Surrender to Me (17 page)

Suddenly the old Ava, the fiery, opinionated Ava takes over.

I’ve missed her.

“Well, if you couldn’t bear to be in the presence of someone who
doesn’t live up to your fashion standards, then stay here.”

Wow, I feel myself smile for the first time in forever.

I pick up the snobbish flowers and throw them at Harper who catches
them, his mouth agape at my outburst.

“FYI, I liked the purple Hyacinths better,” and I storm out the
door.

Entering the lift, I realize I have a new addition to my outfit. And
that is a smile. A full genuine smile.

And that is something I haven’t worn in a long, long time.

With that thought, an even bigger smile spreads across my lips until
my cheeks hurt.

But this time, this pain is something I welcome and embrace with
both hands.

*****

To say I am on edge is the understatement of the century, but taking
a deep breath, I walk into Little Sister’s without vomiting. I don’t even get
carded like I usually do, which is surprising, because due to these light
freckles and big brown eyes, I look underage. But I am proud to admit, the
security remembered me and ushered me straight through. 

This place used to be my second home, and taking my first few steps
inside, it feels like I never left.

Everything is still the same. The scuffed dance floor is still
scuffed, and the
huge neon bar is still filled with many thirsty patrons,
waiting impatiently for their drinks. And of course, the bar staff still look
like they have raided their little sister’s closets.

The
place is packed, and with so many people squished inside, I have no hope of
finding V.

Or
so I though.

Feeling
a set of tiny arms grab me from behind, I am suddenly lifted me off the ground.

“Ahhh!”
I giggle while whacking at V’s hands. “Put me down before you drop me, or give
yourself a hernia.”

She
obliges, and I spin around to give my best friend a big hug.

“It
is you,” she smirks. “I saw someone that looked like my old best friend, but I
wasn’t sure if it was her.”

I
poke my tongue out at her while she pulls me in for another hug.

“I’ve
missed you,” she whispers, and I understand the double meaning behind it.

V
looks beautiful, as usual, in her black and white polka dot knee length halter
dress with thin red belt. She has applied a deep red shade of lipstick that
complements her ebony hair, which is fastened into a side bun with a red bow.
She is glowing because her beau is at her side.

Lucas
gives me a quick smile and I attempt to sidestep him, because the last time we
hugged, I was squished under his huge biceps, struggling to breathe.
Unfortunately I am too late, and he squashes me to his chest. I awkwardly pat
his back, and can’t help but note the comparison of this scenario to when I
first met him. How things have changed since then.

“Hey
Ava,” he muffles into my hair.

As
I glance at V, who is standing behind Lucas, looking mighty satisfied at my
embarrassment, I suddenly have an idea. Chuckling to myself, I reach down to
give Lucas’ butt a firm squeeze. I feel him tense under my hand, which just
makes me squeeze harder. This is payback for him totally sabotaging me the
other night.

“Hey
Lucas. Wow, have you been working out?”

He
suddenly lets me go and I witness him blush a beet red, while V snorts in
laughter, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Okay,
I get it. I am sorry and I will never go along with V’s devious ploys ever
again. Gee, you and her are evil, evil women,” Lucas says smiling, his palms
lifted in surrender.

V
is still cackling away, dabbing the corner of her eyes with the tips of her
pointer fingers. “Oh God Ava, I have a stitch, that performance earns you a
drink.”

“Lead
the way bestie. If I knew feeling up your fiancée would get me free drinks, I
would have done it months ago.”

V
takes a hold of my hand and drags me over to the bar, still giggling.

We
are waiting in line when Paramore’s All I Wanted, comes blaring over the
speakers. I love this song and start humming away, totally unaware of my
surroundings. However, as soon as the chorus starts, my body experiences a rush
of pure excitement, and I know the reason for it.

The
reason being Jasper White.

I
spin around to my side, but V is nowhere in sight, Jasper however, has taken
her place. He reaches down with steady hands and fingers the charm bracelet
around my wrist, while I instantly shiver, feeling his hands on me. Looking at
me with an unreadable gaze, I open my mouth, hoping something intelligent or at
least coherent will pass through my lips. But he silences me by pulling me
towards him, wrapping his strong arms around me and crushing me to his chest.

I
don’t know what to do, so I hug him back. I hug him harder than I have ever hugged
him before. I desperately cling to him, and I never want to let him go. There
is no need to utter a single word, because our actions speak a million.

Only
when we hear a throat clearing, do we break apart, but Jasper keeps a firm hand
around my waist.

We
approach the bar and Jasper asks me, “Tequila Sunrise?”

I
nod, giving him a small smile, absolutely euphoric he remembers what I like to
drink. The bartender hands Jasper our drinks, while leaning down a little too
low to expose her bountiful bust. I wince as I have almost forgotten what it is
like to be around Jasper and other women. But as usual, he seems totally
oblivious, or maybe he just doesn’t care.

Reaching
into my purse to pay, Jasper stops me by swatting away my hand, while giving
the leering bartender a twenty.

As
we stroll over to a vacant table, I take a sip of my drink and close my eyes,
savoring the taste. Of late, due to the posh restaurants, I have been dining
upon expensive wines, but after this one sip, I will never go back to them.

Opening
my eyes, I blush when I witness Jasper and his dimple looking at me
affectionately.

“What?”
I ask, wiping my nose and mouth, in case I have anything on my face.

Jasper
shakes his head, laughing lightly. “Nothing, I was just admiring the view.”

I
scrunch up my nose confused, then his comment dawns on me. He’s enjoying the
view? Is he enjoying me?

Holy
shit! I down the tequila in one huge gulp, barely holding back a cough. 

I
nervously twirl the end of my ponytail, and then begin spinning my onyx ring as
I can’t sit still, because the look in Jasper’s eyes is leaving me breathless.

As
I start playing with my silver bracelets, Jasper put his palm on mine to stop
my fidgeting. I slowly peer up at him, and he stares at me openly, while toying
with the scar on his bottom lip.

Holy
freakin’ hell, I have seriously just combusted.  With his cerulean eyes
observing me closely, and his bow lips pressed together, I am going to throw
myself at him.

“Hi
Ava,” he smiles with two dimples clearly on display.

I
look at him confused. “Hi Jasper,” I reply.

“Where
have you been?” he asks.

“Um
here?” I reply, phrasing my response as a question, as I am unsure what he
means.

He
scratches his chiseled jaw, his fingers grazing over his dark stubble. “No you
haven’t,” he smiles when he reads my confusion.

Raising
an eyebrow, I come to the conclusion that Jasper is drunk because he is making
zero sense.

But
he clarifies as he leans forward on his elbows, our faces inches apart. “The
Ava I fell in love with hasn’t been here, she’s been missing. But this Ava,” he
says, while running his fingertips down my cheek, over my chin and coming to
rest at the hollow in my neck. “This Ava is the real Ava.”

Gulping,
I take small quick breaths, before I pass out. My cheeks and neck are a bright
crimson, but I don’t care, because in this moment, all that matters is Jasper.

“I
like this, Ava. I like this Ava a lot.” He smirks, and I don’t fail to
recognize his words as ones he spoke to me months and months ago.

And
the reaction I have, is still the same, as the one I had all those months ago.

Searching
Jasper’s face, I’m hoping to make sense of what he is doing, as his actions are
not those of someone who has forgotten me. If I was to decode the majority of
times we have seen one another, his actions definitely do not convey that
message at all.

He
releases my lip which is being held prisoner by my teeth with his thumb, and I
can’t help myself as my tongue pokes out and brushes over the tip. He draws his
hand back quickly and hisses through his teeth. I shyly avert my eyes,
embarrassed I may have overstepped some line. But as I bravely sneak a peek at
him, my hormones are in overdrive, as his arousal is clear as day on his
impassioned face.

Suddenly
I feel a heat gather in my core, and I need to kiss him like now. I am so
turned on, my hormones have taken over and I am a passenger to my needs. I
nervously reach towards him and cup his warm cheek in my palm, and he surprises
me as he turns into me, closing his eyes, his mouth slightly parted.

“There
you are,” I hear, and I snatch my hand away guiltily.

Jasper
opens his eyes and glares at the cause of our interruption. 

The epitome of
beauty is standing before us, and I can’t hide the disappointment on my face.

“Hey
Harmony.” Jasper half smiles as she leans towards him, planting a quick kiss on
his lips.

Seeing
the discomfort on his face, which no doubt is mimicking mine, I quickly leap
off my stool in hopes of escaping this uncomfortable situation. But Jasper
latches onto my arm to stop my retreat. Looking down at his hand, and then back
at him, his eyes are pleading with me to stay. So as I sit back down, he
visibly lets out a sigh.

“Hi
Ava. I didn’t realize you were back till I saw you the other night.” Harmony
smiles while pulling up a barstool, sitting near Jasper.

She
flicks her long auburn hair over her shoulder and takes a sip of Jasper’s beer.
Her full lips pull away from the bottleneck and she kisses Jasper on the cheek.

I
literally feel vomit rising in my throat, and when she interlaces her fingers
with his, I excuse myself before I barf all over the perfect looking couple.

Halfway
to the bathroom, I hear Jasper in pursuit, calling out for me to stop. I am
torn, so I do what feels natural; I slow down until he catches up to me.

“Hey,
where are you going?” he asks quickly.

Away
from you and your perfect girlfriend, I sulk to myself.

“Just
to the bathroom, you had company anyways,” I reply nervously, looking over at
Harmony.

Jasper
steps towards me, his frame engulfing my tiny one. “Yeah I did, and she ran
away.”

Not
knowing how to react to his comment, I avert my eyes, looking at my shoes.

“Hey,
stop that.”

I
can’t face him because the sincerity in his voice is killing me. Just being
near him is throwing all my convictions of forgetting him out the window.

“Ava,
look at me.”

I
slowly look at him from under my lashes.

“You’re
you again.”

Puzzled
once again, I let him continue. “When I saw you wearing your scruffy jeans and
your Converse, my heart skipped a beat, because you were once again the Ava
that fell flat on her face when we first met. The Ava who I caught dancing in
her kitchen uncoordinatedly and the Ava who is the cheapest drunk I have ever
met.”

I
cringe at the memories, but a small smile breaks free. They are happy memories,
and for once, I bless my klutziness and total inability to have one drink,
without being everyone’s best friend.

Jasper
looks to be measuring what to say next, and I am curious as to where this
conversation is headed, so I give him my complete attention.

“The
way you fit in my arms when I hugged you brought back so many memories and I…”

“You
what?” I prompt, as I step forward placing a palm on his chest. His heart is
racing frantically underneath my hand, and I desperately want to touch him, skin
to skin.

“I
miss that Ava. That Ava who made me laugh every day, that Ava who taught me to
live everyday to the fullest, and that Ava who I loved everyday beyond words.”

I
crumble when I hear him refer to loving me in the past tense. But I know Jasper
and I aren’t finished, I just need to show him that that Ava still exists.

And
I will die trying.

“J man, sorry
to interrupt, but we’re on in twenty.”

Jasper
and I look up at Lucas, who sheepishly smiles at us. Jasper nods and leans
forward, kissing my forehead.

“We
will talk about this later, okay?”

Nodding
quickly because I can’t leave this hanging without a resolution, I watch them
walk backstage, and within five seconds of Jasper leaving, someone tugs on my
arm, nearly ripping it out of the socket.

“Owwww!”
I turn around to see my best friends’ face looking at me curiously.

Before
I get a chance to ask her what the hell she is doing, she drags me into the
bathroom and pushes me into a tiny stall, locking the door behind her. Looking
around at the black painted walls with words of “wisdom” scrawled everywhere, I
wish she’d chosen someplace less nasty to talk.

“Talk,”
she says firmly.

“Don’t
you think this is a little extreme? We could talk somewhere a little nicer and
less gross you know.”

“No
time. You’d just think of some excuse not to tell me what just went down
between you and Jasper.”