My Side (13 page)

This was uncharted
territory. He had tattoos in places I hadn’t even touched on other people. I’d
had sex in the dark with my eyes closed.

He’d already made me
feel like I was burning up from the inside out, which was more than any of the
other three had ever done. I chewed my lip.

I
had a horrid feeling
,
we were making a
mistake
. The idea of losing him hurt more than not having him. I reached
for the door and turned the lock. I dropped to my knees and leaned my forehead
against the door.

He called me. I didn’t
answer. I felt sick.

I heard his footsteps
on the hardwood floors and closed my eyes. He turned the locked handle on the
door.

“Erin?”

I stopped breathing.

“You okay?”

I shook my head, “I
don’t feel good.”

He turned the lock
harder, aggressively, “Let me in.”

I placed my hands on
the door, “Can we reschedule? My stomach is hurting.”

“No. I know why it’s
hurting.” There was a thump on the floor, and suddenly his voice was next to
mine through the hollow door, “Mine’s hurting too.”

I whispered, “What if
we fuck this up?”

He was quiet for a
second, “I don’t know, I can’t think that far ahead. I just want you. I’ll
always want you.”

“What if that’s all it
is?”

“Princess, remember
when I told you, I could have any girl I wanted?”

I wrinkled my nose.

“Don’t make that face,
you know you remember that night.”

I laughed. He couldn’t
see me but he knew. I whispered, “I remember.”

He sighed, “I wasn’t
joking. Being Lochlan Barlow is awesome, but it’s not who I am. With you, I’m
just Loch. I like that part of me. I like who you make me.”

My eyes watered, “I’m
normal and plain, and you’re the light that could brighten the whole sky.
You’re too big, and I know we’re going to fuck it up, and I can’t take not
being with you, even as friends.” I was grateful for the door. I could never
say any of that to his face.

“Princess, you’re
extraordinary to me. You’re the amazing and the fantastic. I look at you and I
think home. It’s bigger than anything in the world. No record deal, mountain
climbed, no creation made, can compare to the feeling I have when I’m with you.
Nothing I ever accomplish, will be as great as getting you to be my girl.”

I reached up and
clicked the lock. He pushed the door and me back. He swept me into his arms,
holding me to his chest, “I’m as scared of you as you are of me.”

I shook my head
against his scruffy face, “No.”

He looked at me,
“Yeah.” He put me down slowly, sliding me down his body.

I ran my hands up his
torso, dragging his tee shirt with it, running my hands along his taut, warm
skin. He pulled the shirt up over his head, dropping it on the floor between
us. I traced his tattoos with the tips of my nails, appreciating each one. His
left shoulder had a huge triangle that covered the whole round of shoulder and
went up his neck a tiny bit. His chest had two sentences I didn’t recognize.
His arms had daggers and skulls and weird artwork. He looked savage without a
shirt on. His body was ripped and inked and he had a nipple piercing, I never
noticed before. It blended into the ink over his chest. I pointed, “Is that
new?”

“No.”

It was a small black
barbell through the nipple. I grimaced, “It must have hurt.” I flicked it with
my fingertip. He sucked in, “Not any more.”

I smiled and looked up
at him, my hands went to his leather belt with metal studs all over it. I undid
it, maintaining his stare.

He looked like he was
ready to pounce but I shook my head. I wanted to see him.

I pulled the belt from
his pants, struggling with the studs. I dropped it to the floor and dipped my
fingers into the front of his pants. He jerked, like he wasn’t ready for it.
Taking his button in my fingers, I grinned as I undid it and pulled the zipper
down.

His breaths were slow
and controlled. He was holding himself back. I had a bad feeling that when he
let go of the control, it would be like unleashing a wild animal.

The blue in his eyes
was almost black. I frowned, “You okay?”

He bit his lip and
nodded.

I dropped to my knees,
dragging his jeans to the floor. His legs were thick and strong. I unlaced his
boots slowly, knowing how close my face was, in relation to his groin. His
tight, white underwear had a wide band with Calvin across them. I looked up at
his thick erection, outlined behind the white cotton. I wanted to pull it out,
but I assumed that would be too much for him. He was already wound tight.

I pulled off one boot
and then the other.

His jeans were hard to
take off, but when I got them off, I sat back and looked at him. The black
socks were wrecking the picture. I lifted his feet one at a time and pulled
them off. Then I sat back and made a mental picture. I wanted this to be the
way I always remembered him.

My gaze travelled his
body slowly. When I reached his face, I nodded, “Okay, but it has to be slow.”

He leapt, sweeping me
into his arms in a fluid motion. He laid me on the bed on my back, tugging at
my shirt. He pulled it up, but stopped when it reached my eyes. It became a
blindfold that trapped my arms above my head. His lips brushed against mine,
like a butterfly kiss. He planted them everywhere. He dragged my bra up my
body, doing the same as my shirt. I was helpless and blind. His mouth hovered
over my left
nipple,
I shivered when I felt the heat
of his breath there. He lowered, taking the whole nipple into his mouth. I
moaned
,
arching my back but his hand still held my
arms above my head and my shirt over my eyes. He sucked slowly, swirling his
tongue and flicking. He kissed the mound of my breast and made a path of hot,
wet kisses to my mouth. He sucked my lip and finally thrust his tongue in my
mouth, releasing my hands. I struggled to get the shirt off.

His hands were finding
other places to explore, running up and down my inner thigh. Tracing softly on
the cotton of my underwear. He slipped them to the side, running a finger up
the center of my lips.

I sucked in a sharp
inhale and held it, as his finger made its way into me. He moved slowly,
stroking my abdomen and sliding his finger in and out of me. He sat up,
watching me as he methodically moved his finger. He pulled his finger from me
and ripped my underwear down all the way. They were still looped around one
foot, when he spread my legs as far as they would go. He looked down on me. I
closed my
eyes,
I couldn’t watch him see me spread
apart. He bent his face, kissing my inner thigh. My stomach was in knots still.
I waited in agony until he licked the entire length of my slit. Then I
contracted, gripping the blankets.

He murmured into the
kisses and sucks, “You taste good. I knew you would.”

I shook my head,
“Shhhh. No talking.”

He chuckled, licking
again, but this time he pushed his finger inside of me. The licking and
sucking, combined with the thrusting, and I felt my body break into a flush.

“Cum for me,
princess,” he murmured.
As if because he commanded it, I did.
I covered my hands over my face, knowing he’d just watched me orgasm, in a
bright bedroom. I couldn’t focus on it though. My whole body was contracting
and twitching.

He kissed the inside
of my leg and sat up. I could feel his eyes bearing down on me. He bent
forward, kissing me and I could taste myself on his lips. I wasn’t sure how I
felt about it, but it was there.

“Open your eyes,
princess.”

I shook my head,
clutching my hands to my eyes.

He kisses my cheek,
“Please.” He pried my hands from my face.

I opened them,
discovering a look in his eyes, I’d only ever seen when he was on stage. It was
the passion, and anger, and pain, and bliss, and joy he felt when he was
singing. That dark look was there. He maintained my stare, when he pushed
inside of me. It hurt for a second. It had been a long time since my last
partner and he was much larger than any of them. But he pushed in slowly,
letting me get used to him. He thrust once and bent his face, “You feel as good
as I knew you would,” he whispered into my neck.

His body moved against
mine in a rhythmic way. I found myself pushing back, grinding and rotating
against him. His hands caressed, worshiping almost, as his lips placed kisses
everywhere. It was slow, and not at all, what I was expecting. His self-control
was insane, considering he’d looked like he was going to maul me, when I was
undressing him.

I’d never had an
orgasm with actual sex before, beyond my vibrator, so when the build up
started, I felt my eyes widen. He increased the speed, “Look into my eyes when
you cum.”

My breaths shortened
and became the sound he always made me make. He gripped my ass, lifting me up
and pumped harder. “You look at me when you cum. I want you to remember this
moment.”

I reached above me,
grabbing the rails that made up the headboard. I used them to get the angle I
needed. I didn’t even know I needed it, until my body started to lift and
clutch. He gave me his cocky one-sided smile when he felt it. I tried to keep
looking at him, but my body was fire. I focused on the blue of his eyes and how
black they had gotten. I could see the demons swirling around inside of the
blacks of his eyes. My body clenched and convulsed and my eyes closed, with the
intense look on his face burned into my memory. It was the same one he got when
he sang.

I got to have him the
way I wanted him.

I cried out, wrapping
my legs around him, forcing him to freeze for a second. Every muscle tensed to
the point my calf started to cramp up. I flexed my foot and straightened my
leg, “My calf… cramping.”

He pressed on my foot
until it went away.

I opened my eyes and
looked at him, “What the fuck?” I asked breathlessly.

He laughed, “I’m not
done showing you that, I need to put a condom on.”

I shook my head, “I’m
on the pill.” I always was, just in case. ‘Course this was the first time I was
letting just in case happen.

He didn’t need
anything beyond that. He lifted me up higher and thrust into me like the
animal, I knew he would be. It wasn’t slow anymore. He gripped my thighs so
hard I was sure to bruise. I was covering my mouth to muffle the screams
leaving my lips, when his body tensed and I felt him finish inside of me. He
jerked and collapsed on me, squishing me in a good way.

Everything changed in
that moment.

He kissed my arm, my
breast, my chest, my throat and then my cheek.

Everything changed,
and I prayed it wouldn’t be awkward as ass.

The record deal

We didn’t leave the
bed for twenty hours, probably scared of what was waiting in the real world. We
slept and had sex again and talked. He cut up a plate of fruit and cheese, and
brought a packet of crackers, when the hunger was too much. We ate in my bed,
which made me laugh. I wasn’t kicking him out of bed for cracker crumbs. I was
changing my sheets though.

He looked at his huge
cuff watch, “I have to go. You coming?”

I wanted to be
supportive but I shook my head, “I think it’s better if I don’t come.”

He looked hurt.

I kissed his
stubble-covered cheek, “I want to be there, but I don’t want to watch you sign
girls’ boobs and arms and stomachs.”

He laughed, “Fair
enough. I sign paper too, ya know? Maybe like one in twenty girls asks for a
body signing and they ask the other guys too.”

I shook it off and
pointed at the huge pile of books in the corner, “I don’t want to talk about
it, and I have homework anyway.”

He kissed the tip of
my nose. I watched him get out of bed. He had a nice ass. It was the kind that
you wanted to bite. “How is your body so fit?”

He looked down on
himself, “You enjoying the view?”

A smile crossed my
lips, “Yup.”

He shrugged, “I lift
weights a few times a week, I run, I don’t know. I do a show every night,
that’s a lot of calories.”

I winked, “But you eat
a ton. You know it’s going to catch up with you. You’ll be three hundred pounds
by the time you’re forty.”

He dropped to his
knees in front of me, “You better still love me then, if I am.”

It was an awkward
moment for us both.

I felt myself closing
off, but he was the antidote to my natural wall building. He pointed, “Stop
that. I just meant if I get fat, you better still want to be with me.”

I laughed and fought
the awkwardness, “If you want me to want you in twenty years, then you better
still look like David Beckham.”

He blushed, “You think
I look like Beck?”