Notes from the Life of a Total Genius (12 page)

I want us to be friends, but imagine if everyone always agreed with you? Would you want your boyfriend to always think all the same things as you do? That would be so boring!

The
Marathon
is for debating issues and putting forward points of view for our readers. I promise you, this wasn’t a personal attack!!

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

Sent: January 9, 20:15

Let’s be clear. You are my co-editor, NOT my boyfriend. We’re SUPPOSED to AGREE on what goes in the paper! That’s what the
CO
part means in front of
editor
.

January 9th

Dear RJ,

I got called into a meeting with Mr. Everett today, and you’ll never believe what he said! He said that Ms Kraleigh has some serious concerns about my work on the newspaper! Even AFTER I changed all the stuff about the administration in my poutine article. I don’t get it at all! I’m just trying to provide a counterpoint to some of the decisions that she’s making, and she shuts me down! Mr. Everett said that she feels that I’m attacking her personally, and that I am, get this, “undermining her ability to effect positive change.” I put this in quotes, because that’s what it sounded like when Mr. Everett said it to me. He would never talk like that; he’s too dorky. RJ, I’m not the kind of guy to rock the boat, but I think this is kind of crazy! I should be able to say what I want! Even Mr. Everett agreed with me that I back up my opinions with valid arguments. Frankly, I think they should all be proud that I actually learned something from Ms Whitehead and follow her laws about persuasive writing. I was so mad. I asked Mr. Everett if I was getting kicked off the paper, and he assured me that I wasn’t, but that we would have to tread carefully with this new administration. I felt kind of bad for him, being caught in the middle. I think he’s mad about it too, but he never said that. He said that both Ms Kraleigh and I had valid points, but that she was in charge here, not me.

Now I don’t know what I’m going to write about for the next edition of the
Marathon
. Everybody’s jumping down my throat for such little things! I was going to write about changing the school mascot to something more original than a fox, but I kind of want to write about free speech instead. I should write about how my basic rights as a citizen are being taken away! I should write about the Charter of Rights and Freedoms! I could be the next Braveheart!! FREEDOM!!

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

From: Von Ipo ([email protected])

To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

Sent: January 11, 9:32

Hey, Artie!

Great rehearsal yesterday, hey? Loved how funny everyone is! I toned down what I was going to do, because I wanted to make sure that everyone got a chance to be funny, otherwise I would basically steal the show. Isn’t it awesome to have your words spoken by other people?

Also, Millie is super hot! Think you could give me her number? I’m surprised I don’t have it already — I basically have everyone’s number in our grade. I want to invite her to my hockey game tomorrow. Actually, now that I think of it, you guys could come together! I’ll invite her and then we could all hang out after. You could basically be my wingman!

Von

From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

To: Von Ipo ([email protected])

Sent: January 11, 20:41

Von,

I don’t have Millie’s number, so I can’t give it to you. I just see her at fencing. She fences a lot though, so I don’t think she has time for a boyfriend anyway.

See you Monday.

Arthur Bean

January 16th

Dear RJ,

I found out during fencing today that Millie is super in love with Vincent. I was sure she was into me! I’m kind of glad that she’s not, but it’s also kind of confusing. I was sure she was flirting with me. I don’t think I was supposed to find out about her liking Vincent anyway, but she and Joie were talking about it and I couldn’t help but overhear. No one else at fencing really pays attention to me, so I spend a lot of time feeling like a lurker around Joie and Millie and waiting for them to acknowledge me so I can join in the conversation. At least they always do acknowledge me. It’s better than some girls I know.

I’m not allowed to tell anyone her secret, because Vincent doesn’t know, which is weird. I told her to tell him, but she said that she could never do that because she’s not his type. How does she know? If she’s never really talked to him, how does she know she’s not his type? Plus, people date surprising people all the time. Like how Kennedy and I were together. I bet a bunch of people probably never thought that would happen! I told Millie this, but then she said that she had heard that Kennedy and I never really were together. Which kind of proved my point that the rumour mill is never right. But man, am I glad that she doesn’t like Von! Ha!

Anyway, I’m thinking now that maybe it’s Joie who likes me, and Millie was just trying to make it seem like it was her. Not that I would date Joie. She’s nice, but she’s a way better fencer than me, and she’s super competitive.

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
by Sherman Alexie

I read this book because the librarian told me it was really good. And boy, was she right! It’s a pretty great book, and I particularly liked that it’s been banned in so many places. I am particularly drawn to books that have been banned these days. I like to push the envelope. For example, did you know that Harry Potter has been banned? I don’t understand some people. What’s so terrible about wizards?

Anyway, this book had everything you would want in a book. A hilarious protagonist, a complicated history and some touching moments. If I ever write a book, I hope that it’s as good as this book. In fact, this is the kind of book where I read it, and I told my dad to read it, because I wish that I had written the book. Some books are so good that I can’t help but be jealous that I didn’t write them myself. Also, I liked that it had doodles in it, but I’m a pretty bad illustrator, so I would get Robbie to do that part for me.

The one thing is that I’m glad that this wasn’t my life, because I’ve had some pretty terrible things happen to me so far, but nothing as bad as Junior’s life. Overall, I give it five stars out of five stars.

Arthur,

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian is not a real biography. I’ll agree with you that it’s an excellent book, but it does not fit into the parameters of the original reading assignment. Please choose a different biography to review. I’ll accept this piece as an extra-credit assignment so that you receive credit for your work here.

Ms Whitehead

Dear Ms Whitehead,

I think we need to agree to disagree. The title clearly states that it’s a true story, and I read a lot about the author, and he’s First Nations. He may have partially fictionalized his life for the book, but I still think it should count, because: a) it was a really awesome book and everyone should read it, b) it’s not a fantasy novel and c) the only other biographies that I found that sounded interesting were all about old comedians. Reading this book opens my horizons way more than knowing where Steve Martin did his first stand-up comedy routine, don’t you think?

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

Arthur,

You do weave a compelling argument. Let’s compromise: come by my classroom and we can discuss The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian in depth. I’ll provide you with the discussion questions ahead of time so that you can prepare thoughtful responses for our conversation.

Ms Whitehead

January 21st

Dear RJ,

I could actually start to like this fencing thing. Millie and Joie’s class is super fun, mostly because they are there, but also we get to fence more! The only part that sucks is that we had to do wind sprints to warm up, which I tried to get out of, and then Deeter made me do more than everyone else, which made me really mad. But after that, we did some practice moves where I learned a new attack move, and then we actually got to hook up to the electric machines and score our bouts. We never got to do that in the lame beginner course. If we had done that on the first day, it would have been way better. Every fencer is hooked up to an electric wire that runs down the inside of your jacket, and it hooks up to the machine. Then you have this metal jacket called a lamé, and if you hit your opponent’s lamé, the coloured light goes on. If you hit them on the sleeve or whatever, the white light goes on. Sometimes all the lights go on at once, and that’s when the ref has to decide who hit whom first. It was so cool. I barely made any coloured lights go on, but I fenced against Joie and I got the first point. Then she got mad and beat me in like 10 seconds, but still. I got the first point! I watched Millie and Joie fight each other. It was so fast paced. They are really good!