissed his lips roughly, cutting the words he was about to speak off and catching him off guard. Before he knew what was going on she was gently biting his bottom lip and tugging on it before she pulled away, breaking the kiss completely, saying, “Love you, baby.” She turned and made her way back to her jeep.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Lox, but I kinda like it,” he hollered out his window, grinning, “and I’m pretty sure you know I love you too.”

Lennox looked over her shoulder as she opened her jeep door and winked at Caleb who was still hanging out the window, watching her with a half smile spread across his face. She threw her purse on the front seat then climbed in, slamming the door behind her. She put the key in the ignition and started it. She saw Caleb still parked behind her in the rear view mirror as she pulled her seatbelt across her chest and pulled away from the curb; Caleb following behind.

Driving home Lennox thought about what Caleb had said after she kissed him, how something had gotten into her and he didn’t know what it was but he liked it. The only thing she could think of that would make her feel different was, for the first time in weeks, she felt happy and relaxed. She had spent the last couple weeks being nothing but a bottle of nerves on the edge of shattering, especially every time her cell phone rang. She would jump, thinking it could be Emerson or someone telling her Caleb was in the hospital from an overdose or worse, dead. That’s how her life felt from the beginning of March until Friday when she told him he had to make a choice.

But even though she didn’t feel as if she was going to explode with worry over him, there was still a large part of her that was very much on edge, waiting for the other shoe to fall and Caleb would be back using again. She didn’t want to go through it all over again– she would if it came to it– but she didn’t know how she would handle it a second time around or what effects it would have on their relationship or even if they make it out in the end; if there was ever an end. She hoped what they talked about would in fact happen; she saw herself coming home from work to him in their own little house then in a few years marrying him and having babies with him. She didn’t see herself with anyone else but him, he was enough for her and she couldn’t help but say a little prayer that she was, in fact, enough for him.

Twenty minutes later Lennox and Caleb were sitting on the couch in her living room side by side, her arms and legs crossed with her knee bouncing up and down. And like he did at his parents’ place he reached out and placed his hand over it, stopping it. She jerked her head in his direction with her lip pulled tightly between her teeth.

“Shouldn’t I be the one who’s nervous?” he teased, grinning in her direction.

She released her lip and said, “Yes, but this is one time I actually don’t know how they’re going to react or what they’ll say,” she said just as her mom entered the room, the look on her face unreadable as she looked over Lennox’s.

“Dad’s just grabbing a pop,” she began, sitting in the chair across from them. “So what’s going on?”

“Well, um, mom,” Lennox started, stumbling over her words as her eyes locked with her mom’s, “Caleb and I, we wanted to talk– tell you– something.”

Kelli looked between the two, nodding her head, “I think I know what’s going on,” she said, catching Lennox and Caleb off guard.

Lennox’s brows snapped together as she asked, “You do?”

“Yep, I can see it written all over your face,” she waves her hand in her direction, “Jason,” she called out.

“Yeah babe,” her dad called from the kitchen.

Kelli smiled at the two, and called back, “It finally happened to our baby.”

“Wait, what happened to me?” Lennox sat forward not knowing what was going on.

“What did?” he called out, as he made his way into living room.

“Lennox is knocked up,” Kelli announced.

“Mom– no, what, I– we– aren’t knocked up with anything,” Lennox sputtered out, “Why is everyone saying that.” She looked at Caleb for help but he was only sitting back next to her with a grin on his face.

“Oh Chuck, your mother’s just joking around,” her dad said as he sat on the recliner. “So what’s up, what did you guys need to talk to us about?”

“Well,” she began then trailed off not sure how to begin and looked at Caleb to help her out.

“Mr. and Mrs. Ward, you–”

“Jason and Kelli, Caleb,” her dad cut in.

“Right, you know how much I care about Lennox so it’s only right for me to be honest with you two,” he paused, gripping Lennox’s hand in his before continuing, “I have a drug problem, one that I’m not happy to admit but I’m going to be working at getting clean. I thought it was right that you guys be aware of it.”

Lennox sucked in a breath as she watched her parent’s surprised faces look at each other and give one another a look before looking at the two of them and her dad starting while her mom let everything sink in, “What have you been using?”

“Cocaine.”

“How long?”

“Couple years, on and off, I’ve been to rehab twice now,” Caleb said openly. Lennox sat next to him with her free hand on top of their already entwined ones, making small circles on the back of his hand, knowing it relaxed him. She looked across at her parents who were watching them, but her mom’s eyes were carefully watching her.

“Chuck,” Lennox looked at her dad who was then looking at her the same way her mom was, “why don’t you and your mom go into the kitchen and give me and Caleb some time to talk.”

“Sure,” she said, hesitant, not wanting to leave Caleb’s side.

She leaned over and kissed Caleb’s cheek and squeezed his hand as she stood and followed her mom into the kitchen, leaving Caleb and her dad to talk. Entering the kitchen her mom walked to the fridge and pulled out a can of diet pop then reached into the cupboard beside it and pulled two glasses down and filled them both.

“Mom,” Lennox started, nervous that her mom was upset with her, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Caleb.”

Kelli turned and held out a cup of pop for her to take, then took a sip of her own before she said, “Lennox honey, it’s okay, I’m not mad.”

“You’re not?”

“No, of course not, it wasn’t yours to share so I get that.” Kelli lifted the cup up to her lips, taking another sip. “Explains what we talked about the other day when you jumped down my throat though.”

“Yeah, again, I’m really sorry about that,” she said shyly, “there’s something else though.”

“What’s that?”

Lennox bit her lip then released it a couple seconds later and said, “Friday night, Caleb was in a bind and we needed money... I took one twenty from work. I’m so sorry mom. I didn’t know what else to do, I’ll pay it back I promise,” she said in a rush, watching as her mom’s face didn’t change to being upset or surprised.

“Dad noticed the money missing and asked Joy about it yesterday morning. She said you stopped in for your cell charger and we both knew something was up but also that you’d come to us and talk when you were ready to,” she said, her face calm and kind.

Lennox looked at her mom and internally scolded herself for being nervous and worried about telling them about Caleb. She should have known they would be as easy going with his situation as with anything else in her life. That’s who they were, they took things with ease, one step at a time, never judging; only being supportive in the best way possible. That’s where Lennox got it from. She was raised to go with your gut and always trust your instinct because it would never fail you. She was sure if anyone else had came into Caleb’s life they wouldn’t have done what she did, they would have either walked away or stayed with him but took him deeper down by joining him in what he did.

“Lennox, I need to ask you something, and I don’t want you to get upset with me over what I ask,” Kelli asked, leaning against the counter and carefully watching her.

“Okay.”

Her mom looked down at the cup in her hands and unsurely asked, “Did you... you know, with him?”

“Try coke with him?” she said asking what her mom couldn’t.

Kelli looked at Lennox and nodded. “No mom, I didn’t and even if I wanted to... Caleb wouldn’t have let me. It was bad enough when I said I had wanted to try pot– which I will admit I tried once at my own curiosity– and Caleb didn’t like that,” she admitted.

Kelli cocked her head to the side, a soft smirk playing across her lips, “And, what’s your opinion, what’d you think?”

She scrunched up her nose, “It was disgusting, and I don’t see why people like it at all.”

Her mom laughed, “Well I’ll sleep easy at night now.”

“Mom,” Lennox’s tone turned serious as her mom looked at her inquisitively, “do you think I’m stupid or foolish, for standing by Caleb through all this?”

Kelli placed her cup down and walked around to Lennox and gestured for her take a seat on the stool. “Lennox,” Kelli started but paused, having difficulties continuing, “you can’t fight your heart’s desire, you don’t get to pick and choose who you fall in love with,” she reached for her hand and held it in hers, their eyes locking, “and you certainly can’t turn your feelings off for someone. You just don’t wake up and suddenly have no feelings for that person; life doesn’t work that way. So no, I don’t think you’re foolish and I don’t think you think that about yourself either; looking at you all I see is determination and fight.”

Lennox brushed the lone tear that had fallen away with her fingers, and chuckled, “You sound like my friend Raine.”

“Raine? Who’s she?”

“
He
is someone I met at Aces awhile ago; you’d like him,” Lennox shyly smiled, her face reddened from telling her mom about Raine. No one but Caleb or the girls knew about him. She hadn’t told her parents because it just didn’t seem important and he was just a friend so there was nothing to really tell.

“Well if he said the same thing then I just might. How come you never told me about him?” she asked with raised brows.

“Nothing to tell, he’s just a friend, a really good friend,” she shrugged, “I guess things with Caleb and all, it just slipped my mind.”

Kelli nodded, waving it off, “What do Caleb’s parents think of everything?” she asked curiously.

A dry laugh came out of Lennox’s mouth. “They, I swear mom, I’ve never disliked anyone as much as them. They don’t think he can get clean or that it’s a disease.” She set her elbow on the counter and leaned her head onto her hand, “They said he should have been able to leave rehab and be fine, move on with his life and never touch it again. They’re clueless and I don’t understand why. Even I understand that once an addict, always an addict regardless of being clean or not, and I’m sure that temptation will always be with him just maybe over time not as intense.”

“They really said that?” Kelli asked, taken aback. “But you’re right, it just doesn’t go away because you want it to, it will always be with him and if things work out well, then you as well. I just don’t understand how a parent could say that, regardless of how many times they enter rehab. Maybe it’s something else he needs, maybe there’s something he does when he gets out that sets it off again?” Kelli wondered out loud, making Lennox think about it as well.

“Maybe, he’s going to NA meetings and Johanna suggested I go with him, said it might help me see how it doesn’t just affect him but people around him who love him,” she shrugged one shoulder, “I’m kinda looking forward to it.”

“I think it’s a good idea, might prepare you for what’s to come.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Lennox, Caleb’s been using for awhile and he’s going to be going through withdrawals, and that’s not going to be easy for him or for you when you’re with him. He will probably not be the same person for a bit until it’s all out of his system, maybe even after,” she angled her head, her face softening and her eyes warm. “Are you prepared for that?”

Lennox hadn’t thought about it; she hadn’t thought how Caleb was going to be through detox or even after it. She didn’t know if he’d still be the Caleb she knows only sober or if he’d be someone completely different; she didn’t know what to expect and she hadn’t thought that much about it either. She had been solely focused on him just getting clean and nothing else. Her mind was now in panic overdrive.

“I hadn’t thought about it. You don’t think he’ll change completely do you? That his feelings for me won’t be that same, that it was all drug inflicted?” she panicked.

“Oh honey, no, if anything I’m sure this will only bring you closer,” Kelli encouraged. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and trust me when I say that can’t be altered.”

“Thanks mom, think dad and Caleb are done talking?” she looked over her shoulder to see the living room empty. “Where’d they go?”

“I think your dad just wanted to make sure Caleb knew there was somebody to talk to if he ever needed, that’s all.” She sounded off as she looked around Lennox and into the living room.