Personal Experiences (29 page)

"Any word?" It was as though she was reading my mind. I just shook my head. I was not wanting to leave my good mood just because of him being stupid, I know what he was doing, he was out at the bar; drinking. Here it was, Christmas Eve where he should be home with his family and pregnant wife and he was shooting his paycheck down his throat.

I finished up the gifts I had left to wrap and I noticed I had some little stocking stuffers for the girls I needed to still get, so I asked Mona if she wanted to go out and get them with me. She agreed and we headed to the living room to grab our purses. As I went to put mine on my shoulder I was flipped around quickly, I grabbed onto Bear's shirt to gain my footing.

"What the hell, Bear" I said attempting to get my eyes to catch up with my brain. Lowly he whispered for me to get in our room. He was pulling me by my shirt as he stomped to the bedroom.

He stopped right inside the doorway slammed the door and locked it.

"I heard you had a meeting with a friend of mine this morning."

Oh god, did he really consider that skank a friend of his? That's nasty, how could he stand to be near her, the smell itself was revolting. I wasn't about to let him yell at me for telling her to leave.

"Oh yeah, trash? I didn't catch her name before she called me a cunt, so I just named her trash since that what she smelled like". I said trying to hide my laughter.

"Slappppp!" His mammoth hand came across my face so hard that it slammed me into the dresser. Losing my stability, I fell to the ground, having everything that rested on top of the dresser now in my lap.

"Don't you ever call her trash Elleny, you got me? EVER!!! She is important to me."

I thought what I heard him say was that that repugnant woman who smelled like she had every man in Atlanta blow his load on her meant something to him? And what was I… chopped liver?

Standing up holding onto the dresser with one hand and the other on the side of my face, I turned my attention to the door that sounded like Mona was about to break down. I heard her asking me if everything was all right and if I didn't answer the door by the count of three she was calling the police.

I yelled with a voice that was as shaky as my legs; "I'm fine Mona, just give me a sec, hun and then we'll go."

I turned back to Bear and looked at him "She that important to you you'd give this up?" I grabbed my belly with both hands. "I've had enough of you and your flexible-matrimonial schedule and you promised never to raise a hand to me again, Bear. I am four months from giving birth and you're smacking me around like I'm a man in the boxing ring. Pack your shit and get out, I don't need none of it. I'm going out with Mona, you had better be gone by the time I get back."

He strode two large steps and was right in front of me, the veins on the side of his head were throbbing. I could see he was beyond mad, he was fucking livid. He grabbed the back of my neck and pushed me down until I was on all fours. He stepped closer to me and put his boots right in front of my face and proceeded to push my head down until my face was crushed up against the top of his boot.

"Lick my boots bitch, because that's where you deserve to be. You think you're all that better than her when you aint shit, other than my personal boot licker. Don't you fucking think you can order me in and out of this house. All you should be concentrating on is cooking my fucking meals and spreading those fat-ass legs when I can't seem to get pussy from a real woman. You ever threaten me again, you won't be able to walk for a month. You got me? Oh and next time my lady comes by to see me and you don't treat her like the queen she is? Well, let's just say, it won't be a good time for you. Now, let's put this in simple words for you, do-you-under-stand-ME… Cunt?"

I felt like I had entered the Twilight Zone. I couldn't believe what I just heard. He called me the C-word. I was his wife and he called me the C-word. And he thought I was fat? I didn't know whether to cry or get up and hit him. I went to stand up when he continued on.

"I asked you, Whore if you understood me? Now, just so we're clear, I guess I need to show you instead of talking to you."

I saw his boot go back but it all happened so fast. I was under the impression he was going to walk away instead he brought his foot back up as hard as he could where it landed right at the top of my stomach. He kicked me so hard I left the ground for a few seconds. I couldn't breathe, I thought this was it. I thought I was dead. All I felt was pain all throughout my torso.

As he went to walk out the door I heard him say with pure hatred on his tongue. "I can see now we're on the same page. Don't worry, I won't be home for a while."

He opened the door and walked out as I laid there on the floor. I saw Mona run down to my side, screaming for someone to call 911. I closed my eyes and passed out.

I woke up with my dad in front of me, stethoscope attached to his ears the other part attached to my stomach.

"Everything sounds good but I want a scan done."

I'd had enough of hospitals, I wasn't going to go back until I had these babies.

"I'm not going to the hospital, daddy." I said softly.

"Ellie, we need to make sure the babies are fine." He pleaded. I could feel them rolling around one on each side. They were flipping around everywhere. I know he could feel it too, his hand was still stuck to my abdomen.

"And no cops, promise me, no cops. I refuse to become the talk of the town, daddy".

"Absolutely not Elleny! He beat the hell out of you; I'm calling the cops." His voice grew stern and I knew he was as serious as a heart attack.

I sat up straight, I think he broke some ribs or something because the pain was almost unbearable but I pushed through it.

"I said no cops!" I yelled as loud as I could then I collapsed just as fast as I sat up.

I heard my dad mumble under his breath "goddammit" and walked out of the room.

I sat up from the couch and lowered my feet to the floor and gently worked myself up to standing. I walked a few feet then stopped looked back at all the eyes that were on me and just shrugged, turned around and went into the kitchen.

After an early dinner, Mona and I decided we would go tend to the errands we needed to do earlier in the day, but we took it extra slow walking through the mall. I got what I needed and picked up a few things I didn't need but still got anyways.

As I was walking. I continually felt like I was being watched, I turned my head from side to side to see if I recognized anyone, I was especially looking for that skank since she said that she'd see me again, I wondered if our encounter would come this soon.

We made it home by seven and I decided that I wanted to take a long bath. I began walking out of the kitchen when I heard the phone ring. It rang again and again; then it stopped. I started again for the hallway when the phone rang again, this time I went to it. As it was going into its third ring I caught it.

"Hello" I said with anger in my voice.

Silence…

I repeated myself "Hello"?

Still nothing, so I hung up.

I continued my way out of the kitchen when the phone started ringing again. Now I was angry. Most of our friends who would be calling know I'm pregnant with twins and how difficult it is for me to move quickly. So I stormed back to the phone.

"Hello!" I yelled into the receiver.

More silence. I started to have a feeling it was skank girl so just to make sure she didn't call back I informed her.

"Look, if this is you, Skank; Bear's not here. I don't know where he went and he said he'd be gone for a while which in his terms means a week or two, so don't call back."

I slammed the phone down and left the kitchen on the way to the bathroom. I ran my water hotter than normal, added bubbles and sunk down to where the only thing that you could see was my head.

The phone didn't ring again.

* * *

"Wakey, Wakey!" I heard a quiet toned voice say next to my ear. I opened my eyes and there nose to nose with me was TJ. "It's Christmas mornin', darlin and have I got some presents for you". He said as he kissed my forehead. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled my face into his neck and just cried. I sobbed for so many reasons, but mostly because of how I left things the last time I saw him and how I had been lost without him. For the past months, I had searched high and low, looking for what I needed to help me get on with my life without him; but now, I couldn't even find the energy to look anymore. I was spent.

I wept for the way Bear had treated me and my babies the day before. I was so scared. I thought I was going to die or even worse, my babies; the only piece of TJ I had left was going to be ripped away from me permanently, just as he was. I cried because he was here in my arms. My ribs were throbbing, the babies were going a mile a minute, pushing against my skin that had grown tight with every month they had become more developed, but I didn't want to leave the position I was in. I was completely content with him here in my arms . My heart had found its normal rhythm again.

"Ellie-bean, don't cry, I'm here with you, always", He pointed to my chest. "I'm right here, anchored to you, babe." I put my head back in his neck and just kept telling him that I loved him so much.

I opened my eyes and realized I was still in my bed, the room was dark and there was no one standing beside me; I was dreaming. I turned over onto my side and continued to cry my eyes out. I couldn't go back to sleep, I got up and went into the front room and turned on the Christmas tree and sat down on the floor in front of it, just staring. I cried so much I eventually stopped producing tears. I wasn't weeping anymore; my heart was.

Christmas morning came and went. I opened all the presents that were addressed to me. Daddy opened all of his and Mona opened all of hers. I left the babies and Bears under the tree. It was difficult not to think about Bear, where he was, who he was with, what he was doing because this was our first holiday together as a family and he wasn't here to not only help me open up the stuff that was for the babies but the stuff that I had bought for him. It just really made me disappointed.

Smelling all the wonderful smells in the house when we cooked and reheated what Clara had already made and froze made my stomach growl. I was eating for three and I was starvin' like marvin. It always seemed to suck that it took all day to cook and less than twenty minutes, if that, to eat until you were full.

Clara had made us a wonderful banquet of delectable side items, her sweet potatoes were food from the gods. They were covered in marshmallows and under that layer was a packed a layer of cinnamon roasted pecans. The mashed ‘tators were mixed in with mashed rutabagas and were amazing, green bean casserole, well as you know that is always a favorite. Fresh creamed corn that was so sweet it could've been poured over ice cream and served as a dessert.

Then there was the turkey. I had thrown it in the oven earlier this morning since I was up and Mona continually basted it throughout the day, it was so moist you could've bet money it was fried outside on the main driveway. That wasn't even the desserts. We had apple, peach, cherry and blackberry pie. Devil's food cake and chocolate chip cookies and brownies that consisted of German chocolate and peanut butter to smores brownies.

Lilly, Curtis, Rachel and Kevin had stopped by around four when we were just getting ready to sit down and eat so they joined us for a traditional southern picnic. They got a little of everything and just picked while we ate a mound of food. We sat around the table talking about college and everything they were experiencing.

Kevin had moved into Rachel's apartment and they were blissfully happy. This was the first man that I had seen with Rachel who didn't put up with her shit. He stood his ground and she needed that. We laughed at how big I had become and I would lift up my shirt so they could see my stomach move around like on some Sci-Fi horror movie. They put their hands on me and felt the babies move, they talked and kissed them and then Mona served the pie. This to me is what family is about. Speaking of family, I hadn't heard from Bear at all and we were alright with that. I didn't bring it up today because this was about us…us sisters. I missed them just about as badly as I did TJ.

We ended up looking at the clock and seeing that it was nearly eleven and they all had to go. Mona and daddy said their goodbyes in the house and I walked them out to their cars. Curt and Kevin gave me a swift hugs goodbye and got in to warm the engines up.

Being all bundled up, the three of us girls attempted a hug that seemed to be all coats but I told them I loved and kissed them goodbye since they were leaving to head back to school. I watched them drive off until they went out of sight. I walked back up the walk way to the house and that eerie feeling washed over me again. I stopped where I was and turned around. I didn't see anyone. I waited there for a moment to see if skank girl was brave enough to step out of the shadows and come rush me. Nothing happened. I walked back inside, shut the door and secured the lock.

Lying in bed, I began to think about all that had happened this year. I had married a man who obviously thought the worst of me. TJ had done exactly what I asked him to do and left me alone, and I weighed as much as a baby whale. Yep, I thought to myself, I think I will pass on a happy New Years.

"Wakey, Wakey!" There was that soft voice again; I prayed to hear it. I opened my eyes and there he stood in the same place hovering over me. I felt his hands on my stomach. I pulled my arms up so that I could cover his hands with mine.

"TJ" I whispered.

"I am so proud of you Ellie-bean. I love you so much, babe. Do you realize that there will be nothing greater under heaven than what we have made together right here underneath our joined hands? Our babies were conceived out of a love no other two people on this earth will understand or even be blessed enough to attain ever in their lifetime. The devotion that we provide to each other is life-sustaining, my love. So know, even though I won't be there with you physically, I'm with you spiritually because you hold the most vital piece of me right here within you."