Red Sun (5 page)

             
“Whatever.  I don’t care what you think!”

             
He laughed a little.  “Well, you need to care what
somebody
thinks cause slacker ain’t a good look on you.”

             
I rolled my eyes and took a seat on the edge of my bed.  It didn’t matter what Tarik said; I’d come up with something without his help.  He interrupted my thoughts.  “So, is it as bad out there as you thought it would be?”

             
I cleared my throat.  “Worse.”  Back home I was no social butterfly or anything, but out here, I was cut off from everything and everyone.  The thought of spending day in and day out at some tired old flower shop made me want to hurl myself into the river.

             
“What’s it like?”  He asked, genuinely curious.

             
“Hot, boring, and green; I’m basically living in the middle of the forest and you already know how I feel about that.”  Tarik laughed.  “But you’d be proud of me; I actually went walking today.”

             
“Your dad must’ve paid you or something.”

             
“No, stupid.  But it wasn’t because I wanted to.  It was hot as wax outside and even hotter than that in here.”

             
“So, you just stood outside, or you for real went walking?”  He was apparently having a hard time fathoming me doing such a thing.

             
“I walked!  All the way to the river.” 

             
“Now I know you’re lying,” Tarik proclaimed.  “You definitely don’t do water.”

             
I laughed.  “I didn’t get in it or anything, just went down there and…..
watched
.”

             
“Watched?  Watched what?”  Tarik inquired.  I wanted to tell him about my Mohican, mainly because I just wanted to talk about him, but I didn’t feel like having Tarik judge me.  So, instead I came up with a convincing lie.

             
“I watched the boats and the ducks and stuff.  You know, the usual stuff you see on a river.”

             
If he’d been interested enough in our conversation, he would’ve known I wasn’t telling the truth, but he was texting his girl too while we talked.  When he ignored me for an entire minute, I ended our conversation and told him I’d call him tomorrow.  Now I was bored and lonely again.  Its times like these when I really miss my mom and Shalon.  There was never a dull moment and it seems like my life’s filled with those now.  On hot nights like these, Mom would take us out for ice cream at whatever place was open and buy us whatever we wanted.  She always knew how to make whatever was wrong better.  I think that’s what I miss most about her.  Now, when things don’t go quite right, I feel lost, never really knowing how to make myself feel the way she used to.

             
I searched my purse until I found my meds and then tiptoed to the bathroom to get a drink of water.  I stood there a few seconds after swallowing it and caught my breath.  It’s one of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world to miss someone you can never have.  Knowing that the last time you held them was the absolute last time, and knowing that the last time they spoke to you was the last time you’d ever hear their voice again.  That’s a very heavy reality, and I get to deal with those feelings double. 

             
The weight of my thoughts is the reason behind the sleeping pills.  My mind runs wild when it’s idle and it keeps me from reaching that peacefulness that enables a person to sleep.  I keep seeing the accident over and over in my head when I try to close my eyes at night, replaying like a movie.  It was so real that I could almost hear the metal twisting and smell the stench of the tires burning against the concrete.  Just as I heard my mother’s voice, I opened my eyes and stared at myself in the mirror.  I was still.  All I could see was my twin sister staring back at me and for a split second I almost forgot that she was even gone.  The sound of my father turning over on the living room couch brought me back and I hurried back to my room and shut the door.

             
I rested against the wall for a few minutes, trying to get myself together; trying to make myself let go.  But how do you do that?  How do you stop yourself from wanting what you can’t have when it shouldn’t have been taken away from you in the first place?  Is that even possible?  I’ve tried to get it together for the past four years, and you see how that worked out.  Despite the fact that I was tormenting myself mentally, the pills were starting to do their job, and I dozed off in the middle of a thought.

             
Tuesday came and I didn’t dare venture outside.  For one, I’d had my fill of the outdoors, and two, I was afraid of running into my Mohican again and having to explain my actions from the day before.  Instead, I stayed in and looked up the local tribe online.  All my research turned up was their name; Waccamaw.  Everything else concerning their history and culture was too vague to really get anything from it.  So, after running into one brick wall after another, I finally gave up and watched pointless crap on YouTube for the rest of the day.

             
I dreaded Wednesday’s arrival, so of course it got here quickly.  My dad had to come wake me up twice because I kept falling back asleep when my alarm went off.  It was unholy and unnatural to be awake this early in the morning in the summer.  When I finally got up and dressed, he was already out in the truck staring at the time.  He didn’t say anything to me which meant he was upset.  He passed me a bagel wrapped in a paper towel and backed out of the driveway headed toward the bridge that leads to the Reservation.  The queasiness in my stomach prohibited me from eating, so I reached forward and set the food back on the dashboard instead of forcing it down.  It was already hot and humid out which was an indicator for how the rest of the day would be.  Why not?  Nothing seemed to be going my way, so the weather may as well be miserable too. 

             
I watched the road wind through the trees as we drew closer and closer to the Reservation.  We came to a fork in the road and I was confused when my dad stopped and unlocked the doors. 

             
“What’re you doing?”  I asked.

             
He raised his eyebrows.  “Letting you out.  It’s your fault we’re behind schedule, so now you have to walk the rest of the way so I can get to the site on time.”  My face was blank.  There was no way he’d drop me off in the middle of nowhere like this.  No way. 

             
He was getting impatient waiting for me to get out.  “Come on, Solei, I have to get to work.  Just follow this road down a ways and you’ll see the flower shop off to the right side.  It’s called Ruthann’s.  Go on now.”

             
Unbelievable!  I hopped out with my purse, slammed the door behind me, and trudged down the road without looking back.  By the time I saw the bright yellow awning coming into view, I was soaked with sweat – so much for taking a shower before I left.  I made up my mind that if the building ahead of me wasn’t Ruthann’s, I’d give up and beg the next person who drove by to take me back to the house.  My clothes were stuck to me like my skin was coated in honey and I felt like throwing up because the sun was pounding on the top of my head.  I walked a few more yards and could make out that the first letter on the sign was in fact an “R”, so I tried to fix my clothes a little, preparing to meet whoever was inside.

             
A small bell hanging over the door chimed lightly when I walked in.  A cool breeze brushed past my face and although it wasn’t air conditioning, it cooled me down immediately.  The checkered floor was damp from recently being mopped, but other than that, I wouldn’t have known that anyone else was here; it was that quiet inside. 

             
“Hello?”  I called out, inching my way toward the counter. 

             
From the area in back, I heard a gentle, solemn voice reply, “Coming.” 

             
I pulled my purse up on my shoulder a little and stood there waiting.  The scent of lilac was heavy in the air; it stood out more than any other smell in the shop for some reason.  My eyes drifted around the room at all the photos that hung on the paneled walls and at the many tribal symbols as well.  Some of them, I remembered from the brief hunt I’d done on the internet the day before, but for the most part they were foreign to me.  I was getting ready to walk around and look at some of the pictures when a short, round woman came up behind the counter from the back room.  Her red cheeks tightened when she smiled and introduced herself.

             
“Solei, right?”

             
Nervous, I only nodded. 

             
She smiled even wider and held out her hand.  “Ruthann.”

             
Her hands were cool and damp, like she’d just finished washing them before coming back up to the front.  She had kind eyes; just like my mother’s.

             
“How old are you?”  Ruthann asked abruptly.  She spoke in a deliberately slow manner as she thought about every syllable before it left her mouth.  Under normal circumstances her bluntness would’ve been offensive, but her tone was soft and curious, not probing in the least.

             
“Eighteen,” I replied.

             
She smiled again.  “You have such a young face.  Very pretty.” 

             
I smiled back, surprised that I actually felt like it. “Thank you.”

             
Something about her made me forget about all the hostility I’d mustered up when I awoke.  The plan was to use it against her and force her to fire me on the spot, but I was beginning to lose my nerve.  I’d have to find some other method.

             
“Come around here,” Ruthann beckoned as she motioned me to her side of the counter.  “Do you know how to work a cash register?”

             
I shook my head no.  The truth was that I’d never had any kind of a job, so anything I did here was going to be a first.

             
“That’s fine.  I’ll teach you.”  She looked down at my hands and smiled a little when she saw my freshly manicured nails.  She didn’t say anything, but I imagined that the look I’d been given was because Ruthann was thinking the same thing I was; a few days here and my French manicure would be nothing but nubs.  The thought made me ball my hands up into tight fists.

             
“Do you know anything about plants at all?  Aside from the basic stuff anyway.”

             
“No, sorry.  This is all new to me.”

             
The warm smile was back and I lost my nerve even more.  “Don’t worry about it.  The less you know, the better.  It’s easier to teach someone who isn’t already set in their own ways.”

             
I shrugged and smiled back at her.  For once, someone preferred my lack of know-how; typically, I’m told that’s one of my downfalls.  My eyes followed Ruthann as she turned to show me around the greenhouse, her long dress sweeping the floor as she walked.

             
“Did your father tell you anything about the shop?”  She asked.

             
“No, nothing really.  Just that you sell flowers,” I replied. 

             
“Well, there’s a little more to it than that.  I do sell flowers, but I think of it as more of a one stop gardening shop.  For the most part if someone needs something for outside, I have it.  If I don’t, I can get it.  There’re fountains in the far right corner of the back there too.  There’re all types of bricks and stones too.  Wood chips, mulch, potting soil, bags of sand, and even fishing bait.  There’s much more than that, but you can look around and learn where everything is on your own.  You’ll remember it better that way.”  Already, Ruthann was putting more faith in me than my own father after only knowing me for about five minutes.

             
She led me down the third row of the greenhouse to show me the aloe plants and cactuses.   “You don’t really have to learn where everything is ‘cause most of it’s labeled, but it’ll make your job a lot easier if you at least know the general area where things are.” 

             
Over Ruthann’s soft voice, I could hear the roar of a vehicle that was in desperate need of a new muffler.  She cut off our conversation and looked toward the back door.  “That’s Lou.  You’ll get acquainted with him real quick.  He’s the delivery man, so he’s here a couple times a day.  Brings his niece Kaya with him most of the time too.  I think she’s about your age.”

             
I stood where I was while she let the man and young girl in.  Before speaking to Ruthann, both looked at me first, trying to figure out who I was and what I was doing here.  Their gazes weren’t unwelcoming; they were just curious about the interesting addition to the shop that they weren’t expecting to see when they walked in.

             
“Lou, Kaya, this is Solei.  I just hired her to help me out around here.”