Shampoo (56 page)

“
Here, hold my hand,
K.” Jules held my hand from the backseat, for most of the
way.

Sounds stranger than it was. Felt
right to me, holding Julia’s hand the whole way.

“
I always thought two
girls in my car, holding each other’s hands, would be way more
exciting than this,” Matt laughed.

Jules and I laughed, too. “No
threesomes, Matt!” Jules said.

“
You know what’s really
weird?” Matt said.

“
What?” I asked,
curious. I find myself always eager to hear him speak. He kinda
blows me away, with everything.

“
I’ve always wanted a
threesome with two girls. Now I’ve realised I couldn’t do it. You’d
be neglected, Julia. All I can see is Karina. I’d just be all over
you.” He turned to burn me with his eyes.

“
I’m strangely insulted
and thinking that’s the sweetest thing ever,” Jules
laughed.

I continued
hyperventilating.

“
Karina, BREATHE!” Matt
laughed.

We listened to Icehouse the whole
way.

“
Matt, I think you need
to update your cd collection,” Jules complained. “All you’ve got is
aussie rock. Aussie rock. And more aussie rock!” She declared she
would DIE if she had to listen to anymore Icehouse.

“
It’s Karina’s fault!”
Matt cried. “She’s the one putting the same song on, over and
over.”

“
I LOVE this song,” I
declared.

(Electric Blue)

“
It kinda hurts me,
like right here.” I held my hand over my heart.

Matt gave me an intense look. Like
he’d like to take all my pain away.

(it’s a big fucking job,
Matt!)

“
Make it stop! MAKE IT
STOP!!” Jules started screaming.

I just changed to Great Southern
Land instead of Electric Blue.

We pulled over with Andrew
somewhere in New South Wales, and it was exciting, cause it was
completely new to me, I had no idea where I was. I’m so used to
driving to the Gold Coast, even Byron Bay in New South Wales, but I
hadn’t been where we’d stopped before.

“
Not far now,” Matt
announced, from somewhere random.

Soon we were on a country road in
the middle of nowhere. There were strange speed signs with the
circle, no number, and a cross through it.

“
What the hell is
that?” I asked, already excited, hoping it was what I thought it
might be.

“
For people like you,
Karina,” Matt replied. “It means no speed limit here.”

“
You can do WHATEVER
SPEED LIMIT YOU WANT??”

(oh baby, WHY AREN’T I
DRIVING??)

Matt laughed. “Yep.”

“
Then why are you only
going…seventy kays?”

“
Because, BABY, I am
responsible. And I have precious cargo in my car.” He reached out
and brushed his knuckles down my jaw.

“
I think I’m gonna be
sick,” Jules announced. “And not from you two. I’m REALLY gonna be
sick.”

“
Thank GOD it won’t be
over me this time!”

Finally, we arrived in Wooli –
this adorable, country-like beach town.

There was absolutely nothing
there, but that nothing sure is beautiful.

I fell in love with
Wooli.

There’s seriously just a pub, a
cornerstore, the beach, and the campgrounds.

Jules and I saw the ‘night life,’
turned to each other, and went, “Wooli rocks, man. Wooli
rocks!”

It became our thing, all weekend.
We’d say it to each other and laugh madly.

Five o’clock in the late arvo we
arrived at the campgrounds, which were beautiful. Right on the
water. Matt’s parents were there, his grandfather, his brother and
his brother’s friends.

His parents have such an awesome
set up. HUGE campervan, annexe with camping fridge and a camping
stove bigger than the one in my own house. I’ve never seen such a
sophisticated set up.

Funny how the rich are always
wanting to rough it, leave their mansions for this, while the poor
are always trying to get out of their trailer trash and into
mansions.

Very confusing to me.

So Matt set to work on getting his
giant-ass tent up, and a tent for Julia, while Jules and I took a
seat each and watched him.

We laughed ourselves stupid while
watching Matt scratch his head and try to fit one pole into
another.

“
Do you want some
help?” I finally called out.

“
YES!!!!” Matt
yelled.

“
Andrew, help Matt will
you?”

Matt laughed his ass
off.

“
Girls, would you like
a drink while you sit there and watch?” Matt’s mum asked us. I
thought she was being sarcastic, but suddenly she passed me a glass
of pink champagne.

“
I’ve got plenty of
pink champagne for you, Karina,” she said.

Awww. I’m in love with Matt’s mum
already.

Matt seriously took like two hours
or more to set up the tents.

“
I’m exhausted from
watching Matt set up these tents,” I yawned.

Matt’s dad laughed the hardest
this time. And Julia.

All of us went to the pub Friday
night. I had a great time.

(don’t I always, at
pubs??)

Matt was actually very gentlemanly
Friday night, and just softly kissed me and held me all night. I
definitely relaxed into it, with him slowing us down.

Saturday we went fishing and
swimming at the beach. Was heavenly. The sun, the air. Different to
the Gold Coast. Saturday arvo me, Matt, Jules and Andrew wandered
over to the corner store, which makes pizzas too, and ordered one
while we waited.

“
What is up with these
tables?” I wondered.

The chairs were seriously TINY,
like toddler chairs, and the table was so low, almost to the
ground. “Are there really short people in Wooli?”

We all fell apart, laughing and
trying to fit under the table. Our knees were seriously around our
ears.

The pizza was up, and Matt tried
to stand up and get out, but got his knees stuck under the table,
then fell over trying to get up.

Oh God. We were in
stitches.

We ate the pizza

(it was GOOD)

at that table, and a dog wandered
up, and hovered

(above)

over us, looking very
menacing.

“
That dog seriously
looks like he’s about to steal our pizza,” Andrew
stated.

“
Well, he’s taller than
us. He’s got an advantage over us,” I cracked.

We were in hysterics. Clutching
each other from our tiny, tiny seats, we were laughing so
hard.

We vegged for the afternoon at the
campgrounds with everyone else. Matt’s parents’ group had grown,
there were married couples everywhere.

Matt’s mum told them all “Matt and
I’s story”

(I love that we have a
story)

of my stolen car, and I felt swept
away in it all. In Matt, his family, what was happening between
us.

The four of us went back to the
pub Saturday night, and drank and laughed. Matt looked so fucking
hot. I wanted to eat him. He constantly has his arms around me or
is kissing me or touching me in some way.

I could die.

It’s what I’ve always dreamed a
relationship being. It’s just been shit after shit
lately.

Saturday night Matt was good
AGAIN

(damn it!),

and didn’t take it further than
kissing.

I think he would have if I hadn’t
said, “If you kiss someone, or are making love to someone at
midnight on New Year’s Eve, you’re with that person and madly in
love with them for that whole year.”

“
So we’re waiting till
midnight tomorrow night, I take it?” Matt sighed.

“
May as well. Give us
the best chance possible.”

“
You know, expecting it
to be all doom and gloom from the beginning is not the way to go
into this.”

“
I know. I can’t help
it.”

“
Babe?”

“
Hmm?”

“
It’s going to be
SPECTACULAR with me.”

That’s what I’m afraid
of.

New Year’s Eve we all went a bit
mad. Running around the campgrounds, yelling, screaming, laughing,
jumping out at each other from behind trees and toilets. Getting
smashed.

But so were all the other
campers.

It was mad!!! Something was in the
air, or there was a full moon or something.

(or it was New Year’s)

Matt, Andrew, Jules and me sat
around the table, playing cards and drinking till near
midnight.

About 10pm, Matt grabbed me and
announced we were going to bed. “But it’s not even midnight!”
Andrew cried.

“
Karina and I have
things to do at midnight,” Matt said, pulling me into his
arms.

“
I bet!!” Jules
laughed. “I know ALL ABOUT K’s New Year’s Eve logic.”

Matt and I just kissed and cuddled
and talked for ages, mucking around. Matt kept tickling me. Or
stroking me, then I’d burst out laughing.

“
I’m trying to be
seductive here,” Matt said.

“
You don’t need to
try,” I said, but then I burst out laughing.

“
You know my hard dick?
It’s just gone,” and he mimed his index finger going from straight
to bent over.

I laughed harder. I tried to grab
him, but he pretended to shrug me off.

“
I’m sorry, I’m sorry,”
I spluttered.

We settled back into each other,
me in his arms. “I’m fine now,” I said.

And started laughing all over
again when Matt began running his fingers over me.

“
I’m in a weird mood,”
I giggled madly.

“
You’re hysterical,”
Matt agreed.

We could hear Andrew and Julia out
at the table still. Julia kept laughing.

“
What’s going on
there?” I wondered.

“
I don’t know. I only
care what’s going on between us.”

And then we were off. All serious,
love session.

Of course, I was loving it,
getting into it, then I was just overwhelmed by it. I started
thinking of Evvy, and the past, and blood, and started to work
myself into a very good freak out.

“
I can’t do this,” I
murmured, trying to emerge from the haze.

“
Don’t pull away from
me, Karina. DON’T,” he growled, pulling me back into his
arms.

“
I’m not ready for
this, Matt – ”

“
Who is it?” he
suddenly demanded, pulling me back against him again.

I just about died.

(for real, this time)

“
Nobody. There’s
nobody.”

It felt like a lie suddenly, when
it’s not. Ever has never been there. Not fully.

“
I overheard you and
Jules today -”

(damn his boyfriend
ears!!)

“ –
she said ‘Evvy
who?’, joking around. I figure he was the last guy or you’re still
with him.” His hands were in my hair, and he had me laying across
his chest. He tugged my hair, bringing my lips down to his. “If
there’s somebody else, I’ll kill him.”

I let out a breath. I owed him the
WHOLE truth. “There’s a guy. Or, THERE WAS.” I settled in against
him, and rested my flushed cheek against his cool chest. My hand
was on his chest for seconds before Matt was clutching it to his
heart.

I love how loving he
is.

I’d never felt as safe in anyone’s
arms as I did right then. And we were discussing something as
provocative as there being another guy!

Yet I felt so safe. And that,
strangely, made me even more terrified of this. Him. Love.
Us.

“
Karina, why are you
here with me?”

I didn’t answer.

“
You don’t love him,”
he said matter-of-factly.

Does my heart deny that? Would I
deny that? Should I deny that?

Ever would deny that.

There was love there, with Ever
and I, but now I see we both held back.

We were afraid.

Matt’s not afraid. He’s brave with
love. Maybe cause he hasn’t been crushed yet, but he’s all there.
He’s jumping in with his two feet.

And pulling me in with
him.

“
You don’t love him, or
you wouldn’t be here with me,” Matt was saying.