Shampoo (54 page)

“
Good. Cause in my arms
is where you belong.”

“
I’m not ready for
this.”

“
Shh, don’t talk like
that. It KILLS me.”

“
It’s happening too
fast – ”

“
Not on my
end!”

“
I know. You’ve been so
patient.”

“
Cause I’m in love with
you, Karina.”

I started choking. On what, I
don’t know.

(his words?? His love?? My
issues??)

“
Can you be patient
some more?” I managed to ask.

“
What are you
saying?”

“
That I’m not
ready.”

Matt practically squeezed me
against him. “I don’t care. You are mine.”

“
I’m scared. I’m not
ready. I’m not…”

(okay)

“
Shh, baby…”

“
Matt?”

“
Yes, Love of my
Life?”

I giggled. “My sunburn is killing.
I need to take my top and bra off.”

Matt groaned. “You’re a very
confusing girl, Karina.”

“
You love it.
Apparently.”

“
God. I do.” Matt bit
his fist while I sat up and got half naked. “This is
torture.”

I settled back against him, and
Matt’s hands were immediately cupping my breasts.
“Matt!!”

“
Oh you have to be
kidding me, right?? How can I NOT touch your boobs!”

I groaned. It felt too fucking
good on my end. “Matt…”

He flipped me on my back and
leaned in close. “Don’t say my name. It’s driving me crazy.” His
hands were back on my breasts. “This is FUCKING TORTURE.” He
explored some more with his hands, while I literally writhed under
him

(this has BECOME a romance novel
all of a sudden. Isn’t it great???),

groaning, and clinging to him. I
pulled his hair

(I don’t know WHERE that came
from. Matt just makes me want to pull his hair)

and Matt groaned and growled,
“Karina.”

“
Yes?” I was all
breathy and breathless.

“
Fucking kiss
me.”

And his lips were on mine, and OH
MY GOD, we were suddenly rolling around, kissing, gasping,
grabbing, pulling.

I’ve never been kissed like that
before. Like I was needed.

Like I was LOVED. Not just wanted,
but LOVED.

We kissed for hours. He tried to
take it further, but I begged him to wait. To slow it down a
bit.

We settled back in, to what
suddenly seems like ‘our’ position – spooning.

It feels so fucking right I can’t
believe it.

“
I don’t want this,” I
almost cried.

(oh my GOD. I am Everard all of a
sudden)

“
Don’t want
what?”

“
Falling for
you.”

Matt nuzzled me. “But you have,
haven’t you?” He sounded very pleased with himself.

“
God yeah.”

Matt laughed. “That makes me so
happy, I can’t even say.”

“
I’m
scared.”

“
Stop – ”

“
I’m terrified –
”

“
PLEASE. Stop. It kills
me. It physically HURTS me to see you this freaked out –
”

“
I don’t know if I can
do it – ”

“
Do what?”

“
Love.”

“
Too late, baby. That
was fucking fireworks, kissing you. The real deal. LOVE IS
HERE.”

“
We’re too young. We’ll
fuck it up – ”

“
Shhh. Or I’ll be
forced to fuck you till you’re not saying this stuff
anymore.”

“
Hmm. That drives me
crazy when you talk like that, Matt – ”

“
STOP. Seriously! I am
so close to not being able to control myself, and just fucking you
– ”

“
You stop talking like
that! It’s driving ME crazy!”

Matt groaned into my hair. “I’m
like shaking with the willpower to not take you right
now.”

“
Okay, I’ll shut up
now.”

“
Good!”

Pause.

“
Matt?”

“
Hmm?”

“
You’re going to be a
bloody sex machine, aren’t you?”

He groaned. “Karina, I am THIS
CLOSE – ”

I giggled. “Night,
Matt.”

“
Night, baby.” He
cuddled me tighter.

I think we got an hour’s sleep.
When we woke, Matt was just as affectionate.

That wall is now down. It is just
ALL affection between us .

But I’m scared. It seems to have
happened so quickly.

Andrew and Gemma took Jules home,
and Matt drove me home.

The whole way, he held my hand, or
squeezed my leg, or touched my face or hair.

It drove me absolutely crazy. This
is what I have CRAVED, for years. A guy like this with me. A guy
this mad for me.

And me mad for him.

There’s something so beautiful
with the universe making things line up like this. It seems
magical.

“
I don’t want to drive
you home,” he said. “I want you with me.”

“
Silence.” I was
gulping air, having a coronary, being in love, wanting him, being
lost, all at once.

“
Fuck, I want you so
bad, Karina.” He brought my hand up to his lips, and kissed my
knuckles.

I actually whimpered.

“
You okay over
there?”

Hyperventilating by me. I damn
well had to put my head between my knees.

“
Baby. Breathe.” Matt
laughed, and dropped my hand to rub the back of my neck. “It’s
okay, Karina. Please say something.”

“
Silence. Great gulps
of air.”

“
Please, babe. You’re
killing me! Please say something to me.”

“
Oh God.”

“
It’s a start.” My hand
was back up to his lips. “Calm down, baby. I won’t hurt
you.”

“
You already are!” I
suddenly cried.

“
How? Tell
me!”

“
With how GOOD you are.
How perfect. With how much you already care.”

“
That hurts
you?”

“
Fuck yes!”

“
It hurts me too. It
hurts whenever you’re not with me.”

“
This is what I mean!
You just saying that hurts me so much. It hurts too much! I can’t
do it – ”

“
Stop saying that,
Karina! It KILLS me when you say that!”

“
I’m sorry. It kills me
too.”

We pulled up at mine. Matt looked
FUCKING DELICIOUS.

Like he was in pain at us having
to say goodbye, for like A DAY.

How the fuck did this happen??? I
still can’t get over how quick it’s gone from perfectly fine on our
own, to lost without each other.

Love has swept in. Like a
tornado.

“
I want you to stay
with me.”

“
Always?”

“
Yes, always. But I
actually meant like right now.”

Suddenly I grabbed him and pulled
him towards me, crushing my lips against his.

He was surprised, I could tell.
“Oh God,” he moaned against my mouth.

We kissed some more. I went to get
out the car finally and Matt said, “Karina?”

“
Yeah?” I leaned back
in the door.

“
Hurry back to me. I’m
fucking in love with you.”

My heart stopped. I almost cried.
I couldn’t say I loved him, I just couldn’t

(holy crap. Is this how Evvy feels
towards me??? Oh my fucking God),

but I got back into the car on my
knees, grabbed him by his shirt, and kissed him for all I’m
worth.

(which was a lot, despite me not
knowing my worth)

Matt kissed me back, like I was
his LIFE, running his hands all over me.

(we were putting on quite a show
outside on the street)

He finally groaned against my
mouth and said, while we still kept kissing, “You either have to go
inside now, or I’m taking you back to my place, and I’m never
letting you go.”

“
Matt?”

“
Hmm?” His hands were
grabbing me everywhere.

“
I don’t want to be
apart right now, either.”

“
Right, then shut your
door, we’re going home. Together.”

“
I really can’t. I’m
supposed to be leaving in like, an hour – ”

Matt groaned. “I can’t take it.
You have to go, because I have no self-control around you –
”

“
I think you have great
self-control SQUEAL!!!!!!”

He’d grabbed my ass and squeezed.
“You have five seconds before I drive off with you. And I’ll be
taking all your clothes off WHILE I drive.”

“
You make it sound so
good,” I said against his mouth.

Matt groaned. “It will be better
than GOOD.”

“
Oh God, I can’t seem
to leave you – ”

“
That’s it.” Matt
managed to continue kissing me and groping me and running his hands
through my hair AND turn the ignition on at the same time. “We are
going back to mine to continue this.” He reached over and pulled
the door shut on me.

That freaked me out enough to
finally get out of his lap that I was practically in. “Okay, I’m
going – ” I reached over and opened the door.

Matt leaned over me and shut it
again. “Too late. We’re going. I have lots of things to do to
you.”

I opened the door. “I can’t –
”

(breathe)

He closed it again. “I need you,
Karina.”

I kissed him again. “I need you,
too.”

“
I’m going crazy
here.”

“
Okay, I’m getting out
the car – ”

“
Ugh, DON’T. Don’t
leave me.”

“
Don’t YOU leave
me!”

“
I don’t want to! I’m
trying to get you to come back home with me!”

“
Oh God, we need to get
a grip – ”

“
No we don’t. This is
awesome!!”

I jumped out the car before he
really did drive us off.

Matt groaned. “Karina. I’m mad for
you.”

“
Drive off,
please!”

Matt shot me his gobble me up
eyes, then finally sighed. “God, this shouldn’t be so hard to drive
off.”

“
Bye Matt.”

“
Karina?”

“
Yes?”

“
I’ve got you now, you
realise.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a
statement.

He gave me one last longing look,
then drove off with a (Karina) roar.

He did it for my benefit, I’m
sure.

Somehow I dragged myself out of my
love haze, to get ready and go shopping with Nat, Cruz and
Maria.

Cruz and Maria raved about Matt
all day. They love him.

Then I’ve been to Tee’s tonight,
and came home to the Scooby Gang all outside in the BBQ
area.

(minus Ever, THANK
FUCK)

I’m too tired

(and deep down destroyed over
Ever)

to go socialize with
them.

And it is over with Evvy. Matt and
I all over each other has made that abundantly clear.

Josie came in my room just before,
and invited me to her New Year’s Eve party.

That’s so sweet of her, and it’s
made my heart hurt.

What, a week or two ago?? I
would’ve jumped at the chance to be at her party. To be with
Everard.

I can feel the Scooby Gang
slipping through my fingers, and I really love them
all!!

I wanted them as my own friends so
badly.

I told Jose I couldn’t go cause
I’m going to New South Wales, and she looked worried. For me and
Ever.

She should be. Cause it’s too late
for Ever and I now.

Ever is basically gone. That’s it.
Love affair over.

I feel nothing at the moment about
that fact.

(not true. Lying to my own diary
now. I can feel the pain of Ever lying deep down in my chest,
bubbling away, waiting to rise to the surface…but Matt is keeping
that pain at bay)

I know I will miss him, that it
will hit me and it will hurt….

But right now, all I can think
about is Matt.

God help me.

Matt really loves me. It blows my
mind.