Red Sun (14 page)

             
“I had fun with you today,” Elan said reaching over to take my hand.  He stroked his thumb over my skin as he thought.

             
“Me too,” I replied. 

             
There was silence between us and I felt the air change.  It was like the oxygen was being sucked out of the truck, making it difficult for me to breathe.  Elan seemed to be experiencing the same thing because from the corner of my eye, I could see his chest heaving up and down over and over again.  When I felt his eyes on me, I turned his way and felt my legs starting to tingle.  It was coming, a kiss.  I could feel it.  Unlike before, I was sure I wanted it this time. 

             
Elan leaned in, not closing his eyes until he was an inch from my face.  I could feel his breath on my lips as he waited, making sure he wasn’t making me do something I didn’t want to do.  He had no idea.  Slowly, softly, he pressed his lips to mine and I inhaled the scent of his skin.  The gentle sucking and pulling of my lips in between his made me have to squeeze my legs together.  I moved closer to him and opened my mouth to let his tongue caress mine, silky, warm, and wet.  He took a deep breath through his nose and ran his tongue over mine again slowly as he grabbed the sides of my face.  It was intense.  After awhile it was hard to tell whose lips were whose with our mouths locked together so tightly.

             
Breathlessly, Elan pulled himself away and stared at me; his lips damp and flushed red from the kiss.  I could hardly move; he had me so completely turned on that I wasn’t sure I could even walk to the front door without falling.  It took me a while to gather myself and then I climbed out of the car without either of us saying one word and I went inside.  I leaned my back against the door and didn’t hear him take off for a while, letting me know that his mind was just as gone as mine was. 

             
What did this mean for us now?  Where exactly were we headed?  My head was spinning all night.  I was still a little dizzy from the kiss, but I was also still feeling confused.  Why did I feel so bad for Jolon?  I mean, it’s not like he’s really said or done anything to let me know where we stand.  Besides, we only recently stopped hating one another which goes to show just how new these feelings are between us.  I don’t know what to think honestly.  Maybe I should let go of whatever it is about Jolon that has a hold on me and just focus all my attention on Elan.  That seemed like the logical thing to do.

             
Monday morning when I got to work, Jolon’s truck was already parked outside Ruthann’s.  I said goodbye to my dad with a curious look on my face because he almost never deviated from his usual time that he came by to pick up supplies.  Through the glass, I saw him passing Ruthann the cash for his items and then he looked up at the clock impatiently.  The door chimed when I entered and his posture stiffened as if he could feel my presence behind him. 

             
“Good morning,” Ruthann called out with a smile on her face. 

             
“Good morning,” I replied.  Jolon still hadn’t turned around to face me and even once I got up to the counter, he wouldn’t look up.

             
“Thanks,” he said solemnly when Ruthann passed him his change and then, without acknowledging that I was even there, he turned and walked out the shop, got in his truck and left.  I stood there with my mouth open, thinking that we’d gotten past treating one another this way.  Ruthann had gotten so used to our indifference toward one another, that she didn’t even question it when he behaved so rudely.  I exhaled sharply and stared out the window at the cloud of dust he’d left behind.

             
Why had we come full circle right back to the place we’d started when we’d gotten so far away from this point?  What had I done that was so bad that he didn’t even want to look at me now?  Then, like a light had suddenly been turned on, it dawned on me.  There was a slight possibility that he was jealous about seeing me with Elan Saturday.  Interesting.  It was understandable that he’d maybe have a slight issue with it, but this was a bit extreme.  His intentions were to make it in without having to see me at all, but when that didn’t happen, he resorted to avoiding me.

             
Again on Tuesday, He came in early, this time being successful at missing me.  Ruthann said he called ahead of time to see if he could come about fifteen minutes before she opened, using the excuse that he had to be on location earlier than usual.  She bought it, but I knew better than that.  I couldn’t believe he was acting this way. 

             
With Kaya gone, I’d been spending my lunch hour at the shop with Ruthann.  She’d usually order us carryout from the diner a few miles away and send me to pick it up.  But today, she brought in what was left of the dinner she made the night before for the two of us to share.  It was a traditional Waccamaw dish and I promised to be open minded. 

             
“Ever had duck before?”  She asked, unwrapping the plate she’d set before me.

             
I did my best to keep a straight face when I replied, “No.”

             
She laughed a little.  “Don’t be nervous.  I think you’ll like it.”             

             
It did look pretty good actually, but looks can be deceiving.  It smelled good enough and who am I to turn down a home cooked meal.  It’d been nearly a month and a half since coming down here to Conway which meant me and my dad had been on our own when it comes to meals.  Some nights it was peanut butter and jelly, some nights it was condensed soup.  The more I thought about it, Ruthann’s food became more appealing.

             
I stuck my fork in it, examined it closely for a second, and then shoved it in my mouth before I could offend her.  At first I was holding my breath, but then I couldn’t anymore and had to let myself taste it.  I was surprised.  “This is really good,” I said, going in for more.

             
Ruthann smiled.  “I’m glad you like it.  Maybe I’ll teach you how to make it sometime.  It was my great-grandmother’s recipe; been in my family for generations.  My grandmother passed it down to my mother who passed it down to me, and I was supposed to pass it down to my daughter if I had one.”  She paused.  “And I think you’re the closest I’m ever gonna get to that.”

             
I smiled at her a little and continued to eat.  Ruthann hadn’t told me much about her family, but I knew she’d never been married and had never had children.  I had questions but was a little unsure if it was okay to ask them.  She’d never hesitated to ask me anything, sometimes even personal things that I might not have otherwise told anyone.  That made me more comfortable about inquiring.

             
“Have you ever thought about getting married?”  I asked, watching her expression to make sure I hadn’t offended her.  She wasn’t at all, only thoughtful.

             
“I was close once actually.  His name was Ed.”  Mentioning his name made her blush, which made me want to know more.  “Oh yes, Ed.  He was really special to me.”

             
“How old were you?”

             
“Mmmm…..about 19 or 20.  We did things differently back in my day.  There was no waiting until your thirties to tie the knot.  That was back when people still believed in love at first site and staying together forever.  Nowadays, people have a checklist of criteria for their mate to meet.  But with me and Ed…..it was easy.  I loved him and he loved me and that was all we needed to know.  We only dated for a month before we decided to get married.”

             
“What happened?”  I asked, my mouth full.

             
Ruthann shook her head.  “Well, we were about a week away from the wedding when Ed got this call about a job up North.  He wanted me to come with him and experience life in the city, but I couldn’t do it. My mother was sick and I just couldn’t imagine myself living anywhere but Conway.  Not even with Ed.”  She drifted off in thought for a moment.  I recalled a conversation I had with Kaya and she too said that she couldn’t imagine life anywhere but here.  There is something about this town that sneaks up on you and seeps right into your soul.  I don’t even remember the point that it hit me, but I felt like I belonged here too.

             
“So, that was it for me and old Ed.  He promised to come back to be with me one day and we’d still get married and have lots of babies and all that.  But I knew I’d never see him again.”

             
“Didn’t you miss him?”

             
“Yeah, for a while.  But then life got busier, I got older, and Ed got further and further away from my memories. Now I only think about him once in a blue moon when I see something that reminds me of him.  Like he used to wear these God awful overalls that I absolutely hated, but he loved those things to death.  Every now and again, I’ll see someone with some on and I think about him.  Stuff like that.”

             
I knew exactly what she meant.  It was the same thing with Vince.  For me it was a song that reminded me of him; the one that was playing on the radio in his room the first time we did it.  Once upon a time it used to make me smile, but now when I hear it, I feel sick to my stomach and have to turn on a good man-hating song; that usually helps.

             
“So other than Ed, you’ve never been in love?”

             
She smiled a little and looked down at her plate.  “I didn’t say that.  The question was whether or not I’d ever been close to getting married.  Have I ever been in love is a whole other story.”

             
I smiled.  “Am I too young for this story?” 

             
Ruthann asked.  “I wish it were that good, but there’s really nothing to tell.  There’s someone who’s starting to grab my attention.  Apparently I’ve had his for a long time.”

             
I perked up.  “Do I know him?”

             
She smiled again.  “Maybe.”

             
“Jody?”  I guessed.

             
“Nope.”

             
I racked my brain and thought of the customers who frequented the store.  “Lou?”  I asked loudly.

             
She burst out laughing.  “Can I trust you not to tell?” 

             
“Of course.  Was I right?”

             
Ruthann nodded shyly and turned bright red. 

             
“Why don’t you go out with him?  See what he’s about?”

             
“I’ve known Lou for years.  Since I bought the shop.  He’s always been a really good friend, but I was afraid to take it further than that.  There’s been a spark between us for as far back as I can remember but I kept it from turning into anything other than what it is.”  She paused.  “Do you think I should be more open-minded?”

             
I felt honored that she valued my opinion so much.  “Definitely!  Lou’s a good guy!  You two would be great together,” I assured her.  “Has he ever asked you out?”

             
“Every Friday like clockwork.”

             
I laughed.  “Then you’ve already got this in the bag!  All you have to do is say yes.  I’ll even help you get ready if you’d like.”

             
“I’ll need all the help I can get.  It’s been decades since I’ve entertained a man.  The thought of it makes me sweat.”

             
I reached across the table and touched her hand.  “Don’t be nervous.  He’s already digging you, so you don’t even have to work to impress him.”

             
“Digging me?”  She asked.

             
I laughed a little.  “It means he likes you.  Since you’re already past wondering about that, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

             
My words set Ruthann at ease and I was glad to be there to help.  “Thanks,” she said quietly.

             
“Welcome,” I replied.  “Just let me know when the date is and I’ll plan to help you get ready.”  It was nice to solve one person’s dating woes, because mine were starting to get out of hand.

             
That night, I lay in bed and did a lot of thinking about my situation.  Why did it have to be all or nothing with me and Jolon?  Was there no middle ground?  I tossed and turned, all the while staring at my sleeping pills on the nightstand, trying my hardest not to take them.  It was already nearly two a.m. and I didn’t even have any hope of falling asleep yet.  Feeling defeated, I reached for the bottle.  This was the first time something other than thoughts of my mother or sister kept me awake and I wasn’t sure how I felt about letting Jolon get to me enough that I was losing sleep over him.  This is crazy.  I rolled my eyes and shut off the light, deciding to put an end to this first thing in the morning.

             
I made myself get up a half hour early so I could get to Ruthann’s and catch Jolon before he’d have a chance to run off.  My dad had no problem with leaving a little before schedule; he actually seemed impressed that he didn’t have to come wake me.  When he dropped me off in front of the shop, he looked at me strangely because there were no lights on inside and Ruthann obviously wasn’t in yet.