Matt Fargo (67 page)

Authors: Dirty Japanese: Everyday Slang From "What's Up?" to "F*%# Off!"

BOOK: Matt Fargo

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Japanese Chinese food is like a less greasy version of American Chinese food, with higher quality ingredients, prettier waitresses, and no Spicy Wings.

curry
karē

You can get Indian-style curry in Japan (check out Jimbōcho in Tokyo), although the word karē implies Japanese curry, which is more sweet than spicy.

French food
furansu ryōri

A lot of Japanese cooks actually go to France to study foreign cooking, so French food in Japan is probably more authentic than what you get in America, although I wouldn’t know because I never eat the shit.

Italian food
itaria ryōri

Don’t expect to find a lot of heavier dishes like lasagna in Japan, but if you’re into spaghetti and other noodle dishes, Japanese spaghetti is pretty damn good. They generally serve pretty shitty wine, though.

Fast food

fāsuto fūdo

Of course you can find a McDonald’s in even the most remote corner of the Eight Islands, and a hamburger there tastes pretty much the same as the one you ate in whatever Middle American town you may have come from. But if you’re going to eat fast food in Japan, I suggest you try one of the following native franchises, in descending order. Americans have a lot to learn about their own cuisine.

< LET’S GO TO
…

… ikō ze

Mos Burger
mosu

Mosu is like the In-N-Out of Japanese fast food. They use quality beef and have all sorts of weird experimental burgers.

First Kitchen
fakkin

Pronounced like “fucking,” these places are cheap, quick, and popular among high school kids.

Freshness Burger
furesshunesu bāgā

Freshness Burger is kind of a health-conscious burger joint. Unfortunately, that makes it less tasty than a Mos Burger, although it’s light years ahead of McDonald’s.

Lotteria
rotteria

The name “Lotteria” makes it sound like they should be selling scratch-offs instead of burgers and fries. It’s like McDonald’s but not made out of poo.

Kentucky Fried Chicken
kenta

Except for very remote parts of Hokkaido, it is impossible to find turkey in Japan, so it has become tradition to get Kentucky Fried Chicken for Christmas dinner—and eat only the skin.

McDonald’s
makku