Spiralling Out of the Shadow (The Spiralling Trilogy) (4 page)

On Monday morning, my eyelids hung heavy and my mind wandered. Janet bragged boldly to everyone within earshot that she’d hosted the most fabulous party of the century. Suzie was absent. At a guess—her parents had suspended her from school. Her mum had blasted my mum over the phone on Sunday. Overreaction, much.

I reminisc
ed about the times spent with my best friend, my ridiculously beautiful and not-quite-perfect best friend who I missed today more than I had in a long time.

I needed to talk to Stephanie, but every time I rang, she was either in the shower or not home. When I tried again at the end of the week, her mother told me she was out on a date
. A second date with the same boy.

Finally, she returned my call. ‘Tabbie, you won’
t believe what’s happened!’

‘
You saw Jason again?’

‘How did you know?’

‘
Because you’re so excited.’ Nah ha, she didn’t know how I knew.

‘
But I—?’

‘
I rang while you were out. Second date hey?’ That was it! No more “only interested in eye candy” garbage. If Stephanie had started dating, I wanted to date boys too.

Steady breathing was her response.

‘So, do you think he’s into you?’ I wondered if this guy was a good looking as Mr Biceps.

‘
I don’t know. How would I know?’

‘I don’
t really know either.’ I chuckled a fake laugh. How would I know? Inexperience was my friend. Clueless. But why would he want to hang out with her if he wasn’t into her? ‘How did you meet?’

‘
At school. He said he’d been watching me. Is that creepy? Should I be worried about that?’

‘
Not if he was watching as in checking you out.’

‘
Mmm, I guess. He invited me to one of the senior’s birthday parties. He was such a gentleman.’

‘Is he a senior?’

‘Uh-huh.’

‘
What gentlemanly things did he do?’ If there were gentlemanly types out there, I wanted to find one too.

‘
He was really kind about Dad’s curfew. And his eyes, his hair, his muscles. Wow.’

‘
Well, most guys have eyes, hair and muscles.’ I laughed. Looks don’t define a gentleman. The image of Mr Biceps flashed in my mind again.

‘
Monica, the class cow, told me he’s dating me for a dare to get me to sleep with him.’

‘Maybe Jason’
s into you and Monica’s jealous.’

‘
But what if Jason is planning on using me to win a dare or a bet or something, just so he can have sex with me?’

‘
No sex.’ Because if you do, you really are kind of a numbat. Seriously, Steph. You just met the guy. And you’ve told me in the past that you want to wait until you’re married. I hoped she’d remember those details herself.

‘I wasn’
t planning on it.’

‘
You need to make it clear to him.’ I swallowed the extra saliva pooling in my mouth.

‘You don’
t think that’s being a bit presumptuous?’

‘
Steph, you weren’t planning on having sex with him, so just be up front about it.’

‘
It’s not really third date conversation material, is it?’

‘
Well, do you want to know whether he’s dating you for a dare or not?’

Stephanie mumbled into the phone and said she had to go.

I said goodbye and clutched the phone until the repetitive beep irritated me. I could tell she was really into the boy, but she’d kick herself if she gave in and he was a fraud just wanting to get into her pants. One thing I did know—I wouldn’t have the guts to talk about sex on the third date.

The conversation with Stephanie led me to think about Danny. Sure, he was a bit of a freak with his lack of words, but he did resemble Mr Biceps. I wondered
how well Joey knew him.

I rounded up Joey at our next dance rehearsal and he told me Danny hadn
’t stopped talking about me. Yeah, that made sense?! Like, not at all. What was it with boys? He’d barely spoken to me and then talked nonstop about me. Dah! I should just forget about him.

Stephanie rang with all the gory details of her third date. She went through with it. I couldn
’t believe she actually brought up sex. It sounded like she scared him off. The little bit of nasty in me, the bit that hoped they wouldn’t last, made me grin. I hated to admit it, but I had been turning green.

‘
Did he say it was over?’

‘
No, but I’m sure it is. He seemed ... really nice.’ She blew her nose and hiccupped into the phone.

‘
You’re thinking that girl Monica was right, aren’t you?’

‘
Mmm. Maybe.’

‘
Try not to think about it anymore. Hey—’

‘
Mum needs the phone, gotta go.’ Stephanie cut me off.

Her mother’
s yelling echoed through the phone before it clunked. Silence.

I was meant to be the super-caring
best friend. But something in me sang with joy that she’d scared him off. Could I be any shallower? My heart flooded with remorse. I had to call her again the next day.

*~*~*~*

‘Hi, is Stephanie there?’

‘
No, I’ll get her to call you.’ Mrs Stronge wasn’t in a chatty mood—she rarely was.

It was hard focusing on homework expecting a call from Stephanie. But he
r call never came.

Suzie returned to school
after a week, telling us she was pretty much grounded for life, and her parents were this close—she showed us millimetres pinched between her fingers—to homeschooling her. The sweetness that had radiated from Suzie since I met her disintegrated before my eyes.

‘
Are you girls up for a big one tomorrow night?’ Janet ambled into school on Friday with her chest puffed out.

I laughed. Since when would Suzie, who was grounded for life, or I, who cleaned up her vomit at the last party, be keen for a so
-called, “Big One”.

‘
Look what I’ve got.’ She held her phone up. A text message with our three names at the top. ‘Come on girls, you could at least look a little excited.’

‘You’re invited to a BOOZE-UP!’ It was from
Marcy, one of the girls from dance who we rarely spoke to.

‘
Straight to the point isn’t she?’ Oh, to go back to the way parties used to be—music, soft drinks and lots of laughter with the girls.

‘
There’s no way I’d be allowed to go.’ Suzie frowned.

‘Come on, Tabbie. We’
ll have a ball.’

Suzie
’s eyes swelled with tears. My heart ached to see her so sad.

‘
Why don’t you go to this one on your own?’ I handed the phone back.

‘
I won’t really know anyone there. It’ll be boring without you.’

I shook my head. Would I end up looking after Janet again if I went?
‘I’ll check with Mum and Dad. Can you forward the invite so I can show them?’

‘
Why?’

‘
Because that’s what I do.’

‘
You haven’t told them I drink or anything have you?’

‘I told Mum you’
d had too much at your party.’

‘
Why?’

‘
Because I stayed at your house that night to make sure you were okay.’

‘
Can you like ...’ Janet stepped closer, towering her anger over me and hissed, ‘like mind your own business. Your parents don’t need to know what I do.’

‘
I’m sorry if I broke your confidence.’ I shuffled backwards. ‘I’m not going to lie about this party.’

Janet did have a point. It was one thing to tell Mum and Dad about me, but perhaps I had broken the confidential friend code.

*
~*~*~*

Mum looked at me with a long staring gaze after she read the invitation. ‘I’ll have to double-check with your father.’

I kind of hoped Mum and Dad would say no, but Dad only reminded me of my uncle and made me promise not to drink. I
f I didn’t go, I’d feel guilty all weekend knowing Janet had gone on her own.

‘
I’ll be back to pick you up at midnight,’ said Mrs Range.

‘
Please, Mum,’ Janet whined. ‘Can you come back at three?’

Mrs Range shook her head. ‘
I’ll come in and get you if you aren’t waiting here by the kerb at midnight. And take it easy, I don’t want another earful from anybody’s mother in the morning.’

We waited as the Audi
’s amber indicator blinked and the tyres scattered small stones along the gutter, before it headed down the street.

‘
Seriously.’ Janet shook her head. ‘I can’t believe Suzie’s mum.’

‘
Yeah, she rang my parents as well.’

‘
She’s such a cow, adding fuel to my mother’s foul mood of late.’

‘
Your mum didn’t seem that bad just then.’ I replayed the car conversation in my mind. ‘Midnight isn’t early.’

‘
It’s not just that ...’ Her voice trailed off as she walked.

I followed her towards
two-storey brick house.

‘
Can you watch the time? I’d hate her to embarrass us and come in.’

The music was funky. Marcy’
s very smart parents had kicked the party out into the frost-biting backyard. They’d lit a couple of fire warmers to prevent everyone from freezing.

Janet pulled a bottle of champagne from her bag.

‘Where did you get that from?’

‘
The fridge,’ she replied.

‘
Your parents?’

She nodded.

‘Did you ask?’

‘They wouldn’
t care.’ Janet shook her head.

‘
But didn’t your mother just say—’

‘
Take it easy.’ Janet finished my sentence. ‘She didn’t say I couldn’t have a few.’

‘Well
, can you take it a little slower this time?’

The bottle was empty within half an hour and Janet flirted with every boy she came face to face with. I followed Marcy around while she was being the responsible hostess and not consuming copious amounts of alcohol. Marcy was a year older than us. I wondered why she still danced when she looked more like a donkey than a dancer.

‘What do you like to do other than dance?’ Marcy twisted a dark ringlet of hair around her finger.

I told her the usual
—running, hanging out and the odd bit of swimming.

‘
Hey, I’m in the running club. Why don’t you join us?’

‘
Maybe,’ I said, but I wasn’t ready to commit. I ran to escape what was happening in life. If I joined a club, I might have to interact while running and that wouldn’t allow for mind-blowing peace and quiet. Marcy was refreshing. I liked her. She was different to the person I thought she’d be. I’d expected her to get drunk at her party. But she didn’t.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Janet smacking a kiss on one of her flirting objects. I was about to interrupt and introduce myself but she pulled away and rushed to the bathroom. For the next two hours, I played nurse Tabbie while she purged everything possible out of her body.

Sensible me was kicking myself for coming.

‘
This is the last time you drag me to a party.’ I knew she wouldn’t remember anything I said. My speech about her being completely vulnerable while in a drunken state went in one ear and out the other. But part of me was glad to be there. She needed someone to watch out for her.

The full impact of Stephanie leaving
continued to strike me down like I was on a desert island. Empty and alone. I wanted my best friend back. She never used to be too busy to talk to me, but now, time stretched like an eternity before she returned my phone calls.

‘
Tabbie, I’m sure Monica was right,’ Stephanie blurted through the phone.

‘
About Jason?’

‘
Yeah. And the dare.’

‘
So forget him.’ Yeah, move on. Get a life that doesn’t involve a boyfriend. Live like the rest of us.

‘
But I didn’t want Monica to be right.’

‘
If she was right, then Jason isn’t worth it.’ Sorry, I said to myself after hanging up. She was hurting. My best friend, the ridiculously beautiful and nearly perfect one, seemed to be slipping into depression.

The mornings began to get the shiver factor with midyear school break just around the corner. Every time Steph and I spoke on the phone a nervous sweat clung to my armpits. I was the worst best friend. Sure, I missed her.
Every time attention came my way, a niggling whisper reminded me that I was not Stephanie. If she was here, the attention would land on her.

‘
So, Tabbie, got anything on this Friday night?’ Joey cart wheeled in front of me in his black full-length tights.

‘
Why? What were you thinking?’ Perhaps a date with Joey wouldn’t be so bad. Well, it would be pretty bad, but not the-end-of-the-world kind of bad. Then at least I could say I’d been on a date. No, I couldn’t do that to Suzie. She hadn’t said anything to me, but I had noticed the way she glanced at Joey.

‘
Danny and I are going to hang out at a youth group thing.’

Danny?
‘What? Like at a church?’

‘Yeah, why don’t
you join us?’

‘
Who else is going?’

‘
Don’t know. I haven’t been before but Danny goes all the time. Says it’s heaps of fun.’ He pulled his left leg up to his face, proving his ridiculous flexibility.

‘
Can I bring Suzie or Janet?’

‘
Guess so.’

So maybe it wasn’
t a date. But at least I had somewhere to go on a Friday night instead of sitting at home. Mum would be pleased. She’d given up trying to get the family to go to the old church around the corner. Dad wasn’t interested and Peter and I sided with him.

‘
Hey.’ Janet rang Friday afternoon. ‘Don’t think I’ll get there tonight.’

‘But
it’ll be fun.’

‘
Yeah, well, I hope you and Suze have a good time. I’m not up to it. See you on Monday.’

‘
But Janet—’ She’d already hung up. Thankfully Suzie was still coming. Her mum had let her out because it was a church thing.

A
nervous tingle ran down my back as I walked into the church. It was strange, but in a good way. Great music bounced off the walls and the party-style lights were dim. We had to weave our way through the kids already there. Hot boys were everywhere, distracting me as we wandered around trying to find Danny and Joey.

‘
Joey!’ Suzie saw him pulling a Coke from a vending machine.

‘
Hi. Glad you made it. Kind of boring isn’t it? Think I’ll head off soon.’

‘
Why? Where’s Danny?’ I asked as I looked over Joey’s shoulder.

‘
It’s his gig. He’s playing in the band when they start.’

‘
What band?’ Suzie beamed.

Yep, she definitely had a crush on Joey.

‘I got here early, and heard them warm up,’ Joey said, with a scoffing chuckle. ‘You’ll see what kind of band if you hang around. Danny would like that.’ Joey winked at me. I looked the other way.

What did I have to lose? Suzie and I made our way to a table with a bunch of girls painting their nails. They slid around and invited us to join in. It
’d been a while since I’d done my nails. I picked out a metallic purple, then found some transfers and stuck glitter to each nail. Super impressed with myself, I helped Suzie with hers. Her fingers trembled in mine as I painted her nails.

‘
Do you think Joey left?’ A small crease formed between Suzie’s eyes.

I looked up. ‘
I can’t see him, but he might still be here somewhere.’

Suzie lifted her hand habitually to chew on her fingernails. I grabbed her wrist, pointing to the new pale pink
polish, then slapped her hand back down on the table to add a top coat.

‘
You really should stop biting your nails. They’ll grow if you give them a chance.’

The crowd moved like high tide, so we rode the wave and found some seats in the hall.

‘Thought I’d lost you.’ Joey slipped into the seat beside me.

‘
Yeah, we wondered if you’d already gone.’ I turned to Suzie and again swiped her hand away from her mouth. ‘Don’t wreck the artwork!’

Suzie blushed. I clenched my teeth. I’d embarrassed her in front of her crush.
So stupid of me.

The band started to play. Loud grunge-rock
music drew a mass of kids to mosh in the front. The lights feathering down on Danny plucking his bass guitar made him look mega-cute. For a guy who supposedly couldn’t stop talking about me, he didn’t lock eyes with mine, nor did he serenade me. I suppose the spotlights in his eyes would have left him looking out towards a black sea. After they’d played a few songs, Danny left the stage and I lost him. Not that I was looking for him. Really. Joey waved a quick goodbye before he slipped away as the crowd began to sit.

A guy dressed in jeans and a
black T-shirt spoke into a microphone about having a plan and purpose and that God loves everyone—no matter what we’d done or who we were. It kind of made me feel all warm and fuzzy, but it mustn’t have had the same effect on Suzie.

‘
I’ve got to get out of here.’ She pulled her phone out of her bag and thumbed the keypad.

‘Why?’

‘I’ve sent Mum a text to say we’ll be outside in five minutes,’ she whispered.

‘
Can we stay ’til this guy finishes?’

‘
No, that guy is speaking crap. Mum will be waiting.’ She stood up and dragged me outside. Mrs Peters was already at the kerb when we got there.

‘
I was about to come in to find you.’

‘
Have you been waiting long?’ I climbed into the back of the car.

Suzie hung her head
and slipped a fingernail between her teeth. What didn’t she like about what he was saying? I’d have to remember to ask her later.

‘
Long enough to hear that wretched music. And they call this a church?’

‘
But Suzie only just ...’ I stopped speaking when I realised Mrs Peters hadn’t come because Suzie was ready to leave. She’d arrived early to check it out.

Mrs Peters vowed she would never let her daughter return. Suzie
’s jaw tensed.

I had always assumed they were a religious family. Both Suzie and her mother
’s reaction confused me. Neither of them spoke when we stopped outside my house.

Suzie and Janet
were good friends, but they weren’t as close as Stephanie. But when Stephanie was around, I came second to her in everything. I followed her choices and did what she wanted to do. It was okay. At the time I didn’t mind at all. Now that she wasn’t here, I would have to start making my own choices.

*~*~*~*

I rang Stephanie to make sure she’d booked her tickets to visit.

‘
Mum and Dad don’t have the money, so I can’t come.’

‘
But I thought you said it would be fine.’ Gosh, she had to visit. It’d been way too long.

‘
I don’t have the money. Do you?’

‘Maybe.
I’ll call you back.’

I ran into the kitchen and blurted
out Stephanie’s predicament to Mum.

‘
Hey, don’t panic. They paid for you to go and visit in Toowoomba. We can pay for her flight down.’

‘
Really?’

Mum nodded.

I punched Stephanie’s number into the phone. ‘Steph, you can still come!’

‘
How? Did you raid your piggy bank?’

‘Ha
ha. Mum’s happy to pay for your flight.’

‘
You mean I can get out of this freak-town for a couple of weeks?’

Hmm I
was thinking one week, but ... ‘Yeah, for sure.’

If she was to accept the offer to come and live with us next year, now would be a good time to start getting used to being around her twenty-four seven.
I couldn’t stop thinking about the guy in the black T-shirt. I would have loved to have heard the rest of what he had to say. And hear Danny play again. I hated to admit I wanted to watch him play his bass guitar again. Not that I was interested in him.

*~*~*~*

‘So I guess you don’t want to come to that youth group this week?’ I asked Suzie on the way to class. 

‘
Don’t even mention it again.’

‘Okay. But I liked it.’

Suzie squinted, shook her head and headed for the library.

While
Suzie was preoccupied with researching an assignment, I talked Janet into coming with me next time. The mention of hot boys swayed her.

*~*~*~*

Walking in to the youth group for the second time felt like putting on a comfy pair of jeans. I smiled when the music began and jumped to the beat. Janet yawned as soon as the music stopped.

‘
Humour me, would you?’ I turned to her, raising my eyebrows. ‘Suzie dragged me out early last week. Can we just stay ’til the end?’

‘I don’
t get it.’

The room quietened as everyone sat.

‘What is there not to get?’ I whispered.

‘I just don’
t know what all the hype is about.’ Janet didn’t lower her voice and leant forward in her chair with a hand on her hip. ‘The—’

‘
Okay, let’s go then.’ It was time to get her out of there before she became overtly rude.

I ducked my head and tried to leave discreetly.
Standing at the back of the room, I scanned one more time, hoping to grab one last glimpse of Danny for a little eye candy. But no.

‘
Hey, are you off?’ A friendly voice grabbed my attention.

‘
Yeah, Janet here is about to turn into sleeping beauty. I’d better get her home.’

The voice came from a girl in an oversized T-shirt with a mop of dark curls. She looked a
couple of years older than us.

‘
No worries. We’d love you to come again next week. And there’s a band coming in two weeks and it’ll be kind of like a party.’

‘
Sounds great, I’d love to come.’

‘Fantastic
, see you next week. Oh, I’m Shelly.’

‘
My name is Tabbie. Is it okay if we bring another friend?’

‘
Sure, bring anyone you like.’ Shelly sauntered back inside.

‘
I’m not coming back,’ Janet said in a monotone don’t-mess-with-me-voice as she stomped down the stairs.

‘Really?
You’re sure you don’t like it?’

‘
Un-huh.’

‘
Steph will be down. I thought we could bring her.’

‘
Whatever. I’m not coming.’

It bothered me a little. Well
, it bothered me a lot. I’d have to work on not letting it get to me so much. My two school friends wanted nothing to do with this new interest in my life. Perhaps I was only interested to perve on the cute boys like Danny, or perhaps there was more. But one thing was for sure, I hoped when Stephanie arrived for the holidays, she would enjoy the youth group as much as I did.