Something Found (12 page)

Chapter 9

“Collin, what was your mom like?”

It was Saturday morning. They’d headed straight to the bar when Collin came home from work the night before. It was becoming their usual Friday night routine. They’d met Martin and Greg and Greg’s wife Nancy out. They were all friends from Collin’s school days. The conversation had remained light and easy. Emily had sat between Collin and Nancy and occasionally the girls branched off into their own conversation but for the most part they all interacted together. Emily enjoyed herself but she didn’t drink as much as the rest of them. At the end of the night she was the one steering Collin’s drunken swagger home.

“Hmm?”

He was awake. Emily knew he was awake from his tossing and turning and the way he was breathing. Once Collin was awake he didn’t usually fall back to sleep. It was a habit that often annoyed her. But since Emily had gone to bed still relatively sober she’d woken without any side effects.

She crawled from the bed, searching briefly for her slippers, and made her way to the bathroom to refill the empty pint glass with water. “Here.”

Collin blinked a few times before managing to keep his eyes open and then take the proffered glass. “Thanks,” he croaked.

Emily crawled back into bed curling her body around his. “What was your mom like?” she repeated.

“Huh?”

“The woman who gave birth to you,” she teased, using his line, “what was she like?”

“Isn’t it a little early for this Em?”

“I talked to my mom yesterday.” Even as she confessed it her voice became softer. It wasn’t an easy thing to share.

“Oh?” His sleepiness faded and was replaced by genuine interest. “How’d it go?”

“Good,” Emily listened to the word, curious to see how it sounded. “It went well,” she reiterated and was surprised to hear the truth in her words.

“I knew it would,” Collin said confidently.

“No,” Emily shook her head, rubbing it back and forth against his chest. “You still don’t understand.”

Collin’s silence was a question waiting for an explanation.

Emily tilted her chin up to see his face but instead found herself looking up his nose. She tilted it down again. “It was only a start. There’s still so much not said between us. But I guess I’m realizing some of the issues we have are my fault.”
“No?!” Collin said in mock disbelief.

“Shut up Collin.” Emily gave him a light pinch. It was a teasing gesture but her features didn’t match it. Her mind was still on the phone call.

“My Emily at fault?! Never?!” Collin continued with the joke.

Emily ignored him. “So I was wondering at what point you started to see your mom as a person instead of just a mom. Or if you didn’t because she died when you were so young. And if you see your dad as a person now or just a dad.”

“Jesus Em. I’m barely awake.”

“I know but as soon as you are awake you’re just going to start hinting that we head out drinking, because that’s what you always do on the weekend, and then you’ll call up some friends and then I won’t get to talk to you about it.”

Collin was shocked at this barefaced comment. “Are you saying I have a drinking problem?”

“We both know you have a drinking problem. And I’m probably developing one too. But I think it’s mostly because you have an, ‘I don’t like my job problem’. But that’s not what I’m talking about right now.”

It was the lack of humor when she spoke that prompted Collin to feel indignant. “Well if that’s really how you feel maybe it’s what we should be talking about right now.”

“Why? What’s there to say about it? You don’t want to stop drinking and I’m not asking you to. It’s not affecting things that much and I do have faith in you that you’ll change. But that’s me putting pressure on you and that’s not going to help anything either. I hope eventually you put your energy into finding something that makes you happy besides alcohol. But that’s your business.”

Collin knew Emily could be this way. She claimed it was because she was a Virgo but he thought there had to be more to it than that. Sometimes she could be the most emotional woman in the world and then she would follow it up with this eerie ability to be completely pragmatic. It unnerved him.

“Right now I’m asking about your mom.”

Collin wasn’t sure if he should pull away from her or wrap his arms more tightly around her. He wasn’t sure if he should be offended or happy with his wife’s attitude. And the slight hangover from drinking the night before wasn’t helping to make things any clearer. “My mam was a wonderful person,” he said eventually, because it was the only thing he could think to say.

“Yes. I know that. But when you think about her now do you still see her as this mom figure or do you see her as a woman?”

“I don’t know?” Against his will Collin found himself being pulled into the conversation. “I guess a little of both. I have my memories where she’s definitely a mam. But then other times I can think about the decisions she made and the way she lived her life and respect the person she was to make those choices.”

“Is there anything she did that you wouldn’t agree with? Or at least wouldn’t look as favorably on?”

Sometimes Emily’s insatiable need to know all the little details of his life was a bit much for Collin. He generally didn’t talk about these things with his friends. But since Emily was trying to gain some perspective on her relationship with her own mother he tried to be patient with her. “I used to think she encouraged us to dream too much. I didn’t think that when I was little. But I did after she died. I felt like she didn’t prepare me for the bad things that could happen.”

“And what about now?”

“Now I don’t know if it was right or wrong but I can understand why she did it. That was just her way of doing things. She wanted the world to seem open to us with no limitations.”

Emily nodded, satisfied with this answer. “I don’t think I ever really tried to understand my mom. I fooled myself into thinking I’d tried on occasion, but really I was too bitter to ever see things from her perspective.”

“And now?”

“I’m trying. But I wouldn’t say I’m completely there yet.”

“Well at least you’re being honest about it.”

Emily frowned refusing to let Collin’s praise sink in. All she’d done was take the first step. She still had a long way to go. “And what about your dad? Do you see him as a person?”

“No. I see him as an alien. Enough already Em. I at least need some coffee before we continue with this.”

Emily wasn’t brave enough to push the point. She let it drop for the time being.

Collin was putting down his phone when Emily walked back into the bedroom with her wet hair down around her shoulders and a towel wrapped around her. He gave her a look she couldn’t quite read and she waited for him to explain it.

“That was Orla.”

“Oh?”

“They’re inviting us over for dinner and drinks. I said okay, but if you feel the drinking will be too much of a problem for me I can cancel.” He was alert and sitting up in the bed with coffee beside him. He still had on his pajama pants with no t-shirt and the window was cracked.

Emily was surprised by the bitterness in his voice but she didn’t let it ruffle her. She moved to shut the window, shivering in the process. “I didn’t mean it that way Collin and you know it. There’s nothing wrong with going over to a friend’s house for drinks or going out for drinks for that matter. It’s the frequency and the quantity that worries me.”

“You’re in Ireland Emily.”

“Gee I hadn’t noticed.” Emily dropped the towel and started putting on moisturizer. She knew if she took the conversation too seriously it would blow up into an argument.

“People drink here. It’s a cultural thing.”

“I know that Collin. I’m not blind. And I wasn’t trying to criticize. But you’re not happy with your job and I do think you drink a little more because of it. But it’s also something you don’t seem to want to talk about with me. So fine, I can respect that. But I don’t like it when you pretend that isn’t the case as if I’m too stupid to notice.”

Collin’s retort fell short as Emily stood up to face him with her hands on her hips and a serious look on her face. “We’re not supposed to hide things from each other Collin.”

“Well you’re definitely not hiding anything right now.” Collin’s eyes traveled over her appraisingly.

Emily looked down as if just noticing she was naked. She blushed but tried to hold her expression.

“Look Em, I don’t love my job but it’s not the end of the world. Other people have it a lot worse. And maybe I do drink more often than some people. If it really bothers you that much I can cut back a little.”

“I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy.”

“That’s because I’m standing naked in front of you and you think by using that placating tone of voice you’re going to get me in bed.”

“Is it working?”

“Keep talking.” Emily moved a little closer to the bed.

“Have I told you lately how lucky I am to have such a wonderful caring wife?” Collin’s smile spread as Emily came within reach.

“So we’re spending the night?” Emily was reading downstairs when Collin joined her after his shower.

“I’d say so. Orla always seems insulted if we don’t.”

It was a thirty-minute drive to Orla and Brendan’s. Not too far but far enough that if drinking was involved they usually settled in to stay; a cab that far added up.

“I’ll pack a bag then.”

“It’s just for the night. What do you need? You can wear the same clothes tomorrow.” Collin never understood why women had to travel with so many things.

“Yes but I’d still like pajamas, a brush, my toothbrush, and yours -.”

“Alright alright,” Collin cut her off. “But a small bag okay? Let’s not look like we’re moving in.”

“Right,” Emily let the comment pass.

“And if the question doesn’t offend you too much what do you think you’ll be drinking tonight?”

Emily raised an annoyed eyebrow.

“Sorry.”

“Wine. Why don’t we just bring wine?”

“Easy enough.”

Of all Collin’s friends Brendan and Orla were Emily’s favorites. Mostly because they reminded her of her own friends back home. They were relaxed fun people who were easy to be around. They always had a good time when they went to visit and the fact that they were Collin’s best friends made it that much better.

Emily was down with the packed bag a few minutes later. Collin eyed the size of it suspiciously as he ushered her out of the house.

“ It’s funny. I feel like we haven’t been out of the city in ages.” Emily felt a small thrill of excitement.

Collin locked the door behind them. “I know. We’ll have to make sure to go for more spins soon. It’s nice to get away.”

“I still love looking at all the different houses and the landscape. You don’t see any of the green in the city. You almost forget it’s there.”

Collin placed the bag in the backseat. “That might be a bit of an exaggeration Em.”

“Well, you know what I mean.”

“Ah, sure. Whatever you say,” Collin teased.

“I wonder when it’s going to feel natural being here.”

“Isn’t it starting to?” Collin tried to sound calm as he asked the question.

“Somewhat. Around town more. It’s when we drive places that it really hits me that I’m in a different country. But it’s a fun feeling. I don’t really want it to go away.”

Collin slid into the driver’s seat pleased. He took the time to notice that Emily didn’t look so scared and delicate anymore. Her confidence was coming back. Even the fact that she’d commented on his drinking, while annoying, showed that she was comfortable. She wouldn’t have done that even a week ago. She’d been acting very dependant for a while there. It wasn’t a quality he found attractive and he was glad to see it disappearing.

“I really should have been in to visit Orla already. I feel badly about that.”

“Well why haven’t you?”

Emily fought down irritation at the question. It was the blunt way Collin had of asking things like that that irked her. Sometimes she wanted a husband who would say ‘don’t worry about it’. But that’s not what she’d married. Collin pushed her to look things square in the face instead of ignoring them.

“I guess I wanted to get used to things first, to know my way around. I didn’t want her to think I needed my hand held. I didn’t want her to feel she had to hang out with me.”

“But she likes you.”

“I know, but sometimes I feel like she likes me for your sake.”

“No,” Collin said firmly. “Orla’s not like that. So stop worrying about things like that.”

Emily smiled to herself. “Okay. Thanks.”

They settled into a comfortable silence as they headed out of the city. Emily was wrapped in her own thoughts. They were the same thoughts she’d woken with and they didn’t just concern her mother. Sitting next to her husband Emily had a hard time picturing him as Joseph described him. She didn’t see him as the type of man who would scare off a woman his father was dating. She’d been rolling it around in her head and just couldn’t come to terms with it.