Surrender to Me (19 page)

“It's not like that Jasper,” I settle for instead.

“Yes it is.”

Is he really doing this here? Now?

Judging by the hard look in his eye, I think he is.

I choke back the approaching nausea. “You never gave me an
opportunity to explain.”

“Because you lied to me,” he snaps.

“So did you,” I whisper, my bottom lip trembling.

Jasper throws his hands up in defeat. ”I give up! Just forget it.”

Taking a step towards him, I latch onto his arm when he appears to
dodge my touch. Him using the phrase forget, brings on a fit of anxiety.

“Never say that. Never give up. On me. Or us.”

“What the fuck, Ava? Am I just meant to wait around like a lost
puppy dog till you get bored, and decide I'm good enough for you?” Jasper has a
desperate look in his eyes, waiting for me to explain.

“You were always good enough Jasper. You are too good for me.”

I need to talk to him and tell him everything. Tell him that I
choose him, because there was never a choice to make. But more so, I need to
ask him why he left me the way he did-with that bullshit note.

He takes hold of my upper arms, shaking me lightly. “Then why are
you with him? Answer me this!”

Lowering my eyes, ashamed of what I am about to tell him, I whisper,
“Because you left me that...”

But Jasper lets me go and takes a step back, not allowing me to
finish my sentence.

“I left you because you fucking tore my heart out!” he screams.

I am motionless, staring at him, the ache in his words kicking me in
the guts.

“Let me explain,” I beg, needing to tell him why I accepted Harper’s
proposal.

But as he looks at me with finality, I know I am too late.

 “Jasper! Wait!” I yell, as he turns his back on me and walks away.

Chapter 16

Cat-napping

I
have been in a
bit of a funk ever since Jasper and Harper had ‘words.’

When I came in last night, Harper wasn’t around...again, nor was he
when I left this morning...again. This suits me just fine as I can’t deal with
whatever went down between us. My brain hurts from over thinking, so when V
invited me on a shopping expedition, to get some last minute wedding items I
can't even pronounce, I was more than grateful for the distraction.

After being ordered about and subjected to every bridal store for
the past three hours, I am finally sitting down. I am waiting for V in The
Mall’s food court with my feet propped up on the seat opposite me, exhausted. I
only agreed to this shopping outing as V promised me a hot dog from Daggy Dog,
the best hot dog place in L.A.

I have been craving these hot dogs since my return, and my sore feet
and head will thank me when I take my first bite.

V arrives with a tray full of food, and I clap my hands excitedly.
“Yay! Oh Daggy Dog, how I've missed you.”

V places the tray onto the table before I gnaw her hand off.

“You really need to come back to L.A. You're obviously going through
withdrawals.” She lets out a small laugh as she sits down, taking a sip of her
drink.

Her comment for some reason hits a nerve. Being back here with V, my
parents and Jasper, has really made me think twice about my decision to move
back to Singapore. I know I don't have long until I am able to transfer back to
CIA in California, but the thought of going back to Singapore after the
wedding, brings about unanticipated feelings of apprehension.

“What's up?” V asks, chewing on her straw.

I shrug because I don’t even know what’s bothering me.

“You're not eating your dog. So I’m guessing you're deep in thought,
probably involving a certain boy whose name starts with J and ends in asper.”

Letting out a giggle, I throw a French fry at her, and no matter my
mood, my best friend can always make me smile.

She ducks out the way of the flying fry missile, and my breath
catches in my throat when I see who is standing a few tables behind her.

Slouching low, I brace the edge of the chair so I don’t slide off.

“What are you doing?” V asks, clearly confused by my bi-polar.

Totally ignoring her question, I peer over her shoulder, attempting
to spy on two people who are thankfully oblivious to their surroundings.

“Ava?” V shouts.

“Sssh!” I shush V, gesturing with my hands for her to lower her
voice.

She looks over her shoulder at what has me so intrigued, and her
mouth drops open.

“Hollllyyy shit. Is that Indie and...” 

“Jasper’s mom,” I finish.

“What the fuck?” she shrieks, turning back around quickly. 

So much for being quiet.

I only shrug because I don't know what they are doing together.

They take a seat, happily chatting, and I shuffle up in my chair so
I can get a better view over V’s shoulder. Jasper’s mom reaches across the
table and grabs a hold of Indie’s hand, talking to her animatedly, while Indie
lowers her eyes and pouts like the spoilt little hoochie bitch that she is.

“What are they saying?” asks V, talking out of the side of her
mouth.

“I don’t know. I don’t have bionic hearing.” Although in this
moment, I wish I did. “I can’t hear jack over this noise.”

I don’t know why, but I have my suspicions they are discussing
Jasper. What else would they be talking about?

“Have you met Jasper’s mom before?”

I nod cringing, while keeping me eyes glued to their table.

“I take it didn’t go well.”

Turning my attention back to V, because I am about to puke when I
witness Indie give Jasper’s mom puppy dog eyes, I reply, “She totally hates me.
She gave me serious stink eye and wiped her hand when I shook it.”

“Ouch.” V looks at me sympathetically.

“Tell me about it.”

Returning to my undercover work, I am all but falling off my chair,
watching the exchange between the two of them, when V asks smugly, “Why do you
care if his mom hates you? I mean you’re together with buttface now.”

I know what she is doing, and I am so not taking the bait. I don’t
want to explore my jealously over seeing Indie and Jasper’s mom laughing like
best friends.

I continue on with my observation, and when Indie jumps up, hugging
Jasper’s mom, I feel nauseous because I have a feeling they are up to no good.

Looking down at my hot dog, I sigh as my appetite is totally shot.

Looks like I won’t be having my Daggy Dog after all.

*****

I am all jittery after The Mall incident and I know why. When I saw
Indie and Jasper’s mom together, something a little like jealously passed over
me, because I wanted to be the one having lunch with her, and laughing like old
girlfriends catching up.  But instead I am second guessing everything, and I am
feeling this. This confusion as to where I stand with Jasper.

Jasper is giving me mixed signals every time I see him, and I cannot
deal with this emotional rollercoaster I am currently riding with him. He acts
as my protector, and then leaves me a blubbering mess in the span of five
minutes.

It sucks.

So, there is only one thing that can make me feel remotely better,
and that’s my cat. I am racing down the street to be at the one place I need to
be. Sadly, Oscar is under house arrest at Jasper’s, but I am about to be the
cat burglar, and I mean that in the literal sense.

I still have a spare key to Jasper’s house, and I intend to put it
to good use. Jasper says he doesn’t hate me. Well, maybe I need to give him a
reason to hate me so he will stop being so nice to me. That way I know where I
stand, and I won’t be so torn all the time.

Why did he sing me that song? I am convinced that there are two
Jasper’s, and at the moment, I hate them both. The nice Jasper gives me blind
faith that maybe there is hope for us. But the other Jasper is moody and
temperamental, and that Jasper is seriously sending me crazy with his mixed
signals.

Pulling up around the block, I slip on my black sweater, which
blends in with my black short shorts and black high tops. I look ridiculous,
but I don’t care. This whole situation is ridiculous, and stealing my cat back
is the only thing that makes sense to me at the moment.

I am one with the wall as I walk along it, peering around, while
making sure no one sees me. As I creep up to his house, I see Jasper’s truck
isn’t in the driveway.

Score!

Creeping up his front steps, I pull out his spare key which I have
around my neck on a silver necklace. I insert it slowly into the lock and it
clicks. Pushing the door open, I sneak inside, closing it softly behind me, and
I actually get a rush of adrenalin as the hard part is over. Now, I just have
to find Oscar and make a quick exit.

I call out to Oscar in a hushed voice, not wanting the neighbors to
hear me. Of course he doesn’t come when he’s called. What cat does?!

I know he likes sleeping on Jasper’s bed, so I decide to climb the
stairs to his room, crossing my fingers that he is up there as I am starting to
get nervous.

The top step has always been creaky and screeches loudly when I step
onto it. I jump off it, and bang into the wall, which echoes throughout the
house. Freezing, I listen intently to ensure I can’t hear any approaching
sirens. The coast is thankfully clear, so I continue on with my cat napping.

Slowly opening Jasper’s door, the sight of his room warms my
insides. It smells so much like him, and I creepily close my eyes, inhaling
deeply. I quietly enter and close the door behind me, searching for Oscar. He
is happily napping on the bed, and when he sees me, he gives me a dirty look.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I whisper, approaching him slowly,
because I know if I rush towards him, he will get spooked and run.

I tip toe over to the bed, while Oscar is looking at me with an
aloof look on his little face. I am so close to him, I extend my hand so he can
smell my fingers, but of course I trip over a discarded shoe, which sends him
screeching off and scampering under the bed.

Damn!

I sigh, I so deserve this. This is what I get for sneaking into my
ex-boyfriend’s house, attempting to steal back my cat.

Crouching low, I crab crawl towards the bed.

“Here kitty kitty,” I say, in hopes of coaxing him out.

The blanket is obscuring my view of Oscar, so I lift it up and peer
under the bed with my cheek pressed to the carpet.

“Hey baby. Come out for mama okay,” I whisper when I see him sitting
casually under the bed.

Oscar looks the other way, and I swear he is grinning at my
stupidity.

Crawling further on my hands and knees, with my butt sticking up in
the air, I shove my arm under the bed in attempts to pull him out, but of
course he moves further away from me.

Calling out to Oscar with my head basically wedged under the bed, is
probably not the best idea when you are breaking into someone’s house, seeing
as I cannot hear anything.

“Ah ha!” I rejoice when I grab a hold of Oscar.

But that celebration is short lived when I back out from under the
bed, and come face to face with Jasper.

Damn, I suck at being a spy!

*****

“I don’t know if I should call the Police or Playboy.”

Jasper is chuckling, while I feel my face turning the deepest shade
of red. EVER! I know he saw me in that compromising position earlier and I
squirm.

I can’t believe I have been caught, and worse still, in my panic I
let go of Oscar, who has darted back under the bed. All that effort was for
nothing!

“I am almost afraid to ask, but what are you doing?” he asks,
looking at me smugly, leaning against the doorway.

“Isn’t it obvious?” I scoff, attempting to shrug off the fact I
broke into his house, and was caught on my hands and knees, looking under his
bed, like a lunatic.

“Um, no, not really,” Jasper smiles, covering his mouth.

“Why are you here?” I snap.

“Um, because I live here,” he replies smirking, crossing his arms
across his chest.

Damn him and that smile.

I quickly stand up, dusting my hands together. 

“So, are you going to explain why you decided to break into my
house?” Jasper asks while raising his eyebrows, amused.

Think Ava.

“I lost my earring.” I cringe as soon as it’s out of my mouth.

Jasper bites back a smile and I want to smack his smug face.

“Technically it’s not breaking and entering because I have a key.”
Crap, now I’m totally busted.

That wipes the self-righteous look off his face. “You still have a
key?” he asks stunned.

“Yes,” I admit. “I haven’t given it back because I thought when I
returned to L.A, it would be under different circumstances.”

Lowering my eyes, suddenly very embarrassed, I walk towards him
slowly.

“Here,” I say, pulling the key out from under my sweater, handing it
to him.

I feel like a part of me is dying as I don’t want to give it back to
him.

He stares at it and shakes his head. “Keep it.” 

Looking at him stunned and confused, I ask, “What? Why?”

He searches my face. “Because it’s yours.”

“Yeah but...”

“No buts,” he smiles, wrapping his fingers around my outstretched palm,
enclosing the key into it.

His actions warm my heart, and I return his smile. “I promise I
won't use it without asking first.”

He lets out a soft chuckle. “It's fine. I kinda liked seeing you in
my bedroom.”

I kinda liked being in his bedroom, I silently add. Although the
position he found me in I can do without.

“Sorry you found me in such an unattractive position.”

Jasper looks at me confused, so I clarify. “You know, on my knees.”

He looks at me with his bedroom eyes, and I struggle to breathe.

“That was the best part about finding you in here,” he replies,
winking.

Taking a step back, away from his intense gaze, my knees hit the end
of the bed, and the look he is giving me is not one a friend should be giving
another friend. Quickly turning away, before I haul myself across the room and
embarrass myself further, I notice a picture of him and his mom on his
bookshelf.

“Hey, that's nice,” I say, pointing at the photo.

 Jasper looks at it. “Yeah, that was taken back in Chicago.”