Something Found (16 page)

“I’m going for a run if you want to join me for that too.” Emily tried to make it sound enticing but to no avail.

Joni groaned.

“Is that how you stay in such good shape?” Robert asked, looking up from his food-covered son.

Joni shot him a dirty look and Emily answered quietly. “Uh, yeah.”

Robert sensed he’d done something wrong and turned his attention back to Owen.

“Maybe I will go for a run,” Joni said into the uncomfortable silence that followed.

“Really?!” It came from two directions. Emily said it excitedly and Robert spoke in disbelief.

“Sure,” she tried to put less emphasis on it. “I guess it wouldn’t kill me to give it a try.” She stood and started clearing some of the dirty plates.

Robert offered to take the kids for a spin when they were done with dinner. “At least you can start the movie without interruption. But I can’t promise it’ll end that way.”

Joni put her hand on his shoulder thankfully and Emily was embarrassed to see the look that passed between them. It seemed so fragile. After being married for over four years they still had such a hard time communicating with each other.

“So weren’t we going to open a bottle of wine?” Joni asked when her family had trooped out the door.

“I thought you’d forgotten.”

“Never. I’ll need it to watch some terribly unrealistic movie about love.”

“Come on now Joni, I’m a born romantic and I won’t have you taking that away from me.” But Emily said it less enthusiastically than she normally would have. The words came from an Emily that existed a few hours ago, that Emily would have defended romantic love to the grave. But that Emily had never been hurt by it so much before.

Joni poured very generous amounts of wine into the glasses and snorted. “Ah, romance.”

Emily had to keep herself from reiterating Joni’s comment.

Emily tried to keep Joni up for as long as possible. But by eleven o’clock it was obvious she was over staying her welcome. Robert called a cab for her and she tried to look as if nothing were wrong. She had hoped to last until twelve. By then the earlier bars would have kicked everyone out and there’d be a possibility of Collin being passed out in bed already.

The cab driver didn’t make any friendly chitchat. He asked for the address she was going to and then sang along quietly with the radio. That was fine with Emily. She’d been pushing the chitchat with Joni for the last hour and was tired of it. She tipped him generously for his silence and made her way out of the cab.

Even though she wasn’t a religious person Emily said a silent prayer on the way in. “Please, just let him be asleep. I can’t deal with him drunk.”

The lights were off in the house and it was quiet when Emily pushed the door open. She felt like an intruder in her own home as she crept up the stairs to inspect the situation. She picked her way carefully through the dark hallway, hearing a low murmur of voices and seeing a flickering light as she approached the bedroom. She recognized it as the television and her heart started to beat faster. Was Collin still awake?

She thought about turning around but there was no place to go. She took a minute to pull herself together and tried to look confident and angry as she walked into the room. But it wasn’t necessary. Collin was asleep. She lost the angry strut as she walked around to his side of the bed and looked down at him.

It didn’t appear as if he’d fallen asleep in a drunken stupor. He wasn’t lying on his back in his clothes snoring. Clothes weren’t strewn about the room either. He was curled up on his side and Emily thought he looked sad. Leaning in closer she noticed that his breath didn’t reek of alcohol. It smelled as if he had actually brushed his teeth before falling asleep.

She took the time to pull the covers further up over him before she changed into her pajamas and got ready for bed herself. Part of her just wanted to curl up next to him, to drape his arm around her and feel his heat, but the part of her that was still hurt won out.

Even if he had taken the time to sober up and he had felt guilty about the way he’d treated her he still hadn’t called. He hadn’t apologized. He’d left her to worry and that pissed her off.

Emily turned off the t.v. and picked up her pillows. She made her way back downstairs in the dark and curled up on the couch pulling the blankets over her. She wanted Collin to have that moment of fear when he woke up, to wonder where she was. He’d put her through a whole night of that and she wanted him to suffer for it.

She vaguely heard Collin’s heavy footsteps at what seemed like an ungodly hour of the morning. It had taken her a while to drift off and even then her sleep was restless. She was aware of his presence hovering over her but she made no effort to fight her way up to consciousness. She would deal with him when she was ready and on her terms.

She settled back into a deeper sleep when she heard the front door close and knew he was gone for the day.

Emily woke again and was surprised to find the sun shining in on her. She stretched slowly and let the events of the night replay themselves in her head. “I’ve married an asshole,” she said aloud.

She let her mind wander and had visions of herself at the airport booking her ticket home. She pictured herself walking contentedly down her favorite streets in Chicago. She was pretty sure she could get her old job back. She’d actually made great money at the bar waiting on trendy young yuppies. She hadn’t been gone that long and Steve, her manager, was also a good friend. She’d have to get a new apartment but she was sure Bridget would let her stay with her for a while. It might even be fun living together for a bit.

Then Emily sighed loudly, announcing her resignation with the situation. Collin was her husband not a boyfriend. She couldn’t just walk away from the situation.

Sitting up, Emily found a letter propped up on the table next to her. “You’ll have to do better than a letter,” she said with a trace of humor before she read it.

Emily,

I am extremely sorry. Please let me explain and make it up to you when I get home. I fucked up. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!!

Emily put it back down on the table exactly as she’d found it. She smirked to herself. She was going to enjoy this. She was going to teach Collin a lesson.

She took her time having her breakfast. She made her pot of coffee and drank over half of it. She took a bath instead of a shower and picked out her outfit for the day with care. She curled up with a book for a while and then when it was approaching four-thirty she got ready to go out and left the house.

The sun, amazingly, was still shining, though it was low in the sky, and Emily strolled her way to the park. Once there she found herself a bench near the river. She watched the water’s slow flow over the rocks thinking how it continued on its path until it eventually met up with the sea. She noted the different types of trees and plants around her, some were quite tropical and she liked the effect. There were a few flowers remaining though not many. Soon it would be too cold for sitting on benches.

By the time she stood Emily felt at peace and in control. But she wasn’t heading home yet. Not a chance. She stopped into a little Italian restaurant she’d noticed on her earlier walks around Cork. She ordered herself a nice dinner and a glass of red wine. It was something she’d never done in Chicago, or in her life. She’d never felt confident enough to go into a nice restaurant for a meal on her own. But she was changing her ways. She savored each bite as she watched the people passing outside the window. And when she turned her attention inside she was surprised to find she felt no pang of resentment at the happy couples around her.

She thought about having coffee and desert when she was done but knew that she was pushing it. She’d enjoyed herself but didn’t want Collin to suffer too much. Her conscience was starting to kick in and she knew it was time to go home and sort things out.

Collin was sitting on the couch drinking a cup of tea with a morose expression on his face when Emily arrived home. His face was lined and he actually looked older. Emily came to a standstill in the doorway eyeing him cautiously.

“I thought you’d left me.”

“Good,” Emily bit back the triumph she felt. Her heart did go out to him but she didn’t want him to know that yet.

“Didn’t you read the letter I left you?”

“Yes.”

“Then why weren’t you here?”

“Oh. You mean why wasn’t I sitting here patiently waiting for you to come home and make it all better?”

“Well you could have at least called and said you were going out.”

“And you could’ve called me last night to let me know that you’d made it home safely and that you weren’t passed out in some bar or on the streets,” Emily let some of the anger she’d felt the night before creep back into her voice.

“Oh.” Collin realized what she was up to.

“So you thought I’d left you, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“And where would I have gone?” she asked in a flat unemotional voice.

Collin shrugged. “A hotel.”

“To spend your money on a place to stay? No. That would just bother me more.”

“Wouldn’t I have it coming?”

“Yes. But I’m not like that.”

“No, you’re not. You’re nicer than I am.” Collin was looking down at his hands instead of at his wife.

“Collin I’m not in the mood to sit here and listen to you feel sorry for yourself.”

“But I am sorry Emily.”

“Yes. Your letter said that. And you should be. Do you know what it’s like to be in a fight with your husband when you’re stuck in a different country?”

“Bad.”

“To say the least. And the only place I had to go was your sister’s. And that’s just weird,” Emily started to put a little humor in her voice. She couldn’t take much more of the contrite look on Collin’s face.

“Did you tell her?” She heard the gears switch in him from sorrow to worry.

“No. I pretended everything was fine. I brought up some stupid chick-flick and then I even had to defend the virtues of love.”

“I’m sorry.”

Emily was still standing steadfastly in the hallway refusing to move into the room.

“But I didn’t come home drunk. I’d stopped drinking by six. I talked to Kevin and then I went for a long walk.”

“Great for you, but you never called.”

“No,” he admitted sadly.

“We’re supposed to be in this together. Whatever you’re going through I’m not supposed to be out on the peripheries watching. That’s what marriage is.”

“I know.”

“Well you don’t act like you know.”

“I needed to sort through some things. Stuff you’d talked to me about that I needed to get my head around on my own.”

“Well you still could’ve called.” Emily’s anger was gone, but she still wanted to make her point.

“But you had every right to be mad at me. Some part of me wanted you to be mad at me.”

“Great for you again, Collin. But I didn’t want to be mad at you. Did you ever consider that? I didn’t want to be worrying about you or mad at you or any of those emotions that make my stomach turn.”

“I’m sorry.” But even to him the words sounded repetitive and lame.

Emily took a tentative step into the room. “So what did you talk to Kevin about?”

“The same things you’ve been talking to me about. He made me realize what a langer I’ve been.”

“So you didn’t even allow me the pleasure of doing that.” Emily let a smile lift her lips slightly.

Collin smiled self-consciously as well. “No. Very rude of me.”

Crossing the last few feet between them Emily reached out to touch his arm.

“He said I should just focus on the books since I like that part of the job and leave the actual salesman stuff to him.”

“Do you like that part of the job?” Emily’s face became serious again but this time with curiosity.

“Yes. I do.”

“Well, good.”

“He also mentioned clearing out a space in our warehouse for me to work on my own projects. Stuff that we could sell.”

“And how do you feel about that?” As excited as she was about this idea she refused to put any of her own emotion into the equation until she knew how he felt.

Collin took Emily’s hands in his and led her the rest of the way over to the couch. “I honestly don’t know. I haven’t done it in so long I’m not sure if I want to anymore. But I guess I’d like the chance to figure that out.”

“You still shouldn’t have treated me that way.” Emily’s features hardened again.

“I know.”

“You don’t know. You don’t know what I was going through. I’ve given up everything to be here. It’s not easy and you making me question that really doesn’t help.”

“I’m-.”

“Sorry,” Emily finished for him. “I know you are. And I’m glad you had a good talk with Kevin. But don’t pull that shit again.”

“I won’t.”

“And while I may have felt too guilty to spend your money on a hotel room I thought you at least owed me a nice dinner.”