Loving Her (7 page)

Well, I guess I blew that.  I
couldn’t believe my luck when I noticed Jen at the same damn club.  I only
decided to come out, by myself, at the last minute.  I was disappointed when I
realized I’d missed her call earlier in the week.  Then, all hell broke loose
with our Sacramento clients and I had to put my personal life on hold and do
some damage control.  By the time I arrived back in town that morning and
wrapped up a few things at the office, it was after five and being that it was
a Friday night, I figured she had already gone home and wouldn’t be in her
office.  I really needed to get her damn cell phone number.

I found myself watching her and
her friend for a really long time. By the time I was on my third Jack and Coke,
I bravely walked up behind her and set my hand on her hip.  I just needed to
touch her, but didn’t know why.  I liked the feel of Jen leaning against me.  I
think she liked it too, but thoughts of Kristen popped through my clouded mind
about the time her friend came back from the bathroom. 

I could feel myself get stiff and
pull away.  It was completely involuntary, but also completely noticed by Jen. 
She jumped away from me and walked to the dance floor with Emily.

I felt like crap.  I didn’t mean
to even approach her, but something kept drawing me towards her.  I wanted to
follow them to the dance floor, but she seemed to want to escape from my
utterly confusing behavior, so I just watched the two of them and finished my
drink. 

I watched her sexy hips move to
the music and forced myself to stay in place.  I really wanted to be next to
her and soon found my body walking to the dance floor.  It was pure instinct.

Jen had her back to me and laughing
with her friend Emily, so I moved behind her, wrapped my arms around her waist
and pressed my body next to hers.  She startled a bit until she glanced back and
then relaxed into me.  She knew it was me and I was glad.  I smiled and put my
lips close to her ear.  “I’m sorry if I was a little tense.  It’s been a while
since I’ve…..dated.”  That’s all I had for her.  Dated…..hmm

She turned her head to look at me
and raised her eyebrow.  “Really?  You, Mr. Sexy Whistle Britches?” 

I laughed.  “Mr. Sexy what?  Is
that how you see me?”

“Hell yeah!  You know you’re
sexy, Rylan.  Don’t even try to deny it!”  Wow, she must be really drunk to be
admitting that to me, but I’d take it.

I didn’t say anything.  I just
moved with Jen to the music and I felt free.  She reached her hands back around
my neck and ran her fingers through my hair.  The move had my breath stopped
and my heart frozen.  I tilted my head down for Jen to have better access and
kissed the top of her shoulder.  I heard, or rather felt, her moan at my touch
and the sound made me close my eyes and just feel the moment.  She kept pushing
her ass against my noticeable erection and I wondered if she noticed in her
drunken state.  Actually, I didn’t give a shit if she noticed because it all
felt too fucking amazing.

I noticed Emily slowly move away
and join some girls that were at the table next to theirs.  I had Jen all to
myself so I took the leap and trailed kisses up her neck, which made her grip
my hair into her fingers.  I knew damn good and well, somewhere in my half
sober brain, that had I not been sipping on Jack and Coke for the last hour, I
wouldn’t have been brave enough to try this with her.

I sucked on her earlobe and her
knees buckled.  I smiled and held her tighter to me, keeping her from sinking. 
I liked the way she reacted to me….to my touch, but deep in my conscience
brain, I was struggling with it.

As if she sensed it, Jen turned
in my arms and faced me.  She just tilted her head and stared into my eyes.  We
swayed together, staring for nearly the entire song.  She kept staring between
my eyes and my mouth.  I knew she wanted me to kiss her, but I didn’t know if I
could.  Every date I’d been on since Kristen had ended with the same
awkwardness.

We lost the moment as soon as the
song ended and I hadn’t made my move.  Jen’s face fell and she turned to walk
away.  I was a total fucking prick and I knew it, but she didn’t understand
why.

“Jen, wait!”  I grabbed her arm
and she spun around to face me.

“Thanks for the dance, Rylan.  It
was
fun.
”  Didn’t sound like ‘fun’ the way she said it.

“No, I….I wanted to ki…..” I
started to say, but was interrupted.

“Have a good evening, Rylan.  We
gotta go.”  And, she stalked off through the crowd, grabbed Emily and headed up
the stairs toward the door.  I needed to catch her. I didn’t want them driving
home.  They were both pretty drunk.

“Jen!  Emily!”  I was yelling as
loud as I could.

I saw Emily turn toward my voice,
but not Jen.  Emily walked back to me as Jen pressed her way toward the
entrance.  “Hey, Rylan!  Just leave her alone.  You’ve done enough.  She
doesn’t need all this shit from you, too.  What the fuck kind of game are you
playing?  Is it not enough that she’s been humiliated by Jack?  Did you think
you could get into her bed too?”  I started to speak and then Emily said, “Back
the fuck off!  She deserves better that someone like you or Jack!”

Shit!  I totally fucked the whole
thing up if Emily was comparing me to that dickhead Jack.  “Emily, wait!”  I
screamed as she was walking way.  “It’s not like that, I promise.  First, let
me call you guys a cab, please.  You’ve both had a lot to drink.”

“What?  Fuck you!  My
husband
is picking us up!  We’re not a couple of irresponsible bimbo college students,
asshole!”

Oh, right, she was married. 
Hmm.  “I didn’t think that, Emily. I was just concerned.  I didn’t mean to
upset either of you.  Please, just….I have…I….care about Jen, please.  I’m not
who you think I am.”  I saw her face shift and I was pretty sure she believed
me.

“Then, prove it, Rylan, cause
from what I know and what I’ve seen, it looks like you’re playing some sick,
twisted game with my best friend, man.”  With that, she walked away leaving me
stunned.

Is that really what it looked
like to Jen?  Did it appear that I was just playing mind games with her?  That
I was using her like Jack did?  That is the last thing I ever wanted her to
think.

I paid my tab and jumped in a
cab, headed toward Jen’s house.  Yeah, I knew where she lived.  I wasn’t a
stalker, just curious, so I search around and found where she lived.

I was let out, but asked the
cabbie to wait a minute. I buzzed her condo from the outside panel and waited
for an answer.  After several attempts, I heard a very sleeply, still drunk Jen
answer.  “Yeah, who is it?  Do you know what fucking time it is?”

“Hi.  It’s me…Rylan.  Nothing. 
Complete silence.  “Jen?”

“Why are you here, Rylan?”

“Um, I just wanted to clear a few
things up, that’s all.”

“It’s two o’clock in the morning,
Rylan.  Go home.”

“Um, I can’t.  I need to make
sure you understand a few things, please.”  I heard her take a deep breath.

“Fine.  If you will just shut up
and let me lay down….”  I heard the buzzing sound of the door signaling that it
was unlocked.  I climbed the stairs and saw Jen slowly open her door and motion
for me to come in.  I’d waved to the cabbie to leave as soon as she buzzed me
in.   I could always call another one if she kicked me out.

Jen opened the front door wider and
turned to walk toward her couch as I shut the door behind me.  “Ry, I’m gonna
lay down on the couch.  You can chat away, but know that I probably won’t remember
any of it in the morning ‘cause I’m pretty drunk.”

She hiccupped and I let out a
small laugh that had her grinning too.  “You can stay here on the couch if you
want to tonight instead of getting a cab, but I’ll be in my room
alone
. 
Got it?”  She sure was cute.

“Yep.  Got it!”  Maybe this
conversation was best left till morning.

Jen laid down on the couch and I
sat on the coffee table in front of her.  “I just wanted you to know that I
really had a nice time with you tonight.”

“Uh huh…..”  Her eyes were shut.

“I feel like I was sending mixed
signals and that was not my intention.”  She moaned a response and my penis
answered….not good!

“Jen, I have a lot to tell you
and I’m not sure how to do it.  I want to tell you things I haven’t told anyone
for five years, but I’m scared.  You make me feel like….well, I feel alive
again around you.  I know you don’t understand, but please just know that I’m
not playing games.”

She didn’t moan or respond.  She
snored….and I smiled.  I stood up, looked around and figured out where her
bedroom was.  I scooped her up into my arms and walked toward her room.  I
couldn’t help but to kiss her forehead several times as we walked, especially
since she burrowed in closer to me when I did.

I laid her down on her bed,
tucked her in and leaned down for one more kiss on her head when she suddenly wrapped
her arms around my neck and pulled my lips down to hers.  That first soft touch
of her lips sent a shock wave through my entire body.  She whispered, “Ry….” as
her lips brushed mine and I gasped.  She pulled me closer and slipped her tongue
into my mouth.  I was lost in that beautiful girl.

I cupped her face in my hands and
caressed her mouth with mine.  She tasted like pure bliss, so I let her tongue
fully explore my mouth and tried not to completely ravage her.  I wanted to
crawl on top of her and just feel her entire body against mine, but she was
drunk and I wasn’t ready.

At least I didn’t pull away from
being kissed like I’d done with past girls, so that was progress, I assumed. 
Jen ran her fingers through my hair and gripped me tighter.  “God, Ry….you
taste so good.” 

“Jen….oh, God.  Not sure I can
handle all this.  You’re just so….”  She grinned and ravished my mouth once
again. 

“Lay with me, please,” Jen
whispered between kisses.

“I thought I was only allowed on
the couch?” I moaned with a grin.

She opened her eyes and said, “We
can make-out fully clothed right here on my bed, then you can sleep on the
couch.”  Shit.

I paused, studying her then
decided I’d join her.  She wrapped her body around mine and we fell into each
other, kissing and touching for hours.  I don’t know what time we drifted off
to sleep, but I do know we were fully clothed and completely contented wrapped
around each other.

And, I slept better than I had in
over five years.

I woke up to something warm
draped across my body and really heavy.  It was still sort of dark out, but I
could tell the sun was rising.  I had a sudden urge of panic when I realized it
was a person’s arm on me.  I sat my head up and saw that I was fully clothed
and so was the stranger next to me.  I couldn’t see his face, but within
several long seconds, I realized it was Rylan Daniels. 

Events came rushing back to me in
a huge wave.  The dancing, the anger, the late night make-out session.  Shit! 
This could get awkward.  Did I beg him to make-out with me in my bed?

I slipped out from under his arm
and went into the bathroom.  I washed my face, brushed my teeth and changed
into some yoga pants and tank top. When I opened the bathroom door, Rylan was
awake and sitting on the edge of my bed.

“Hi,” he said with a cute little
guilty grin.  It made my whole body relax.

“Yeah, hi there.  Um, crazy
night, huh?”

“Do you remember much?”  His
voice was soft and raspy…a little unsure.

“Yes.  It all came flooding back
to me when I woke up and saw you here in my bed.  I think I might owe you an
apology.  I’m pretty sure I forced you to make-out with me on my bed.”  I had a
sheepish wince on my face.

Rylan laughed and said, “Well, I
may have started it.  I carried you to your room….only to put you in your bed alone,
but couldn’t stop myself from kissing your forehead a few times.  It might…have…stirred
up….something.”  His face was just adorable.  He was actually really
embarrassed.

I smiled and said, “Well, it was
nice, from what I remember.”  I paused then stuck out my hand, sort of tossed
my head toward the door and said, “Come on….let’s make some breakfast.”

Rylan stood up and took my hand,
but stopped me from moving.  “Thanks for not making me feel like a total
perverted jerk, Jen.  I’m really not that guy.”

I looked right in his eyes and
surveyed his face.  “Yeah, I think I know that now, Ry.”  I saw him stiffen
just a bit when I said his name.  I cocked my head a bit and said, “What?”

“Nothing.  It’s just
that
nickname…..Ry….it…..I
haven’t heard anyone call me that in a long time.  It’s just a little shocking.”

“Oh, sorry.  I won’t use it again
if you don’t want me to.”  I didn’t want him uncomfortable.

“No!  Please…I like it.  It’s
just been a while…but I like it when you say it.” 

“Okay.  Are you sure?”  His face
still looked a little sad.

“Yes, Jen.  I’m sure.   Now, I
need two things from you….your cell phone number and some breakfast.”  He
smiled wide and a little piece of my heart attached itself to Rylan Daniels.

I laughed and swiped his phone
from his hand and typed in my number.  “There.  And, breakfast is coming up.” 

Rylan sat at the bar and watched
as I made eggs, bacon, bagels and coffee.  He offered to help, but I wanted to
keep myself busy and Rylan at a safe distance.  I found myself stealing a few
glances every now and then as I was cooking. 

“Jen?  I can cook, you know.  I’d
be happy to help.”  Rylan cooking?  That brought up all kinds of nice visions
in my head.  Rylan in an apron…yum!  Wait, what?  Well, crap.  This totally
sexy mess of a guy was really starting to grow on me.

“No.  It’s fine, Ry…uh, Rylan.  I
got this!”  I smirked at him as he sat on the barstool and sipped his coffee. 

I was sort of lost in a little
daydream and didn’t hear him move from his stool.  I was grabbing a bagel from
the toaster when I felt his body lean slightly into the back of mine.  I
startled and turned my head to see him smile.  “Sorry.  Didn’t mean to scare
you.  I was talking to you, but I guess you didn’t hear me.  I was saying your
eggs needed to be stirred.”  He was so close to me that I felt a little freaked
out. 

“Uh, yeah.  I was
just…um….thinking about things.”  I tried to ignore the voice in my head
telling me to walk away, but instead I turned around to where our chests were
nearly touching, reached up to cup his face and pulled his lips down to mine. 
I just wanted one more kiss.

But he flinched and at went
ridgid my touch, causing me to let out a small gasp and pull back.

“I’m sorry, Ry…Rylan.  I
shouldn’t have…..” I was choking on my words as the embarrassment of the moment
took over.  

“No.  It’s okay…..I’d better go. 
I need to go home and check on Butch.”  He backed away and grabbed his keys off
the edge of the bar.

“What about breakfast?” I didn’t
really want him to leave, but at the same time, I
needed
him to go.  It
only made me feel worse when he turned to look at me and I could see the panic
dripping off him as he bolted for the door.

 “Yeah, thank you.  But, I need
to go.  I’ll call you later.”  I’d never seen a man move so fast!  Well, maybe
that time in college when that asshole Emily set me up with turned out to be as
gay as they come and ran like a freakin’ wild animal when we started to
‘make-out.’  The thought had a small grin creeping up my face, but the memory
vaporized as soon as I heard my front door slam shut with Rylan running away on
the other side.

“Well, sent another man running
for the hills, ole girl!  Typical!”  Yep, I said it out loud just to prove it
to be real.  I shook my head and walk over to get another cup of coffee.  I
didn’t have the time or energy to invest in figuring out what was happening
between Rylan and me.  He obviously stayed to make himself feel better about
the shitty night we’d had.  And I apparently was too dense or hungover to
realize it. 

I ate just a little breakfast; my
stomach still a little queasy with all the drinking from the night before.  It
had nothing to do with my regrettable make-out session or subsequent
abandonment surrounding Rylan, I was sure. 

Truth was I felt like a total
loser.  It was me who let him into my house and told him he could stay the
night.  It was me who pulled him into my bed to make-out and let him sleep
there wrapped around his body.  It was me whose drunk-ass brain did a whole lot
of stupid shit the last few years that turned out to be destructive to my well-being.
 And, it was me who liked him and tried to kiss him when he clearly didn’t want
it.

I crawled back into my bed and
just laid there.  I could still smell his cologne on my pillow and like a high
school girl I wrapped my arms around it and inhaled his scent.  I wasn’t even
sure how I felt about him. 

My phone rang, startling me.  I
jumped up to answer it, hopeful it was him, but saw that it was Emily and my
heart sank as I answered.