Spiralling Out of the Shadow (The Spiralling Trilogy) (18 page)

‘
Come over,’ Suzie begged the following Friday. ‘Please. We can have a movie night. Mum and Dad have already said yes.’

Aiden had a night game that I was planning to watch, but I couldn
’t turn Suzie down. I had no idea where I stood with Aiden. We barely talked on our dates, and he hadn’t called all week. And Suzie needed me.

Mrs Peters
hovered around from the moment I arrived. Soon after the first movie began, she finally left the room for a minute.

‘
So, are you and Joey still ...?’

Suzie nodded.

‘You still only see him when he comes over?’

‘That’
s about it. He’s pretty busy with dance rehearsals. When he visits, Mum is always around. We’ve been out a few times, to eat. But Mum and Dad come with.’

‘
That’s stifling.’

‘
It’s good with Joey though. He’s fine, and seems to respect them. You know, they even let him sleep over last week end.’

‘
What? That sounds bizarre.’

‘
I know.’ She checked to see if her mother was coming back before she continued. ‘He had to sleep in the sewing room downstairs.’

Suzie had a mischievous, almost guilty look on her face.

‘But let me guess—he didn’t stay there, did he?’ I whispered.

‘
He did,’ Suzie shook her head. Then she leaned closer to my ear. ‘But I went downstairs for a while when Mum and Dad were asleep.’

‘
And?’ Why was I asking? I wanted to know, but I didn’t want to know all of the details of what they got up to. I was hoping she remembered the recent lecture she’d given Janet.

‘
We didn’t do it, just fooled around a bit. You know, kissing and stuff. He’s amazing and definitely not gay.’

We
were still laughing when Suzie’s mother returned to the room. It was fun, even being scrutinized under her mother’s watchful eye. On my way home, I realised I hadn’t given Aiden one thought for twenty-four hours. The moment I did think of him, I realised he hadn’t called.

During the next week at school, whispers and conversations about camp grabbed my attention. Even the teachers seemed excited to be planning activities tha
t would have us so exhausted we’d go straight to sleep and not keep them up.

‘
Have you guys thought of any pranks for this year’s camp?’ I asked.

‘
Vegemite on the teachers’ glasses. You know, that part that sits on the nose?’ Janet laughed, rubbing her nose.

‘
Or water bombs in their pillow cases?’ Suzie giggled.

We laugh
ed together as we threw around new and old prank ideas. 

‘
Do you think Steph will come back for the camp?’ Janet asked.

Why was she taking an interest now, when she had barely mentioned Steph for months?

‘As if she’d show her face around here just for camp.’ Suzie shook her head.

‘
Have either of you even tried to contact her?’ Oops, that just slipped out.

They shook their heads.
Something about their lack of care made me continue.

‘
Well, why don’t you? I don’t think things are as great as she’d have us all believe.’

Janet and Suzie looked
at each other.

‘
She’s working long hours, trying to pay bills we don’t even have to think about. I don’t think her boyfriend is always the Mr Wonderful that she’d like us to believe. Come on. You’re meant to be her friends too.’

‘I guess. But it’
s not like I can go and see her or anything,’ said Suzie.

‘
I wonder if she’d like to come to a party with me.’ Janet pulled out her nail file.

I doubted that Steph w
ould want to go to one of Janet’s parties or take time out to visit Suzie and her parents. It was frustrating how I was the only one in our high school circle of friends who seemed to care.

‘
How long is it since you saw Steph anyway?’ Janet asked.

‘
Last weekend.’

‘
So, what’s she up to?’

I told them about the promotion and how she seemed happy with her job.

‘What about you, Suzie?’ Janet asked.

Maybe
I’d hit a nerve.

‘
What do you mean?’ Suzie asked.

‘Are you still seeing him?’

‘Him? As in Joey? Yep,’ she said with a wide grin. ‘And he’s not gay.’

‘
Your parents okay with you seeing him?’

‘We don’
t get much time alone. They’re always around. But ...’ Suzie’s eyes widened. ‘Once he slept downstairs and I snuck down after mum and dad had gone to bed. I’ve even left the house a couple of times after they’ve gone to sleep to hang out with him for a few hours.’

‘
You didn’t tell me the last part!’ I glared at her.

‘
I knew you’d get all funny on me.’ Suzie’s cheeks glowed with a tinge of pink.

‘
Does he come to meet you outside your house?’ I was sure my jaw gaped. I couldn’t believe she’d risked it.

‘
Most of the time we meet near the servo.’

‘But that’s like blocks from you.’
I reached out and touched her arm. ‘It’s dangerous, walking around at that time of night by yourself.’

‘
Yeah, a couple of times I swore I heard footsteps behind me.’

‘W
as anyone there?’ Janet asked.

‘
No, just me hearing things.’

‘
Can you ask him to meet you outside your place?’ I was still trying to get my head around the fact Suzie hadn’t told me this before now.

‘
It’s just easier, and safer, to meet at the servo.’

Safer for who?
Safer that they wouldn’t get caught out. Just the thought of walking around in the vicinity of the servo at night sent a shiver through my spine. I silently prayed that God would keep her safe, and then I shook it off and changed the subject.

*~*~*~*

I’d stopped giving Aiden my thought time. Really it was
only
a couple of dates. Perhaps the relationship had just fizzled—that is, if you could even call it a relationship. When he rang me on Friday afternoon he caught me off guard. 

‘You said you didn’
t want to see a movie on our next date, so I have something different planned. We’ve been invited to a party.’

‘
What kind of party?’ A wild uni party wasn’t my scene.

‘
It’s not really a party. More like a few friends hanging out. I can pick you up at around seven-thirty.’

‘
Oh, I’ve got youth group on tonight.’ He hadn’t bothered to contact me for so long. I should have said no straight away.

‘
You can miss a night can’t you?’ His voice sent my heart racing.

‘
Yeah, you’re right. I’ll be ready.’ How did I give in so easy?

But as soon as I hung up I remembered the last time I missed youth group to go on a date. My stomach churned. At seven o
’clock I picked up the phone to cancel, but a knock at the door made me put the phone down again. 

It was Aiden. Mum and Dad drilled him about Melbourne and how he was coping with being away from home. Mum even offered him some home
-cooked meals. It was all sounding a little too cosy. I’d had enough and suggested we should get going.

Aiden started the car and pulled out onto the r
oad. ‘I just need to swing by mine first and pick up some drinks I left behind.’

I nodded. My
thoughts flashed back to Mum and Dad telling me to be careful
. Just swing by.
That didn’t sound too dangerous—surely he’d have flatmates. It wouldn’t be like we’d be alone. 

Aiden
parked on the street, jumped out then came to my side opening my door.

‘Come in, come in.’

‘
I can wait here.’

‘
I want to show you my pad.’

Against my better judgment, I agreed and followed him inside. He pulled the beer out of the fridge
. Three stubbies. I hoped he’d be okay to drive us home. He put them in a cooler bag then turned to me. Our lips connected in a kiss. It was thrilling, passionate, intoxicating. His hands dropped to the hem of my shirt, lifting it as he walked us backwards. My eyes flung open. He was leading me towards a bedroom. His hand had now slipped under my shirt. I pushed it down. He found the button on my jeans and undid it, I pushed him away with as much force as I could find.

‘
No!’ I spat the word.

‘
What do you mean?’

‘
No.’             

‘
You want it, I can tell in your kiss. You want me.’

‘
No.’ I shook my head.

He came towards me again. I pushed him away scratching his neck with my fingernail. A slight trickle of blood oozed out of the scratch.
It was an accident. He raised his hand and swept it through the air, slapping my face.

My cheek stung, bringing tears to my eyes. I stepped back, wondering if I could make it out the front door if he came at me again. But he turned away, stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door. I grabbed for my phone when I heard the shower running. I ran outside before Mum answered. In less than ten minutes my family car pulled up to the curb with both of my parents inside. I scrambled into the car, swallowing back tears. 

‘I’ll call the police. We should charge him.’ Dad hit his fist on the steering wheel. ‘I’ll go in there right now and sort him out.’

‘
Tom ...’ Mum cautioned. ‘You know that’s not the way to solve this.’

‘
I went inside against my better judgment. He stopped before he really hurt me.’ I pulled my knees to my chest.

Once the car had started and we were driving away, my brave face dissolved and I cried the whole way home.

‘I’m so sorry we didn’t protect you.’ Mum hugged me before I went to the bathroom for a shower. ‘This wasn’t your fault. He should never have touched you like that.’

My tears turned into sobs
in the shower. I could see Mum’s shadow beneath the door. Aiden had not only hurt me, I knew he’d also hurt my parents by his B-grade act.

When I woke up the next day, more tears seeped from my eyes. I needed to see Steph urgently. I caught the bus, climbed the stairs and knocked on the door at Jason’s place.

Steph pulled it open, yawning, rubbing her eyes.

‘Did I wake you?’

‘
Yes, we got home late.’

‘
Were you working?’

‘
Yeah, and we went out after work.’

‘
Where?’ I was happy to put off talking about me for a few minutes.

‘
Doesn’t matter, what are you doing here? Why didn’t you just ring?’

‘
You want me to go?’

‘
No. You know you’re always welcome. You are still my best friend.’

‘
It’s horrible!’ Tears gushed from my eyes. I wanted to talk to her but I wasn’t expecting to fall apart.

‘Come in.’
Steph opened the door wider.

‘
I listened to you. I really did.’ I plonked down on the couch.

‘
Shh.’ She sat close to me. ‘Jason’s sleeping.’

‘
Aiden was horrible.’

‘
Oh, no! What did he do to you?’

‘
He got really pushy and when I said no he slapped my cheek, saying I’d led him on.’

‘
Oh, Tabbie.’

‘
You were right. I’m so glad you gave me that advice to wait. He wasn’t that nice after all. I wish I could find someone as wonderful as Jason.’

‘
You deserve better.’

‘
Huh?’ Better than the perfect boyfriend? ‘I thought you were happy.’

‘
Well I am, but it could be better,’ she whispered.

‘
Why? What’s up?’

‘
Not the right time or place to be talking about him.’

‘
Sorry,’ I mouthed the word. ‘Would you like to come and stay a couple of nights back home?’

‘
Can’t. Work.’ Steph looked towards the bedroom. ‘Maybe later this week.’

‘
I’m at school camp all week.’

‘
Oh.’

She had an odd look on her face. I couldn
’t recognise what she was thinking.

‘
I might come and see your parents anyway.’

‘
Please do.’

‘I need some more sleep.’ Steph yawned. ‘
Sorry.’

I left feeling more concerned for Steph than ever before. She seemed almost fearful
of Jason. It didn’t make sense. She wanted to spend every day with the guy, yet the way she said, “Not the right time or place to be talking about him,” she didn’t sound like she was talking about a guy she was in love with.

I sat on the cold bench seat in the bus shelter, waiting. Bus fumes irritated my nose as another bus drove away. I wasn
’t ready to head home. I could walk back to check on Stephanie, but I didn’t want to wake her again. Why would she keep staying there if she wasn’t happy? My mobile phone tweeted, pulling me out of my confusion. I checked the time before answering—I’d been sitting at the bus stop for over an hour.

‘
We’re heading down to the beach today. Would you like me to pick you up?’ Shelly’s cheery voice echoed.

‘
Bit cold for a swim.’ I shivered.

‘
Sun’s shining. You’re right, it’s too cold for a dip. But it’s a lovely day to lie on a towel.’

‘
I’m not at home right now and I don’t have a towel.’

‘
Where are you? Are you okay?’

‘
Yeah, just ...’ It was all too much to explain over the phone. I took a breath wondering whether to go home or hang out with Shelly for the day.

‘
I can pick you up from where you are. We have a couple of extra towels in the car anyway.’

Gosh, why didn
’t I call Shelly this morning instead of racing to Steph?
I gave Shelly the address of the bus stop and they arrived within ten minutes.

‘
How was the party?’ Priscilla winked as I slid into the back seat.

‘
Didn’t get there.’ I shook my head trying to shut down the memory.

‘
Why not?’ Shelly turned towards me, wide-eyed.

‘
He’s a creep! He tried to push himself on me before we even went out.’

‘
Oh, no. Are you okay?’

‘
Yeah. I pushed him off. Mum and Dad came pretty fast to pick me up.’

I sat in the back seat thinking of the irony. These girls never actually talked much about boys, yet they were the ones who seemed to care the most about what was happening in my dating life.

When we arrived at the beach, we lay on our towels and let the sun warm our skin.

‘
So, why don’t I ever hear either of you talk about boys?’

Priscilla laughed.

Shelly smiled and spoke first. ‘I think I tried too hard to find a boyfriend a couple of years ago.’

‘
Yeah.’ Priscilla was still laughing. ‘Same here. Still recovering from boy-hunting burn-out.’

I laughed with them, not entirely understanding what they were talking about.

‘We aren’t making sense are we?’ Shelly said.

‘
Not exactly.’ I rolled onto my side.

Sh
elly leant back on her elbows. ‘All I thought about was cute boys, then one of my friends fell pregnant. Her family moved away and we’ve lost touch. But the whole situation kind of freaked me out, and I wish I’d kept in touch to support her. It really shocked me. Her boyfriend pressured her to sleep with him. He didn’t rape her or anything, but she gave in under pressure. I started seeing boys as nothing but crazy, hormonal creatures. I think I’m coming out of that now. For a while there, I was completely rude to any boy who paid me any attention. Now I’m open to meeting someone again. But he’d have to be pretty amazing to distract me from my studies.’

Priscilla nodded.
‘There was a time when I would date anyone who asked me out. I got myself into so many compromising positions. I’m still amazed I got through those few years mostly unharmed. I stopped dating boys when I started coming to church. That was the turning point where I no longer looked for a boyfriend. I stopped perving on anyone hot. I heard someone say, “Never awaken love until it is ready.” Then I read the scripture in Song of Solomon. I came to realise I wasn’t ready.’

‘
Wow, you make me feel like a boy-crazed lunatic.’

‘
Oh, no. No way.’ Priscilla shook her head. ‘You aren’t like that at all. I really chased boys. I mean like all the time. You’ve just been out on a couple of dates with guys who need to learn some respect.’

I lay on my back with my hat sheltering my eyes from the
sun. They had made me think. I’d never stopped to think about the way I checked boys out. I guess my perving was a selfish act. In talking about herself, Priscilla had pretty much described Janet.

‘
Though,’ Priscilla interrupted my train of thought, ‘I now have complete faith that the right guy for me will come along and when he does, I will know that he is the right one. That way I haven’t wasted time on all the guys who aren’t perfect for me.’

‘
Same here,’ Shelly said.

The regular crew started gathering at the beach. When Danny caught a wave, my
gaze was drawn to him in a perving kind of way, but I chose to look away.

‘
I guess those old sayings about “window shopping” and “eye candy,” are pretty disrespectful.’ I sat up, digging my toes into the sand.

‘
Not always.’ Priscilla threw sand over my feet.

‘
It’s more the attitude. What you are really thinking when you are checking someone out.’ Shelly leant forward. ‘I check myself when I can’t take my eyes off a hot guy—is it lust, or admiration? If it’s lust I take it to God and ask for help.’

I drew a line in the sand with my toe. I would start living more like Priscilla and Shelly. It sure was a different way of life.
‘I’m going to make a change. You’ve both inspired me. But I don’t think my high school friends will ever change their lifestyles.’

‘
Never say never.’ Priscilla looked up to the sky. ‘Pray for them.’