Mountains Wanted (33 page)

Her phone rang, jolting
her thoughts away from James. She expected it to be Rachel but saw that the
incoming number had a Denver area code. She didn't like to accept calls from
unfamiliar numbers but she considered that it could be a relative or an old
friend with a new cell phone number. She offered a curious hello and waited for
the other party to identify him or herself.

"Sarah?" came
the voice. She knew who it was before he said, "It's Daniel."

She felt the color drain
from her face. James immediately sensed something was wrong and turned to
her, his one hand gripping the steering wheel, the other gently rubbing her
knee. She shook her head at him and said into the phone, "What do you
want?"

There was an apologetic
sigh on the line and then: "I know you don't want to talk to me,
Sarah, but please hear me out. I've spent the last three years getting back on
my feet and I am ready to see my kids."

"What makes you
think they want to see you?" she asked coolly.

"They probably
don't want to, and I totally understand why they'd feel that way," Daniel
admitted. "I know I was a complete asshole, Sarah, but I've changed. I've
spent the last three years getting my life back in order. I've paid my debts,
I've gotten married, I have another child now. I have a great job and I am
ready to be reunited with the missing members of my family."

"Well, I am happy
for you, Daniel, but you don't get to decide one day you'll be a father, the
next you won't, and then three years later decide you want your kids
back. It doesn't work like that. I have to be a mother every fucking day
and I have done it totally on my own,” she said as if ice water flowed through
her veins.

James' grip tightened on
Sarah's knee as he realized who was calling and what he was saying. "Just
hang up," he advised. "Tell him to contact your lawyer."

Daniel's tone remained
contrite. "I know you're coming to Colorado next month for Rachel's
wedding," he said smoothly. "I would really like to see Owen and Abby
and introduce them to their new brother while you’re here.”

Sarah felt nauseous at
the thought of being in the same room with him. "Abby is not your
daughter, and that boy is not her brother," she argued.

"I am the only
father Abby has ever known," he fought back, his tone sharpening ever so
slightly.

"Better to not have
a father at all than to have you in her life," Sarah retorted.

"Ouch."
 He was silent for a moment as if recalculating his angle. "I’m not
surprised that you’re bitter. I assumed you would be.” He took a deep breath
and regrouped again. “Look, I am not trying to take them away from you or even
change anything. I just want to see them. Just a few hours, Sarah, that's
all I am asking for."

She stalled. 
The
longer he talked the more likely his real motives would emerge
, she
thought.

"Okay, how about
this?" He tried yet another tactic, "Ask them if they want to see me.
 If not, then we won't do it. If they do, we will set something up."

Sarah slumped down into
her seat, her knee twitching under the weight of James’ palm as she reviewed
her options. On one hand she never wanted this man to reappear in her or her
children's lives, but on the other hand she didn't want either of the kids to
someday accuse her of keeping them from their father, or father figure as the
case was for Abby. So she ambivalently acquiesced to his suggestion, agreeing
to talk to the kids and call him back. She disconnected from the call and
immediately buried her head in her hands, sending her dark locks cascading
around her like a curtain. She felt James' hand move from her knee and begin
stroking down her back soothingly. "You gonna be okay?” he asked softly.

"That man has a knack
for ruining things," she said. As they made their way back over the
Bay Bridge she couldn't help but think it was an omen of other changes to come.

***

June brought its
constant summer companions heat and humidity to the mid-Atlantic, which seemed
to be having a pervasive impact on both moods and patience levels. Rachel was
in full on bridezilla mode and Sarah was scrambling to help her with last
minute arrangements. There were fittings to schedule and orders to review and
RSVPs to count. On top of all the wedding stress, Rachel incessantly complained
about her betrothed, so much so that Sarah had to bite her tongue from blurting
out that perhaps they should rethink this whole wedding thing.

Sarah was supposed to be
enjoying her summer vacation from teaching but in addition to playing wedding
coordinator and maid of honor, she had also given herself an August deadline
for getting her manuscript to the publisher. The edits were becoming tedious,
especially when the warm early summer sun beckoned her outdoors into her
garden. Her kids were finishing up their last week of school and already
starting to ask about plans for camps and outings.

And, naturally, there
were other situations bearing down on Sarah as well. Pawel was leaving at the
end of the week to return to Poland and James was leaving for Afghanistan via
Ohio the week after that. Beyond that, Sarah had returned from Assateague still
haunted by the phone conversation with her ex-husband Daniel. She was even more
bitter because it had threatened to overshadow her otherwise amazing weekend
with James.

She had first consulted
her mother for advice regarding the situation. Kathy had agreed that Sarah
needed to see if Daniel had indeed changed and to seriously consider affording
Owen an opportunity to have a relationship with his father, and to a lesser
extent Abby, if she wanted to.  Rachel was more inclined to advise giving
Daniel a hearty "fuck off!" But then she reconsidered that approach
in light of the fact that Sarah now had the potential to start receiving child
support. "Milk him for every penny you can," she said, taking a
page from her own book in how she had handled her own ex-husband and Thomas'
father.

Sarah had another
question for her best friend, "How do you think Daniel found out about
your wedding?"

Rachel scratched her
head. "No clue. But we still have so many mutual friends in Colorado,
no doubt word got around to him, especially on Facebook. Did you say he was
back in Denver?"

"He had a Denver phone
number," Sarah recalled. When he'd left their family, he'd originally gone
to California. Perhaps he’d moved back. She didn’t talk to him long enough to
find out. "He said he has a son now."

"Are you going to
tell the kids that?" Rachel questioned, her eyes wide.

Sarah nodded, "I
guess so, why wouldn't I?"

"Because if you ask
them if they want to see their father and then mention they have a new brother,
then they will almost certainly say yes. It sweetens the deal quite a bit,
don't you think?" Rachel predicted.

Sarah considered that
for a moment. She didn't like the idea of withholding information from her
children, and she didn't like the idea of them missing an opportunity to meet
someone who shared their DNA, or at least Owen's DNA. It had been over a week
since Daniel's phone call and he had already called again to ask Sarah if she
had an answer yet.  She needed to decide what to do. Soon.
           
That
night after dinner she stayed at the table and announced to Abby and Owen that
she had something to tell them. Owen looked at her inquisitively and then
solemnly guessed, "It's about Dad, isn't it?"

"Did he contact
you?" Sarah demanded, suddenly agitated with fear that he'd violated their
agreement.

"No," Owen
replied with wide eyes. "I can just tell it's about him because of the way
you said we needed to talk."

She had nearly forgotten
that her son sometimes had even more uncannily accurate intuitions than she did
herself.
If that boy ever learns to harness that power, he's going to make
himself a fortune telling fortunes
, she thought with a smile that was
quickly squelched by the topic of the matter at hand.

"Did Daniel contact
you, Mom?" Abby moved the conversation forward.

"Yes," Sarah
nodded. "He knows we are going out to Colorado for Rachel's wedding and
he's back there now. He has a new job, he is remarried and..."  She
considered Rachel's advice again but decided it was better to tell the truth,
"he wants to see you and introduce his new son."

Owen's face lit up like
the sun, his dark eyes gleaming. "I have a brother?" he exclaimed.

Sarah couldn't help but
adore Owen's excitement for nearly everything. It was a nice contrast to his
sister's cynicism, which unfortunately really did appear to be a component of
her personality and not just a by-product of teenage angst. Sarah studied her
reaction to the news. Her expression was fixed, serious, arms folded stiffly
across her chest.

"Abby?" Sarah
questioned, "what do you think about all this?”

"I don't trust
him," she said plainly.

She glanced to Owen,
whom she'd never known to hold grudges, and his face was still plastered with a
huge grin, no doubt thinking of all the things he wanted to show and teach his
little brother. 
How can I deny him now that he knows?

Abby placed one hand on
top of the other on the table as if delivering her final judgment on the
matter.  "I will see him, but I am not calling him Dad and I don't
trust him."

Sarah said, "Fair
enough. I will let him know we will plan to spend a little time with him
in Colorado."

She was already bracing
herself for having to deal with this man who had been the source of so much
pain.
But I am so much stronger now, on my own, than I ever was with him,
she
considered.
 I am a totally different person than I was when he knew me. We
will seem like strangers to each other.

She started to carry the
dinner dishes into the kitchen, gently setting the clattering porcelain on the
counter next to the sink.
It's amazing how people come into your life and
journey with you for a while, and then one or both of you outgrow each other
and move on. There's a reason they're there and things happen the way they do,
but sometimes you don't know what the reason is until much further down the
road. Maybe I’ll finally learn why Daniel came into my life...other than to
give me my precious Owen.
She paused, thinking that she already knew the
answer. He’d changed her. She’d grown up, found herself, all through the pain
he had inflicted.

I wonder if that's how
it will be with me and Pawel or me and James?
she wondered.
Perhaps they were only meant to be with me
during this short chapter of my life and then their paths will veer off from
mine and we will all grow with new people who come into our lives. Maybe
relationships are meant to be temporary. It seems like destiny always forces
people apart, forces us into short-term liaisons. I guess nothing is
forever.

***

           
On
the night before his departure, Pawel  insisted on taking Sarah out for
dinner no matter how much she protested that she should have the honor of
treating him. She scrambled around trying to find a parting gift that would
appropriately convey her affection. She realized nothing could match the
Christmas or birthday presents he’d lavished on her, but she finally settled on
two things. One was a photograph of her and the kids taken at Christmastime
encased in a Maryland-themed frame that included the state flag, little blue
crabs and a lighthouse. The other gift was a leather bound journal in which she
had inscribed a poem she knew would resonate with Pawel and a few paragraphs in
which she attempted to summarize her deep and abiding affection and
appreciation for Pawel's friendship and company throughout their short time
together. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to do her feelings justice with a
speech if she got too choked up during their goodbye, better to have it
indelibly sealed in ink.

The dinner conversation
started out light and lilting, focusing on small talk such as summer plans. Pawel
discussed his upcoming trip to Paris with his wife. It was meant to be a
sort of second honeymoon. "You know, since you won't come to live in
Poland with me," he laughed, not intentionally trying to elicit guilt from
Sarah but she couldn't help but feel some anyway. She thought about how simple
it would be to marry a man like Pawel, someone so stable, so wise and mature.
No
epic roller coaster like what I’ve been through with James
, she thought.

She and Pawel had
covered this territory the previous week when she'd last spent the night at his
house. He'd professed his undying love and devotion to her and promised
her and her children a wonderful life if they'd relocate to Poland.

"What about your
wife?" Sarah had questioned thoughtfully.

He had tilted his
shoulders forward in the tiniest of shrugs. He had never expected her to
say yes. “Plus you're in love with that Army Guy of yours," he'd conceded.

Sarah knew his heart was
broken and that he was trying his best to accept that they could never have the
relationship he wanted. "I love you too, Pawel," she had confessed.
"I don't know what I would have done without you this past year. You've
been my sounding board, my voice of reason, you've taken care of me....you're
an excellent cook, an amazing kisser. You're kind and generous and so damn
smart. You're very special to me and I am going to miss you more than you will
ever know."

Pawel was humbled by
Sarah's words and they dulled the pain of her rejection. He had pulled her
into a warm embrace and then kissed her forehead chastely. That night, they had
made love, a familiarity in their touch that Sarah knew she would miss. Pawel
was a gentle, giving, thorough lover. She wished again at that moment that
there was a way she could give herself to Pawel the way she threw herself at
James during their weekend on Assateague, but she knew it could never be. She
just didn’t have that depth of feeling for him, no matter how much she wished
she did.

This night, at dinner
their final night together, they had decided that Sarah would not stay over at
his house. He insisted that he take a cab to the airport in the morning no
matter how many times Sarah offered to drive him. 
I think he is afraid
it will hurt too much
,
to know it’s our last night
, Sarah guessed. Last
week, they’d both thought there’d be one more night. Then she wondered with a
shooting pain how she should handle her last night with James.

She struggled to keep
her thoughts on the present and on her companion through their dinner. The wine
helped, but it wasn't difficult for Pawel to see that she was distracted. "Oh,
Sarah," he whispered after the waiter cleared away their plates. "I
am so sorry you have to endure two goodbyes.  I am overwhelmed with
sadness at saying goodbye to you but I'm going home to a wife who loves me and
my children whom I’ve missed more than words can express. You're saying goodbye
to me and James and your best friend is getting married, which is always a
goodbye of sorts. Are you sure you're holding up okay?"

The little dam Sarah had
built to hold back her emotions cracked under the pressure and a tiny wet tear
slid out before she could gain back control. "We'll, I was okay," she
forced a little laugh.

He studied her dark
eyes, searching for the right words to comfort her. "Sarah, you are one of
the most amazing women I have ever met. I have a feeling you're about to draw
in another amazing man, or maybe even two, who will fill these voids we're
leaving. You are a magnet for strength, beauty and intelligence, my dear. You
know, I believe people are placed in your path for a reason. They're either
there for you to learn something from or for you to teach. If you're
lucky, it's both. I know you've taught me a great deal, and I can only imagine
what all you've taught James. I know there is someone right around the
corner who needs Dr. Lynde in his life."

"Oh, Pawel,"
she gushed, "I think it is I who have learned from you. It's hard to
believe you're really going to be on the other side of the globe." She
wiped her eye again, sopping up the other tear that was threatening to escape.
 “Oh!” she exclaimed, hoping to lighten the tension a bit, “I wanted to
give you a couple of things. It’s not much but I knew you had a ton of
stuff to ship back over and I didn’t want to burden your load too much,” she
explained, handing him two wrapped packages.

He slowly untied the
ribbons on the picture frame and smiled immediately at the familiar beaming
grin of Owen, the half-smirk of the brooding Abby, and the gorgeous full-lipped
smile of his beloved Sarah. “Not that I could ever forget you,” he said
graciously, “but putting this on my desk I will be able to gaze upon your
lovely faces every day.” He began to tackle the package containing the
journal, his fingers nimble with the knot she’d tied. He turned the
journal over and read the inscription, the poem and the words that had their
genesis in Sarah’s heart. Now it was his turn to choke back the tears.

He drove her home that
night in near silence. The radio was low and humming with jazz and the stars
were just starting to peek through the indigo night. Sarah wondered if this
would be the last time they saw each other, if this was really a goodbye or a
“see you soon.” She could feel her sinuses starting to clog with impending
tears. 
If I’m this choked up now, how am I going to say goodbye to
James? I’m sending Pawel back to a wife and family who love him, who’ve missed
him. I’m sending him home into a loving embrace. I’m sending James off into a
war zone.
They stood in Sarah’s driveway intertwined for what seemed like
hours. Sarah was glad the kids were already in bed and not likely to interrupt.
Pawel held her lush, curvy body close to his wiry frame, stroking her hair and
promising her that they would cross paths again, and sooner than she might
think.