Spiralling Out of the Shadow (The Spiralling Trilogy) (5 page)

‘I’m sick,’
Janet rang me on the way to school.

‘
What do you mean?’

‘
Gastro.’

‘
Are you seriously faking a sickie on the last day of the term?’

‘
No. I’ve gotta go. Argh! Sick again.’

‘
But what about our performance—’ Janet hung up in my ear when I was about to say, “What about the Eisteddfod performance next week? What about rehearsals later today?” But she was sick. And this time, it seemed, it wasn’t from drinking too much.

Stephanie arrived that afternoon with a fake smile. Well, she kind of looked happy but I could see she still mourned the split-up with Jason.
What if Steph could stand in for Janet, just for rehearsals? Maybe crazy. But maybe it would cheer her up—it was worth a try.

‘
Come on, Steph. You’ll pick up the steps,’ I said to her as soon as I could bring it up.

‘
I don’t dance anymore,’ she said.

‘
You
are
a dancer.’

‘
I
was
a dancer.’ Steph’s jaw tensed. ‘Past life.’

‘
Okay, so you’re back, living in your past life for the holidays and we need someone to fill in for Janet. Just this once.’

‘
You didn’t tell me this was on.’

‘
Please?’

‘
You didn’t tell me you had a performance coming up!’

‘
Please, please, pretty please with sparkles and pink sugar on top. Just for rehearsal. Janet will be fine by next week.’ After all, I had tried to tell her, but she wasn’t ready to listen.

‘
Geee, okay, just this once,’ Stephanie moaned.

I almost regretted asking her to stand in. She slid straight back into the limelight and even t
hough I was lead, it was like I’d been pushed to the side. Stephanie soaked up the attention. Everyone loved having her back.

‘Why didn’
t you tell me you were dancing lead? And what’s going on with Suzie? She barely said hello.’

‘
Long story. I’ll fill you in later.’ There was a definite glimmer in Stephanie’s eyes. ‘You loved it didn’t you? Come on, admit it.’

‘
Yeah, it was fun.’

‘
You
are
a dancer. You have to get back into it.’

‘
Yeah, maybe one day.’ Her eyes continued to sparkle. ‘Just not while I’m in Toowoomba.’

‘
So are you coming back to Sydney?’

‘
I haven’t asked yet.’

‘Seriously?
Why not?’

‘
Um, not sure.’ Stephanie bit her lip.

‘
Jason?’ I knew before I asked.

‘
Hmm, but I guess that doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll ask Mum and Dad after the holidays.’

‘But, y
ou’ve had a whole term to ask.’

‘
I promise, I’ll ask when I get back.’

I had to let it go.
‘I went to a youth group last week. I thought it could be fun to take you tonight.’

‘
Can we see a movie instead?’ Stephanie scrunched her nose up.

‘We can see a movie any time.’

‘Is it going to be full of religious mumbo-jumbo?’

‘
No, it’s heaps of fun. You’ll love it.’

‘
I really don’t want to.’ Stephanie looked through her eyelashes.

‘
Just, once. I’ll never ask you to come again if you don’t like it.’

‘
I really don’t want to go out tonight.’

‘
But—’

‘
Geees. You don’t take no very easily do you?’

‘
Steph—’

‘
Is it on next week? Can we go then? I just don’t want to go anywhere tonight.’

‘
Sure.’ The return of Steph’s spunk changed my mind.

I raced upstairs to shower, change and cool off after dance rehearsals.
I’d been looking forward to taking Stephanie to youth group. A twinge of regret hit me.

‘
Sorry.’ Stephanie blinked her endearing cow eyes at me when I returned downstairs. ‘I really didn’t feel like going out tonight.’

‘That’
s okay. I could do with an early night anyway.’

We set up a mattress on my floor
, ate chocolate and giggled until my stomach churned from too much sugar. The next day I took Steph to the mall and she gushed over all the new season clothes she’d been missing out on. On Sunday we met Janet for lunch. I’d never noticed any spite between Steph and Janet before Stephanie moved away, but now they were at each other the whole time.

‘
Got a boyfriend, huh?’ Janet clattered her nails on the table.

‘
Not any more. You got one?’

‘
No.’

‘Didn’
t get the lead, huh?’ Stephanie smirked.

I glared at Steph
. I couldn’t believe how nasty she was being.

‘
I don’t care about dance.’ Janet turned away.

‘
Me neither,’ Steph mumbled.

‘
That’s garbage. You live to dance.’

‘
Girls!’ Their sharp tone and the way they cut each other off had me edging to leave the café.

‘
What?’ they said at the same time.

‘
Okay, now I have your attention. Would you like to go to the movies this week?’

Steph nodded.

‘Mum and Dad are shipping me off to Granny’s again. Today.’ Janet curled her lip.

‘
What about the Eisteddfod?’ I asked.

‘
I’ll be there.’ Janet stood. ‘But I’d better get going. They’ll be waiting for me.’

‘
So, that went well,’ Steph said as she watched Janet walk away.

‘
Were you two always like that?’

‘Yeah, like peas in a pod.’

‘Why didn’t I notice ’til now?’

Stephanie laughed and shook her head.

I rang Suzie as we walked out of the cafe.

‘
Stephanie’s down for the holidays. Can we pop over for a visit?’ I asked Mrs Peters.

‘
No. It’s best you stay away.’ Mrs Peters hung up before I could speak again.

‘
Have her parents gone over-the-top strict or what?’ Stephanie said while I was still looking at the phone.

‘
I just don’t get them. How can pulling her away from all her friends help anything?’

Stephanie shrugged.

*
~*~*~*

On Friday, Stephanie caught up with some girls I didn’t know very well. Happy to have a day to myself, I dusted off my trainers and took off on a long well-overdue run. I found myself under the dense canopy of the nature reserve. The earthy plant scent and the damp crisp air on my face filled me to my soul. I slowed down to walk across the uneven ground, letting the bulging roots massage the soles of my shoes.

On
the way back, I took another path that led me to a playground. A weathered bench-seat gave my legs rest as the laughter, squabbles and giggles of children made me smile. When the dampness of dusk began to fall, I pulled my fleecy jumper on and slowly jogged home. Stephanie was sure to be finished visiting her other friends by now.

Peter
’s laughter caught my ear before I reached the house. I’d hardly seen him since he’d hooked up with Phoebe. Mum and Dad had pressed him on the rule of no girlfriends in his room. Conveniently, Phoebe was flatting with friends and he enjoyed the freedom of her place. How I’d missed his deep rumbling laugh.

‘
Pete!’ I gave him a sweaty hug, and went to step back but got caught in a web of tension strung across the room. ‘Did I interrupt something?’

‘
No, of course not.’ Stephanie pouted as she twirled a sliver of hair in her fingers.

‘
Anyway, I’ve got to get going.’ Pete’s neck tensed.

‘But, Pete, I haven’t seen you for ages.’

‘Sorry, sis, I’ve been busy. Let’s book in a time to hang out. Maybe next week.’

‘
How about Sunday week?’ I wasn’t keen to share him with Stephanie.

‘
It’s a date. See you then.’ He planted a kiss on my cheek, rubbed Stephanie’s shoulder and left.

‘
Why did you get weird on us?’ Stephanie asked.

‘
I don’t know. It just felt funny when I walked in. You weren’t flirting with my brother, were you?’

‘
No way! Should we start getting ready for youth group?’

Stephanie ran upstairs, but not before I saw a slight blush rush to her cheeks.

‘Who are you trying to impress?’ Stephanie eyed me up and down.

‘
Just want to look nice.’ My black A-line party dress sat just right over my tights, sure to stand out in the crowd. I hoped.

‘
You look fantastic in a pair of jeans, what’s with the frock?’

She made me laugh with her frock talk. But perhaps she was right, perhaps I had overdone it.
‘Do you want me to get changed?’

‘No, just tell me why you’
re wearing a dress.’

‘
It’s not their basic youth group tonight. They’re having a band and I guess it’ll be more like a concert.’

Stephanie
’s shoulders tensed, her hand flung out to her side. ‘A concert? At church?’

‘
It’s not like the churches you know.’  I opened my wardrobe. ‘It’s more modern.’

‘
Okay, but it sounds strange to me. Jeans would be fine for a concert.’

‘
You’re right, jeans would be fine.’ She had me there. What was I thinking? Who was I really trying to impress? I separated my clothes hanger by hanger, looking for something else to wear. ‘And if you’d rather wear jeans, go for it.’

‘Whatever.’ She glared at
me.

‘
Here what about this one.’ I passed her an emerald green knee-length dress.

‘
I love the colour. You know, I haven’t bought a dress since I moved. I live in jeans in Toowoomba.’

‘
The colour is you. Try it on.’

Her eyes sparkled
. The dress reflected in her blue irises, making them appear teal. Stephanie looked at herself in the full-length mirror. She checked from every angle. Seriously, all her curves and bumps were in perfect proportion. I decided to give her the dress—there was no way I wanted to wear it again. She really was picture perfect.

‘
Perfect!’

‘
The length is a little odd.’ She kicked out one leg.

‘
It looks great.’ So it wasn’t a mini or a maxi, but it was gorgeous on her.

‘You don’t think it’s too
tight?’

‘
You look stunning.’ I found a loose charcoal jacket that fell to the length of the dress. ‘Why don’t you keep them—the dress and the jacket.’

If
I dared to wear it again after seeing her in it, I’d feel like a balloon. Stephanie pulled on some black tights and short boots and looked like a model.

‘
I still can’t believe you are getting so dressed up for something at church.’

I didn
’t want to tell her that it was the first time I’d dressed up to go there. Nor did I want to tell her I was looking forward to perving on Danny again. Not that I was interested in him.

We walked into
something that looked like party central. Wow!

‘This
music is pumping! Isn’t it great?’ I yelled into Steph’s ear so she could hear me.

She snuffed.

I scanned the crowd and saw some younger girls from school and a couple of familiar faces from the previous Friday nights I’d been there.

‘
Glad you made it, Tabbie.’ Shelly appeared out of the crowd, her mass of curls piled into a knob on the top of her head.

‘
Hi, Shelly. This is Steph.’

Steph smiled then looke
d to the floor, her fingers clinging to the sides of her dress. It was strange to see her act so awkward. My ridiculously beautiful and at times perfect friend acting like she wasn’t beautiful or perfect. It was bizarre.

Unlike
Suzie and Janet, Stephanie didn’t ask to leave early. She stayed by my side until the band finished.

‘
Well, that was all a bit weird,’ Stephanie said as we dropped into bed.

‘
I enjoyed it.’

‘
Humph. Goodnight.’

‘
Night.’ I missed my old best friend. The girl lying on the mattress beside me was not the same as the girl who’d been my best friend for the last five years.

Saturday afternoon we had to be at the Eisteddfod
an hour beforehand. Janet hadn’t arrived.

‘
Suzie! I’ve missed you.’ I ran to hug her when she trudged in.

Suzie
’s lip quivered. She turned away and warmed up by herself.

‘
Suzie?’ I followed her.

‘
Don’t want to talk.’ A tear tumbled off her eyelashes.

‘
Can’t believe how lame my parents are.’ Janet bustled in, ten minutes before our performance time.

‘
What happened this time?’ I asked.

‘
Mum said Dad would pick me up and Dad said Mum would pick me up—neither showed, so Granny had to drive me down. She never drives in the city. We sat on forty kilometres an hour the whole way.’

‘
You’d better warm up now that you’re here,’ Miss Skinner interrupted, pointing to her watch.

Ours was
the first school out of eight to perform. Janet’s timing was out during the entire routine. I danced with precision but all I could think about was the fact that Janet’s parents hadn’t shown up, Suzie made it but ignored me and Stephanie kept shrinking into a shell of who she’d been.

Janet turned the wrong way. Her foot clipped my ankle. I stumbled
with clenched teeth. A moment passed and I knew I had to concentrate on the beat to keep in time. When the music stopped, I couldn’t look Steph in the eye. It was our worst performance ever.

We didn
’t win the competition. We didn’t even place in the top four.

Miss Skinner tried to be kind. ‘
You’ll do much better next time,’ she said, but I could see disappointment etched in her face and body language.

For most of the week that followed, Stephanie and I were like kittens th
at playfully enjoyed each other’s company—but there were times when we acted like chooks, pecking at each other. Her spunky confidence was no longer a standout attribute. And I didn’t know how to give it back to her. It was like our roles had reversed. She used to be the major decision maker and now it was me calling the shots. Me, the one who was a little frumpy and not so pretty.

I turned the computer on while Steph took a shower. An email from Janet flashed into my inbox
—a forwarded party invitation for Friday. Mum called us for dinner before I could read the finer details.

‘
So, Peta’s having a party tomorrow night, hey?’ Stephanie’s face had a pink tinge. I couldn’t tell if it was from hot water or if she’d been crying. ‘Who’s Peta?’

‘
Sara Clay’s cousin. I met her at a party Janet threw a couple of months ago.’

‘Sounds good.
  Are …’ she hesitated. ‘Are we going?’

‘
I’d rather go to youth group.’

‘
We went last week. Once is enough.’

She
had a point—we’d made a deal. I had agreed not to ask her again. And I liked it when she stood up to me rather than letting me call all the shots.

There
weren’t any parents or hired security in sight at Peta’s. Everyone held alcoholic drinks and a vodka bottle was being passed around. Each person took a swig before handing it on. I dry retched, imagining how much backwash was swirling around in the bottle. The subwoofer pumped out B-grade songs distorted in a muddle of decibels. I checked each new arrival for hot boys, but none caught my attention.

‘
When did everyone start drinking?’ Stephanie asked.

‘Probably when they got here,’
I said.

‘
I mean ...’ She gave me the over-the-top-rolling-of-eyes look, ‘no one drank before I left town, now everyone’s getting drunk.’

‘
We’re not. I guess they’ll have a headache tomorrow and we won’t.’

‘
Can we go, like really soon?’ Stephanie tugged on a stray hair. ‘It feels weird being here.’

‘
Steph, relax. They’re just having a bit of fun.’ Gosh, youth group was weird, parties were weird. What did she do for fun these days?

‘
Tabbie, they’re being stupid.’

‘
It’s not like you to be so prudish.’

A
bottle crashed on the pavement. Stephanie jumped. Several more bottles smashed as they played throw a bottle closest to the broken bottle.

‘
When I went out with Jason, everyone was drinking, but no one was being stupid like this.’ Stephanie stood with her back against the wall. Her eyes darted back and forth.

‘
Okay, okay. I’ll call Mum.’

She looked the other way.
I glared into her back, burning holes with my angry eyes. I enjoyed getting out and having fun. Sure I didn’t want to look after anyone getting drunk, but being at a party was better than sitting at home. Stephanie seemed to want the opposite—the dull and quiet, mundane and boring.

‘
Everything alright?’ Mum asked as I climbed into the front seat.

‘Stephanie’
s stressed out.’

‘
It wasn’t fun. Why hang around when it’s not worth it?’ Stephanie slammed the back door closed.

‘
You didn’t even give it a chance, Steph.’ I faced the windscreen. ‘We could have gone inside. It might have been quieter in there.’

‘
Tabbie,’ Mum said with a husky voice.

‘
Well ...’ I spoke to Mum. ‘She wanted to leave as soon as we arrived.’

‘
How about I make you both a hot chocolate when we get home?’ Mum offered.

‘
No thanks. I’m going straight to bed.’ I was thankful to get out of the thick tension in the car and into fresh air as soon as Mum pulled up.

Stephanie must have accepted the hot chocolate offer, because she didn
’t follow me upstairs. She was still my best friend and she would be going home tomorrow. I was sorry that I’d been crabby with her.

In the morning I found her outside sitting on our garden seat. She must have woken early to escape any more of my
unpleasantries. If iron sharpened iron within friendships, I needed to stop cutting her down.

‘
I can’t believe you’re going home already.’ I was ready for her to go, but sad she was leaving again.

‘
I know,’ she said.

‘
I still want you to move back here.’ I tried to convince myself as well as her.

‘
Me too.’ A tear ballooned in her eye.

‘
Make sure you talk to your parents, okay?’

‘
Okay.’ She nodded.

‘
Will you call Jason when you get back?’

She shook her head. ‘
It’s been over three weeks since we last spoke.’

Soon after our conversation, Mum drove
us to the airport. A trickle of tears escaped down my cheek as she walked into the tunnel to catch the plane. The little bit of nasty in me was glad to see her go. But seeing her misery turned something in my stomach that gave me a yearning to help her.