Spiralling Out of the Shadow (The Spiralling Trilogy) (7 page)

Dr Frank scratched his head and readjusted his glasses. He turned from the x-ray and spoke to Mum and Dad, leaving me on the examination bed like a little child. Torn ligaments and a slight fracture. I needed to keep off it as much as possible with orders not to dance until it healed.

At home, t
he couch became my comfortable resting spot. I stuffed my face with chocolate, while I watched old movies with a box of tissues.

Stephanie rang late,
just before ten, sounding over-the-moon-happy. ‘I just had dinner with Jason’s family.’

‘
Are they nice?’ I asked.

‘
They’re a little strange.’ Stephanie giggled as she spoke. ‘They didn’t talk. We ate dinner in silence.’

‘
How did you cope with that?’

‘Silently.’

‘Why are you so happy?’ I couldn’t help but laugh with her.

‘
Because his parents leave tomorrow.’

Oh no, warning
... warning.

‘
Careful.’ I could see this becoming a danger zone. Couldn’t she?

‘
Why?’

‘
Home alone, is he?’

‘
With his brother,’ she said.

‘
Temptation might get the better of you.’
Oh, Lord, help her. 

‘Don’
t be crazy. I’ll be fine.’

As if
. She needed help.

‘I’
ve stuffed my left ankle,’ I said, rearranging the bandage.

‘
No way! How?’

I told her
. She seemed glazed-over-distracted, uninterested. But I continued, trying to keep my mind off her relationship with Jason.              

*~*~*~*

I did as I was told and kept my foot up and my head planted in school books until my hands were sore from writing and typing mid-semester assessments. I didn’t have time to check up on Stephanie. She hadn’t called. Probably too focused on Jason. My focus right now was school. I looked forward to youth group. Danny and all the other good-looking boys could tempt other girl’s eyes while I wore blinkers.

When I got the
guilts and rang Stephanie a week later, all she could talk about was Jason this—Jason that. She told me she was keeping things cool, but it seemed pretty obvious their relationship was hot and steamy. With a crutch in one hand and the phone in the other, I paced backwards and forwards along the walkway into the kitchen. The kettle whistled. I said goodbye and banged the crutches into the floor as I moved to the kitchen. I poured the boiling water into my teacup too fast, splashing the bench and steaming my hand.

‘
Argh!’ I flipped on the cold water tap to cool the burn. It was minor. Only pink. But when I pulled it out of the water stream it stung again.

I wanted to talk to Mum to tell her about all the crazy decisions my best
friend was making. But I couldn’t invade Stephanie’s privacy and break the best friend code. She wasn’t the only one making crazy decisions. So I prayed and kept her confidences.

*~*~*~*

I hobbled around, balancing on crutches, trying to carry my bag, trying to do everything with aching armpits. Stupid crutches. Dumb ankle. Dumb dance. It was never my thing. Why was I even dancing lead? Was I trying to be like Stephanie?

No way!

Oh boy, I hated self-realisation.

I thought I was dancing because I wanted to hang out with my ridiculously beautiful and definitely not perfect
best friend. But now it smacked me between the eyeballs. I was actually trying to
be
her.

How could I
? How could I have spent years trying to be just like my best friend?

Study and crutches made the rest of the term torture. I needed to burn off some frustrated energy.  Mum
agreed to drop me at the aquatic centre. It was so close I could have walked, if I wasn’t on crutches.

Leaving my crutches to the side, I hopped to the ladder and climbed in. While I pulled my arms through the water and let my legs
float along, my ankle didn’t hurt.

This, in the water, was f
reedom. I could be me. No Stephanie, no Suzie, no Janet, no Joey and no Danny. After three sets of ten laps, the thump of my heart echoed in my ears. I clutched the pool edge and caught my breath. When I reached the ladder, Mum was holding my towel.

‘
Thanks, I really needed that swim.’

*~*~*~*

Apart from a couple of assignments lurking, the school holidays brought a blissful change of pace.  I handed my crutches back in and walked with a slight limp. The doctor urged me to keep off my left foot as much as possible for another week. As soon as it healed, I’d be expected to return to dance classes.

‘
Mum, I really don’t want to keep dancing. I know you’ve paid for the year but—’

‘
That’s a shame, love. But if that’s what —’

‘
Are you annoyed with me?’

‘
You said a while back you weren’t enjoying it. I’d rather you be honest with me. Maybe that’s why you twisted your ankle.’

‘No, I just made a mistake.’
I flexed my foot to stretch.

‘
But you were doing something you weren’t enjoying.’

I nodded.
‘I was enjoying that dance though. I think I just got overconfident.’

‘
You can stop if you like. We won’t force you to finish the year.’ 

‘
Really?’

She nodded.

‘Thanks, Mum.’

She was such a treasure. I had great parents
—which made me think of Stephanie. Hers weren’t as caring. I must ring her.

‘
Hi, Steph, how are you going?’

‘I’m dreading my report card.’

‘Not going well?’

‘I’ve been really distracted.’

‘
Distracted? Jason I bet.’ Here goes. Another trip around the mountain.

‘
He’s away with his mates this week. I really miss him.’

‘
I’m sure you do.’ I sighed, pulling my hair out of a hair tie. ‘Have you got round to talking to your parents about you coming down here next year?’

‘
I did bring up moving back, but Mum shrugged me off, telling me I’d eventually find friends here. As if! Mum suggested you come up and stay the week before Christmas. Can you? You can meet Jason. He can’t wait to meet you. You’ll see how amazing he is. He’s the perfect boy—’

‘
We’re going to our unit on the central coast that week. Steph, are you going to ask them, or should I tell Mum and Dad it’s not going to happen?’ Spitefulness echoed in my words. I’d had enough of her going on and on about Jason. Talk about being obsessed.

It took everything in me to stop willing them to break up. I mean, I was happy to see Steph
anie no longer depressed, but I was sure he wasn’t the right guy for her. Maybe I just needed to meet him.

*~*~*~*

After swimming laps at the local pool, my energy fluttered like a butterfly. I was keen to go out for the night. I’d sat at home for long enough.

‘
Hey Mum. Janet wants me to go to a party with her tonight.’

She frown
ed at me. ‘Your father and I are concerned after the last few parties you’ve been to.’

‘
But you also know I’m the responsible one.’ She had a point. Did I really want to clean Janet up again?

‘
Hmm. As long as you stay that way.’

‘
Of course.’ I smiled and hoped I wouldn’t regret tagging along with Janet.

The party was at a friend of a friend of a friend
’s house. Janet didn’t even know who they were. She’d stuffed her backpack with cheap wine coolers.

‘
Did you have to bring so much?’

‘I’ll share some with you.’

‘You know I don’t.’ I raised my eyebrows.

She shrugged.

I’d brought a bottle of candy soft drink and was ready for my sugar high.

Janet downed her coolers in record time, turning her face a
strange shade of green. I was back on duty and left the candy soft drink to rest in the bag. I found a facecloth in a drawer while she found the toilet. After each spew, I wiped her chin, her cheeks. GROSS!

‘
Janet, you’re disgusting.’ I could say anything to her, there’s no way she’d remember tomorrow.

I pushed my way through the party to the kitchen. Thankfully the coffee jar was on the bench next to the jug. I scooped two heaped spoons of the instant powder into a cup, filled it with boiling water and pushed the spoon through it a couple of times.
Slapping her cheek gently to snap her back to life, I fed her the thick brew. She kept drifting off.

‘
Janet!’ My attempt to keep her awake failed. This time I was ringing her parents. ‘Mr Range?’

‘
Yes?’

‘
Janet’s not feeling so good. Could you come and pick us up?’

‘
Not at the moment. I have my hands full.’

‘Is Mrs Range there?’
I tapped my fingers on the phone.

‘
No, she’s out for the night.’

‘
Can you please tell me her mobile number?’

He rattled it o
ff quickly and hung up before I could say thanks. Mrs Range’s phone was turned off.

‘
Janet, what do you want me to do?’

Silence.
Scary non-responsive silence.

Like, if it was the first time
, it wouldn’t have bothered me so much, but we’d been there before. And I didn’t like playing nurse.

A trickle of
drool rolled onto her chin.

‘
Geez, Janet! I’d rather not ring Mum and Dad. They were already concerned about me coming out tonight. But if I don’t, we’re stuck here.’

‘
Don’t worry sweetheart.’ A stray Mr Macho walking by stopped and gave me a sly grin. ‘I’m staying in a room upstairs. You’re welcome to sleep over. I’ll share my sleeping bag.’

E
www. Cheesy gross.

‘
Janet, we have to get out of here.’ I looked into her back pack and found her purse. A twenty dollar note peeked through the folds. Good. I had ten dollars. That should be enough to get us home.

‘
Just try to stand for me.’

I shook her and tried to pull her to her feet, but she was
a dead weight. I looked to the sky, almost ready to abandon hope when she leant forward a little. I pulled again and she rocked up onto her feet leaning on my shoulder. The two of us shuffled outside where I rang and ordered a taxi.

We arrived back at Janet’
s house to hear the kind of noises I didn’t want to hear coming from her parents’ bedroom. Flip! I was sure her father had said her mum was out. I had to get out of there. I pulled out my phone and rang Mum.

‘
You ready to come home already? I thought you were staying the night.’

‘
So did I, but I don’t feel comfortable, it’s … I just want to get out of here.’

‘
Be there in ten minutes, love.’

I tucked
Janet into bed fully clothed, on her side with a bucket nearby and waited outside.

I sat heavy on the couch, weighing up whether to call Janet or not. Her father’s attitude and the details of last night plagued my thoughts. What would I say?
So was your mum home last night? Because, ahem, I heard them. Well, if it wasn’t your mum ... who was it?
Who wanted to hear that?

As I
rubbed the dead skin now peeling off my finger from the steam burn, the phone rang. Stephanie. Her boyfriend had gone overseas for three months.

‘
So did you break up?’ It seemed the obvious question.

‘
Why would we?’

Just hoping.
‘Did he ask you to pine after him while he’s away? Or did he tell you he would stay faithful?’

‘No
. Neither. Why?’

I couldn’t shake the possibility of
Janet’s father cheating.

‘
Aren’t you scared it won’t last over the holidays?’

‘
No. He said we’d be okay to start where we left off when he comes back. He’s hoping to get into university in Sydney. So if I move to Sydney ...’

‘Didn’t he say
Sydney, or Melb …? Anyway, you know how big Sydney is.’ With all those uni girls swimming around him like fish, did she really think he’d still want her?

‘
Meh.’ She squeaked.

I had to let it
go and let her live her own life. ‘Hey, you won’t believe what Janet did to me.’

‘
Sorry, Tabbie. I have to go. Mum’s calling.’

Before I could
finish, she’d hung up. Sure, Steph, I wanted to yell, I’ll listen to everything you have going on. I’ll listen to all of your dramas. But hey, don’t worry about me, everything’s fine. I won’t bother you with anything outside your little world.

How
had my best friend become just as demanding as Janet since she moved to another city? Where did that leave me?

I
nhaling deeply three times, I held the last breath and looked to the ceiling. Shelly—I hadn’t seen her since I’d been on crutches. It would be good to see her again. Now that the crutches were gone, I’d be able to move around without tripping someone up at youth group.

I needed to get out and burn some energy. Was Stephanie really planning to follow Jason? What if he went to Melbourne
? Would she follow him there? My stomach pulled into a knot. I needed to stop the ember igniting into a full-blown fire inside me. I’d give anything to run and pound the concrete for a while, then pummel my feet into the grass around the oval. But my ankle was still too weak. I grabbed my swimmers and towel, kissed Mum goodbye and caught the next bus to the indoor heated pool.

Change room lights
are the worst. I knew I look like a pear, but seriously, why would they put full length mirrors with bulge-illuminating lights in change rooms? I took one quick look to make sure all the important bits were covered, dumped my bag of clothes into a locker and threw my towel over my shoulder. Churning pit of frustration—get ready to be burnt off.

Ropes fenced off the shallow end where kid
’s clung to kickboards with instructors correcting their style. The centre lanes were filled with seasoned swimmers lapping each other.

I dropped my towel onto an empty chair and dipped my toes into the water
. The chill sent goose bumps up my thunder thighs. Wasn’t this pool meant to be heated? Freezing my butt off with a shiver, I walked towards the ladder to elegantly lower myself into the water as I glanced across the pool ... Danny? Blinking, I glanced in his direction again. He lifted his hand to give me a slight wave.

My
toes caught the drainage grid, jarring my body to a halt. I reached for the railing, grabbed it with one hand, but slipped. Stupid shiny thing hadn’t helped me in any way. I face planted. My stomach slapped across the lane ropes. Willing myself to die, I pretended I hadn’t seen him and faced the other direction.

It would’
ve been pointless to climb out straight away. Everyone in the entire swimming complex had fixed their eyes on me. I ducked underwater for a minute.

When I came up for a breath, Danny
stood right in front of me, dripping. He still looked ridiculously like Mr Biceps, only slightly smaller. Perhaps he didn’t see me? I could live in denial.

What
, in the name of love, was I even thinking about Danny for? And why was I here? To burn off all of the agro-at-my-best-friend energy. I needed this swim so I could be the best friend I’d always been.

With cheeks still burning I found a vacant lane and swam. Face down.
Freestyle. Breathing every eighth stroke to keep my face in the water as long as possible. I punched every stroke. Angry at Steph. Angry at me. Angry at the world.

After ten
laps, every stroke became more like a paddle. A paddle downstream. A paddle to dry land. A paddle to kindness. To love my best friend. To get to know more people like Shelly and Priscilla. To make an effort to go back to youth group. Gosh I hadn’t been for over a month. My muscles soon tired and I took breaths every second stroke. I’d released the anger. A sense of peace and calm washed through me. I swam back to the ladder and climbed out.

He was sitting right in front of me
, holding my towel in his hands. Hands attached to the ends of those arms with those biceps. Danny.

‘
Hi,’ he said, glancing at me then back to the pool.

‘Thanks.’
I ripped my towel out of his hands and quickly wrapped it around my body to hide my thighs. I was thankful he’d kept his eyes focused on my face. ‘You waiting for something?’

‘
Yeah, just catching my breath after laps. I was about to head off.’ He stood. Our eyes locked on a level horizontal gaze.

‘
Oh.’ I pulled a little tighter on my security towel.

‘
Well, I guess I’ll see you around sometime.’

‘
I guess.’ I raised my eyebrows.

That boy was so flipping weird. Sure
, he had the looks of Mr Biceps, but he was seriously nerdish and just weird. I shuddered as we peeled off in opposite directions, him towards the door and me towards the change rooms.

My left ankle had already ballooned again. Shades of purple streaked the sides but I refused to
resort to crutches and hobbled my way around for the last few weeks of the school year. My perseverance was spent. Every spare moment I had my head down and ankle up.

Janet was getting more messed up daily. That bothered me. I had a feeling she was sneaking
drinks at night while her parents weren’t watching. She said her parents were fine and they’d sorted out their differences.

Suzie
retreated, becoming quieter by the day. That bothered me too. Her parents pulled her out of everything except school. I wracked my brain, searching for a way to help her, but came up with nothing every time.

At least my end of year results were the best they’
d ever been. Thanks to a stuffed ankle.