Surrender to Me (7 page)

Chapter 8

Goodbye for Good

Singapore

I throw a hairbrush at my reflection.

I have no right to be mad at Jasper.

I haven't told him about Harper because I know he will react how I
did today. Like a freakin’ idiot. I lost all sense of reason when I saw Indie,
and once again she got the better of me.

I owe Jasper an apology, and I also owe him the truth about Harper.
I am not looking forward to that conversation, so I search through my closest
for my best grovelling outfit.

Deciding on tight blue jeans and a navy blue tank, I tie my long
brown hair into a messy bun, and blow my fringe off my face, annoyed. I know no
amount of grovelling with excuse my insolence, and the only way I can absolve
myself is through honesty. I gulp at that thought.

I decide to add my lucky Chuck Taylors for good measure, as I need
all the luck I can get.

*****

Even though I stormed off in a huff, Jasper has left me a VIP Pass
at the front window. The venue is a largish arena, holding around three
thousand patrons. And I feel like I am in a dream, as those three thousand
patrons are chanting for Passengers of Ego, or should I say, they are chanting
for Jasper.

Wiping my clammy palms on my jeans, I am standing off to the side of
the stage, waiting for P.O.E to start their set. This is the first time I have
seen them play outside of ‘Little Sisters,’ and a sense of pride sweeps over
me. Jasper deserves this. He deserves the fame and fortune that comes with
being a rock star. I know Jasper would scoff at such a statement, because in
his eyes, he’s not a rock star, he’s just a boy doing something he loves.

The lights dim and there is a thunderous roar from the crowd, as
they know the wait to see their idol has finally come to an end. Suddenly I
have a thought, maybe I shouldn’t be here. Maybe Jasper left me the pass I am
currently wearing around my neck, hanging from a lanyard, before we had our
argument. Maybe he doesn’t want me here. Oh God, I feel sick. I could maybe
pull a runner, but with the dimmed lights, I will most likely face plant down
the stairs. I am just going to have to be brave and face the music- literally.

Lucas takes his place behind the drums and he looks as buff as ever,
my best friend is one lucky girl. He picks up a drumstick and twirls it around
his fingers while standing up, looking at the crowd. The huge goofy grin makes
him look like a big kid in a candy store, filled with adoring fans. I can see
why my best friend is head over heels for him.

Then out stroll Andy and Shooter, picking up their instruments and
waving to their fans. Lucas taps his drumsticks and the boys start their rocky
intro. This is just a striptease as such, heightening the anticipation,
prepping the crowd for their idol, Jasper White.

My clammy palms become clammier and I take a couple of deep breaths,
as all of a sudden, a bright white light beams down into the centre of the
stage, and out saunters Jasper. His deep red guitar is strapped around him, and
the crowd erupts into deafening cheers.

My breath catches in my throat when I see him. He looks like he
belongs on every cover of every music magazine, with his face plastered on the
walls of pubescent teenage girls all around the world. He looks like a Rock
God!

He never dresses to impress because he is simply impressive, without
even trying. He is wearing tight, and when I say tight, I mean TIGHT black
jeans with a black belt. Peering up at his chest, I have to rub my eyes to
ensure I am not seeing things, as he has cut the sleeves off a white t-shirt
with a logo that looks all too familiar. The t-shirt he is wearing reads, The
Culinary Institute of America, and only he can pull off wearing my t-shirt,
looking like a total hottie. I bet he stole it from my room, the little thief!
It is too big to wear anywhere apart from the bedroom, as it dwarfs my tiny
frame. But on Jasper, it fits perfectly.

Staring open-mouthed, my approaching tears sting my eyes because I
know he is wearing this for me. I know that he harbours no ill-feelings towards
me after our argument, and I promise myself then and there, to never let Indie
or my insecurities get the better of me ever again. He has told me without a
single word that he loves me, and that everything is okay.

He cups the microphone and lets out a growl, which sends my skin
into a fury. His voice always does this to me, but tonight, after seeing him
all but declaring he belongs to me, I am breathing embarrassingly heavy.

Jasper starts singing, and I chant along with him as I have
memorized the lyrics by heart. When he pulls away to catch a breath, his eyes
light up when they lock with mine. And I can instantly tell by the huge grin
that is plastered all over his face, he is more than happy that I am here. My
heart does a tiny backflip, and I give him a wave with my pointer finger. He
gives me a quick wink and goes back to ruling the stage.

Hugging my arms into my chest, I am quite certain I look like a
swooning schoolgirl, but I could care less because the man I love, more than
life itself, loves me back just as much.

Lost in all things Jasper, I fail to notice Indie glaring at me from
across the stage, until halfway through the performance. So I do all I can do
in a situation like this.

I cross my arms over my chest smugly, and raise an arrogant eyebrow
her way. I know she reads my self-satisfied smirk for what it is, but just in
case she is totally oblivious to my gloating, I flip her the bird and blow her
a kiss with it.

Suck it, bitch.

*****

The set was amazing, and after the boys finish up, I wait for the
main act, Flames, to hit the stage. I am not sure if I am allowed to stay
onstage, but I am assuming this VIP pass entitles me to stay up here for the
whole show. I haven’t been told otherwise, so I wait quietly, hoping Jasper
will come out and join me.

My hopes are answered when I feel and smell Jasper behind me. His
presence surrounds me, and wraps me in its warm embrace.

Twisting around to meet him face to face, I do what is appropriate
in a circumstance such as this; I kiss the living hell out of him. As I wrap my
arms around his taunt neck and tug his tousled hair, I accede my kissing to
express how sorry I am. He kisses me back with as much force, and I am drowning
in all things Jasper.

Pulling away all too quickly, he rewards me with a small smirk. “Hey
you.”

I nuzzle into his cheek, smelling his warm scent. “Hey yourself.
Nice shirt.”

Jasper chuckles softly as he tightens his grip around me, but I know
what I have to do. Pulling back to study his cerulean eyes, I know I am
forgiven for today. And I also know I have to tell him about Harper, and just
hope he is in a forgiving mood when I plead guilty. I am going to be upfront,
and can only hope he understands.

I am unaware I’m gnawing my bottom lip to bits until Jasper releases
it with his thumb. Peering up at him, I witness his small smirk turn into a
coma inducing smile, as he is well aware of what he does to me. But this time
around, I am nervous for another reason.

“What’s up?” he questions.

I have never been very good at hiding my emotions, and hiding them
from Jasper, who is super observant, has always been an issue. But now, funnily
enough, I don’t mind him being able to read me so well. I like that he is so in
sync with me, and I like that he cares enough to get to the bottom of what’s
bugging me.

“I need to talk to you,” I finally spit out, while wringing my
hands.

He raises his brow inquisitively. “Okay.”

He passes the conversation baton over to me, and I all but throw it
to the ground and run screaming for the hills.

Taking a deep calming breath, I psyche myself up as I can do this,
but I’d prefer not to in a place where his devious ex can comfort him if things
go south.

“Not here.”

His white smooth skin is illuminated by the stage lights, and that
tiny scar which mars his bottom lip seems to be highlighted under the bright
lights. I love that scar. That one blemish makes him all the more perfect
because I know the story behind it. When I look upon it, I am reminded of the
strength and hardships Jasper has faced in his lifetime.

Throwing my arms around him, and burying my face into the crook in
his neck, I am petrified of losing him. I don’t know how he’s going to react
when I tell him about Harper. And that scares me. More than anything ever has.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Jasper asks, his chin resting atop the crest
of my head.

I am wrapped in a tight bear bug and I never want him to let go.

Before I can answer him, the lights darken and I know Flames are
about to take to the stage, and I thank the stars I can delay this conversation
for at least another hour.

Sadly, Jasper has other ideas. He pulls me out of his affectionate
embrace and yanks on my damp hand, escorting me down the stairs, to my imminent
doom.

*****

The car ride back to my apartment has been torture. Jasper has
attempted to get me to spill whatever is bugging me, but I want to tell him
when he’s sitting down, and not driving a high powered vehicle.

As we are standing in the lift, surrounded by an unusual
uncomfortable silence, I begin to rehearse my speech. Now that I am minutes off
confessing my secret, I know no speech or excuse will justify my deceit.

Thankfully the doors ding open and I bolt out, three steps in front
of Jasper. My apartment keys in my fist begin to tremble lightly when I raise
them to unlock my door. Only Jasper’s steady hand on mine stops my keys from
rattling.

“Ava, you need to talk to me. You’re scaring the hell outta me.”
Hearing the concern in Jasper’s deep voice kills me, and I know that once I
open this door, Jasper might hate me.

I am still facing my door, with my head bowed.

“Come inside,” I whisper, finally getting my quivering fingers under
control.

Jasper lets go of my hand and I turn the lock, which pops with a
loud click. I flinch at the sound because everything in this moment is
amplified.

Walking over to my small kitchen bench, I throw my bag and keys onto
it, all the while avoiding Jasper’s eyes. I lean forward with my hands braced
on the counter, holding on for support. My back is turned to Jasper, but I know
he has taken a seat on the couch, as I can hear the squeaky springs whine in
protest.

This is it Ava, time to shine.

A million and one confessions are racing around my brain, but those
confessions are interrupted by my home phone ringing. I look at it.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

I wonder if answering it would be rude, considering I am about to
come clean about Harper. In hindsight, I wish I just ignored my doubt and
answered the fucking phone.

The machine picks it up and my heart stops beating.

“Hey babe, I miss you. Where have you been?”

Spinning around so quickly, I almost lose my footing, but it’s not
my clumsy feet that nearly drop me on my ass. No, it’s Jasper’s blank
expression that almost has me tumbling to the kitchen floor.

I make a frantic lunge for the machine to stop its taunting, but the
malice behind Jasper’s words stop me.

“Leave it,” he sneers, and I do as he asks.

Lowering my eyes, I listen to my life expire before my ears.

“Anyway, I am just calling because I missed not seeing you today. I
have become accustomed to seeing your beautiful face, and it’s really the
highlight of my day, so get your ass over here and make it up to me.”

Harper lets out a soft chuckle. “And by the way, I found the most
perfect place for a spring wedding. I am a patient and persistent man Ava, and
you know I always get what I want. So, I leave you with one question, why won’t
you reconsider? Because we both know it’s only a matter of time till you
surrender to me... Bye my love.” And the line goes dead, along with my heart.

I am frozen. I literally can’t move from the spot I am standing in.
The only thing I can move, are my eyes, and as I shift them up to glance at
Jasper, I wish they were unmoving like the rest of me.

His head is bent forward with his messy hair covering his face. His
shoulders are hunched, and by the way he is leaning forward with his hands
interlocked between his parted legs, I know this is going to end badly.

“I...” I attempt to speak, but Jasper holds up a finger to silence
me.

I know he needs a moment to digest everything, and I will give him
all the time he needs.

But as the silence stretches out to a painful stillness, I feel my
heart beating to an unhealthy rhythm, and I wonder if someone could actually
die of a broken heart. By the way Jasper is sitting motionlessly, I know what
is about to take place; he’s going to leave me.