Personal Experiences (28 page)

"I wasn't planning on talking about them; No. All of my ink is very personal and means something very sacred to me."

"I could tell that the ones on your wrists were in different languages. Why would you have tattoos on your wrists if no one can read them?" He said as he chuckled.

"Well the reason that I have them in different languages is that, again, they're for me, no one else."

"Miss Barker, you are making this reunion a little difficult if you're not willing to talk." He said as he winked, setting a plate of food and a bowl of soup down in front of me.

He had brought me a salad with fresh greens that consisted more of spinach leaves than anything else, I was overjoyed! The soup was a minestrone soup that was full of pasta and veggies, it was delicious. The sandwich was a roasted tomato mozzarella open faced sandwich that had balsamic vinegar dripped over the top of it, it was incredibly scrumptious. I couldn't believe that he had all of this brought up here.

"Thank you, sir" I graciously said as I picked up my fork to take a bite of my salad. He winked again as he left to go back up to make his plate. Ok, if he wanted to play this get to know each other game then I could play.

"So, are you married; girlfriend?" I said between bites of the delectable sandwich.

"Now she wants to get personal, as long as it's her asking the questions, huh?" He playfully retorted as he sat down with his plate.

"I'm not married, had a girlfriend but nothing serious, no kids, just me."

Yeah right, no kids…if you only knew.

"Oh, sorry to hear that."

He took a bite of his hamburger and said with a full mouth "Sorry…for what? I'm not sorry; I told you Elle, nothing was permanent for me and as I recall, I made a promise a long time ago that I plan on keeping."

I almost choked on my food. I quickly chewed and swallowed then took a gulp from my wine.

"You're kidding, right?" I chortled.

Shaking his head "Did you think I was kidding back when I made that promise?"

"TJ, you were in second grade".

Now I was laughing because no one made promises about their future in second grade. "Why of course I thought you were kidding, besides, that's not even possible."

Taking another bite he answered, "And why's that impossible?"

I took another sip of my wine and shook my head "I'm not talking about this."

"Oh yes you are, you brought it up."

I laid my fork down and looked up at him.

"Ok…fine I brought it up, I'm ending it now. Next subject". I picked my fork back up and began stabbing at spinach leaves.

"Ok then, subject change, why won't you just admit you're still in love with me?"

I changed my mind, back to the other subject.

"It's impossible because I'm already married; polygamy is illegal."

"Oh, so you want to go back to that subject huh, this is getting interesting."

He smirked again.

It was my turn again and I was getting this conversation back on track. I was growing sick of these questions always coming back on me.

"So, are we going to begin tomorrow, can you give me a rundown on my day?"

"And here we go, back to professionalism 101."

"Yes sir. That is what this trip is about isn't it?"

"It's about a lot of things, Elle."

"I'm sure it is. For you maybe, but I'm only interested in the office part of it."

Still sitting beside me he threw his napkin over his plate, obviously he was finished eating, maybe he was just about as fed up with this conversation as I was and he was ready to put it to bed.

"What does the ink represent, Elle."

Maybe not. I didn't answer him. He grabbed my hand and turned it over seeing the ink mixed with the bruise that wrapped around my wrist, I know he saw it too. I laid my fork down. He leaned into me and rubbed his nose against mine and began to spell the letters of my tattoo against my lips.

"C-U-I-M-H-N-I-G-H"

"What's it say, Elle". He mumbled as he rubbed his lips against mine. Oh my god, there it was; that sweet breath in my face; it was warm against my skin and made my blood boil. My heart was beating two hundred miles an hour. I know he's got to taste the same. I've yearned for this, to have his lips against me again, just once. I closed my eyes and took in the sensory overload that was coming at me so rapidly. This felt like a dream to me.

I sighed the translation; "Remember".

I felt his tongue poke out just for a second onto my bottom lip and then it was gone.

Fucking tease!

"Remember huh", He said as he stood up and went back over to the buffet. I opened my eyes and felt the anger rush from the bottom of my feet up to the top of my head in less than a few seconds.

I had enough of him today. If I stayed out here any longer I was gonna punch him in the fucking face. I grabbed my soup and spoon and excused myself from the table and thanked him for a nice evening and begin walking to my room.

"Where are you going?" He said as he wrapped his hand around the top of my arm. I looked at him, then I looked at my arm thinking he would remove his hand, he didn't, that just pissed me off more.

"I'm going to bed. I think I've had enough bullshit for one night." I uttered. I decided that I was going in my room to video conference my kids and then go to bed.

"No you're not."

He started to drag me back to the living area when I ripped my arm out of his hold and began walking to my room, expressing to anything that was listening.

"I don't know who the fuck he thinks he is, but I didn't ask his permission to go to bed, I told him I was going to bed. How dare he think he can order me around."

I heard him laughing as I walked into my room and set my soup on the nightstand next to the bed. I went into the bathroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth. Heading to my luggage, I grabbed my laptop, t-shirt and sweats. I went to get on my bed and open up my computer, when I heard a light knock at the door. I wasn't going to answer it but he continued to knock. I reluctantly walked over and opened the door.

TJ was standing there with a cup of Jell-O.

"I would like to apologize for my behavior. I wanted to make sure that you got this before you went to bed, I will be up tomorrow at eight if you'd like to join me for breakfast, they have a wonderful buffet during the week and then we can head over to the office and I can show you around."

Relaxing a little, I let my guard down and accepted his peace offering.

"Thank you TJ, that sounds great. I will see you at eight."

As I went to shut the door, he held out his hand as to shake on it. I indulged him by sticking my hand in his. As I went to shake, I felt him tug my arm hard. I went to pull back but his lips were already on mine and he was kissing me hard but slow. His tongue tempting my lips to open with little swipes across them, finally, my mouth opened and allowed him access on its own accord and that was it, I was lost. His taste, his smell, the way he moaned when he succeeded at accomplishing his main priority, breaking down my defenses. I needed more, this was not going to be enough. I felt this was leading us somewhere I couldn't go, I had already had one breakdown over ending this; I couldn't take another one. In a rush I pushed him away. His breaths were rapid and short in duration. His eyes looked like the fire in them had been extinguished. I couldn't look at him much longer because I wouldn't be able to fight him off.

"Good night, Mr. McHale." I said as I began to shut the door before he had a chance to respond.

"Good night Ellie-bean, sweet dreams" I could hear the smile in his voice. I knew there was no going back to where we were before. This professionalism bullshit just took a nose dive right out the fucking window.

Chapter Thirteen

December 1992

Richland was beautiful this time of year. Other than a disturbance here and there from a momma deer and her baby, the snow laid crisp and clean across the front yard. It was Christmas Eve and I was excited, my two favorite girls were coming home from school and I so wanted to hear all about the college life since I lived vicariously through them.

Things were going well for us. I was healthy, huge but healthy. The babies were growing and everything looked good according to my last sonogram two weeks ago. Daddy and Mona returned from their trip after Thanksgiving and I surprised them both with two bibs a piece that said "I love my grandpa and grandma", one in pink, one in blue. It took them a minute to wrap their minds around what I was trying to say so I just came out and told them about the twins. They jumped up and we hugged and cried…again but they were as excited as I was.

Bear on the other hand, had begun to grow even more distant. He wouldn't come home two or three nights a week and he barely even talked to me anymore. I was hoping with Christmas here we would spend more time together, at least to get prepared on what to expect when the twins arrived.

I was now on the downhill slide of this pregnancy. I was due in March but from what I've been told, multiple births don't usually make it to forty weeks. I wanted the babies to be developed but dammit, I was ready for them to come out of me. I was exhausted, my tummy felt sore from all the kicking and I don't think I would ever forget the feeling of a head or foot stuck up under my ribs, let's just say even though I was fat when I felt pain, I moved as though I was a marathon runner who just heard the starting gun being fired.

I hadn't heard anything from TJ nor had I seen him. I wondered about him daily. Images of him would appear in my head and I would ponder on how football was going, if his classes were going well, if he had someone in his life.

I was heading into the back of the house to the study where I was secretly hiding my present stash, to begin the daunting task of wrapping when I heard the doorbell ring. I went to the door and opened it, not even thinking to look through the peephole, this is Richland; AKA Mayberry I can't even believe there are peepholes in door here in Richland. There stood before me a lady, as I stood there longer I began to question myself on whether it was a lady or not. She looked like she was a vagabond.

Her hair was greasy and the color was dull. She had about 3 inches of root regrowth that was jet black and yet the rest of her head was bleach blonde. Her face had concealer caked onto what looked like a week's worth of already caked on concealer. Her fake eyelashes were barely hanging onto what thin lashes she had attached to her eyelids. Her eyes-shadow was powder blue and coated the entire skin above her eye, her rubbed on crème blusher was rusty red and her lipstick was as red as blood. It didn't even follow the lines of her lips it just went all over the area under her nose and above her chin.

Grabbing the cigarette out of her mouth she spoke "the fucks Bear?" Ok, I seriously began questioning if this was a woman; she must smoke 3 packs a day. She proceeded to stick her head in around me looking into my childhood home, screaming Bear's name underneath my arm. This was when I picked up her smell. She smelled like she had been raised in a brothel. The smell of nasty sex reeked on her mixed with body odor, cigarettes and booze. I had a feeling it had been awhile since she had felt water touch her skin. I held my breath as she continued to try and move around me. I was thankful at this moment for my girth otherwise she would've been able to get by me.

"Bitch, get out of my way!" She growled at me. I know my face looked distorted because I could feel it when I heard her talk to me like she was talking out the side of her neck.

I had to keep my wits about me, I was a southern lady with class, unlike this scum that was leaving her trail of filth at my doorstep.

"Ummmm ma'am, I don't know who you are or why you're looking for my husband but Bear is not home at the moment."

She looked at me eye level then dropped her sight to my feet and covered the length of my body with her disgusting inspection of my beautiful pregnant, washed body.

"So you're the cunt who tries to hold him down, huh?"

I jumped back shocked at this question, which I'm guessing, was rhetorical because there's no way in hell I was answering it.

I put the fake, get the fuck outta here before I grab the bat that is sitting pretty behind this door, smile back on my face and explained again this time much slower so she will understand.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name but since trash seems too graceful of a title to be associated with you I won't call you anything, but I will let you know who I did call and that is the cops. So, I suggest you leave this property…ummm, let's see what's a small word that you would understand…" I held my index finger up to my lip and I stared into the sky as I acted like I was contemplating a word. "Quickly, yes, that's a small word." She took one more drag off her cigarette, threw it down on the cement of the entryway and bowed, yes actually bowed. "I'll be seeing you again" and turned to walk away but I heard under her breath "Cunt".

"Lovely" I retorted as I shut the door and locked it. I stood there for a moment to make sure she definitely had left the property. I then reminded myself to start using the fucking peephole. I ended up in the study with Christmas music streaming through the speakers when I saw Mona come in. I playfully yelled at her to get out. She laughed and stuck her tongue out at me, and plopped down on the couch next to daddy's desk.

I looked at her "Everything wrapped?"

She smiled at me.

"I take that as a yes."

I threw another wrapped gift over in the pile that I had created from wrapping for almost an hour now. I had gone a little overboard this Christmas because of the babies. They weren't even here yet but I wasn't sure if I was going to have a baby shower so I took it upon myself to purchase what I thought we'd need and what I wanted. It was so much fun, seeing little outfits and picturing my babies in them. I also bought a two seated stroller where both the seats lay down. I was eager to put that thing to good use. I had no idea what Bear had bought or if he had bothered to buy anything at all. This was going on twenty-four hours since the last time I had seen him.